"Krist. KRIST.... Krist." I heard this repeatedly, as I opened my eyes slowly. My arms hurt, my head hurt, everything hurt really... I looked around, I was in my bed and somehow it was morning. I slowly sat up and looked at Auntie Maria. Then things came rushing back and I had to lay back down gripping my head, I knew she was still staring at me. She had no idea I was suicidal untill last night. I just spoke finally
"Where is he? Is Kurt okay?" Dreading to know the answer.
"Krist, maybe you should just rest, you lost alot of blood last night." She said hesitantly.
"No, answer me please! Where is kurt?" This was all my fault.
"Well he is still outside, in the car. He never came in, he was too upset.". I sat up, I was going to go talk to him, I stood up and then was all too aware I was naked.. Aunt Maria laughed at me and handed me some clothes. I put them on with some difficulty then headed down stairs. I stopped at the front door, I wasn't even sure how I was going to address this problem.
I walked out the front door, Kurt was sleeping in the passenger seat, wearing my Jacket. He wasn't sleeping peacefully, infact he was having a horrible nightmare. I got in the car and started rubbing his back and his arm lovingly to try and calm him. It worked, he stayed completely still, then he opened his eyes. I removed my hand and he sat up, it looked like he was desperately trying to make himself smaller he was pressed as closely to the door of the car as he could be. I looked away from him, I rested my head on the steering wheel, then I spoke. I hardly recognized my own voice.,
"Kurt. Do you understand why I pushed you away? You understand why it won't work? Don't you? I want you, but it won't work." I couldn't even look at him, this hurt too much.
"Krist. Please." He whispered desperately. He wiped his face with his sleeve.
I felt the tears fall down my cheeks silently. I looked over at Krist who was stressing out. He had bandages on his forearms, he must have cut really bad last night, it was my fault.
"Krist I'm in love with you." I choked out the words. He looked at me with tears in his eyes.
"Kurt, you are a kid. It's wrong. All wrong. These feelings, that kiss. I didn't mean to hurt you. I love you too, but I let my wants get ahead of what's right. I will get over it. You will get over it too." I started crying worse, he wasn't going to love me, I have lost him. I was going to try one last time,
"It can't be wrong if we both love each other. I know what I want,and that's you Krist! I'm not that much younger than you anyways. You were the first good thing to happen in my life okay?" And before I could stop myself I was telling him everything. "I grew up in the shadow of my older sister, I was failing school, I'm gay in an anti gay family,I got bullied at school then to turn it around my father used to, beat me and, and he used to do things to me... Things I didnt want to do." I realized what I had been saying and I turn my back to Krist and finished,
"And everything was hopeless,until, I met you. You turned my life around, you were kind, gave me a place to stay, you took care of me and gave me an unforgettable first kiss.. But its over now, my dreams of this developing into something amazing weren't true." It was silent for some time, then Krist's bandaged arms snaked around me, pulling me into his lap. He kissed my cheek repeatedly. He spoke,
"Maybe it would be alright, it's just us. I do love you. Are you going to leave if I don't?"
"I don't know Krist. Don't pity me. Love me if you want, but not out of pity." I tried not to sound bitter.
"I want to protect you. Kurt, and it seems the only way I can is if you are mine, maybe we should try this?"
I turned slightly and gently kissed him, Placing my hand behind his head. I pulled away slowly and curled up in his lap with my head laying on his shoulder, he held me close like he was afraid to to lose me, and we just sat there.Eventually he coaxed me to come inside... I didn't really want too but it felt nice after all that time to be inside. Krist and I walked inside hand in hand, Aunt Maria came up and hugged me. then she got a stern look on her face.
"Kurt cobain! You have been smoking! Get upstairs and shower right now young man!" So I went upstairs, and for a brief moment to my horror Krist started to follow,.
"Um, Krist, can you stay down here please we need to talk." Aunt Maria said that like it wasn't really a request.. Thank god for her, I obviously am in love with Krist but After what I accidentally told him, that was current in my mind, making me not ready to be intimate.
I was pretty sure I knew what this was about, but oh well, she spoke anyway.
"Krist, oh Krist, I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me? It doesn't matter now that you didn't but you aren't safe here alone."
"I'm not alone I have Kurt." I politely argued.
" he might not always be here Krist, and he is a kid, how can he take care of you like what you need? He can't very well. You and Kurt need to come back home with me, June won't care, sure it will be a bit crowded but we will get used to it. You need to Krist."
"I can't leave here Aunt Maria... It's my home, its all I have that my mother left me. oh!I had a great idea! You and aunt June could move in here with Kurt and I!!! There is so much room here, and Kurt likes you alot."
"That's a great idea Krist. Let me call June. But seriously Krist this is a big deal you need to see someone. This cannot go unchecked. Promise me, promise me for kurt's sake at least, you will get help."
"I promise.". I said reluctantly.
" okay you go upstairs and rest, but seriously rest don't bother Kurt in the shower young man! I'm going to call June."
She walked out side with her phone. I trudged up the stairs and laid down on my bed. I heard a suspicious noise from the shower and chuckled... Teenagers!