don't cry I will keep you safe and warm
I went into the bathroom and took off my clothes, I stood there exposed infront of the mirror, looking at all the various scars on my body. I felt ashamed and turned my head away. I turned on the water for the shower and got in... As the water washed over me I let my guard go down. The fear and disgust welled up inside untill I could not stand it anymore! I wanted to scream and cry and hit something all at once, because something, I couldn't quite put my finger on, was wrong. So I just kinda sat down in defeat, I brought my knees up under my chin, I put my arms on top of them, and hid my face in my arms. I took deep breaths trying to lift the weight on my soul.
"I will not cry, I will not cry." I repeated this over and over. But inevitably, the tears came, which turned into sloppy sobs wracking my entire body with each sob. This lasted for so long, it didn't slow down, it was getting hard to breath as the water hit my neck and back. Then something unexpected happened.. The door opened and I heard krist's voice.
"Uh Kurt, I dont want to intrude on whatever it is that you are doing, but I need to get my medicine from the sink drawer." I tried to silence the sobbing by biting my knuckle, but my breathing was fast and uneven, and then a sob escaped through, and it all tumbled out and I was sobbing again.
"Kurt, are you crying? Are you okay?" I could hear the concern in his voice. I mumbled and gasped something unintelligible.. I didn't want him to come in here, I just wanted him to leave and let me cry. He opened the shower curtain and I hid my face as he sat down next to me.
It had been like 20 minutes since Kurt has been in the shower... I needed to take my medicine. So I knocked on the door, no answer. Huh.. So I walked in and made my presence known.
"Uh kurt I don't want to interrupt what ever you are doing, but I need to get my medicine." It was oddly quiet, then I heard it, the sound I heard earlier... Kurt was sobbing, it sounded like he was having a break down.
"Kurt are you crying? Are you okay?" I was very worried about him.
" uh, y-yeah, p-please don't come in here. I'm F-Fine..." He gasped out. I walked over and opened the curtain. He looked up at me his eyes were red, then he hid his face. He looked so vulnerable and small like when I first found him under the bridge. I sat down and put my arm around him. My clothes quickly became soaked.. Kurt sobbed harder as I rubbed his back.
"It's okay Kurt, crying is fine, let it all out love." Kurt took a deep breath and stopped crying. He reached out to hug me, I pulled him over into my lap and wrapped my arms around him, I just pressed his wet skin against me, trying to give him comfort. After a few minutes Kurt spoke,
"You're soaking wet Krist." I chuckled.
"That's alright I'll dry." I turned off the water, I stood up and quickly changed into dry clothes. I noticed kurt was still just sitting there so I pulled him up. He stepped out and I looked him over. He was beautiful, and he had scars all over his body. I took a few steps towards him, and I reached out to touch one of the scars on his chest. Then quicker than lightening kurt's hand shot up and grabbed my wrist just before I touched him. He only said,
"Don't." I looked into his eyes which were wide and filled with fear. I was taken aback by this.
"Kurt, it's me, I, I am not going to hurt you...I am not sure what you had in mind but, you know me... You know I am not that." Kurt looked at our hands, then at me, then back to the hands. A look of recognition swept over his face, the fear leaving. He guided my hand onto his chest and let go. I gently traced a long one from the tip of his shoulder to his collar bone.
"How'd you get them Kurt?"
" shit happens Krist." I handed him a pair of green plaid pajama pants,he put them on.
"I understand." I said as I tucked some dripping hair behind his ear. I stepped closer and gently held him as I stooped lower to kiss his lips. It was not a demanding kiss, it was gentle and sweet, and it had a sense of longing in it. We both pulled away and smiled.
"Up you go!" I said picking Kurt up bridal style and carrying him into our room. I laid him on the bed and got beside him, and a tiny bit above him. I kissed him passionately, he put his arms around me. I lowered myself closer to him and started stroking his scars as we kissed. Every inch of him was beautiful, I gently bit his lower lip and a small moan escaped his lips, which he seemed surprised over. I pulled away and smiled at him while still stroking his side.
"So you liked that." I said seductively. He chuckled, and I went back to kissing him. I gently started edging my hand into his pants, as I did his entire body stiffened up in fear and I knew he was no longer enjoying himself. So I took away my hand and sat up,
"Sorry Kurt. I think that's enough for tonight, you should get some rest love." I missed his forehead and tucked him in. I went and sat down at the kitchen table and put my head in my hands, I sighed. Aunt Maria came and sat down across from me,
"So I got off the phone with June and she is just fine with coming here,she is going to finish packing up our small abode and head out! She is excited to see you again Krist. Hey,are you okay krist?" She suddenly asked me...
I sighed again. "Aunt Maria, am I wrong? Is it bad for me to date Kurt? I love him so much but I feel like some sort of paedophile... What should I do?"
"Oh Krist honey, you love Kurt?" She said sympathetically.
"And you want to take care of him too. 5 years is not that big of a difference Krist.. Besides, Kurt is mature for his age, and he loves you too. You are good for each other,, just enjoy yourself Krist, this is the happiest I've seen you since what happened with that Dave fellow. Trust me, you've done nothing wrong Krist, love is love." She patted my hand and smiled.
"Thanks aunt Maria." I felt some better.
"So lets make some spaghetti for dinner tonight, okay?"
"Okay." So we started cooking.. Things are going to change for the better. Kurt and I are dating, Aunt June is coming, we are all going to be one happy family.