Kurt and I enter a door and head striate into a party, Kurt's wanting to get real drunk tonight, but I don't want him that drunk, I know I sound pushy and over protecting of him, but I'm just trying to look out for him and make sure he's alright. I don't want anything bad too happen to him again. I told Kurt if he ever started doing heroin again, that I'd leave him and never come back. But to be honest, I couldn't do that to him. Maybe I could, Krist would take care of him, he's the one that wants Kurt. If Belinda ever came back, and I half to go back to her, because she's pregnant and I still love her. But God how can I hurt Kurt again, last time I almost killed him, maybe this time I will kill him. I need Belinda back, so I can be with my baby, but I still love Kurt. I don't want to leave him because I know he'll go back to drugs. And then again, what if he was still on drugs? He shouldn't be, he was in the hospital for a week, but a week isn't much to get through a withdrawal. If he's still on heroin, I don't know what I'd do.
I sit here watching at how much alcohol Kurt has drunk, he's drunk as fuck. I knew I shouldn't have let him drink this much, but what was I going to do? He wanted to have some fun tonight, and that's what he got, although I think he wanted something more of me, but I wont give it to him. I'm not taking the chance of fucking him and then the next thing, Belinda shows up and I go back to her. No, that will kill him. But it's what he wants from me. I go over to Kurt, I think it's about time we finally leave before Kurt gets more drunk.
"Kurt, come on, you've had too much to drink. Time to go home." I told him, grabbing his arm.
But Kurt's to drunk to realize anything, he jerks his arm away.
"No, leave me alone. I want to be here." Kurt said.
I go back over and grab his arm again.
"I said we're leaving, lets go!"
He jerks away again, and throws me on the ground.
"I said no!" Kurt screamed.
I stare up at him.
He starts to move.
"Dave, you never want me to have any fun. Oh rest, you need to get better! Fuck that. I'm fine and if it wasn't for you and Belinda, I would have never almost died and did heroin. You know it's all your fault Dave. All your fault!" Kurt says.
My heart is broken. I know I shouldn't be believing this, because Kurt is drunk off his ass. But it still hurts. I stand back up. I'm angry as fuck now! I grab the keys to the car.
"You know I really don't take this offensive, because you're drunk, but if you want to be a smart ass, then fuck you, you can walk your self home!" I yell to him, leaving.
The walk to the house is long, it's like five miles to are house on foot and three miles if you're driving. If Kurt wasn't so mouthy, then I would have drove him home, but all he cares about is partying and getting drunk. Well I'm not having him talk to me, or Belinda for that matter. I don't know where she is or where she's gone, but I kind of hope she comes back soon, I'm really starting to hate Kurt's new attitude, yes I love him to death. But son of a bitch, he doesn't have to be like that. And if he wants to be like this, then maybe Krist should have him.
I walk down the street, five miles I half to walk. God dam why did I have to yell at Dave? I didn't mean it I was drunk, but I didn't want to leave the party anyways. Dave thinks I should just lay in bed and rest all day, but fuck that. I want to have my life back. I was just depressed and was in a state of shock when he left me. Jeez, I don't want to go home, I don't want to face Dave, especially now that he's staying in my room, that's fine I'll just sleep in his room tonight. I'm almost home, finally, walking five miles is so hard. Well not hard, but it wears you the fuck out. I walk up to the pourch, open the door and walk in. I trip on something, but not sure what, because it's dark as fuck. I start to go up the stairs. I'm so drunk I can't even climb up them, so I start to crawl, then I see the first door, Dave's room I think. I go in and climb on the bed to sleep.
I wake up, I feel someone else laying in my bed, huh? I thought. I know I didn't bring no one home last night, so I roll over and see who it is. I smile, why is he in my bed? I thought. The little blond singer is sleeping in my bed, why isn't he in his own room. I shake him awake.
"Kurt, wake up!" I say, smiling.
"What?" He asks, sleepy.
"Why are you in my bed?" I asked.
He rolls over and looks at me, he squints from the sun light.
"Fuck, I'm sorry, I got really drunk at a party last night, mouthed off Dave, made me walk five miles home and I didn't know who's room this was. Leave me alone!" He said, putting his arm over his eyes.
I smile at him laughing and shake my head.
"Hung over as fuck I see. I'll bring you some water." I tell him, but he's already back asleep. I get up and go down stairs.
I grab a glass from the kitchen and fill it with water, I see Dave sitting at the bar.
"I heard you made Kurt walk home last night?" I asked.
"Yeah, he mouthed my off."
"Hey, come on he was drunk, he didn't know what he was saying."
"Maybe so, I don't know. Krist. I think I'm going to leave him." Dave said.
My mouth feel open.
"That will crush him, he just got you back."
Dave got up.
"I know, but I need to find Belinda, I need to be there for my child."
"I understand that. But what do you think will happen to Kurt?" I asked.
"I don't know. I know he'll have a big break down, but Krist, that's what you have to be here with him for. So he wont do anything stupid!"
"Stupid as in drugs?"
"Yes. He'll try to kill himself with them. And I don't want that." Dave said.
"When you going to leave?" I asked.
"Tonight. When he's asleep. I'll calm him or leave him a note, but it's the only way. I need to find Belinda." Dave tells me.
I go over and give him a hug.
"You do what you need to do. I'll watch over Kurt and make sure he's alright."
Dave gives me a stare as in thank you, and then walks up the stairs. I really wish he wouldn't do this, but it's his choice.
I wake up later the same day. I look over at the clock, five thirty. God dam, did I really sleep that long? I wondered. I got up, realizing I was in Krist's room. Oh man. I forgot, I had to make things right with Dave. I run out of the room and into my room. Somethings weird, why is all his stuff gone? I run down stairs. I look at see he's standing with Krist talking by the door.
"Um..What's going on?" I asks, walking down the stairs.
"Kurt!" Dave said. I noticed his bags are packed.
I start to panic.
"Dave, what, no. No you said!" I tried to say.
He came over, hey no don't think of it this way. Kurt, I need to find Belinda. I need to be with my child. I'm not leaving you." But he pushes me away again.
"No, you said you'd never leave me EVER. You broke your promise again. Just leave me the fuck alone this time!" I said. He and Krist tried to come over to me, but I backed away and ran up the stairs into my room. I slammed the door shut.
I stand back against my wall, breathing heavy and my hair was in my face. I also had tears in my eyes. I look at all my Nirvana trophies I had one, every one. I had about like twenty of them. I go over and take one off the shelf, it was from my first album, Bleach. I look over to my wall and I throw the trophy, it slammed up against the wall and brakes in half. Then I pick up another one and throw that one as well. I felt rage this time. I couldn't stop, I kept picking up the awards and just keep throwing them. I stop, and then slide down the wall, and start to cry harder this time. Dave's such a lier, he said he would never leave me again. But he did. Ah. I hate him hate him so much. I go over to my desk and pull out my notebook and start to write in it.
"ummmmmmm....I was just wondering....do you like me?" I write. I didn't know what I was righting, but I always feel better when I'm righting something down.
Use just once and destroyInvasion of our piracy Afterbirth of a nation Starve without your skeleton key. I love you for what I am not I do not want what I have got A blanket acne'ed with cigarette burns Speak at once while taking turns. What is what i need What is wrong with me What is what i need." I kept righting. I couldn't stop. The words just came to me. I stopped, breathed and then closed the book. My mind just stopped with the words, I couldn't think anymore.
I run down the stairs. I ran into Krist.
"Hey." He says.
I look down as he holds me.
"Look at me!" He says.
I look up. I don't want to.
"Dave will be back. I promise."
"Whatever. I never want to see him again." I say, trying to struggle out of his grip.
"What about Nirvana?" He asks, as I ran out the door.
I stop. What about Nirvana?
"I guess we're over." I tell him, and then run off into the night.
I ran down by the river, it's where I come when I get mad or something. I started to climb up the tree that was by the river,clearly trying to get somewhere of significance. I looked down, it was such a long was down. I sit back in the tree and begin to stair into the sky.
"Why do people want to go married?" I asked Dave.
Dave smiled at me.
"Sometimes when people are in love, that's what they want." Dave said.
I looked up to the sky.
"I'd love to get married some day."
"Maybe you will. You're not that old."
"Sure...I just need to find the perfect person."
I get out to the end of a branch, and makes a daring jump to another, had I fallen I would be dead. I'm not sure, I never chanced it. I looked down one more time, and then jump off of the tree.
I lay here on the ground, soaked and wet. I can't believe I just jumped of the tree, and into the river. I crawled up onto the shore and lay there just taking in deep breaths. I have to admit, that took the wind out of me. But it was really awesome. I could almost hear Dave's voice in the back of my head when I jumped off telling me not to do it. But it was just my imagination. I get up, Krist is probably wondering where I am.
I can't find Kurt anywhere, I have no idea where he is, I called his friends, checked where he hung out. No where. I believe he ran away. I can just remember the last thing he said to me.
"Then I guess we're done."
I shook the thought out of my head. Nirvana can't be over. It can't be and wont be. I will not let it happen.
The front door opens and I'm struck with relife. I run over to him.
"My god Kurt, are you alright?" I asked, hugging him.
He nods yes.
"Why are you wet?"
"I jumped off the tree and into the river."
I was shocked. I wanted to smack him so hard, but I have never laid a hand on Kurt and I never will. I just held gripped his arms strong.
"Are you insane! That could have killed you. Are you trying to kill yourself?" I screamed.
"STOP! I'm not trying to kill myself, will everyone stop asking me that!" Kurt yelled.
"Well it seems real obvious!"
"What's that suppose to mean?"
"What, Dave leaves you and you run and go do heroin, then he leaves you again and you run and play superhero off a tree, tell me if that doesn't sound like suicide?!"
"Hey, you don't know how hard it is for him to leave you!"
"How hard it is, Kurt You know I love you, you know if it wasn't for Dave I'd be with you!"
"Yeah, well you aren't!"
"That's because you'd never had given me a chance!"
"You want your chance. Here's your chance!" Kurt screamed, then he leaned up and kissed me.
I broke away. I stair into them dark beautiful eyes. Did he just kiss me?
"Did that just happen?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah." I say.
"Does that mean I'm cheating on Dave?" He asked.
"Dave left you. I think you're free to do whatever you want now." I tell him.
I push Kurt up against the wall and start to kiss him roughly. Then I pushed Kurt down onto the couch still kissing him. I noticed Kurt was shaking.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I-I..I never done this."
I looked at him stunned.
"I mean with girls I have, but not with guys."
"But you and Dave?"
"We were waiting for the right time." Kurt explained.
I get up and back away from him.
"You're owned." I tell him.
"What's that suppose to mean?" He asked.
"You belong to Dave. Not me."
He sat up on the couch.
"You're not ready for this yet." I tell him.
"Why the fuck does everyone keep saying that. I want this, I want this so bad. Why wont anyone listen?" Kurt screamed.
"Kurt, what you want, I can't give you. I don't love you as much as you and Dave love each other. I love you, but you and Dave have something more, something no one can break." I try to explain.
"But Dave broke that bond. He's gone, he wants Belinda, he wants nothing from me. Not even sex."
"So you have tried with him?"
"He wouldn't, he said he didn't want to hurt me." Kurt picked up a vase and through it.
"He's the one fucking hurting me by leaving!" He screamed.
"Kurt, sleeping with me is not going to bring him back, you know that."
"I'm not using you for him." He told me.
"Then, why were you kissing me?" I asked.
"Time to move on." He said.
I looked at him, some how I don't think that is true, but then again. Who knows what goes through Kurt Cobain's mind.
I walk slowly down the side walk of the road. It was night time out, I love to come out at night and walk. Fuck no one would bother you. It's so peaceful, so why not? It was a big city anyways, so of course their will be other people out. Like the drug dealers, hookers. And all that shit. Every time someone talks to me about drugs or reminds me about them, I can't stop but to miss them. Fuck Dave! I thought. He can't tell me what to do or not to do. It's my life. I walk down the street where the hookers are.
"Hey baby, why not?" One said.
I smile and walk past her.
"20 bucks, blow job." One said.
Alright, why did I want to come down this way? Then this brunet steps in front of me. I half to admit, she is really hot. I smile at her. She takes my hand.
"Aren't you a pretty thing?" She said.
"Thanks." I tell her.
"Blue eyes, short blond hair, mascara." She explained.
I tilted my head and smiled. I half to admit again, she reminds me of Dave.
"Come on baby, lets go back to my place?" she asked.
"Hmm...You're smoking hot baby, but I'm not in the mood tonight."
"Aw, why is that?"
I pulled my hand away from her.
"I'll half to get back to you on some other day."
I walk away. She seemed real nice and she wasn't like all the other hookers. I stop, I turn back to her.
"Would like to come hang out with me?" I asked.
She stared at me.
"I'm sorry, I would, but I'm working." She explained.
I looked down at the ground, then got an idea.
"I got an idea. Take me to your boss." I told her.
We walked into a little ally way, and then through a door.
"Coco. What can I do for you tonight?" He asked.
"I want to buy her for tonight." I tell him.
He looks up at me.
"Oh, man then you got such a sweet deal."
I take out 400.
"I want her all night." I say.
I seen CoCo's mouth open.
"Alright pal, you got a deal." He said.
I grabbed CoCo's hand and ran the fuck out of there. Them people can be violent sometime.
"Where we going?" She asked.
"Just thought you could get something to eat with me. You seem hungry." I explain.
"Yeah. When I'm on the clock, I never get a lunch break."
We walk into a pub, and sit down.
"I half to ask. Why you being so nice to me?" She asked.
I looked at her with kind eyes.
"To be honest, I don't know why, you just seem, better than them other hookers." I tell her.
"I try to treat my customers with respect, all the other ones all they want is just sex."
I raise an eye brow to her.
"So, then why are you doing it?" I asked.
"Please, I'd quit in a instant, but I have a three month old daughter I half to support now."
My heart sank.
"What? Wow you don't look old enough to be a mom."
"Believe it or not, I am. I was in college, then I met this really nice guy named Ryan, well one night, he wanted to do it. I told him I wasn't ready, but then we just did, then one day I find out I'm pregnant."
"Does Ryan know about the baby?"
"No, I dropped out of college, I didn't want anyone to know I was pregnant."
"He should know. He's the father."
"He wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore."
"He's dead." She said.
I was shocked.
"Oh god, I'm sorry. I didn't know." I explain.
"No, no. It's alright."
I wanted to change the subject.
"So CoCo, what's your real name?" I asked, picking up a french fry and eating it.
"Mia, and you?"
"Kurt." I told her.
"Well Kurt, it's very nice to met you."
He cell phone rings.
"Hello." she answers.
"Oh, alright. No. No don't worry, I'll be right there." She said, then got up.
"Where you going?" I asked.
"Oh Kurt, I know you bought me for the whole night, but my baby feel down and she's crying. I half to get home."
"Oh, I hope she's alright." I got up. "Mind if I come along?"
"Kurt, not to be mean. But why?"
"I, just don't want to be alone right now." I tell her.
She smiles, then grabs my arm.
"Come on." She says. Then we run out of the pub.