I walk back to my room with my head hung down trying to look happy. Krist was home now, but I paid no attention. I wanted to be alone, like before. I walk into my room and closed my door, then I went over and crawled onto my bed. I lay on my bed, with a lot of covers on me, it was hot as fuck in the house, but I don't care. Suddenly I heard Krist saying something to Dave about music, that's when I realized I didn't care for music anymore, my spirit is so crushed, I don't give a fuck about anything anymore, all I wanted to do, was be in my bed, with my own thoughts.
~3 days now~
It's been three days since Dave and I 'broke up' if that's what you want to call it. I'm feeling a little better now, I'm actually hanging around people again, and I can finally talk. Dave and I haven't talked to each other since the last fight. I come into the living room and walk over to Krist, him and I became so close in the last few days.
"Hey, lets get fucked up tonight." I said.
He looked at me.
"You're in a better mood." He said.
I smiled and rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, what I was mad about I'm over it now." I said, then I seen Dave inter the room as he over heard me.
I looked at him and gave him a dirty look.
"So you want to go?" I asked Krist.
"Sure. Dave, why don't you come also?" Krist asked.
I looked at Dave.
"Yeah...It'll...Be...Fun." I said smiling.
Dave was looking at me strange now. Maybe he knows I'm up to something? Oh well.
"Come on, lets go." I said, dragging Kirst towards the door.
I stand up here on the balcony of the bar we're in that Kurt picked. I looked on to him as he started flirting with all these girls. Why was he doing this? I thought, but I don't care, him and I is over now, if he thinks he's making me jealous, well he's not! Belinda came over to me, and handed me a beer.
"Here you go babe." She said, I took the beer.
"What do you keep looking at?" She asked.
I took a swing of the beer.
"Nothing." I said, with a little anger.
"Alright." She said, as she walked over.
I looked on, as Kurt sat there with this girl on his lap. I was angry now, he is trying to make me jealous. Arr, I can't believe he'd do this. I took another swing at my beer and then walked away.
I smile as I see Dave walk away all pissed off that I'm with a girl and not him. He's going to be really pissed off when he finds out what else I have planned. And then that's when she came walking through.
"Yo Belinda?" I yelled out.
She turned around and walked over to me.
"Hey Kurt, what's up?" She asked, happy.
"I need to talk to you, do you have a moment?" I asked.
"Yeah, Dave's all pissed off about something, so sure." She said.
Perfect, just what I wanted. I get up, and take her some where quite.
"What did you want to talk about?" She asked.
"It's about Dave and I." I told her.
She looked at me.
"What about you two?" She asked.
"Bells, not sure how to tell you this, but. We've been seeing each other for three years now." I just came out and said it.
She was stunned, shocked. She didn't know what she just heard.
"Wha- what?!" She asked.
"Yup, that's right. When you're little boyfriend was fucking you, he was also coming to my bedroom and fucking me also!" I explained to her.
Half of that was a lie, we never did have sex, just made out.
"That son of a bitch! How dare he do this to me!" She screamed.
"I know, but then when he noticed he wanted you. He broke it off with me and went after you." I told her.
She turned around to me.
"You son of a bitch! So this is why he's been mean and upset?" She asked.
I noticed she was crying now. I half to say, I'm really enjoying this.
"Yup." I told her.
She came over and slapped me right across the face. I just stood there and laughed.
"Face it honey, you should be happy, he choose you over me."
"Fuck you Kurt Cobain!" She screamed.
"What's going on in here?" A voice came from outside.
Dave walks in the room. He sees Bell and I.
"She's you're problem now." I said, happy.
He looks at me, I start to walk away laughing.
"Kurt, what did you do?" He said. I ignored him.
"Kurt! what the fuck did you do?" He shouted again.
I kept laughing. That was just too fun. Maybe evil Kurt, should come out and play more often.
I kept looking to where Kurt walked out the door, Belinda was broke down crying. She turned to me and slapped me hard.
"YOU SON OF A BITCH!" She yelled, then ran out the door.
Oh Kurt, whatever you did. You're going to pay! I thought.
I sit here in my room, why the hell does Dave keep hurting me! I thought. I only told Belinda the truth. I can't stop remembering the kiss. It was so passionate. No! I have to stop, Dave and I was done, over. I can't keep letting him get to me. I laid down on the bed for a while, I felt tired and weak, so I closed my eyes.
Dave and Kurt are laying on the bed kissing, Kurt was breathing heavy when he broke away.
I jump awake, Fuck why did I just dream that! I thought. Did that kiss Dave gave me actually mean something this time, or is it just all in my head. I couldn't take it. I got up and started to go down to Dave's room.
I knocked on the door.
"Kurt, what are you-?"
I through him off by shutting him up. I was kissing him, he backed me up into a corner, and started to take over the kiss. Why the hell was I doing this? It's just going to bring back pain. Dave broke the kiss. He looked at him, then let me go.
"You think know that Bell is out of my life you can just come back when ever you want?" He asked.
"I don't know why I came here. I'm sorry." I said, walking towards the door.
"Kurt wait." Dave said.
He took my arm.
"One more last time." He asked.
I looked at him, then the next thing I knew he had me on the bed, kissing me. Fuck we shouldn't do this, but I can't resist. He ran his hand through my hair.
"I missed you so much!" He said.
I stopped, something just popped into my mind. I know why I'm doing this now.
"Stop, Dave stop. No." I said, trying to get up.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I have to tell you something....This isn't me right now. You should be hatting me and I should be hating you." I explained.
"Kurt, what are you talking about?"
"It's the heroin making me do this!" I yelled.
He looked at me mad. Then he through a vase, it shattered into a million pieces.
"You're still on that fucking stuff? I told you to quit!" Dave yelled.
"Dave, I'm not hooked, seriously I'm not, I've only did it today I swear."
He grabbed my arms.
"How many times Kurt?" He asked.
I didn't answer. His grip on my arms tightened. He wont hurt me. I thought. Then he rolled up my sleeves.
"Ten needle marks Kurt. You're fucking hooked!"
"I'm not. I swear!" I said.
"Come with me!"
He started dragging me to my room. I tried to break free.
"Show me you're not hooked. Through it away!" He said, holding up the black bag.
I looked at the black bag.
"I'm not hooked." I said.
"Show me, through it away." Dave said.
I took the bad and went to the bathroom, then flushed it down..
"It's gone Kurt." Dave said, he came up behind me.
"I'm not hooked." I kept saying.
"You are. Drug addicts, never admit they have a problem." Dave explained.
I turn around and hug Dave.
"Why you being so nice,I broke you and Bell up?"
"Hey, shh. No I understand now. It wasn't you. It was the drugs. I'm only trying to help you Kurt." Dave said.
I felt a bad headache coming alone. I put my hand up to my head.
"What's wrong?" Dave asks.
"Headache. Ahhh..." I said, leaning into Dave's chest.
"Shit Kurt, you're burning up!" He said.
I could barely stand now. I fall to the ground.
"Is this a withdrawal Dave?" I asked.
"I don't know, but come on, lets get you to a bed so you can lay down."
Dave picks me up, and carries me back to my room. Shit, I feel so bad right now.
"Dave?" I said.
"Yeah?" He asks.
"Please don't leave me. I don't want to be alone." I tell him, starting to cry.
He comes back over and lays down in the bed with me. I kisses my forehead. It feels good to have Dave lay there with me again, knowing we can never be back with each other. I feel exhausted, so I close my eyes.
I watched tiredly as Dave walked out of the hospital room. I wanted to be with him so bad, but I can't, it's not my choice, it's his. This whole thing is just tearing us apart, especially the band.
"Maybe you should get some sleep." Krist told me.
I looked up at him. I didn't want to rest, I wanted Dave to come back in here, and be with me.
"Kirst?" I asked, shifting in the bed to get more comfy.
He turned towards me.
"What?" He asked.
"You mad?" I asked, concerned.
"No." He said, then walked out the room.
I sit in silence for a while. I couldn't stop thinking of Dave, I wanted him really bad. I wanted him kissing me, touching me. Laying in my bed with me. I wanted him all! I started to cry. I can't. I'm loving him more and more and I can't stop. I look over at the food tray laying by the bed. I pick it up and throw it across the room.
God love sucks!
I can't believe Belinda left me again. I just hope Kurt doesn't do anything stupid like before. I needed him, and I needed him now. I started to walk back to his room. No one was around, visitation hours are over, so that's good. I open his door. I'm shocked to see what I see.
"Kurt?" I said.
He looks up at me, tears streaming down his face, I see that the room is a mess.
"What happen?" I asked.
"Dave, I can't. I can't live without you. You're my life, my whole world. You can't leave me, I'll die without you!" He pleaded.
I went over and hugged him.
"Shh..I'm here now. And I'm not going anywhere." I told him.
"I love you Dave. I can't stop. I just hurts way too much."
I kiss him.
"I love you to."
He looks up at me, eyes still filled with them beautiful blue eyes.
I smile, and run my hands through his blond hair.
"I always have an never stopped."
"Dave, once I get out of here, lets go back to my room."
I looked at him. Uh-oh, did he mean what I think he means.
"Kurt...Are you sure you're ready for that?" I asked.
"Yes. Think. I almost died tonight."
I looked down.
"But you didn't!"
"But, I could have. And before I die. I just want that very special moment with you." He said.
I got off the bed.
"Shut-up, stop Kurt. You're not going to die, not now, and not tomorrow. You will get better, I promise!" I told him.
"I know. And that's what I love about you. You never give up. You keep looking towards the future."
I laid down on the bed by him, and kissed him.
"Someone has to." I said.
He laid his head on my arm, using it as a pillow.
"Tired?" I asked.
I ran my hand down his cheek.
"Sleep." I whispered to him.
I looked up. Now I'm really stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I look over at Kurt as he tossed and turned in the bed. I know I should be here with him, but I couldn't stop thinking about Belinda. I can't sleep at all. Worrying about her, and then Kurt waking up every hour. No I can't. I could go over to Belinda's house to check on her, but I can't leave Kurt here alone. He needs me, and I need him. I look back over to Kurt, he's finally soft asleep. I can't believe he's hooked to heroin! Krist doesn't know anything about this, he hasn't been home in about three hours. My cell phone rung. I looked at it. Belinda, it said. I answered it.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked.
"Um.. Dave I know it's late at night, but I really need you to come over!" She demanded.
I looked to Kurt.
"Baby, I would, but I can't right now." I told her.
"Why not, it's important!"
"Kurt's sick, and I mean really sick." I explained.
"Oh so you have to baby set him, Dave, he's twenty years old, he's old enough to watch himself. I need you now!"
"Alright, I'll be over soon."
I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave Kurt here by himself. Something could happen, but then Belinda is my fiancee, and she needed me. I got dressed and left my room.
"Krist, oh thank God you're home." I said.
"What's going on?" He said.
"Hey I got to run up. Kurt's not feeling good, will you check on him for me?" I asked him.
"Sure thing." He said.
I make my way over to Belinda's house. It breaks my heart to leave Kurt, but Krist is watching him.
I knock on the door.
"Hey Baby!" She said, hugging me.
"Um hi." I laughed.
She starts kissing me, woah wait. I thought she was mad at me.
"Ok, woah down. What's up?" I asked.
"I have very good news." She said.
"What is it?"
"Baby, I'm pregnant!"
I looked at her shocked. Pregnant. My baby, I'm going to be a father.
"Seriously?" I asked.
"Yes." She laughed.
We started kissing again. She pulls me up to the bedroom.
I wake up, my head is hurting like hell and I feel so sick. I get up and run to the bathroom, then I throw up. I feel like I'm going to die. Where the fuck was Dave! He promised to be here for me.
"Help!" I screamed.
"Help Me!" I keep screaming, but no one is answering me. Where are they. I keep thinking.
I crawl into the bed room, I try to reach my phone. I needed Dave, I can't do this without him.
I grab it and start dialing his number.
"Hello?" He says.
I couldn't talk. I drop the phone and then pass out.
I answered the phone, but no one said anything. Then I looked at the collier id. Kurt Cobain. It said. Oh fuck, no I have to get home. I jump out of bed, and start to get dressed.
"Baby, where you going?" She asked.
"I'm sorry honey, I have to get home. Something happen. I got to go." I kissed her and then ran out the door.
I had to get home fast. Dammit, I knew something would have happen. Where the fuck was Krist, he should have been there with him! I pull the car up into the driveway and then run into the house.
"Kurt!" I scream, as I ran into the bed room.
Kurt was laying on the floor. I run over to him. He wakes up.
"You left me." He said.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to, believe me." I said, holding him.
"Why did you leave?"
"Belinda called. Kurt, she's pregnant." I told him.
"That's great. Who's the father?" He asked.
"I am." I told him.
He looked away from me.
"I'm sorry Kurt." I told him.
"Don't be." He said.
I was shocked, I didn't think he'd want to talk to me.
"You love her." He said.
"I do, but hey, I will get you through this, and then whatever else you ever need, you know I'm here for you!" He told me.
"I know." Kurt said.
I noticed that he'd drift back off to sleep. I laid my head down on him as I held him in my arms. God I love him so much, but Belinda was pregnant now. Why the hell can't I have both!
There was a knock on Kurt's bed room door. Great I thought, that's all Kurt needs is someone bugging him. Krist came in.
"Shh." I said. "He's sleeping."
"How is he?" Krist asked.
"Running a fever, been throwing up, and wakes up every five minutes." I explained.
"Why don't you take him to the hospital?" Krist asked.
I couldn't, I told Krist that Kurt was sick, and he's not.
"It'll pass." I said.
"I hope so."
"Hey Krist, I have something to tell you." I said.
He was about to walk out the door, but I stopped him.
"Wow. Really, congratulations man." He said.
"I'm going. I don't want to wake Kurt."
Then he walked out the door. I was exhausted, staying up all night to make sure Kurt was alright, is hard work. I guess it wouldn't hurt to just close my eyes.