I love Kurt more than anything in this world. We're not gay, but we do have a strong relationship with each other, no one else knows what we do. We only make out, havn't got that far yet, Kurt says he's not ready and I know I'm not ready. We love each other so much, it's hard for us to stay away from each other. But I feel like that's all going to come to a end with him and I, because I'm going to ask my girlfriend Belinda to marry me. Once I give Kurt the news, he's going to be devistated. He knew about Belinda, but he never wanted me to get married to her, he wanted me to stay true to him, I would, but I love Belinda with all my heart. And I can't ask Kurt to marry me, we're not that kind of relationship, it's hard to explain, but I want to get married, and if I marry Kurt, it'll get to the press, and then everyone will think we're gay, and we're not. I have to do this. I have to tell Kurt.
I walk down to Kurt's room and knock on the door.
"Come in." He says.
I open the door, he's standing in the middle of the room, flipping through the channels. He turns around and sees me.
"Hey!" He said, coming over and giving me a hug.
"We need to talk Kurt." I tell him, he lets go.
"What's wrong?" He asks.
My heart sinks. God, I can't do this. He's too innocent to break his heart. It's going to kill him, then it'll be all my fault.
"Kurt, you know my girlfriend Bell right?" I asked him, using Belinda's nickname.
"What about her?" He said.
"I'm....I'm...God Kurt, I'm going to ask her to marry me!" I blurted out.
Kurt looked shocked, like he just saw a ghost. Here it come I thought.
"What?, No...No...Dave what? No. You can't do this!" He said.
I noticed he started breathing heavy.
"Kurt, you alright?" I asked, sounding concerned.
He started crying. Dam I think he's having a panic attack. I ran over to him.
"Kurt, calm down. You're going to hurt yourself." I begged.
He pushed me away.
"GET THE FUCK OUT!" He yelled.
He tried to break away from me, but I wasn't letting go.
"let go!" He begged.
"I can't. You half to calm down!" I told him.
"No. You lied to me! you told me you'd never marry her, you told me you'd be true and stay with me!" He yelled.
I pushed him down on the floor and held his arms down, I sat on top of him so he couldn't move.
"Listen to me!" I pleaded.
"Get off me!" He yelled.
"No, listen to me. I love Bell with all my heart. And I do love you also." I tried to explain.
"If you love me so much, why you marrying her?" He asked.
"Because, I want to get married, and I can't marry you." I told him.
"But you said you'd never leave me."
"I'm not. We can still be together." I told him.
I knew I shouldn't have said that. He looked at me confussed.
"What? If you marry her, you and I can never be together." He told me.
I felt like my heart just broke into a million pieces.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because, you'll have her. And I'm not sharing you!"
"You did before."
"That was different. I had you first."
I looked at him, a little mad now.
"Kurt, that's selfish."
"No it's not. It's protecting what's yours!"
"You are mine." I told him.
"No. I'm not." He said.
I let him go, he got up and walked over to the door.
"You marry her, it'll be the last of us." He told me, and then walked out.
Where's he going, I'm in his room. He walked back in crossed his arms, then looked away from me.
"Get out of my room!" He demanded.
I sighed and walked out. He screamed and shut the door. I can't believe this just happened.
I stood there staring at my door for three minuts now. Did that just happen, how could Dave do this too me, how?! I argued. I laid down on the floor and started to cry,just cry as hard as I could. I wanted to be alone, I didn't want to see nobody or anything, I just wanted to be here and lost in my own thoughts. I felt like my whole world just came crashing down. No. I can't take the heartache it's too much, too much pain. God, I feel like I'm going to die, it hurts so much. But I couldn't do anything, I can't move at all, I just feel so weak, laying here and crying my eyes out. Dave hurt me, I can't believe it. He actually hurt me, he wants to leave me to go marry that bitch Belinda, why? What does he see in her, he can't see in me? I thought- I had to stop, I needed to get away from the pain of him. I brought my arm up to my eyes, I took my other hand and started to dig my nails into my wrist. Fuck I wasn't suicidal or anything, but I can't take the pain, I need to get my mind off him. My wrist is burning like hell now, blood running everywhere, but I don't care at all. All I care about is doing something that'll take the pain from Dave away. I digg my nails deeper and deeper into my arm. I look over and see a pool of blood by my arm, it wasn't much, but it was a lot. I feel tired as fuck now, and pass out.
I sit in my hotel room with Belinda, she knows somethings wrong, but she doesn't prey into my personal life. That's one good thing I love about her. Belinda is about five-three, blond hair and blue eyes, she's just amazing. No I didn't pick her, because she resimbles Kurt in a way, I picked her, because she's nice a carry. She even likes Kurt, she has no idea about Kurt and I, so if she found out, she wouldn't like him anymore, and she'd kill me for "cheating" on her with someone else, a man to add to that. I just couldn't believe Kurt and I are done, forever. I looked at the ring I had, it's a matching ring, Kurt has the same. I gave it too him on his twenty-third birthday. He loves that ring, but now that we're not together anymore, he's probably took it off. I lay my head back on the head board, fuck how are we going to play on stage now, if Kurt wont even look at me? Dam.
I slowly start to wake up, my head is throbbing, my heart is in a million pieces, my wrist is buring like crazy and my hair is soaked in sweat. Not sure why that is though. I hear a knock on the door, but don't pay no attention to it. I just close my eyes, thinking they'll go away. But they don't. I hear the door open.
"Kurt, hey, you here?" I hear Krist say.
Dam, why him.
Krist opens the door and sees me.
"Fuck Kurt, what the fuck did you do?" He asked, worried.
I didn't answer him, I couldn't. I couldn't speak at all.
"Answer me!" He demanded.
"Fuck, you look like someone crushed you to peices!" He said.
He lifted me up, and took me over to the bed. No. I didn't want to be in bed. I wanted to be back where I was on the floor. Not sure why, but I want to be. But I couldn't do anything.
Krist ran to the bathroom and grabbed a first aid kit. He took my wrist and started cleaning the cut I dug into my arm.
"This will sting a little alright?" He told me.
I didn't look at him, one bit, I just lay there staring out the window.
"Kurt, what's wrong?" He asked.
I closed my eyes, it's too soon to talk to anyone or be around them, and I knew if Krist saw me like this, he'd never leave. So I clinged on to him, he put his arms around me and held me.
"Hey, shhh. Don't, it'll be ok. Shhh." He said.
His voice was so soothing, it calmed me down a bit. But I didn't want to calm down. I wanted rage, I wanted power, I wanted revenge! My eyes filled with flames as I stared out the window. I wanted Dave to feel the same way I do!
I wake up next to Krist in my bed. I feel like shit, my eye sight is blurry, and I feel like my throat is swollen from where I've been crying for a long time. I push the covers away and walk over to the bathroom, I feel like I can't even walk. I walk over to the door, using the walls for support. I walk into the bathroom and look in the meorr. My hair is a mess, my eyes are bloodshot, and I don't feel so good. I just want to die.
I remembered something, I started looking around, I opended all the drawls to the bathroom. I know it's around here somewhere but where? I was searching, then I looked in the cabnit under the sink.
I pulled out a black bag, I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I had no other choice. I took the needle out with the herion, heated it up with a spoon and then shot it into my arm. I fall to the floor. It makes me feel so much better.
I sit on the Balcony of my bedroom to the house we all lived it. It was a big, huge house. I sit there thinking about Kurt, and Belinda, if I choose Kurt, we both can be happy, but if I choose Belinda, I can finally marry her, and have a family and everything. Dam I'm stuck between a rock and a Hard place here.
"Dave?" I heard Belinda call out.
I turn around.
"Yeah babe?" I asked her.
"Will you come here for a sec?" She said, in a sexy tone.
I walked into the room. Belinda, is laying on the bed, in a sexy outfit. I smile and walk over to her.
"Dam Bells, you look hot!" I tell her.
"I know. Why don't you come over here and have some fun?" She said.
I walk over to the bed, and start kissing her.
It's been two hours now. Fuck the herion is wearing off, I don't want it to!
"Kurt?!" I hear Krist scream.
I looked up shocked, I have to get ride of the herion, if he finds it he'll kill me! I got up fast and started hiding the stuff, then the door opens. I turned around fast.
"Kurt, what the fuck are you doing?" He asked.
I didn't answer him, I couldn't, my throat is killing me. He comes over to me.
"Dam, you look bad, you need to go back to bed." He told me.
I shook my head no, I didn't want to be in bed, I just wanted to be on my own.
"Kurt, come on. You need to lay down." He told me, being nice.
I shook my head no again.
"Kurt, why aren't you taking?"
I ran into the bedroom and grabbed a piece of paper. I handed it to Krist.
"You can't talk?" He read.
I shook my head no.
He came over and pulled me over to the bed.
"Try." He said.
I tried, nothing came out, not even a little noise. Krist got up and grabbed the phone, I grabbed his arm. He looked at my eyes, he knew what I was thinking.
"I'm calling the doctor, you need to be checked out. It could be something wrong."
I grabbed the paper again and wrote down 'nothings wrong. I've been through this when I was a kid. It's normal, it'll go away in three days.' Krist took the paper and read it.
"I don't know Kurt, I want you to be seen by a doctor."
I looked at him, he looked back with me. I shook my head no. He sighed.
"Alright, but if you're not fine in three days, I'm taking you to the hospital." He told me.
I held up a piece sign, he laughed, and walked out the door.
Belinda and I lay in bed.
"That was like the best sex I've ever had." She said.
I smile at her and kiss her, then I heard a knock on the door, I got up and answered it.
"Tell them to go away!" Belinda said.
I open the door and saw Krist.
"Hey Krist, what's up?" I asked.
"Can I talk to you?" He said.
The smile faded from my lips.
"It's about Kurt." He said.
My heart started rasing. Fuck I forgot about him.
"What's wrong?" I asked again.
"Somethings not right, he's a total wreck." Krist explained.
Fuck. I thought. I knew this would happen.
"Krist, he'll come around, he always does. You know Kurt, somedays he just has one of his moments." I tried to cover.
"Dave, this isn't one of his moments, something is wrong. I think he could be using, or he's really sick."
I looked at him. No, not Kurt.
"Using?" I asked.
"Herion." Krist said.
No. I thought. He better not be!
"Krist, he'd never use Heiron, he's too smart for that. Remember what Kurt said, drugs are a waist of life and time. He would. Take him to a doctor, get him checked up, he's probably just got the flue or something." I tried to explain.
"This is weird, I thought you cared more about him then this, it used to be when he was hurt or sick or something you'd come running. Why all the sudden change now?" Krist asked.
Fuck, I can't tell him anything about Kurt and I. I have to make up another lie.
"Um..Because I have Belinda to worry about now. When I first met Kurt, we were the best of friends, I told him I'd always be there for him, but he's grown now, he can handle things on his own now. I have Belinda to protect, so if you want to waist your time worrying all the time about Kurt, hey, go ahead." I said, slamming the door.
I sit on my bed, feeling the herion in my vains again, dam it felt so good, it took away all my problems. I love it, but then I don't want to be addicted to it. I had to stop, just a few more tries and then I'll stop, I promise myself. I hear the door open. Fuck, I ran to the bathroom and hit the bag, then I grab my sunglasses. I came out and Krist opens the door, he gasps.
"Hey." Krist said, closing the door.
I waved to him.
"How are you feeling?"
I gave him a peice sign. Man not being able to talk is just boring. I get off the bed and go over to him.
I have to say, even though the drug is almost out of my system, I am feeling a little better, but not much to go out and happy, and all that.
"So, how about we go to dinner?" Krist asked.
I nodded yes, I'm starving right now, I could go for anything.
"Then come on." He said, leaving the bed room.
I followed. I realised I couldn't stay in my room forever, I just didn't want to see Dave. Bad enough I have to share a house with him, and his bitch Belinda!
Krist and I went to a little place called Cardo's, we had are other friend tag along as well, he's are other guitarist Chad. Krist filled him in on everything that happen to me. Chad didn't say anything. I ordered a small thing of pizza and a coke, it was so hard to swallow, I felt like I couldn't even swallow it, but I tried to not let Krist or anyone see. I wanted to have them think I was alright, and not crushed into a million peices.
When I looked up to the door, I couldn't believe who I saw.
"Well look who it is!" Krist said, happy.
"Hey, didn't know you three was here, maybe we join you?" Dave asked.
"Yeah sure come on. We need someone else here also, Kurt's not much of a talker right now, he's got a sore throat." Krist explained.
I looked to Dave, Dave looked to me. We locked eyes. I started shaking, bad. I couldn't stop, my breathing got heavy. I couldn't take it anymore.
"Kurt, you ok?" Dave asked.
Dam, how dare he talk to me! How dare he be here! How dare he even look at me!
"Kurt, you're shaking, what's wrong?" Krist asked.
I couldn't move, all I can stare at is Dave.
"Kurt, look at me, what's wrong!" Krist demanded.
I got up, I need out of here, I needed to be away from him. I got up and ran outside, I ran until I found some allyway. I stood there crying.
"SON OF A BITCH!!!" I yelled, then puched the brick wall.
I sat down and then pulled the black bag out. I didn't want to do it, but I had no other choice, I wanted him gone, but it can't happen, he's in the band, and I can't lose him, he's the best drummer we've ever had.
"Kurt!" I heard him yell.
No...Why is he looking for me! I thought.
"Kurt, thank god I found you, you alright?" He asked.
How dare him talk to me!
"Kurt, what are you holding?" He asked, conserned.
I now realized I had a syringe in my hand, fuck. I'm dead! He came over and grabbed it out of my hand.
"HERION?! He screamed.
I started to shake a little.
"You're doing herion?"
I started to cry.
"You made me do it." I told him, it was only a whisper, since it's hard to talk.
He looked at me stunned.
"I made you do it?" He asked.
"Kurt, I didn't make you do a dam thing!" He yelled.
"Yes you did! If it wasn't for you I wouldn't even had touched that stuff." I yelled at him.
Dave came over and grabbed my arm, I yanked it away from him. He grabbed it back and then started dragging me.
"Let go!" I yelled.
"No. you're going home and we're talking about this." He said.
"No! I don't want to go anywhere with you!" I told him, trying to break free.
It was too late, he already put me in the car, I was yelling, I was fighting with him and everything to get out of that car. I can't stand to be around him anymore.
"If you don't stop, I'm going to tie you up!" He told me.
We got back to the house. He draggs me into one of the spare rooms.
"Let-Me-Go-" I told him again, he did.
"Sit down!" He ordered.
"Fuck You!" I yelled.
"I said sit the fuck down!"
I noticed he locked the door. I ran over and tried to open it, I couldn't.
"What do you want?" I asked, crying.
"I thought it would kill the pain." I said.
"The pain." He picked up a bottle of JD.
"Of losing you." I said, I had tears streaming down my face now.
"You're not losing me, I'm still here." He said, walking over to me.
"We're not together." I said, getting up.
"We can be."
"No we can't. It's your fault, yours and that bitches!" I screamed. My throat burns from talking. That when I was on the floor with glass all over me. Dave hit me with the JD bottle. I laid there, shocked. He'd never hit me. No.
I stand here shocked, I can't believe I just did that, but he called Belinda a bitch, she's not. I pick him up and place him by the wall I hold him there and we lock eyes.
"Don't you ever call her that again!" I yell.
I don't want to yell at him, he's too nice for it, but I just couldn't get over him calling Bell that.
"She is, she stole you from me." Kurt said.
"No she didn't. I choose her over you."
"Why?" Kurt asked.
"I explained to you why."
"But I love you!" Kurt begged.
I kissed him, we locked lips, and stayed like that for a while. I pulled away.
Kurt looked away.
"Don't." He said.
My heart sink. I thought that's what he wanted.
"What?" I said, running my hands through his blond hair.
"Stop, you made your choose, you can't just come back to me just like that." He explained.
"Kurt, I thought this is what you wanted?" I asked.
"Not when you're with Belinda." He explained.
I let him go.
"There's no use in talking Dave, it's just going to be the same thing." Kurt said, he handed me something.
It was the ring I gave him.
"It's over Dave, just leave me alone." He said, then walked out the door.
I walked over to the bed, I guess it really is over.
I ran out of the back room and tried to get to Belinda, she was crying, pushing people and even screaming at them to move. All guys from around here know to get out of the way for one very pissed off women. I didn't see Kurt anywhere, think God. I ran up to Belinda and grabbed her arm, she jerked it away.
"Belinda, what the fuck did he do or tell you?" I asked.
She turned to me.
"How long?" She asked.
"How long what?"
"Don't you fucking play games with me, how long have you been cheating on me with him?" She asked.
I looked stunned, No he did not tell her!
"No baby, I never cheated on him with you. Why would I, you're hot, and Kurt he's only my friend. I'm not gay baby, you know that." I explained, touching her hair.
"Then why did he tell me you two were fucking?"
"Because, he's pissed off at me for some god dam reason, and I don't know why...Belinda, we need to have a talk." I told her.
I was going to tell her everything about Kurt and I. I can't lie to her anymore.
"So it is true. You two are fucking?"
"No! We're not fucking, we only have made out a few times."
" A few times. How many is a few?" She asked.
"Three years, now." I told her.
She looked at me shocked.
"But Belinda, I swear we never did anything."
"Dave, just stop! Maybe we've been together for too long." She said.
I don't understand her.
"What?" I asked.
"I think we need a break." She said.
I was stunned. Dam! I can't lose her also. I thought.
"Bell wait!" I said, but she walked away.
My heart was broke now. Oh I can't wait to see Kurt, I'm going to kill him! I walked down to the living room where he was watching tv. No one was home, so that's good. I grabbed him and pulled him up.
"You son of a bitch! Why?" I asked.
He looked at me.
"Why what?" He asked.
"Why the fuck did you tell Bell about you and I!" I demanded.
"I thought she had a right to know." Kurt said.
I pushed him into the wall.
"Yeah, well you know you fucker, she's gone, and she's going to tell the whole world about us."
"Really, do people really think they're going to believe I'm gay?" Kurt asked.
I gave Kurt a weird look.
"Um..Ok, don't answer that. But Dave, she's not going to tell." Kurt said.
I want getting angry, I saw the first thing I could think of and grabbed it. It was a pair of scissors, I grabbed them and held them up to his neck, he looked terrified now.
"Listen here! If I don't get Belinda back, and if the whole world finds out I'm gay, I'm going to kill you blondie!" I said, I kissed him passionately, not really sure why I did though.
"What the fuck is going on in here?" I hear Kirst say.
"Kirst." I said, looking at him and Kurt.
"Alright Dave, put down the scissors." He said.
I was so into my mind about kissing Kurt, I forgot about them.
"Oh yeah, sure no thing. Kurt and I was just playing." I said, putting down the scissors and releasing Kurt.
He ran over to Krist, and hugged him for protection from me.
"He doesn't seem like he was just playing. Why is she shaking?" Krist asked.
"Like I said. We were playing and then things got out of hand." I said, leaving the living room, to go back to my room.