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Chapter 5

A/N: riding this wave of inspiration while I have it yeeeeeee

“Let’s try that one again, but I’m gonna tune down a little.” Kurt muttered, barely moving his jaw to speak, rather letting his lips rest as the words slid out of his mouth unenthusiastically. A clump of blonde hair hung in front of his eyes, tickling his nose and upper lip as it rested, he flipped his head back while his fingers worked over the tuning pegs. It required actual conscious, continual reminders to himself for Dave not to stare at him. Every ten seconds or so he would tear his gaze away to make sure Krist wouldn’t catch him staring.

Things were less tense since the time he’d dropped a beer in his kitchen after Krist’s accusation about their relationship. They hadn’t spoken about their relationship since then. He wondered if Krist and Kurt had spoken about it in private. He wondered what Krist would ask or what Kurt was willing to tell him. Dave tried to remain ambiguous but his facial expressions were transparent and his reactions very telling. He would blush, twitch or stutter and he couldn’t ever stop himself from doing it.

His mind drifted to the last time Kurt had clapped his hand over Dave’s mouth, hoarsely whispering in his ear as he thrust into him, “Shhh, you’re gonna wake the whole floor.” He could still hear the muffled chuckle he made after shushing him with stunning clarity. It wasn’t the first time Dave had been a little too loud during and Kurt had shushed him, either with his lips or long fingers, always smiling that devilish dimpled grin.

Dave simply couldn’t hide how much he loved it and how good every kiss and touch felt. Kurt wore a better poker face.

“Alright. I’m ready now.” Kurt nodded upward at him with a small grin that made his heart sputter as he blinked out of his daydream and lifted his drumstick, tapping a beat for them to begin to. They worked through the song Kurt was currently calling, “Podunk Funk” which he didn’t have lyrics for yet, just a melody. They followed his lead with the melodies, they just poured out of him. Dave liked to think he was a good musician, but what Kurt had was just something else that he couldn’t explain.

They played up till about where Kurt wanted to put the second verse but stopped as he got irritated and slammed his hand down on his fretboard, “Fuck, wait, stop, I don’t like how that sounds.”

“Don’t like how what sounds, Kurt?” Krist yawned, making micro-aggressions toward the clock on the wall, hoping Kurt would notice they were way past their usual two hour rehearsal time. They’d come in at 4 and it was nearly 9pm. Dave smiled and waited for him to grow the balls to say that he was done.

“The drums.” Dave felt a twinge of surprise as Kurt turned his piercing eyes on him. He was all business, all seriousness during rehearsal and it was as if they weren’t anything and the way Kurt made that easy disconnect always scared Dave, afraid he could just make the switch at any time and leave him. He wasn’t looking for special treatment… but there was no sense of playfulness or nuance, he was dead serious about his music. “They need to be harder in the beginning and gradually build into a faster beat.”

“Oh, sorry, I thought that’s what I was doing.”

“It needs to be louder.”

Dave clenched his jaw in frustration, feeling the fatigue of the near five hour rehearsal really set into his muscles and bones. He sighed, putting his drumsticks aside, looking up at him, showing him he wasn’t afraid when he said, “Look, why don’t we just call it a night? We’ve been in here for five hours now Kurt and I can’t drum any fucking harder tonight.”

He could feel the lactic acid build up start to break his arms into pieces, segments as they began to pound and ache. Kurt gave him a hard cold stare but ended up flipping his hair over his face, taking his guitar off his shoulder, “Fine.”

“Kurt,” He tried, but the blonde grabbed his water bottle, coat and walked out into the hallway. Dave rolled his eyes, knowing they’d drove together and he had the keys in his pocket so all Kurt could do was go outside, pout and smoke a cigarette. He cast a glance at Krist, sighing, “That was fun.”

Krist stretched after setting his bass down, trying to crack his neck, groaning, “He’s a total control freak.” He pulled his jacket on, grabbing his keys out of his pocket, yawning and nudging at Dave with his elbow, “When’s the last time you took care of him, eh?”

Dave raised his eyebrows, his mouth falling open at the insinuation. “Excuse me?”

“Oh, please, Dave, I’m not a fucking idiot. You guys live together.” He smiled at Dave’s red face as his big brown eyes just stared straight at the floor, his embarrassment palpable. He saw him gulp as he slipped his jacket on. He waited for Dave’s response, but he could do nothing but blush and stare at his feet. Krist chuckled and started walking out of the rehearsal room, Dave followed behind and locked the door behind them. They walked silently down the hallway before Krist stopped him right before the exit door, grabbing a handful of Dave’s flannel,

“Listen, Dave…” Their eyes met, “I’m sorry for how I acted that time at my house… I was really fucked up and I said some shit I shouldn't have.. I really am hoping for the best for you guys.” His voice turned melancholy at the end.

Dave opened his mouth, trying to come up with the “right” or “clever” thing to say. He ended up just bumbling, “Thanks,” He looked down at Krist’s fist holding his jacket.

“You probably hate me.”

“What? Krist… why would I hate you?”

“For the shit I said about him…”

“No, I.. I appreciate your honesty. It’s just hard information to swallow when you’re in love with the guy, y’know?”

Krist studied his expression.

“You’re in deep, huh?”

“Wh-what do you mean?”

Someone passed in the hallway, ending their conversation until they went through a door. Dave looked up at Krist with an exasperated, confused expression.

“He’s got you wrapped around his finger.”

“So what if he does? Why do you always make it out to be like he’s some bad guy doing this all to hurt me?” He pulled out of Krist’s grip, stepping backward, filling his chest with air, trying to raise his confidence as he said, “Have you considered that maybe he likes to be with me too? That maybe he loves me too?” He felt his voice climb, getting angrier as he said, “Plus, none of this is any of your business in the first place!”

“None of my business?” Krist mocked, incredulous. “Are you fucking kidding me, none of my business?” He took a step back, considering whether or not to get nasty with him, trying to keep his cool before he said something he’d regret.

“Kurt does not belong to you! You don’t have a say over who he chooses to be with, just because he doesn’t want to be with you !”

A heavy, uncomfortable silence hung between them. Krist’s instinct was to reach out and grab him by the throat and choke him for saying it but he reeled it in, taking a deep breath and stepping another stride backward. “Don’t fucking go there, Dave.”

“What, it’s the truth! Let’s fucking talk about it! I’m sick of pussy-footing around this bullshit, let’s fucking talk about how we feel like goddamn adults.” Dave’s voice increased in ferocity, this sudden wave of defensiveness, jealousy and anger fueling him like gasoline to a fire. The emotions just continued to build and with each passing second he saw Krist more and more as the enemy to his happiness with Kurt. He took an aggressive step closer. “You got a problem with me? Fucking say it!”

Krist grit his teeth, hissing, “You think you’re such a wonderful friend to him? You can solve all his problems?”

“Oh and you do? I doubt you even fucking know what his problems are!”

“Are you shitting me? I’ve known him since he was a fucking fifteen year old child, fuck off!”

“Yeah and you did so much to be there for him, then, huh?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You don’t even know.”

“Know what?”

In Dave’s anger toward Krist he totally skimmed over the part of his brain that warned that this was sensitive information as he roared at him, “Know that a fucking friend you and him hung out with took advantage of him when he was sixteen? Did you have any idea? Any way of protecting him?”

Krist stopped, looking at him, looking for a sign that he was lying. “What?”

As it sunk in, Dave realized he’d made a mistake by saying that.

“Who? What friend? Did he say who?”

Dave stepped backward, his anger gone, now replaced with anxiety, knowing he shouldn’t have said this.

“Who, Dave?!” He grabbed the collar of his shirt, shaking him.

He muttered, “He didn’t say. I didn’t ask.” Krist let him go. He stepped back, just looking overwhelmingly sad. “Listen.. I shouldn’t have said anything about that. Kurt told me that in confidence… and I… I shouldn’t have used it to make you out to be a bad friend… I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me..”

Krist just kept on staring, looking like he was going back in time through his memories, trying to figure out who.

Dave scrambled, “Please don’t say anything to him, please don’t ask him. He’ll be so upset.”

A knock sounded against the exit door, making them both jump. Kurt hollered, “What the fuck is taking you two so long?! I’m freezing my ass off out here!”

Dave choked a little, then opened the door, meeting his ferocious eyes as he snapped, “What the fuck? Did you fucking forget I was standing out here?”

“I’m sorry.” he felt numb as he walked toward Kurt’s beat up car, turning the key in the door. Krist muttered a goodbye to Kurt and walked off to his van, staring straight ahead like a zombie. As they settled into their seats and Dave fired up the car Kurt turned to him, hands tucked under his armpits, shivering and hissing,

“Wh-what the fuck was that about?”

He tried to come up with something but all the lies he could think of sounded stupid and he knew Kurt would just figure out the truth one way or another. He sighed, turning the heat on, “Krist and I got into an argument.”

“Over what?”

“Over you.”

Kurt blinked, taken aback. “Me?”


“What about me? In what context?”

He was tired of protecting Krist’s feelings, stating bluntly, “He’s jealous that we’re together.”

Kurt’s face crumpled, eyebrows lifting, then falling, struggling to understand. He looked up at Dave to see if there was a trace of humor, it had to be a joke. “Are you being serious?"

“Yes.” Dave looked at him with tired eyes. He yawned, buckling his seatbelt and moving the car into drive, “Can we go home now?”

“Yeah…” he stared out the window.

A piercing, annoying ring cut through layers of sleep. His eyes scrunched, followed by his nose, then his mouth as it twitched then moved into a yawn. One arm shot up to grab a pillow to cover his head from the shrill noise. It just continued, so he grumbled, opening his eyes with protest and reaching at his bedside telephone.


A purring, low, scarily familiar voice sounded, “Oh, perfect, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to reach you.”

His eyes snapped open, then his mouth as he shivered, “Sh-shane?”

Sure enough, it was the voice of his living nightmare on the other end of the line, coaxing, “I want you to come over, Kurt, I have some really special stuff for you.”

“N-no, I c-c I can’t.” it surprised him how quickly the paralyzing fear spread through his veins.

“You forgot something here.” His voice became sinister, just like he remembered, “You need to come get it.”

No!!” He shot up out of bed, gasping, panting, reaching around him in darkness and hyperventilating. A pair of arms soon found him in the darkness, but he jolted away from them, his mind still stuck in the nightmare as he screamed in panic, “NO, stay away from me! NO!”

He immediately let go of him, “Kurt! It’s me, Dave, Kurt, you’re safe, it’s okay!”

The blonde blinked a little, still confused and half asleep, reaching around him, asking softly, “Dave?” His hand found Dave’s chest.

“Yes, Kurt, it’s me. Just me.” His heart was pounding a little irregularly from the sudden attack, trying to stay level-headed for Kurt. “You’re okay, baby, nobody here but us.”

“Dave,” his voice broke and he snuggled up into him, wrapping his arms around his torso, tickling his skin with his blonde hair. Fingers began to stroke through that hair, making him close his eyes as he began to calm down, hugging Dave tight to him. The brunette pressed a kiss into his temple, stroking his cheek,

“You’re safe. It was just a nightmare, Kurt, I’m here.”

The smaller, shaken man sighed into the warm skin of Dave’s chest, breathing heavier and heavier, trying to ground himself here. He listened to the rhythmic thud of Dave’s heart in his chest. “I’m sorry about that.”

Dave shrugged, “It’s not your fault, you don’t need to apologize.”

“But, still, if I scared you or anything… I’m sorry.” He sat up, putting his head in his hands, feeling helpless, “I thought I was past this.”

“You are. It’s just… sometimes our bodies hold stronger memories than our brain is able to block out.” Their eyes met, shining in the darkness. Dave offered a smile, “There’s no easy or right way to recover, we all do it differently. The important thing is that you’re moving on.”

Kurt nudged into him, prompting Dave to wrap his arms around him, he returned the gesture, hugging Dave tight, speaking into his neck, “How’d you get so wise?”

He laughed, “Oh, trust me, I’m not wise. My mom just gives really good advice.”

“And you listened to it… that’s the wise part.” He pulled back to press a kiss to Dave’s plump, sumptuous lips. Dave kissed back, putting a hand on Kurt’s shoulder, holding him close. Kurt tilted his head to deepen the kiss before pulling back, pecking his cheek teasingly, licking his lips, “Mmm,”

“You are too fuckin’ much.” he reached out to poke his nose, grinning.

“You love it.”

“You’re right, I do love you.”

Kurt hid bashfully in the blankets, squirming away from him into the fetal position. Dave responded by wrapping his arms around him, spooning him and sighing into his shoulder. He wasn’t one to push. He would wait as long as it took for Kurt to say he loved him back. Until then he’d just keep on loving him.

As they lied there, spooning, they gradually drifted back to sleep just as the sun started climbing the buildings.

The first time Dave found a needle he was legitimately confused. He pondered if Kurt had diabetes and had forgot to mention it, or maybe it was a flu shot. He thought about confronting him but figured it was such a weird thing that there was no way it would happen again. When he found the second needle the confusion deepened. The third was genuinely upsetting and he knew he had to say something but a huge part of him just wanted to pretend nothing was happening and continue living his happy little domestic life with him, bandmates, roommates, lovers on the side. He was happy, he was content. So finding the needles really threw a wrench into everything.

He decided to do it after they’d had sex, both of them regaining their breath, cleaning themselves off and climbing back into Kurt’s bed. The blonde snuggled up into him and the butterflies in Dave’s stomach clouded his mind and he lost the courage to say anything. He just wanted to hold onto his little piece of perfect for as long as he could. Kurt made him feel complete. He felt normal for once in his life and his throat clogged up, preventing him from saying anything that might threaten this.

He knew it was selfish, he watched Kurt’s mood swings, he saw him nod off, he noticed his impatience in rehearsal, how he snapped at people more often. But when they were alone together all of the other shit melted away and it just became about them again and Dave honestly couldn’t care less what Kurt was on as long as he was with him. Who was he to tell a grown man how to deal with his life anyway? But he had a responsibility to his friend. He fought with himself non stop, thoughts constantly running through his mind of what was right, what was wrong and what the reality was.

He and Krist didn’t talk about Kurt anymore because it always ended up being a fight. Instead when they hung out they would talk about him and Shelli or new albums coming out… filler, anything that kept the real problems at bay. Neither of them wanted to face the real issues happening or the slow deterioration of their friend. They knew it would get them nowhere with him and it also ran the risk of him throwing them out of his life, which neither of them could or would risk.

Kurt was starting to get messier if it were even possible. The apartment was constantly littered with clothes, art supplies, fast food bags and other miscellaneous garbage that Kurt seemed to constantly spawn. Dave was starting to get fed up with his laziness, it slowly began affecting their relationship. Kurt started to hang out with different friends, people neither Dave or Krist had ever hear of.

The worst, the first night that Kurt came home smelling of perfume, alcohol and distinct pussy smell Dave burst into tears and locked himself in his room. Kurt had banged against the door, pleading, making excuses, bargaining, then as the night dragged on he eventually ended up sleeping right there on the floor against Dave’s door long after the brunette had cried himself to sleep.

When he woke in the morning and got up to use the bathroom he couldn’t help but feel a little spark in his belly as Kurt’s sleeping figure fell through the door frame, being dropped awake against the carpet. He tried his best poker face, holding his lips together as he stepped over his startled frame, hurrying away to the bathroom. He flinched, horrified, as a bony hand caught his ankle,


“No, I am not speaking to you.” He tugged his leg, trying to break from his hold.

“Dave, please,”

“I need to piss, Kurt! I can piss on you if you want, in fact I’d love to, you fucking ASSHOLE!” He was in tears again as he yanked his leg free once and for all, stomping off to the bathroom and slamming the door behind him.

Kurt sat, pathetic, without excuses, watching him leave for the first of many times.

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