Chapter 4
“Hey, Dave… I'm uh- still not feeling good, so I'm cancelling rehearsal this week.. was hoping you'd be home so we could talk..”
Kurt's low, throaty voice scratched through his receiver as his phone recorded the message. He dropped the bags of groceries in his arms, feeling his heart sputter at the sound of his voice.
“Anyway, when you get this if you could just--” Dave snatched the phone up from its resting place, holding it to his ear and letting out a shaky breath as Kurt's raspy voice purred much closer. “Dave?”
“Mm?” was all he could manage.
“Oh, good you're there..” he pulled away from the phone to hack out a painful sounding cough, “Dave, I..”
“Kurt, you sound terrible. Are you alright?”
He fell into a coughing fit again. Dave frowned, waiting for his reply. “I think it's just a little pneumonia, I get it every year.”
“Just a little pneumonia??”
“I'm fine, listen. I want to apologize for the way I acted last time…” a pause hung between them before Kurt confessed, “I want you around.”
Just that simple admission was enough to make Dave's heart fall into his stomach. He ached for him. “Kurt,”
“I have no excuse...”
Dave hesiated, then sighed, letting out an anxious breath he’d been holding in. The buzzing of the electricity in the phone connection was all that could be heard between them, they each waited for the other to speak. Kurt cleared his throat, speaking first,
“Dave, I… I’m scared if you want to know the truth.” he sounded fragile, voice not rough or deep like usual, instead lilting with a gentle shyness as he admitted, “I’m scared of how I feel about you. I don’t know how to handle it.” he heard him cough, then regain his breath, “I’ve never felt like this before.”
Dave waited, unsure if he should say anything. Mainly, he was afraid to end this moment of truthfulness prematurely, dying to hear everything Kurt wanted to say.
“I’m sorry if I pushed you away.. It’s because I get scared of how I feel.”
“Kurt..” he didn’t know where he was going with it. His head was swimming with the confirmation that the man he was rapidly falling in love with was feeling the same way he did. The assurance made his body jitter and his heart want to sing. “I want to be around you always… I can’t sleep when you’re not around, I can’t think, I-” he cut himself off, like pulling a dam closed over a huge river of emotion that almost escaped. “Kurt, will you let me come over there and take care of you?”
Kurt hissed a chuckle, then coughed, “I’m so damn sick all the time, why don’t you just fucking move in?”
Why don’t I just fucking move in? He blushed, gulping hard, “Y-yeah why don’t I?”
“You might as well.” Kurt teased, seeing how far Dave would play along before needing to clarify. “I don’t see why not.”
“Kurt… are you being serious?”
“Would you?”
“I.. I mean, yes..” He could feel his face burning, “Don’t you think it’s a little soon?”
“Why, two friends, bandmates, living together? Nothing weird about that.” he could hear the grin in Kurt’s voice. “I’ve lived with people I’ve known for a lot shorter periods of time.”
“You’re not messing with me?” he was beginning to imagine waking up next to Kurt, eating breakfast with him, doing laundry, writing songs, watching movies, falling asleep together then waking up to do it all again. Just as this new life he imagined materialized in his mind he began to ache for it powerfully.
“Do you want to move in with me, Dave?”
…..
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Krist locked eyes with Kurt, holding two tiny squares of paper between his finger and thumb.
“Yes, for the millionth time!” The eighteen year old huffed and rolled his eyes. Krist chuckled.
“Just making sure.” he stuck out his tongue, Kurt did the same. Slowly, he placed a tab of acid on his own tongue. Right in the middle. Then, he set one gently down on Kurt's tongue. They held their tongues out for a moment before Krist began to close his mouth, Kurt mimicked.
“Now, we wet it dissowve,” Kurt chuckled as Krist tried to talk without his tongue. They laid back on the fort of blankets, pillows, glow in the dark star stickers and black lights that they'd created for their trip.
About an hour in Kurt shot up like a bullet, voice quivering, “Kris, there's something in here.” he stared at the corner of the room where he was convinced he was staring at a dark figure that was staring right at him. He covered his ears as it made a horrific screeching noise. “Kris!” he dove into his friend's chest, shaking with fear.
Krist bit his lip as he felt the drug melt away his inhibition. His cheeks began to grow hot as Kurt clung to him like a frightened child. He wrapped his arms around him, speaking slow and calm,
“Kurt, listen to me, okay?”
The blonde buried his face in Krist's neck, digging his fingers into Krist's shoulders as he held onto him tight. “You're gonna be just fine, okay? Let's get under some blankets, that way it can't see you, alright?”
Kurt nodded helplessly, his shoulder-length blonde hair falling over his face as he crawled under a blanket with Krist. He refused to let go of him, clinging to his side, cheek on his chest.
“Do you feel better?”
“A little..”
Krist slipped a hand up under Kurt's shirt, running his hand up the smooth skin of his back. Kurt tensed, looking up at him, “What're you..?”
“My sense of touch is insane right now..”
Curious, and high as fuck, Kurt moved a hand up under Krist's shirt, running his fingers across his belly. “Mmm..” Krist turned and pinned Kurt beneath him.
He nuzzled his nose into his neck, breathing him in, “You smell good.” he ran his hands up and down his torso, under his clothes. “Does that feel good? Anyone ever touch you like that?”
“N-no..”
Krist leaned forward to press a hasty kiss to Kurt's lips. He felt the blonde resist and pulled back with hurt in his eyes.
“I'm sorry.. I'm so high.”
“Me too.” he scooted away, tucking his hair behind his ear, “That was weird.” he burst into a fit of laughter, tripping and rolling himself up in a blanket. Krist faked a smile, forcing himself to say,
“So weird…”
….
Three months later…
Morning broke out over the coast and gradually dragged sunlight into the city, rising over the murky smoke of the night, dew of the morning coating signs, benches, cars. Kurt sat on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket, wearing five jackets, smoking a cigarette perched atop a cheap lawn chair. His eyes stung as the sky indicated that he yet again had another sleepless night and all he had to show for it was a half finished painting, some scribbles in his journal and about six devoured corn dogs.
His throat felt dry as he swallowed back bile, his stomach relentlessly torturing him for the past… week? He was losing track of time. His stomach combined with the pneumonia was ravaging his immune system. He didn’t notice as Dave joined him outside, too wrapped up in his thoughts.
He allowed Kurt his silence for a couple of minutes, before softly clearing his throat, speaking in a calm, measured tone, “Good morning.”
Kurt blinked, “Good morning,” his thoughts fell to the background, his eyes falling on Dave’s face, who began to smile shyly, looking out at the street beneath them. He took a long drag of his cigarette before crushing the life out of it, “I hope I didn’t wake you. It looks really early.”
“It’s 5:45.”
“Fuck.”
Dave tucked a curtain of long dark hair behind his ear. “You didn’t wake me, I just got up to pee and noticed you weren’t on the couch.”
“Oh.” Silence fell between them for a few moments. Kurt flicked his cigarette and sighed,
“I’m fine.”
“You haven’t slept for three days. What’s bothering you?” Their eyes met as he said that, Dave could see fear and resistance lying under layers of gorgeous cyan blue. “You know you can talk to me about it, right?”
Kurt sighed again, but shook ever so slightly, his shoulders looking deflated. “It’s nothing.” Dave waited patiently for more of an explanation but he got none as Kurt stood, faked a smile, “You wanna go get breakfast?”
“Kurt…”
“I’m starving, I dunno about you.”
“Kurt, I wanna talk to you.”
He didn’t mean to, but his tone was suddenly sharp as razors, poised at Dave, “Well, I don’t!” He instantly regretted yelling, tearing his eyes away from Dave’s kicked puppy expression, he couldn’t bear it. The look on his face made him feel so guilty. He sighed, upset with himself, walking off into his room.
Later that night Kurt sat on the couch watching an old gore horror movie he and Krist had seen a hundred times, he wasn’t even watching it, just killing time until Dave got back from a party. He was on his third glass of wine, thinking through different ways to apologize to him, hating the look he’d put on his face. He always ended up hurting everyone around him and he hated it. All his decisions turned out to be bad ones and he felt like he just couldn’t stop fucking up.
He finished his glass, setting it on the coffee table and reaching for his pipe, finishing off the last little corner of green in the bowl. He smoked the rest of it then blew it out, scraping together the last of what was in his grinder to put together a bowl for them to share when he got home, sad to see the last of the weed go and knowing he had no money to buy more. Another hour passed, his movie ended and he checked the microwave behind him, the clock read 1:51.
‘He must be having a great time,’ he thought to himself. He wondered if he would come home at all, worried at how angry he could really be with him. He wondered if he found some girl to take out his frustrations on, tired of dealing with Kurt’s constant moodiness, uncertainty and back-and-forth antics that defined their murky relationship. He longed for the times when it was innocent and simple, watching a movie together, resting his head on Dave’s shoulder for the first time.
Or when Kurt woke up in the middle of the night, scared, disoriented, wandering into Dave’s room, crawling under his sheets with him like a kid waking up from a nightmare. He never once kicked him out, instead wrapping his arms around Kurt every time until they fell asleep. He bit his lip, feeling so shitty for ever making Dave upset, feeling forever in debt to the kindnesses he’s shown him.
He got up to refill his glass of wine as keys jangled outside the door. He tried to pretend he didn’t hear it as Dave walked in, filling his glass and turning to walk back into the living room. Dave had his hair up in a messy bun, his cheeks red, eyes glossy, he swayed slightly in his boots, wearing Doc Marten’s, tight jeans, white tank and a leather jacket. He looked like a proper rocker, cigarette in hand and all.
Kurt couldn’t help but smile at him, the alcohol making his cheeks burn. Dave plopped himself down on the couch, slurring, “How fucked up are you?”
Kurt raised an eyebrow at him, retorting, “How fucked up are YOU?”
Dave shrugged, giggling, “I dunno.”
Kurt set his drink aside, joining Dave on the couch, offering gently, “You wanna smoke a bowl? I saved the last of it for you.”
“Aww how sweet of you.” Dave chuckled, it looked genuine. Kurt wondered if he remembered this morning. He reached up to let his hair out, shaking it out and shrugging out of his jacket, a whiff of his musky scent slapping Kurt in the face. “Yeah let’s smoke.”
“Okay,” Kurt handed him the accoutrements, checking him out not-so-sneakily, eyes all over him as he took a hit. Dave caught him, raising an eyebrow and smirking, his one dimple showing. Kurt felt his chest fill up with helium, sighing breathlessly, “You look really good tonight.”
“Thank you.” He smiled, looking down, then away as he handed Kurt the pipe and lighter. They continued smoking, passing it back and forth, fingers touching more and more with each pass. They kept playing this little game, their game, until Dave finally had enough, weaving his fingers through Kurt’s and capturing his baby blues. “You’re such a tease.” He leaned forward, brushing his nose against Kurt’s neck, planting a soft kiss against his jutting jaw.
Kurt basically melted into him, the alcohol helping him give into his instincts without his usual fear or nervousness. He reached at Dave’s chin, pulling his face up from his neck, sharing a heated gaze with him before crashing lips to lips. It blew his mind every time. Every time. The softness of Dave’s lips, the gentleness and urgency of his touch accompanied with the hard muscle of his body just blew his mind, the combination was too good to be true and he always felt like Dave might just slip through his fingers. So he had to make sure to hold him tight. Dave broke their kiss with a gasp, voice hoarse and husky,
“God damn,” He stroked Kurt’s face gently, feeling the light blonde stubble against his fingers, “I love the way you kiss me.” Kurt’s face glowed red, tearing his eyes away from Dave’s, but Dave grabbed his chin, “Hey, don’t look away, pretty eyes.”
Kurt blushed harder, if it was even possible, pushing Dave away, whining, “I told you not to call me that!” Dave just laughed, enjoying himself far too much, grabbing Kurt in a crushing hug, squeezing him tight and kissing his cheek, his forehead, his shoulder even.
“Come to bed with me.”
Kurt squirmed, “Yeah?” Dave began pulling at his shirt playfully, tugging it up his thin torso.
“Yeah, I wanna lick that sexy little blonde happy trail.” He growled in his ear, hooking his arms around his hips and lifting Kurt easily, carrying him down the hall toward his bedroom. Kurt protested playfully, wanting it way more than he would ever let on, actually loving how Dave manhandled him. He suckled at his neck until Dave laid him down in the bed, hovering over Kurt as he stood at the side of the bed. He ripped his tank top off, smiling when Kurt’s hands reached up to caress his muscles.
He pulled Kurt’s shirt up over his head, running his hands over his skinny torso, admiring the pale soft skin, finger trailing down the little patch of hair that ran from below his belly button to his hardening cock. He palmed the growing hardness in his hand, biting his lip in satisfaction as he watched Kurt wince, then whimper for more. He leaned down, still palming him, lips kissing from one nipple to the other, across his chest, down his flat stomach, licking his happy trail like he said he would, hands beginning to work at the button and zipper of his jeans.
Kurt grabbed handfuls of Dave’s long dark hair, breath becoming uneven, the room feeling smaller, “Dave,” They locked eyes before Dave pulled his jeans down, then his underwear, admiring Kurt as he strained, hard and throbbing, cock twitching with want. Dave pressed it down against his stomach, teasing him as he pushed it against his belly button, then let it go, watching it flip back up to attention. “Daave, stop teasing mee.”
The brunette chuckled, taking a mouthful of him as Kurt gasped. He reached down to knot his fingers in his long dark hair as his mouth went to work, bobbing up and down, lips and tongue torturing him. “Ohhh, yea-ah,” He let his head fall back, mouth fall open as Dave picked up the pace, making knots form in his low stomach and groin. He felt blood rush south as he bucked up into Dave’s mouth with a moan.
“Fuck,” he grabbed the drummer’s shoulders, insisting, “Come up here, let me kiss you.” He smiled as he obeyed and began crawling up Kurt’s skinny, naked body. He craned his jaw upward to meet Dave’s lips, running his hands from his bare back down his sides, then to the front of his jeans, which he began desperately working open.
His eyes fluttered as Dave deepened the kiss, reaching up to cup his stubbly jaw, holding him close as he kissed him slow and hard. He helped Kurt get him out of his pants as he got the button and zipper undone, reaching down to pull them off the rest of the way. Kurt whined, tugging on his underwear.
Dave couldn’t help but smile at him and helped himself out of his underwear. Kurt climbed under the sheets, prompting Dave to follow with those watchful, luring blue eyes. He fell into his trap every time, hypnotized each and every single time. Kurt basically leapt at him once he was under the sheets naked with him, snaking his skinny arms around Dave’s torso, tugging and holding him tight as he sucked on his neck, intending to leave a hickey.
“Stop it!” Dave giggled, whining and trying to fight his embrace, but Kurt flexed his lean little muscles and was able to hold him there, chuckling against his throat and biting down on him. “I don’t want hickeys all over me, Kurt! It looks trashy.”
“It’s a love bite, not a hickey,” he purred, clarifying, kissing up Dave’s jaw to his ear.
“Okay, whatever, can you just do them in less visible places, please? We don’t need rumors.”
“I want to mark you, I want everyone to know you’re mine.”
“You’re drunk.”
“I’ve never been more sober in my life.” He nuzzled his nose into his neck, whispering into his ear, “Let me fuck you, baby,”
Dave couldn’t stifle the giggle that escaped him, he felt his cheeks burn and he turned in Kurt’s arms to look him more serious in the face. He was met with a confident, smirking handsome man lying with his arms folded behind his head, his straining erection pitching a tent in the blanket he was lying under. “So?” he started, a devilish glimmer in his eyes.
Dave responded by climbing up onto his lap and looking down at him before taking both their cocks in his hand and stroking up and down slow. He leaned down over Kurt’s body to kiss him. Kurt kissed back but broke it to suck on his fingers for a second, then moved his hand down to toy with him, smiling then resuming the kiss.
Dave shuddered as Kurt slipped one knobby, skinny finger in, then out and back and forth as he tried to build up a momentum. He was too dry though and it was starting to sting. Kurt was very attentive and immediately stopped, sitting up and meeting his eyes, “Was I hurting you?”
“Just a little.. I’m sorry, just.. Too dry.”
“Oh we can fix that.” He smirked, turning to press Dave into the bed, hovering over him then crouching on his knees to take his cock in his mouth. He bobbed back and forth until he was nice and wet, then began to kiss lower, running his tongue up the seam of him, making the brunette shudder. He kissed lower, then lower still, making Dave jolt up in the bed as a completely foreign sensation of a warm tongue brushed the sensitive skin there.
Kurt purred, “Relax,” he moved back up to kiss and suck on his balls again, trying to get him to calm down, hands on the insides of both his warm thighs, holding him spread apart as he kissed and suckled at his feverish skin. “Trust me?”
Dave panted, moaning and squirming in the sheets, “Yes, yes Kurt,”
“Turn over for me,”
Without a thought, he flipped over and blushed as Kurt grabbed his hips and pulled him backward, splaying his ass open before he spit on it, rubbing against his tight muscle with his thumb, his other hand holding his hip, “Is this okay?”
“Mmhm,”
“Just tell me if it’s too much,” with that, he slipped a finger in, pulling slowly back and forth. Dave mewled into the pillow, clutching the sheets beneath him. He tried to stay focused, reminding himself that this would feel good in a minute, it just takes time. Kurt spit again as he added another finger, beginning to feel around inside him, leaning up over his body, “You’re so tight,”
Dave winced as he added a third and began pumping harder but could feel a small, budding pleasure building up inside him as Kurt’s long fingers stroked against that little bundle of nerves and sensitive walls. Kurt kept fingering as he spit on his hand, slicking up his cock, biting his lip and looking down at his panting, splayed drummer, awaiting him. “Want you so bad.”
He plunged his fingers deep as he kissed up Dave’s spine, murmuring, “You ready?”
“Yea-ahh,”
“You sure?”
“Yes, Kurt, please!”
Kurt’s expression turned dark, his voice gravelly, “Ooh I like it when you beg. Do it again.” He chuckled as Dave whined, pushing his ass back into Kurt’s hand, grinding against it.
“Please, baby, please,”
“Please what?”
“Please, Kurt, fuck me! Want you to fuck me so bad, please.”
“I want you too.” and with that, he removed his fingers and replaced them rapidly with the blunt head of his cock, which made Dave jolt and strain. Kurt snaked his arms around him, holding him down as he pushed further in, biting his hip, “Gguhh, baby, you feel so good.”
“Kuu-urt!” he whimpered, burning from the fullness, but the worst part is he knew Kurt probably wasn’t even half way in. He bit his lip, trying to be tough, knowing Kurt had been tough for him. But fucking really, for a skinny guy, he was packing some serious heat and Dave wished he was just a little smaller. He couldn’t help but whimper as he felt Kurt push deeper before pulling back, then forward, creating a short, slow rhythm. “Ku-urrt, fuuuck,”
He submitted to him, pushing his ass back into him, spine curving up to meet him, whimpering into a pillow face down. Kurt couldn’t hide how much he loved it, grabbing his hips as he rocked into him, cooing to him, “Ohh, Davey, baby, you feel so good,”
The brunette pulled his head up out of the pillow to grin, then gasp as Kurt picked up his pace. He loved when Kurt called him pet names and wanted to relish in the moment but couldn’t focus on anything but the hard, large cock knocking into his prostate, knocking the sense out of him. His body went limp and all he could do was hum and moan in pleasure, chanting his name like a prayer. Kurt chased his orgasm, picking up the pace and commanding, “Touch yourself.”
Dave obeyed, stroking his cock in tune with Kurt’s hard thrusts, high-pitched yelps escaping him as Kurt knocked relentlessly into him. He felt a rush of relief as Kurt gripped his shoulders and moaned before pulling out all at once and pumping himself over Dave’s back, groaning as he came in white strips across Dave’s flushed skin, panting, gasping for air and smiling.
…
He woke squinting away from sunlight, turning in a heap of sheets and nuzzling into the warm body beside him. Dave groaned, but turned, wrapping his arms around Kurt, sighing into his skin and absently running fingers through his soft blonde hair. Kurt yawned into Dave’s collarbone, rubbing his nose into him and smiling secretively. They drifted into consciousness softly, slowly becoming aware of the other.
It was moments like this that Kurt wished would last forever, but that negative, depressed and angry part of him just kept nagging that moments like this were numbered and he didn’t deserve them in the first place. Dave yawned and stretched, rubbing his eyes and kissing Kurt’s temple, “Mornin’.”
“Morning.” Dave hugged him tighter, closing his eyes and relaxing back into the embrace. Kurt began tracing invisible words into Dave’s chest. He frowned at himself. Dave opened his eyes, seeing his face and frowning in return.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, I’m sorry.” Dave took his chin.
“Kurt.” he tried to meet his eyes. “Why won’t you open up to me? I don’t wanna just be a fuck buddy, Kurt, I want you to be able to talk to me, to share your thoughts with me, man. I.. Kurt I l-”
“No, please don’t say that.”
Dave’s big brown eyes sank in defeat, “But, I do lo-”
“Dave.” He cut him off again, looking pained.
“Kurt,” He grabbed both sides of his face, sitting up in the bed with him, gulping, “I love you, Kurt.” something in his blue eyes glimmered but he yanked out of Dave’s hold. “I can’t pretend that I don’t love you anymore, I’ve been in love with you since that night in the dressing room.”
“Really?” Kurt couldn’t help but smile a little, tying to mask the queasiness and butterflies in his stomach swirling like a hurricane. He remembered Dave, drunk, reaching at him and telling him he thought he was sexy.
“Yes,” Dave looked exasperated. “I thought it was obvious.”
Kurt shook his head, shaking his hair over his face as he smiled to himself, loving to hear that Dave loved him back. His hands were met by a pair of warm, comforting hands that snaked between the spaces in his fingers, followed by a soft, loving voice that cooed, to him and him alone, “Kurt, there’s nobody like you.”
He scoffed a little, half-smiling. Dave took his dimpled chin in his hand, kissing him soft. “I don’t know what demons you’re fighting but I wish you would let me help you fight them, I hate seeing you hurt.” He kissed down his jaw, “Let me help you.”
Kurt felt his chin quiver and he hated himself for being so weak. Dave peppered gentle kisses down his throat and he started to cry, crumpling into himself, trying to hide it. Dave just pulled him into a hug, stroking his hair and whispering, “Let it out, Kurt, it’s okay, I’ve got you.”
With that, he began to cry harder, clutching Dave hard. He was surprised by how much he’d held inside himself, how many tears he had to cry and how violently they needed to come out of him. This cry left him feeling weak, dehydrated, drained of everything. He soaked Dave’s chest, leaving himself breathing jagged sharp breaths, Dave cooing, “Deep breaths, deep breaths…”
He laid him into the bed, still stroking his hair gently, kissing his cheek, “It’s okay, you’re safe here. I’ve got you.” He laid beside him, holding him close and promising, “I’ll take care of you, you just have to let me. I love you so much, I’m never gonna stop loving you.” Those words pushed Kurt into a bigger crying fit, leaving him shaking, hyperventilating. Dave didn’t know what to do, he was completely inconsolable. He got up, “I’ll get you water.”
When he re-entered the room with a cup of water, Kurt was sitting up in bed, eyes red and hair tangled from the fit he’d just thrown. Dave sat beside him, offering him the water and putting an arm around his shoulders, “If you need to get something off your chest, you should just do it. You know I have nobody to tell and you know I love you too much to ever tell your secrets.”
Kurt met his eyes, which were that strong, warm mahogany color he’d grown to seek solace in, to confide in. His lip quivered as he looked down at his fingers, deciding he was finally ready to let this part of his life go. It was time to tell someone. “Dave,” He met his sweet brown eyes again, then had to break from them as he began, barely above a whisper, “Wh-when I was sixteen… I…” he gulped, losing his nerve but fighting to get it out, “Someone… a friend of Krist and I’s.. he.. I.. he..” his voice was trembling too much to speak it, but he didn’t need to because Dave already knew.
Initially anger coated his veins and he wanted to punch his fist through the guy’s skull, then he grabbed the water cup from Kurt so he wouldn’t spill it as he opened his arms up to him, offering a hug. His heart broke as Kurt collapsed weakly into his arms. He wrapped his arms around him tight, rocking him back and forth in his hold and whispering against his ear, where he planted kisses, “I’m so sorry, baby,” He pulled their bodies down into the bed, where he turned so he could spoon Kurt, who turned in his arms to press his face against his chest.
“Don’t stop holding me.” he murmured against his collarbone, where he cuddled, arms tucked up against Dave’s chest, legs tangled with his, trying to remind himself he was safe.
“Not until you say so.”