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i like you, i'm not gonna crack.


after what seemed forever, but what the nurse said was 45 minutes they let me in to see Kurt. Before I went in the nurse they called Phineas stopped me, she looked familiar.

" Mr. Novoselic, let me warn about something, because Mr. Cobain is a code S, by law we are called to restrain him, so I wanted to let you know that, plus he has 30 stitches."

" wow, um, thank you for telling me that, hey, you look super familiar, have we met?"

" haha, if you could picture me with a big leather hat on and some red flannel."

" hey! You were the calm awesome girl from the show that Kurt gave the guitar pick to! Kurt, gave, you , a guitar pick. Oh, you are a fan this has to be tough on you too. You are so professional!"

" I try to be, and just for the record, I called in sick that day so the fact I was at the concert is between you and me and Kurt. " then she walked off. She was something else! Now I braced myself and walked into the room, he was still out of it, he was about the color of the sheet, his wrists had a bunch of stitches like she said, and his arms were tied to the railing. He looked so small and fragile and his poor wrists I wondered if he would be able to shred the guitar again. I hoped his color would come back soon because they are giving him blood, but he was so pale right now I had to keep looking closely at his chest to make sure he was even breathing. I was sitting right next to his bed holding his fingers because I didn't want to hurt his stitches, but my soul kinda colapsed inside because I thought,

" this is it, I'm just here waiting in the ultimate game of chance of if he will wake up or not." He looked peacful almost, I wonder if he knows he is alive , I wonder if he thinks he is dead right now.

" why kurt? Why did you do this? I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend, i-i tried to be there Kurt , like you were with me but I f-failed you , i'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please wake up Kurt I can't make it without you, you are the glue that hold us together. " I put my head down beside his hand and cried. I heard a knock on the door, it was Phineas again.

" hi Krist, I am here to check Kurt. ". I nodded, she went about checking the blood, checking him making sure he had no fever, that he was restrained, nothing was poking him and that he was all normal.

" h-how is he ?"

" well, he doesn't have a temp, but he should be accepting the blood better than he is because it is his blood type, but with some luck and great nursing we may be able to override his death attempts."

" do you think he knows he is alive or do you think he thinks he is dead?"

" I think, he is resting I think he has reached a temporary paradise and knows he must come back when he is restored."

" I like that idea," then she left and it was me and kurt I just sat there holding his hand and watching him, I was afraid to look away, because he might be gone if I look back.

In about an hour of me watching kurt just holding my breath waiting to see if he had any movement we had our first visitors. It was Chad!!! And Dave!!! I jumped up and hugged Chad it was so good to see him, then I went and kissed Dave, then spoke.

" Chad how did you find out? And Dave how'd you get here?!?"

" well Krist, Dave called me , and-and I went and picked him up."

Chad was looking at kurt and he started to tear up, so he turned away.

" oh kurt, so this is how you chose it?" He mumbled sadly.

I looked over at Dave who stood in the corner looking down at his feet because he couldn't look at kurt. It was understandable. I sat back down and Chad sat on the other side of the bed, we all were just silent from our anguish. Chad broke the silence he was good at that.

" So Krist, you made a good choice with Dave, he has my brotherly seal of approval."

I grinned "good, he is great." We sat there for about another hour just small talking, trying to keep our minds off the obvious thing our minds were on. Then to our surprise there was another knock on the door and a very anxious looking Courtney Love was standing there with flowers.

"Dave called, and i came over as soon as i could get out of practice. Oh Kurt! " she cried and sat down the flowers. She started crying really hard so i got up and hugged her to comfort her.

"he will be okay Courtney! Don't worry. Look his color is much better than earlier!. Here,sit with us until he wakes up, he will be so happy to know you are here."

"okay Krist,thank you." she sniffled. Suddenly Chad cursed, then answered his phone and walked out of the room. We all waited anxiously to find out what happened. He came back in and spoke,

"That was my work calling me! I've got to go to work, but i am coming back when this shift is over," He came and kissed Kurt on the head, he hugged me and kissed my cheek he kissed Courtney's hand and then said bye to everyone. Then I spoke,

"hey Dave you might want to go with him, I am staying here with Kurt the whole time and well you can't drive yourself around yet."

"okay if Chad doesn't mind driving me home, and plus we all know i am working on getting my Washington state licence it takes alot to change licences."

"yeah, of course,c'mon Dave." then Chad and Dave left and it was just me, Courtney and Kurt.

"do you think he will wake up? also will he be our Kurt still? i am afraid he will be mad at us for saving him." Confessed Courtney sadly.

"Well, i think WHEN Kurt wakes up and he sees how much we all care about him he won;t be angry. Don;t worry Courtney, he cares about you too much to ever be extremely mad at you or a long period of time. He really liked you, i remember when you came over for movie night, he was so nervous he wanted to empress you he actually showered and cleaned! " Courtney teared up and smiled at the same time over that story.

"I had no idea he was nervous he was so cool. Oh Krist I wish i had been able to stop him, i had no idea he was planning that when he called me."

" yeah, Kurt is good at hiding what he feels, don't take it too personally I was freaking in the same house with him."

We both sighed and were silent.Then Kurt started screaming at the top of his lungs and was trying to get out of his arm restraints he was still screaming and jerking when Courtney came back with Phineas the nurse, i was trying to calm him. Phineas gave him a shot of something and he stopped and went back to sleep.

"what the heck was that Phineas?!?"

"he wasn't actually fully awake, he was coma panicking, it happens all the time to coma patients, their subconscious realizes they are not functioning right and begin to panic but it causes the rest of their body to react too, awake or not. That's what happened here."

"thanks Phineas, "

as soon as she left, Courtney started freaking out and crying, then she stopped a little bit and spoke to me through her tears.

"Krist, i am a horrible girlfriend because i can't stay here and see him like this, it is hurting me so bad and i am going to lose it if i have to look at him like this anymore, he is my world and my life i can't deal with seeing him i've go o go i am sorry Krist."

"No Courtney, I understand, i can barely stand to see him like this too, Go it's understandable,i will call you when he wakes up." I hugged her and she left. I thought to myself, Just you and me again Kurt, like the good old days. I stayed with him, right there talking to him until 4 in the afternoon the next day, I didn't even sleep, i stayed there waiting for him to open his eyes, He had 2 more coma panic attacks in the night but had been quiet for several hours. I got so tired I couldn't even talk anymore so i just sat there holding his pale hand. To my surprise Chad walked in,

"i finally got off work bro! Any change in Kurt?"

"Hey Chad! and No there hasn't I'm sure because i watched him all night."

"dude, you need to rest, go home for a bit, and i will stay with Kurt, you need it, Don't argue he will be fine with me go get a little bit of rest."

"but what if-"

"No! go now, he will be fine here with me for a little bit while you are away."

"okay call me if ANYTHING happens."

"i will. now go on buddy, "

I sadly drove home I didn't want to leave Kurt, but i needed rest, i had to blare the radio to stay awake on the way home. as soon as i got home i jumped in the shower, when i was done i walked into mine and Dave's room with nothing but a towel wrapped around my waist, I didn't even see Dave there until he spoke,

"Darn, Krist, you are hot, i am really turned in right now."

"Dave, you are not supposed to announce when you are turned on, although it is really hot to hear you say that, general rule is you aren;t supposed to."

"to heck with general rules baby. " Then Dave walked out, he wasn't angry he just walked out. So i got changed into my PJ's and sat down on the bed. Dave walked back in and sat down on my lap facing me.

"okay we are doing this now." He started kissing me passionately, we removed our shirts and i started kissing down his neck and chest, he shuddered with pleasure, I think i gave him 7 hickeys but who's keeping count? While we were still making out turned out the lights and turned on the radio, I leaned back on the bed and pulled him closer to me, this really needed to happen, i could hardly contain myself, We played around until Dave was good and comfortable then we went at it. After the screaming in pleasure stopped and we had calmed down we just laid there cuddling,

"so, what's it feel like to not be a virgin Dave?"

" hhhmmmm, somewhere between the best feeling in the world and I love you. You are amazing Krist,"

" I love you too Dave, I am so glad you are ,mine." I kissed his nose and laced our fingers. Then we fell asleep holding hands.<3

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