I love him so much it just turns to hate.
I slowly woke up, I wasn't sure where I was or what was going on, okay my name is Kurt Cobain, I am 21 years old, or something like that. I didn't know what the bright lights were above my head, then I remembered cutting m-my wrists and-and, Krist took me away, I must be in the hospital or some mental ward. I reopened my eyes and there was someone standing over me, when my eyes focused i saw it was Chad! I tried to sit up but couldn't it felt like i was being held down by something on my arms, Chad spoke,
"hey Kurt calm down, your arms are tied down, and you are in the hospital, here let me set your bed up." He pushed a button on the side of the bed and i was sat up.
"Hi Chad, how long have i been out?"
"hey Kurt, you've been out for almost 2 full days, you gave us quite a scare! We weren't sure we would ever see those blue eyes again. Can i ask, WHAT THE HECK WERE YOU THINKING?"
"Where is Krist and Dave? who care enough to bring flowers?"
"well, Krist was here the whole time with you until about an hour ago when I made him go home, Dave has been quite the secretary he called everyone and told them that's how i found out, and your girlfriend brought the flowers. But seriously Kurt what drove you to this?"
I got very interested in the sheet on my bed,, i just kinda stared down at it hoping Chad would magically disapear or something.
"Kurt, talk to me buddy, you know you can."
"Okay, so I'm a negative creep and im stoned."
" kurt Donald Cobain, it's me, your ex drummer and best friend, you know you can tell me what's going on with out me judging you! Remember when we were younger we used to talk, you would tell me stuff that you couldn't even tell Krist, Kurt you need to talk to someone, I mean, I'm no therapist,,,, oh but wait, I am. But the point is you need to talk to someone about this stuff."
" okay Chad , okay I've been battling this for a long time, but I had reasons before , like I wanted to see the band work out, and I promised to stay until Krist could live without me. He was the last thing I needed to complete, and well he has Dave and he is good without me now, and now I had nothing else to occupy me with and well it consumed me. I would not have stayed this long but Krist needed me, I promised to stay after the unfortunate happening until he didn't need me I owed it to him. If I had only known, I would have broken it too him carefully and went on to find my Nirvana long ago."
" oh Kurt, you should have told us. We would have found you something ! And that stuff about Krist, that's mistaken, he loves just as much now as he did then. He stayed here until I FORCED him to leave, he didn't know this but I heard him talking to you, he kept saying 'please stay Kurt I can't live without you,' and what not, the point is he needs you still! , and I'm sorry if this is not the most appropriate time to say this but imma gonna cuz it freaking cracks me up each time! Like dude, how could you not know he loved you?? Like every time he saw you his eyes formed into little hearts, like he literally changed the shape of his eyes! that's physically impossible! You had to have seen that? Right? "
I chuckled at that story about krist's eyes, Chad always brought a laugh,
" I don't know Chad I guess I was to focused on music to look into the eyes of a almost 7ft tall teenager! I guess I am still needed , darn, I just want to be free and feel happy, I just want a place where I'm important, and not in the way, I'm always in the way Chad." And well then I started crying.
" hey, it's okay let it all out man!" Said Chad as he hugged me, I missed Chad hugs.
" I'm okay Chad,I just, it's just my thought system is a bit flawwed, I thought I could end it all and be out of everyone's way for good, and they would never have to worry again, but no I try to end it all and people put me even more in their way."
" Kurt, did you think that people put you in their way because they want you there?"
" but why would they? I'm worthless and a waste of good space and time."
" Kurt Cobain, that is not ! True! You are a heck of a great guitar player and singer, and you write and paint and draw, your people skills could use some work but you have a good heart, and it shows you can't tell me you are a waste when, hello ! Not wasted, well you could very well be wasted, but you are not a waste!"
" you are a piece of work, Chad Channing, you know that?" I grinned.
" see? People skills. Need work."
We both started laughing.
"Kurt this is you next chance please use it well. "
I nodded .
" now, I must call lover boy and Dave. They would be glad to know sleeping beauty is awake."
I woke up to the phone ringing, I jumped up and answered it.
" uh... Hello?"
" hey! Krist! It's Chad, Kurt woke up! Get down here! Hey what's Courtney Love's number? I will call her and tell her too."
" OH MY GODS YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES!!!!!!!!! Uh, we will be there soon! And her number is 867-5309. Bye Chad!"
"DAVE!!!!!!! He woke up!!!! C'mon! Let's go lets go lets go!!!"
" oh okay !! Imma coming , can I wear one of your flannels?"
" uh huh, just not the green one, i',m wearing that one."
" okay". Soon we were changed and gone out the door to the car,I drove faster than I should have but hey, I'm untouchable! We got to the hospital and we ran in, or I ran in and Dave walked in like a dignified human being. I got to the room out of breath, I paused to catch my breath and looked at Kurt, he was eating jello. I ran over yo him and hugged him and started bawling.
" I thougt I lost you Kurt you were gone and you are alright I missed you oh my gosh you scared me so badly im glad you are awake how do you feel?"
" well, I feel like you said waaaaaay to many words for one breath, but besides that I feel like a walking cutting board, so not to great but I'm glad to be awake, and, glad to see you,"
Dave walked in and squealed and ran to hug Kurt too.
" oh Kurt! Oh Kurt!" Was all Dave could say, I feel like this hit him a lot harder than he let on.
" oh, and Kurt I brought you some music,"
" oh really? Thanks Dave that was thoughtful! Play it !" Dave popped it in the tape player and it was 'Here comes your man.' By the Pixies! Me, kurt and Dave all started laughing , Chad just sat there not knowing what was going on. We all 3 group hugged. Just then Courtney Love ran in, she had on jeans and a PJ top, and her hair was a mess and her makeup was smeared, she was a sight but she was here.
" oh Baby you are awake!" She ran and started kissing him over and over.
" whoa, it's good to see you Courtney!" And just then Kurt's mom and dad walked in.
" what the heck???!?!?!?" Said Dave.
" oh when you called Dave, as soon as you said what happened I hung up, got his father and we drove here all 18 hour drive."
" oh, I tried to call back and thought you were being a jerk."
" no we came as fast as we could." Kurt's mom came and hugged and kissed Kurt, Kurt's dad just stood in the doorway, and I m not sure who looked more uncomfortable Kurt or Kurt's dad. Kurt's walls went up as soon as his dad came in , it's like he shrunk even smaller and be wouldn't even look up . No matter how uncomfortable Kurt was he had to know he was loved there was,6 people shoved in this room like sardines just to see him. I was so glad my Kurt was awake, I mean I knew that this was not even close to over but at least now the world seemed a little bit brighter with him here. Everyone just sat there talking to kurt except his dad', Don, who stayed back in the doorway. Everyone had enough sense to not mention the 30 stitches he had in his wrists. Soon Phineas the nurse came in and said,
"This is too many people for the patient right now, his heart rate went up super fast, everyone but one person needs to step out for now'."
I personally was ready to fight to stay in the room and it looks like I was going to win until his father said,
" I would like to stay and talk to my boy." I
Sighed, he won, Phineas ushered everyone else out and re-tied Kurt's arms. We all sat in the waiting room except me who stayed in the hall where I could see them through the shut door.
I couldn't 'believe it my father was here, I hated him,and he hated me. Everyone started asking me questions that I didn't want to answer because I just wanted to hide from my father, I would rather go through painfully bleeding out again than be here with him, it was awkward and uncomfortable. Oh thank all things punk, the nurse is making everyone leave! But then my father said,
" I would like to stay and talk to my boy"
I'm like what the heck? He never called me that.. I struggled to get loose from the ties and escape, or defend myself or in the very least cover my face to cry but I couldn't so I just chose to put my head down and not look at him, I was silently freaking out. He walked over and sat down next to me, I still didn't look at him I even desperately turned my head away from him.
" son, I know we haven't talked in 4 years but when you mother told me you were possibly dying I had to come see you, I riuned our relationship a long time ago,I messed it up so much you won't even look at ,me now, I just - didn't want things to end like that. So I'm here to make sure they don't end like that." Then he put his hand on my leg and I tensed up , I didn't look or speak to him, I felt my eyes go huge and I just wanted this to be over. Luckily the Phineas Nurse came back,
" um sir, Kurt's heart rate has goten much worse I am going to have to ask you to step out so I can treat this. Thank you. " then he sadly got up and left.
" you saved me nurse,"
" hey, you saved me so I had to return the favor. I take it your father was the cause of the heart rate?"
" yeah, it's a horrible story. I loved him so much when I was younger but then I started hating him , it was mutual."
" I'm sorry to hear that, maybe one day you won't hate him"
" it doesn't matter, I'm happy, I found my friends."