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So, uh, you could show me how, if you want.

" K-Krist?" I asked as I poked my head into our room. This was it I was going to ask him.

He turned on his side to face me, " Yes Kurt?" He smiled, welcoming me into the room. I sat down next to him, I looked into his eyes and chickened out.

" you said you would teach me to drive." Ugh I was pathetic.

" oh, you want too drive? Okay:)! C'mon" he said hopping up , then grabbing his wallet and keys. We ran out to the drive way and got into his small junkie green car, I got in the driver's seat Krist helped me adjust everything so I could see properly.

"okay, put it in reverse Kurt, then slowly tap the gas pedal." I put it in reverse and pushed the gas, we shot out of the drive way like a flash.

" whoa! Slowly SLOWLY!!!" shrieked Krist as he grabbed the dash for support. I slammed the brake on and we learched a few times before coming to a complete stop in the middle of the road.

" you killed it. " then he started laughing, so I started laughing too, he ruffled my hair and pulled me into a hug. It was nice, I never got hugs, I felt something - something I didn't know what was.

" Maybe you should drive?" I asked carefully. We switched seats and he coached me in everything he was doing while driving, and explained it in great detail. After about an hour of driving and Krist explaining he pulled in through an ice cream drive through, he got a chocolate and he got me a strawberry(my favorite!). We parked and started to eat it in silence, until,

" Kurt, you have a bit of ice cream on your nose." He wiped it off me quickly, then I had an idea.

" But Krist, you have some on yours too!" I quickly put a blop of strawberry on his nose, then chuckled. His mouth fell open,

"Well, if that's how you want it." He then put some on my face, which escalated into an ice cream war of putting it on each other and laughing. After a few minutes of this suddenly Krist put his arms around me and pulled me towards him, connecting my lips with his. It was like a spark, it felt amazing, I melted more than the ice cream. I kissed back trying to show my urgency and how much I wanted this to be happening. Our pace quickened and I felt his tongue dart in and out of my mouth, I pushed myself closer to him, I was basically on his lap now. Then as quickly as the passion came, it left, like a switch was flipped. Krist pulled away and released me onto my own seat. He looked miserable,

"Krist -" he cut me off.

" No Kurt, I-I -I shouldn't - I-I was wrong it... I can't.. " he couldn't even say a full sentence to me, that's how disgusted he must be. He pulled out of the parking lot and started home, I was cold, I felt bare and empty with out his arms around me. I pulled my knees up under my chin and hugged myself for comfort, I wanted to cry but I wouldn't, not in front of Krist. I don't understand what I did wrong the mood went from romantic and fun to reserved and negative. I had never felt so seperated from someone I was sitting right next to, neither of us said one word the entire way. Krist wouldn't even look at me, and when we arrived he ran inside leaving me alone in the car. Then, and only then , I laid my head down on my knees and cried.


I ran inside and up the stairs to our room. I slammed the door shut then hit it and yelled, releasing all my anguish. I grabbed the sides of my hair and paced around in front of the bed trying to make since of this I just messed up. I yelled again and went into our bathroom. I needed to wash away the misunderstanding, I felt dirty! The guilt, it was wrong of me to do that too him what was I thinking? I needed to wash it all away. The worst part is I enjoyed it! I loved every sweet second. I could still feel his soft lips on mine, the warmth of his body pressed against mine. The way His blue eyes filled with shock and pleasure when I first connected our lips. For a moment I wondered how much further I could have taken that right there in the car, or if I went back right now could we continue . But no I was an adult Kurt is a child, it was wrong on so many levels ! I repeated that too myself as I tried to wash away the sick feeling of joy and other things, but my mind wouldn'tlet me.

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