Chapter Nineteen
~Dave~
I drove all over Olympia looking for Belinda. Hot leases told me she was up here. I had to find her. I had to make sure she was alright. Not just her, but for the baby also. I've been searching for a week now. I found her at a bar. A lot of people told me she comes here to party and hang out with friends. So this is where I came. And it was true, she was here and partying. I went over to her.
"Belinda." I said, grabbing her arm.
"Dave!" She said.
"Oh, thank god you're alright. What are you doing?" I asked.
"Having a good time!" She told me.
"Baby, you half to come back with me. I finally realized, you're all I ever wanted. I don't want anyone else."
She smiled at me.
"What?" I asked, just pouring out my heart to hear.
"You came for me." I stare at her. "No one has ever cared that much for me." She said.
I leaned in a kissed her.
"So do I have you back?"
"Yes. yes Dave. I fucking love you!" She said, putting her arms around me and hugging me.
"Come on, we can go back to my place."
I lay here with Bell in my arms, I'm so happy she's back in my life. But I just can't get the feeling out of my mind that Kurt's done something stupid. Maybe I should call them and get the updates of what's happening, but I'll be back home soon. Why should I call. All I want is to be here with Belinda and just have a relaxing time, instead of worrying about everything else.
~Kurt~
After the hotel room thing a few days ago with Mia. Her and I have been spending every day together. I'm not sure if we can actually say we're a couple. I mean it was just one night. I was upset, and she was there to comfort me. But I guess the comforting got a little out of control, and hey, I did pay for her. So I guess that counts also. We sit here on the floor over her condo playing her Vada, her daughter. I'm getting really attached to Vada. She's so adorable and so sweet.
"I can't wait to have my own baby." I say, playing with her.
Mia was over at the table on the couch reading some mail.
"Well, first you half to find the right women." She told me. Having her hair fall down over her shoulders.
"Ha, yeah, like that would ever happen. No girl what's me."
"Why not. You're hot, and kindful."
"I don't know. I've tried, but they never worked out." I tell her.
She smiles at me.
"Shit!" She said, I look up. She was reading a piece of her mail.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
She looks at me, and tries to hide the paper.
"Um..Nothing..Just, a. Just a bill." She said.
"Oh. Must be very serious." I say.
"Yeah. It is."
I give her a stare. For some reason I don't think she's telling the truth, but I'm not going to pry.
I open the door to the Nirvana house. I hear Krist in the kitchen cooking dinner. Ever since Dave left he's been like the mom figure around her.
"Hey Krist." I say interring the kitchen.
I noticed he was making a cake.
"Oh, cake batter." I say. Sticking my fingers in it. Krist smacked my hand with the wooden spoon. I stare up, shocked at him.
"Ow. You just hit me!" I say.
"God Kurt, you're like a child!" He jokes.
I rub my hand.
"Yeah I am." I smile.
"So, where have you been?" He asked.
"Hanging out with Mia." I tell him.
"You and Mia, been hanging out a lot lately."
"So?"
"You two..Dating?"
I smile at him and roll my eyes.
"No. We're just friends." I say laughing.
"Good friends that seem to hang out every day?"
"Um. Hello isn't that what friends do?"
"But that's different, we're a band. She's a women."
"Oh come on. Why is it that a guy can't be friends with a women, and then everyone else thinks we're 'something'. We're just friends."
"Sure. I bet you two have kissed."
My mouth dropped.
"We have not."
"Oh come on. Why hide it Kurt, you're blushing and if you haven't,why do you look so shocked?" Krist pried.
I laughed.
"I'm not blushing, why can't you just leave this alone?" I asked.
"Because, I'm glade to see you happy Again."
"Well then if you're so 'glade' to see me happy again, stop budding in." I tell him, going over to a chair and sitting down.
"I'm glade to see you happy again, because you're finally back to singing and playing guitar. Now tell me. Have you two kissed?"
I rolled my eyes, I knew Krist wasn't giving up.
"Yes, alright yes. We kissed, but it was an accident."
Krist smiled.
"Awe, I knew it. You two are totally a thing."
"Ahhhh." I say, putting my hands to my head and smiling.
Krist laughed and left the room. Why does he half to be so nosy?
I put my hands on the table, and then slide off the chair and go into the front room.
"Why do you care about Mia and I anyways?" I say, sitting down on the chair.
He shrugged.
"Like I said, I love seeing you happy. And it's nice too see you walking around here happy and not in a total fucked up wreck." Krist explain.
I smile at Krist. I heard a knock on the door, I get up and open it.
"Mia." I said.
"Kurt. I need to tell you something."
"What?" I asked.
"Kurt, I'm...I'm p-pregnant."
I was shocked, couldn't move, couldn't breath, couldn't even speak.
"Pregnant?" I asked.
She shakes her head yes.
"Yes." She said.
I hug her.
"We need to talk." She said.
Then my smile faded.
We walk into my room. We wanted to be alone, and with Krist prying in today. I really needed to be away from him. We sit down on my bed.
"I'm just going to come out and say it. Are you keeping the baby?" I asked.
She looks down.
"Kurt, are you sure you're ready for a baby?" She asked.
"I guess. I mean I never really gave it any thought. I'd love to give it a try." I explain.
"A try? Kurt, this isn't something we can just erase when you say I don't want to do this anymore."
She put her hands up like she was praying.
"Kurt, I need to know. Are you one hundred percent sure you want to be a father?"
I thought about it for a minute. I took her hand.
"Mia. I am one hundred percent sure I want this baby!" I tell him.
She smiles at me.
"Well then Kurt Cobain. Looks like you're going to have a baby."
"And looks like Vada is going to have a little brother or sister." I joked.
She laughed. We laid down on the bed with each other.
Mia and I walk down the stairs,my hand following the railing. I'm shocked at what or may I say who I see.
"Dave!" I say, running over and giving him a hug.
"Kurt, it's so nice to see you again." Dave said.
I break the hug.
"You two. Dave I want you to met someone." Mia came up to him.
"This is Mia. Mia, Dave."
She turned to me.
"I heard a lot about you." She said.
I see guilt in Dave's eyes, but I need to ignore it. Then I see Belinda enter through the door. My heart sank, but I don't care. I'm happy, Mia and I are having a baby. But then that's when it hit me. Oh god. If Belinda and Mia is having a baby. How are Dave and I ever going to be together ever again. My breathing started too get heavy. For some reason I can't get a hold of it, the room started to spin. I feel dizzy, then the last thing I remember is hitting the floor.
Chapter Twenty
~Kurt~
I sit in my room, righting in my notebook. I'm trying to figure out a name for Mia and my baby. Either boy or girl, I want their name to be very unique. Just like Mia and I was talking about. I'm glade Mia thinks it's a good idea for our baby to be named a really cool name. As long as she likes it also. Man I'm going to half to tell Dave and Krist. I know it's going to destroy Dave, just like when he told me Belinda was pregnant with his child. Well he'll know exactly how I feel. Krist is going to be excited as fuck, jumping around, throwing parties. Dam. I don't want that! Why does Krist have to make things so difficult? Mia enters my room.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
I closed the notebook and turn towards her.
"Nothing. Hey I was thinking?" I say.
"Yeah."
"You know we have to tell the rest of the guys soon don't you?"
"I know. When do you want to tell them? Mia asked.
"How about now."
"Now!"
"Well now is better than later."
Mia and I gathered everyone up in the living room. Everyone was there especially Belinda, which I don't know why. But Dave says anything he should know, she should know. I rolled my eyes. What a bitch she is. I think. But I just dismiss it.
"Alright Kurt, I think everyones here. What's the big news?" Krist asked.
Oh god, not really looking forward to telling Krist the truth.
"Um..Well Mia and I...We're...Going to have a baby." I say.
Krist is smiling. I see Dave's mouth wide open. I know he doesn't like it, because I've found someone and it's not him, he doesn't look at me or anything just stares striate ahead mouth still opened.
"I always knew something was going on between you two." Krist said, I roll my eyes, oh god here it comes.
Krist pulls me into the kitchen.
"I thought you said it was just a kiss?" He asked, as I sat down. Here we go. Drilling me with information.
I smile.
"Well It was just a kiss, then I got talking to her about some things, and I don't know it just sort of happen."
"Weren't high or anything?"
I gave him a sharp stare.
"Why would you say that?" I asked.
"Just curios. I need to know if you're still clean."
God, bringing up the drugs makes me crave them so bad.
"I'm clean Krist. Leave me alone." I say walking out, but I ran into Dave.
I back up into the kitchen again.
"Can I talk to him alone?" Dave asked Krist.
"Yeah, sure." Krist said leaving, but he turned towards me.
"We're not done talking." He said.
"Can we go some where private?" Dave asked.
"Like were?" I asked.
Dave pulled out his keys.
"Lets go for a drive."
I raised an eyebrow to him.
"Am I coming back?"
"Kurt don't be like that, come on!" He said, dragging me to his car.
Dave and I sit in his black mustang car. He pulled into a park and turned the car off. He looked over at me.
"How could you Kurt?" He asked, sounding sad.
I looked confused.
"How could I what?
"How could you get her pregnant! I thought you wanted me?"
"Hey, you're the one that girl Belinda pregnant first. And then you left me, to go be with her."
"She's the mother of my child."
"And Mia is of mine. I guess nothing lasts forever."
"I guess you're right."
"So we're done, the connection is broken?"
He gave me a smile.
"No. We'll always have our connection. You know I'm here if you ever need me."
I reach over and give him a hug.
"We're not done, Nirvana isn't over."
He pulls away.
"What's that, Nirvana isn't over!"
"We were when you left."
"I was coming back."
He takes my arm.
"So, you never answered Krist's question. Are you?" Dave asked.
I was shocked, of all the people to ask that, why him! I jerked my arm away.
"Of all people, you should know that answer!" I say.
He tried to restrain my arm again.
"I just want you to be fine!"
"NO! Alright, no. I'm not doing drugs!" I shouted.
He rolled up my sleeves to my shirt and found no new needle marks. I jerk my arm back, then I turned and stared out the window. I felt tears follow up in my eyes. He must have noticed.
"Come on, don't cry." He said, touching my face.
"How could we ever be together, if you don't believe me?" I asked.
"I just want to make sure you're fine."
"You could see yourself." I say.
"So, do you have a name for your baby yet?"
"No. Trying to figure one out. You?"
"Claire."
"Nice name." I say.
"Yeah, lets head home." He said, starting the car.
We didn't say a word to each other on the rest of home. Dave pulled up to the house, then I ran into to see me. I was actually shocked at what I seen. Mia and Belinda talk. I rolled my eyes. Please tell me they're not becoming friends.
"Hey, what's everyone doing?" I asked.
"Oh, we were just talking. Getting to know each other." Mia said, coming over to me.
"Got a pretty nice girl there Kurt. Better not let her get away." Belinda said.
"Oh trust me." I looked straight into her eyes. "I wont."
Mia and I walked off to the bed room.
"Uh. I can't believe she's staying here again!" I said, falling down on my bed.
"Hey, be nice. She seemed nice to me."
I sat up.
"Ha, Mia, she hates me. I was fucking Dave behind her back."
She looks at me.
"Oh, not fucking, but 'seeing' Dave behind her back."
"Maybe she got over it?"
"No. I know Belinda, and she hasn't. She's out to get me. I just know she is. Hey, I'm tired, lets lay down for a couple of hours." I tell her.
Her and I lay down on the bed, She puts her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes. I stay awake, I wasn't really tired, I just wanted to lay down for a bit.
"Why was he in your car in the first place?"
"We were just talking.You know, he is my friend and I can hang out with him."
"Be what, having him in your bed!
"Will you shut up about that, god, that is over, him and I are over."
"I'll believe it when I see it."
I over heard the conversation Dave and Belinda was having. Why was she yelling at him, she shouldn't be. Bell's mad because I was in Dave's car. I rolled my eyes. I need to go talk to Bell. We half to get this understood.
I walk down the hall. I see that Belinda walked down to the beach. Krist said something to me, but I ignored him, and walked out the door.
I walked down to the dock where Belinda was.
"Can we talk?" I asked, afraid she's going to bite my head off.
"What do you want?"
"Bell, we need to talk."
"What's there to talk about?"
"I heard you and Dave fighting. And I want to explain."
"Explain, that you two when off on a joy ride so you two can have your special moment?" She asked.
"It wasn't nothing like that."
"To hell it wasn't!"
"It wasn't! He took me for a ride so we can talk, so he can tell me to take care of my child and Mia, and something else, but forget about it!"
"Forget about it,No, what?!
I started to rub my wrist, where I 'used' to injected the heroin.
"He told me to stay out of trouble."
"Why do I get the feeling you're lying to me?" She asked.
"Why can't you just bud out of our lives!"
She hold up her hand, to show off her ring. It was the one I gave back to Dave.
"Because we're getting married, and any business of his is mine."
"Not when it evolves the band. And especially Mia."
She turned to me.
"Yeah, lets talk about that. Why did you have to get her pregnant when I'm pregnant. Could my life get any better?"
"Alright, now you're just being selfish! I didn't plan on getting Mia pregnant, it just happen one night when she took me to go see my family."
"Ha. Doesn't sound romantic to me."
"Oh, after we left my moms house, that's when it got exciting."
"Or, did she just sleep with you, because I took away the only friend you had."
I was shocked.
"You know nothing. So why don't you just leave people alone!" I yelled at her You've only known him for two years, I've known him my whole life. So why don't you stay out of mine and Dave's business. Because he's only marrying you for that child!" I say.
She gets pissed off now, and slaps me so hard, it knocked her off the edge of the dock. It almost knocked me off as well. God dam, Belinda can hit! I turn around and noticed she's in the water, not moving. I paniced and jump in after her to save her. I know I hate her, but this is Dave's women and I can't do that to Dave. I love him too much to have killed the women he loves. I get her out of the water and on to the dock. She isn't breathing so I start to do CPR, thank god I know it.
"Come on breath!" I yell.
It's not working. Fuck, she's going to die out here. I take out my cell phone and dial, 911...They answered and I told them what happen. I was in shock, when the paramedics came. I could move, speak or anything. This is all my fault. I noticed Mia, Dave and Krist was all by my side. Oh god! Dave is going to kill me!
"Kurt, are you alright?" Mia asked.
I didn't answer, I just stare striate ahead, rocking back and forth.
"Kurt, answer me!" Mia said.
I couldn't. Then I noticed Dave by my side. He took my hand. I burst into tears.
"It's my fault!" I tell them all.
"Hey..Shh...No it's not your fault." I heard Dave say.
My eyes shot up to his. How can he say that. I almost killed his soon to by wife.
"We're going to need to take him." One of the paramedics said.
They helped me up, and I got into the ambulance to get checked up and to answer what happen. But I can't. I can't speak at all.
They ambulance took us too the hospital. I got all checked up, they said everything was fine. I was just in a state of shock, that I'll come out of soon.
"Doctor. How's my fiancee?" I heard Dave asked.
Kirst and Mia was standing by me.
"She's doing a lot better."
"She was pregnant, hows the baby?" Dave asked, worried.
"We're sorry, but she miscarried."
"NOOOOOO!!!" I screamed. Everyone looked at me. I sat down on the floor crying. Dave came over and hugged me.
"It's alright. I know, I know how you feel." He tried to say. He was also crying to.
"No you don't. I killed your baby! It's all my fault. How can you not hate me!" I screamed.
"Kurt, calm down!" Mia said, but I couldn't. I couldn't calm down. This was so hard, harder than losing Dave.
"You haven't token someones life! You don't know how this feels!" I yell.
"Can we get some help over here?" I heard Krist scream to the doctors.
"He lost it, he wont calm down!"
"We'll help him." One doctor said.
I backed away, I didn't want help, I wanted to be alone. then five doctors came at me. I tried to fight them off, but one stuck me with a needle. I felt weak.
"Shh...Sleep now." I heard Mia say. The I lost unconsciousness
Chapter Twenty-One
I wake up to a white room. Still tired, god dam, why am I in the hospital again? I wondered. I look over and noticed Mia sitting next to me, then Dave on my other side. I know why Mia, but shouldn't Dave be with Belinda.
"Hey. You're finally awake now." He says. I stare at him.
"Why aren't you with Belinda?" I asked.
"She's sleeping."
"Dave, I'm sorry, It's all my fault. If I wasn't there with her she'd still be pregnant."
"Shh...Hey, no if you wasn't there she would have been dead. You saved her."
"She hit me, we were arguing about you and I and then I said you're only marring her for her child. Then she hit me and fell off the dock. I didn't mean to." I pleaded.
"Kurt stop. I know what happen. I'm sad my baby died also, but I'm glade you saved Belinda. Who knows, maybe if you weren't there, she would have fallen off the dock and would have been killed."
I started to cry more. I just couldn't live with this. It's worser than Dave leaving me. Dave tells me not to worry about it, but how can I not, her babies dead because of me. If I wouldn't have been there, she wouldn't have hit me and then she wouldn't be here. Maybe she is right. Maybe I need to stay away from Dave.
"Hey, don't cry. She'll be alright. You'll be alright, and I'll be alright. There's no other reason why she couldn't have another baby." He tells me.
"How can you not be upset, she lost your baby?" I asked.
"I am. But Kurt, let me give you some advice. Time has to move on. Life has to move on. We can't stay grieving over out lost loved ones. We'll all see each other again." He told me. "Live and let die."
I know what he's saying is true, but I just can't let it go. Belinda is going to do anything in her power to get revenge on me. I lay back on the bed. I want to sleep. I rubbed my wrist.
"I want to sleep, but I can't. It'll just keep me up all night running through my head. Can you ask the doctor to give me something?" I asked.
"Sure. I'll get one." Mia said.
"Thank you." I told her.
Dave was holding on to my hand. I know what will make me forget about this. But I push the thought away. No. Not right now.
"When can I go home?" I asked.
"tomorrow. You're just here so the doctors can make sure nothing seriously is wrong." Dave said.
The doctor walked in with a shot, she stuck it in my wrist and I feel asleep.
~Dave~
I watched as Kurt drifted off to sleep. He needed it. From all the crying and stuff that has happen. I now he didn't mean to kill my baby, or put Belinda in any harm. Belinda even said it her self. She told the cops it was just an accident. That Kurt came down to the docks to talk to her, but then Kurt said something to her and that made Belinda hit him, then Belinda feel off the dock. I don't hold a grudge at Kurt for anything. But something in Belinda's voice just told me she wasn't through with him yet. But she wouldn't hurt Kurt, wouldn't think for a second to do that. She knows if she ever did anything to hurt someone I cared about, I couldn't be with her anymore. And especially poor little Kurt. How could someone hurt him? He's just so loving, and caring and stuff. I looked at him as I thought about all of this. I sighed and got off the bed.
"He's broken, there's no fixing him now." Krist said, standing by the door way.
"He's just in shock. Something tragic happen, and how could he get over that?"
"I don't know, buck Dave. He'll never get over this. It'll be with him for the rest of his life."
"I know, but he didn't mean to do anything, he didn't even lay one finger on her. All they did was argue. That's not a crime. It's Belinda's fault, why was she down there in the first place?" I asked, knowing rage was in my voice, but I ignored it.
Krist put his hand on my shoulder.
"Calm down. It's no bodies fault. Alright. But Kurt, I don't know. Maybe he just needs the best right now."
I turned to him. What was he talking about?
"What?" I asked.
"He's not going to get any better. Even with Mia around, he'll still mope around the house, being afraid to talk to you. Maybe...Maybe we should leave him here, until he gets better." Krist suggested.
I was shocked. Why would Krist say something like that? Leave Kurt here, at this place, no! I will never do that to him.
"No. He'll be fine."
"No he wont."
"You don't know that. Kurt will be fine and he's coming home tomorrow. Just like Belinda."
"Well, if he's going to be going home, he needs someone to look after him." Krist said, he took out his cell phone.
"He's got Mia."
"He needs a friend." He said, dialing a number.
"Yeah, James Hetfeild. I need to talk to him, it's important." Krist said. I looked at me, he can not be serious!
~The Next Day~
I can't believe Krist called in James Hetfield to make Kurt cheer up. I don't hate the guy, but this isn't going to work.
"Why him?" I asked.
"James is a good friend to Kurt."
I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah, every time James gets around Kurt, something always happens."
"Like what?"
"Well, last time when Kurt spent all his time with James, he barely spent any time with us." I explained.
Krist sighed.
"I know Dave, but Kurt really needs someone to talk to right now, and if it's anyone it's James."
I rolled my eyes.
"Whatever." I say walking away.
Later that day I was in Kurt's bedroom. Belinda isn't here, she's living back with her mom over in Olympia, she comes to visit ever once in a while, we're still together, she's just still getting over the death of our child. Child, brings tears to my eyes when I think about the horrible accident. I look over to the bed where Kurt laid asleep. He hasn't been the same since the accident. Hasn't even said a word, and when someone tries to talk to him, he gets angry and throws something at them. I'm the only one he'll let me come near him. I walk over to the window and see a black car pull up. I roll my eyes, I know who it is. This isn't going to help Kurt, I thought. No one can help him now. He gets out of the car, James Hetfield, the lead singer to Metallica. The bands awesome, but James just has this weird thing with Kurt, I fear for Kurt when he's around him. I sighed, but there's nothing I can do about it now, he's already here.
"Dave?" I heard Krist shout.
I looked at Kurt, making sure Krist's yelling wouldn't wake him up.
"Yeah?" I yelled back.
"Will you bring Kurt down here?"
"Sure."
I walked over to Kurt's bed, trying to wake him up. He isn't going to like this. Kurt just wants to be alone.
"Kurt. Please wake up. We have a surprise for you." I say.
"No. Leave me alone!" He said, throwing the covers over his head.
"Kurt! Come on." I say angry.
He throws the covers down, and starts to get angry.
"Why the fuck can't everyone just leave me alone! All I want to do is be by myself, but no, everyone has to fucking come up here and bug me well you know what, fuck off!" Kurt shouted.
I was shocked, never seen Kurt this way before, what the fuck was going on with him? I get up and storm out of the room and run downstairs.
"He's your problem now, you fucking deal with him." I said, shutting the door really loud.
~Kurt~
I picked up my journal book and started looking at it. I opened it and started to read the pages. It was all about Dave and I, when we first started dating. We were happy, happier than anyone on the fucking planet. Then I started reading one page and Dave and my fight. I started feeling mad.
"Ahh..." I said, throwing the book at the wall.
I see my bedroom door open. I started breathing heavy, standing there, blond hair, jeans, and a long sleeved shirt. James Hetfield. Why, why the fuck was he here? I thought.
"James?" I asked.
"Hey Kiddo, how are you?" He said, coming over to me and giving me a hug.
I hugged him back.
"Why?" I started to say, but couldn't.
"What?" He asked.
"Why, you?" I tried to say again, but couldn't.
"Why am I here?" He finished.
I shook my head yes.
"Krist called me, said you were having a really tough time."
I looked away.
"I'm fine!" I say.
"You don't sound like it."
"I am, I just wish people would leave me alone, everyone says it was an accident, but it wasn't. If it wasn't for me, if I'd just stayed away, stay with Mia, left Dave and Belinda alone, she would have still be pregnant, wouldn't be dead or anything." I say, breathing heavy.
"Stop Kurt! Stop thinking like that, it was a accident. Belinda hit you, she feel, you've done nothing. You didn't push her in, she feel in, hit her head. All you did was jump in and saved her. Yes she lost the baby, but that wasn't your fault. It was her fault." He explained.
"So why don't you stop feeling sorry for yourself!" He screamed.
I looked shocked, James has never been this way to me, ever. I tried to strike at him, but he caught my arm.
"Stop it!" He screamed.
I jerked my arm away.
"You don't know anything, you weren't there!" I screamed. I laid down against the bed, feeling exhausted.
"No. I wasn't there, but I heard what happen, you're in shock and I want to be here with you so you can get better." He said, laying down beside me.
My eyes are so tired, I can't stay awake.
"No one can help me." I said, exhausted.
"I can. You know I can. I've have before."
"I don't remember." I say.
"Yes you do. You just don't want to."
My breathing calmed back down. I'm glade James was here now. Maybe things will get better. I started to fall asleep.
"No-I-Can't." I said, falling asleep.