I'm so stupid. I'm the stupidest person in the world. I've fallen in love with my best friend. Kurt Cobain. I didn't mean to, it just happened.
I didn't even know I was gay until a few days ago. I would find myself getting turned on by Kurt. Like sometimes when we're performing and he gets all sweaty, I'd find myself getting hard at him. And one night, when we were on tour, he was in the shower and I didn't know. I walked in there and there he stood, only a towel around his waist. Sometimes when I touch myself, I would think of Kurt. I would imagine him doing things to himself and me doing things to him. I shouldn't think like that, but I couldn't help it.
I just thought maybe I was gay. I didn't know I was in love with him, until I got those feelings. I'd feel nervous around him. I would want to be around him all the time. I'd do stuff to try to impress him. I'd get jealous when he'd talk to other guys. Sometimes when I sit beside him, I get urges to kiss him, touch him, or grab his hand. Of course I wouldn't though. Sometimes he'd have to share a bunk with me, because Krist would pee in his and have to use Kurt's. I'd stay awake those nights because I would be too excited to sleep.
And now here I am again... Stuck with him on tour. I want to tell him I love him, but I can't build up enough courage. I just feel upset now. I want to cry and scream and kill myself for feeling like this. I shouldn't feel this way over my best friend. What can I do though? I can't just push these feelings away. These feelings are too strong.
Kurt's just so gorgeous though. His blue eyes. His dirty blonde hair. His beautiful face features. His nose is so cute. I just want him so bad. I need him.
"Hi, Dave." Kurt said as he sat beside me. He lit up a cigarette. There came those feelings again.
"H-hi." I smiled and I think I even blushed. I'm so stupid.
"What's wrong, man? I mean, you've seemed upset for the past few days."
I'm in love with you. Why can't I just say that? "N-nothing's wrong. I'm just... nervous, you know. Being on tour and everything."
"Oh. Well, okay." He took a long puff of the cigarette, slowly blowing out the smoke.
I sighed in relief. I'm just glad he didn't question me about things. I wanted to talk to him, but I stutter.
"You'll be okay. You're an awesome drummer, Dave. You'll do good." He said with a warm smile. I just wanted to kiss him so bad. So deep and passionate. I just love him with all my heart. I know he'll probably never be mine.
"Hey guys." Krist said as he came stumbling into the room. He's drunk again.
"My mom bought me a cat." Krist laughed. Kurt chuckled at him but I didn't feel like laughing or smiling right now.
"Just hold me, Dave." Krist said as he wrapped his arms around my neck and sat on my lap. He tried to kiss me but I turned my head. I hate when Krist is drunk.
"Stop it." Kurt yelled and got up, he ran into the bunk room and slammed the door.
"What's wrong with him?" Krist said slowly and poked my cheek. I pushed him off me onto the floor. He laid there laughing.
I wonder what happened to Kurt. I better go check on him.
"Hey. You okay?" I asked as I sat on the bunk beside him.
"Yeah. Sorry... I just..."
He sighed. "I just got angry I guess. I'm sorry, Dave. It shouldn't be like this."
"What are you talking about?"
He looked down at the floor. "Nevermind. I'd rather not talk about it."
I nodded. "Okay. You don't have to if you don't want to."
"Thanks." He faked a smile. I know when he fakes a smile and when he doesn't.
"Well, I better be going to get ready." I said as I got up from the bunk.
"Yeah. It's almost time to perform." He said lowly.
I watched at Kurt fixed his guitar in tune. I was so hard and I couldn't do anything about it. He just looks so hot. His body is sweaty and just damn.
Luckily it was the last song. We've played About a Girl, Aneurysm, Blew, Dive, Drain You, Lithium, Heart Shaped Box, Rape Me, and now we're doing Love Buzz.
"Can you feel my love buzz?" He sang into the mic.
He threw his head back and strummed his guitar. I bit my bottom lip as I grew harder. I couldn't take it anymore, but I couldn't stop playing. The song was almost over anyway.
When the song did end, I didn't waste anytime going backstage. I went into a small room, with only a bench in it. Weird.
I didn't want to jerk off, so I thought of anything but Kurt and sexual things until it finally went away.
I left the room, making sure no one saw me, but of course Kurt did. Nothing got past him. What could I make up for going in that room for like ten minutes?
"Why were you in that room?" He asked.
"Oh. Uhhh... I was... Running from a crazy fan." I lied.
"I think you're lying to me."
"Was someone in there with you?" He asked with eyebrows raised.
"No! No, I swear. It was just me." I said truthfully. He pushed me against the wall and pressed his body on mine. The hardness came right back and I think it was sticking straight up.
"Good, because we know what would happen if I found out you were doing something dirty with someone." He whispered. My breath was so heavy, I could hear myself breathing. It was the perfect time to kiss him but I heard Krist yelled for him.
"You might wanna get rid of that before someone sees it." Kurt said as he pointed to my boner. I felt my whole face get red. I simply nodded and went back into the small room. I had to touch myself this time. And that's what I did. I imagined Kurt laying on his bed, playing with himself and moaning. Moaning my name. And it didn't take long for me to finish.
As soon as I finished I left the room again. I figured I'd just go to the bus. And when I did there sat Kurt in a chair, drinking water. I took a deep breath in, and slowly let it out. He knew I got turned on by him. He knew it. He probably knew I was in love with him. He probably thinks I'm stupid and sick.
"Listen, Dave, I know you got hard when I pushed you against the wall. I know it probably embarrasses you talking to me about it, but what's going on?"
"Dave, you know you can tell me anything. I'm your best friend, I'll always be here for you. Always, no matter what."
I took a deep breath in. "I'm in love with you." I said quickly as I let my breath out.
"Re-really?" His eyes lit up. I sat down, looking at the ground.
"Yes. I'm sorry, Kurt. I shouldn't feel this-"
He pressed his lips against mine, gently kissing them. I wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. He ran his fingers up my shirt but quickly stopped and pulled away when the door opened.
"Wow." Krist said then burst into laughter.
"What?" I asked sounding breathless.
"I saw what you were doing." He grinned.
"What?" Kurt asked trying to sound confused.
"You two were kissing and about to fu-"
"That's enough." Kurt hushed him.
Krist laughed again clapping his hands and pointed to us.
Kurt looked back at me and mouthed, "I'm sorry."
I lightly smiled and mouthed back, "It's okay."
"This is so awesome!" Krist cheered, jumping up and down.
"How long has this been going on?" Krist asked and then changed the question to, "Do you love each other?" And then he kept on asking different questions.
"Hey babe." Kurt said wrapping his arms around me from behind.
"H-hey." I stuttered. I was a little shocked by his actions.
"What are you doing?" He whispered in my ear.
"Playing drums." I chuckled.
"I see that."
I gently beat on my drums. "Yeah... What are you up to?"
"Nothing. Watching you." He grinned.
"And how long have you been watching me?"
"Hmm, about half an hour." He answered.
"You're such a sneaky stalker." I playfully rolled my eyes.
He chuckled. "I know. You better watch out, I could be anywhere watching you."
"That's a little creepy."
He grinned. "Maybe a little." Then he began to play with my hair.
"So..." He said in such a sexy voice.
He grinned and straddled me, almost making me fall off my seat. He laughed and kissed my lips.
"What's so funny?" I asked with my face feeling hot.
He kissed my lips and smiled against them. "Nothing." He whispered and kissed me again. He pushed his body onto mine and I fell back off my seat. Kurt was on top of me and not making an effort to move. He was too busy laughing.
"Are you just gonna stay there?"
He smiled. "It's actually pretty comfortable."
"Your killing my insides." I whined.
"Hey, I'm pretty skinny." He pouted.
I pecked his lips and sat up. He was still straddling me and he gently kissed my neck.
"You're so fucking cute together!" Krist said as he came into the room and pulled out his bass from it's case.
"And here comes Krist in perfect timing." Kurt said.
Krist laughed. "I hope I wasn't interrupting anything."
"You kinda were." Kurt said getting up and helping me up.
"Well I'm sorry." Krist said sarcastically.
Kurt wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pushed me down to his lips, then kissed me deeply.
Krist groaned, "Gross."
Kurt smiled. "Get used to it, Krist."
"Great show tonight baby." Kurt said jumping on my back and wrapping his arms around my neck. I grabbed his legs and wrapped them around my waist.
"I'm tired." He groaned and rested his chin on my shoulder.
"Do you want me to take you to the bus?"
He nodded. "Please."
I made my way out the back door and sneakily ran to the bus. I went straight to the bunk room and laid Kurt in his bunk.
"You have to lay here with me." He pouted. He looked so adorable.
I playfully rolled my eyes and laid beside him. He took my arm and wrapped it around his waist. He snuggled closer to me, rested his head on my chest. I felt my heart skip two beats.
"So... Are you my boyfriend?" He asked.
I felt my heart speed up. "Of course." I whispered. I could tell he was smiling.
"Good. I really really like you." He voice was so low I could barely hear.
"I really really like you too."
"You should've took your shirt off."
I chuckled. "Why?"
He snickered. "No reason." He nuzzled his nose against my chest.
"Goodnight." He whispered.
"Guys, have you seen my other converse?" Krist rushed into the room and held up one converse.
I shook my head. "No, now leave." I whisper-shouted.
"Have you and Kurt been doing dirty things?" He teased with a wink.
"Yes. You might wanna clean your bunk before going to bed." I grinned.
"Yeah, it was in your bunk. Oh, we left a mess."
"Are you kidding? You're lying, right?"
I shook my head. "Not at all. Kurt got really tired so he went to sleep."
"You nasty ass bitches." Krist groaned.
I chuckled. "Now leave. I don't want you waking Kurt up."
"Do you love him?" Krist suddenly asked.
"When are you getting married?"
"Oh my God, have you two met each other's families?"
"Yeah, like a long-"
"How long have you been in love?"
"Krist, stop asking questions."
"Okay." He sighed. "Night."
"Night." I whispered as Krist left the room.
"Guys, wake up!" Krist yelled as he jumped on us. I groaned and tried to push him off.
"What?" Kurt mumbled. His morning voice is so sexy.
"We go live in five minutes!"
"Five minutes?" Me and Kurt yelled at the same time.
"Yeah. I tried to wake you up earlier but Kurt flipped me off and slapped my face."
"Well let's go!" Krist yelled dragging us out of bed.
Kurt strummed the last note and waved to the crowd. Krist was saying random things in the microphone as me and Kurt went backstage.
"Here." Kurt said handing me a bottle of water. I smiled and kissed his cheek.
"Thank you sweetheart." I chuckled.
"Wait up." Krist called after us.
"What?" Kurt said turning to face him.
"We wouldn't want people finding out about this, would we?" Krist whispered to us.
"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked. Krist began to laugh.
"Oh shit, he's drunk." I groaned.
Krist laughed harder and pointed at me. "You and Kurt are so funny."
"God help us." Kurt whispered.
"Kurt, you need God." Krist said and began to laugh. He tripped and almost fell.
"Let's go back to the bus." Kurt whispered. I nodded and followed behind him. Surprisingly Krist didn't follow, he was too busy talking to someone.
As soon as we got there, Kurt kissed me deeply. After he pulled away he said, "I've been wanting to kiss you all night."
I smiled and kissed him again. I couldn't stop smiling, I was just so happy with him.
"Come on. Let's go to bed." He whispered and took my hand. I intertwined our fingers together and followed him to the bunk room. He laid down and motioned for me to lay with him.
I took my shirt off and laid beside him. He gently kissed me over and over a few times. I wrapped my arm around him and pulled him closer. He put his head on my chest and whispered, "Goodnight."
"Goodnight." I whispered back.
Chapter 7 (Last)
I wrapped my arms around Kurt's waist and kissed him deeper. He was laying on top of me, kissing me with passion. His lips are always so sweet. So sweet and soft. He's perfect. I can't believe I'm with him. I mean, I know he could do better than me.
"I love you, Dave." He said with a gentle smile once he pulled away. He rested his head on my chest and sighed happily.
We laid like that for hours, just talking and laughing. He so wonderful.
"Kurt, I want to be with you forever."
"I want to be with you for eternity." He said with a smile.
"I love you. More than I've ever loved anything or anyone. You're so special." I said with a smile
"Dave, I love you and I-"
"Think fast!" Krist yelled before jumping on top of us, causing us to groan. I quickly pecked Kurt's lips and pushed Krist in the floor. We all burst into laughter and then started wrestling.
Sorry this chapter was so short. This was the last chapter ): sorry the story was short, it really wasn't meant to be long.
I hope you liked it. Thanks for the votes & comments (: