Too Far Gone to See

The mindscape was now a very different place.

The white bed, or what would have remained of it, was gone. The space was now filled with doors of all colors, doors to various memories. Doors that seemed to lead to nowhere.

Until you opened them.

Trying to stay quiet, Dave wandered, hid, among them. He wasn't even sure where it would be safe to go. Would he lead Nicky and his demons right to Kurt and Taylor if he went to that memory? Probably.

Somewhere in the distance, he could hear the sounds of Nicky's posse. Distant calls, roars, screams... they were looking for two of the most important people Dave had ever known. Could he protect them if they were found?

The imp made another appearance, peeking at Dave from around a door. "I'm going to make a bunch of noise. They'll come and find you," it snickered.

"Don't you dare!"

"Dave."

The whisper almost scared him right out of his skin. He looked in its direction and saw Chris poking his head out of a door as green as grass. Chris motioned for him to share the memory with him, to rest in its safety.

Dave turned to the imp. "Screw you, Fugly!" He gratefully went through the door.

The imp stomped its foot, but did not try to follow him.

The door led out of a house and into the bright sunshine of summer. Dave smelled fresh cut grass. He took a long sniff of sunshine and front lawns and breathed out with relief. They would have a brief respite from the current horror of their real lives.

Smiling boyishly, Chris walked toward the street, where a large crowd of kids had gathered around an ice cream truck. When he got close, he transformed into his child self. Dave blinked. Little Chris got his ice cream bar and headed back, and as he got close to Dave, he became an adult again. Dave realized he could see the child version of Chris walking away with some of the other children, and the adult version still stood before him. "Interacting with your own memories is surreal," Chris said, grinning and licking his ice cream.

"That was pretty fucking weird, yeah," Dave laughed. He looked at Chris's ice cream. "What, you didn't get one for me?"

"Oh..." Chris looked at the kids, went over, and stole his brother's ice cream. The boy went on licking at the empty air as if the ice cream cone was still there.

Dave started laughing. Chris brought the ice cream back to him. "You can't really change anything about your memories, but you can fuck with them a little."

"Thanks." They took their ice creams and went back to Chris's porch to sit down and eat them.

Dave was amazed he could actually taste an ice cream cone he got from a memory, especially one that wasn't his. Chris's memory looped; the kids ran to the ice cream truck and bought their ice creams again. "This is weird, man."

"Tell me about it."

After he had licked any sticky ice cream drips off his fingers, Dave sat back and sighed. "I hope Taylor and Kurt are okay."

"We could go check on them, couldn't we?"

"No. Nicky and his goons are looking for them. If they see where we go, we could lead Nicky right to them."

"Oh God. I never thought of that." Chris put a comforting hand on Dave's shoulder. "It's gonna be okay, Dave. We're going to figure this out."

A short beat of time passed and Dave put his hands over his face and burst into tears.

"Dave?" Chris moved closer, putting his arm around his shoulders.

"What if I can't figure it out? Nicky's gonna kill us all."

"No, no..." Chris pulled him into a hug. Dave hugged him back, crying into his shoulder. "Don't think like that. You're Dave Grohl. This is what you do, right? You figure shit out."

Dave laughed a little, but continued crying until he couldn't cry anymore. Chris held and rocked him through it, occasionally patting his head. "I'm going to be there to help you through this, okay? I mean, where am I going to go? I'm tied down to a couch."

*****

The next morning, Dave was awakened by Nicky talking to Chris, giving him the speil about what would happen if he acted up. "Remember, this gun will be on you the whole time. If you ever want to see your wife and kids again, you better do what I say."

"What's going on?"

Nicky turned his tired, bloodshot blue eyes on Dave. He looked like hell. Hungover and sad, his facial hair scraggly and untrimmed. "You guys need the bathroom, don't you?"

"Yeah."

"Well?" He waved the gun dismissively. "Chris gets to go first."

Chris, having been unshackled and untied, stretched his legs gratefully. He went up the stairs first and was gone for a good half hour. Dave fretted and worried the whole time. What if Chris tried something and it went wrong?

He breathed a sigh of relief when they filed dutifully down the stairs, Chris back in the same clothes but with wet hair. It wasn't like he had brought a change of clothes with him just to check on Dave and Taylor. "I hope you at least put on clean underwear," Dave joked, trying to keep the mood light for his and Chris's sake.

"I did. They're yours."

"I'm surprised you don't have to hold them up."

Nicky said nothing as he chained Chris back up to the bar, then tied his legs down to the couch. He turned to Dave. "Now you."

On the way to the master bath, Nicky reminded him what would happen to Taylor if he made any risky moves. Dave noticed the difference between the threats he made toward Chris and the threats he made when he wanted Dave to be compliant. He knew how to read people and exploit their weaknesses. But Dave no longer believed anyone was safe.

When they passed through the kitchen, Dave noticed all the broken glass had been cleaned up. He had Nicky's obsessive cleaning to thank for that.

After using the bathroom, he took advantage of the chance to shower. Might as well be clean when the police found him with his throat slit. Dave made another one of those hysterical laughing sounds at the thought.

"What's so funny?" Nicky called over the shower door.

"Nothing," Dave called back. "Just having scary thoughts. You didn't hear the hysteria?"

After a pause, Nicky replied, "You should be scared."

Dave believed him. He had to do something to turn this whole thing around.

Desperate, when he got out of the shower, Dave gave Nicky an eyeful by ruffling a towel through his hair but doing nothing to cover his wet, naked body. Nicky looked, watching the water drip onto the floor from every inch of Dave, and stared longingly. "I don't know what would be more fun, fucking you in front of your friend while you beg me to stop or fucking you gently while you beg me not to stop."

"I like the second one." Dave would do anything to gain back Nicky's trust at this point, to avoid the nightmare coming true.

"If only I believed you." Nicky threw another towel at him. "You're just trying to get me to stop being mad at you."

"Maybe I am. But wouldn't you still enjoy it?" Dave used the second towel to rub his crotch under the guise that he was drying off, knowing that even Nicky knew he was trying to be coy, seductive. Nicky watched the towel move around the bobbing cock and licked his lips.

"What would you do to make it all up to me?"

"I'd let you fuck me like you wanted to on Sunday."

"You'd go that far to save Taylor?"

The question surprised him; Dave stopped moving. "Would it save Taylor?"

Now Nicky became coy. "I don't know. Why don't you lay down on the bed and give me a little taste?"

Hopeful, Dave dried himself off as much as he could and put the towel on one end of the bed. He laid across the end with his wet hair on the towel and waited to see what Nicky meant by "a little taste." If this could possibly save Taylor, he'd do it, and he wouldn't cry this time.

A mischievous grin on his face, Nicky sat on the bed nearby and held the gun to Taylor's chin. "Remember, don't try to touch me this time."

"Okay."

"Masturbate," Nicky commanded.

Dave nodded, and wrapped his hand around his cock. Nicky watched while Dave stroked himself, eyes closed, dick growing in hardness every minute. He started off with light, soft moans of pleasure, but they grew in volume the more excited he got. "Ohh... ohhh... ohhhh Nicky."

His eyes widened, and he laughed. "You do lay it on thick, don't you, Grohl?"

Dave wasn't sure this was working. He kept stroking himself anyway, hoping he could turn Nicky on. His fist pumped up and down faster. His breath quickened. "Ahhh... ahh... Nicky... God, Nicky..." Dave clutched the sheet in his left fist.

Nicky grinned at him, clearly not buying that Dave was thinking of him at all, but enjoying the show anyway. "Are you my eager little whore, Dave? Hm?"

"Uh huh."

"If I asked you to fuck yourself with a big ol' dildo, would you do it?"

"In a second... ohh..."

"If I shoved my dick in your mouth, would you willingly suck it?"

"I would."

"Ohh, you are so hot. Now cum all over yourself." Nicky waited, excited to watch Dave play this whole thing out.

Dave did, putting on the dirtiest show he could dream up. He rubbed his cock as fast as he could until he was crying out with a pleasurable orgasm, directing the cum all over his chest. One string of it hit his chin. Dave kept pumping, riding the orgasm out and moving his hips in time with his fist. He ran his free hand through the cum, rubbing it across his skin, and put a wet finger in his mouth, sucking the cum from it. "Mmm... mm..." he crooned. It was a performance not even he knew he was capable of.

Grinning with amusement, Nicky took advantage of the moment by leaning forward and taking hold of Dave's head with both hands. He licked the cum off Dave's chin and then kissed him, a hungry, dirty kiss. Dave did not resist or try to overpower him; he showed only submission, hoping it would work to earn back Nicky's trust.

When the kiss was broken, Nicky leaned back and was instantly on guard. "Dave, you are an absolute delight. All I have to do is threaten Taylor and you willingly become my manwhore. I love it."

That didn't sound promising. Dave took the other towel and began to clean any remaining evidence of what he'd just done off his chest. "Are you still going to hurt Taylor?"

"Probably, yeah. I haven't decided yet."

If Nicky hadn't been in Taylor's body, Dave would have leapt on top of him at that moment and wrung his neck. "You bastard."

Nicky snickered.

A few minutes later and he had Dave back in a pair of boxers and chained to the chaise lounge. Chris knew something bad had happened; he could tell by the disturbed, crestfallen look on Dave's face. "Dave? You okay?"

Before Dave could say anything, Nicky spoke for him. "Oh, your buddy Dave just tried to play me. I know the only one he really cares about is Taylor. But I'm going to fuck all that out of him over time. He put on a show for me that got me pretty hard. You wanna see?" Nicky unzipped and unbuttoned Taylor's jeans, taking out his hard cock and rubbing it. Eyes shocked and wide, Chris looked away. Nicky threw in a few moans to make his own show better. "You still like to see this, Chris? You said Taylor looked so hot when he played with himself."

"God, please leave Chris alone."

"Dave can't wait his turn." Nicky climbed on top of him, straddling Dave's midsection with his knees. Nicky pushed the jeans down off his ass and wiggled it, looking back at Chris. "You still like this ass, Chris? You still wanna fuck it?" He reached back and slapped one butt cheek.

"Pleeease, stop torturing my friend. You're killing me," Dave begged.

"It's all about you, isn't it?" Nicky took fistfuls of Dave's hair in both his hands. "Open your mouth, or I'll rape Chris in front of you."

That made him mad. Dave started to say, "God, you don't have to make threats like - " but Nicky filled his mouth, shoving his dick deep into his throat. Dave made unprepared choking noises.

Chris looked, shocked at the sound. "Stop hurting him!"

"Oh, shut up, Chris." Nicky eased the cock out a bit, instructing Dave to, "Breathe. Breathe through your nose. Thaaat's it. Easy, baby, easy." He slid his dick back in slowly, giving Dave time to suck it instead of choke on it. "Ohhh, that's good. You're sooo good to me, Davey."

"You're a horrible monster!" Chris said, close to tears.

"Ii~ii kno~ow," Nicky crooned. He slowly fucked Dave's mouth, floating on the intense feeling. "I can't help but be mean when people break my heart."

Dave did as Nicky wanted, taking his punishment. If he physically hurt Nicky by biting him, he'd be hurting Taylor. If he tried to resist, Nicky might take it out on Chris. Dave willingly allowed the forced blowjob, using his tongue to make it feel even better, and tried to think of Taylor. Taylor, who would never ever hurt him like this.

Nicky lost some of the control over how good it felt; he stopped pulling Dave's hair and cradled his head in his hands instead. "Oh Dave... oh Dave..." He panted, hips moving toward and away, toward and away. "It feels so good. I love you... I love you..."

Shortly after, he came in Dave's mouth.

Nicky eased himself out of Dave's tired jaw and rocked back onto his haunches, sitting on Dave's midsection. He gently, lovingly kissed Dave, holding his face again, and Dave did not resist. Until the end, he would keep trying to manipulate Nicky into letting them all live.

"Why, why do you reject me one minute and please me like that the next? Can't you understand how much I love you, want you, need you? Dave..." Nicky held his face and rubbed their heads together, placing small kisses on Dave's ears, neck, nose, wherever he could. "Why do you hurt me?"

"I told you, Nicky, I need time."

He growled loudly in reaction. "Fine. Is this really what you need?" Nicky reached into his pocket and took out the folding utility knife usually kept in a kitchen drawer. With a determined look, Nicky unfolded it open.

Horrified, Dave stammered, "What are you doing?"

Nicky began to carve into Taylor's arm.

Both Dave and Chris gasped. "Stop it! Stop hurting him!" Dave cried.

Ignoring them, Nicky continued, gritting his teeth as he drew letters into Taylor's skin. Blood dripped onto Dave's chest, the chaise lounge, and Taylor's clothes. He carved five letters into the arm, and showed it to Dave.

YOURS

"You see? This is how much I love you. I could belong to you and you to me if you'd only open your heart."

Dave could not speak at first. He stared at the arm in horror, not only because of Nicky's sick willingness to hurt himself for "love" (and, unfortunately, Taylor), but because of what this meant.

...that word carved into his chest, and the one carved into Hawkins' arm...

It was the nightmare. No matter what Dave did, they continued to barrel towards it.

MINE. YOURS.

Words failed him further when his phone, still sitting on the floor near the bottom of the stairs, began to ring.

Nicky fixed his pants and got up, casually retrieving the phone. Blood dripped from his arm to the floor. He looked at the phone and sighed. "It's your wife again. She can leave a message, can't she?"

Dave swallowed and finally spoke. "Yeah." It was more of a croak than a word. He swallowed again. "Will you please go stop that bleeding?"

Nicky stared at the phone, transfixed. "Okay." He slowly went up the stairs.

Dave relaxed a little when he heard the water running. Truthfully, he didn't have much reason to.

"Dave, that was really scary," Chris remarked.

"THAT was really scary? As compared to all the normal things Nicky's done?"

Nicky came back a few minutes later. He had stopped the bleeding, but had not bandaged the red, angry wounds. Strangely, he was still staring at Dave's phone.

"Nicky? You okay?"

"Your wife left you three messages," he said, in a daze. "Your kids talked on them. 'Hi Daddy. We love you. We miss you.'" Nicky swallowed; the motion clicked in his throat. "They sound cute."

Something was wrong. Something was really wrong. Alarm bells were going off in Dave's head. "Nicky, what's the matter?"

When Nicky looked at him, he could see it written all over his face. Just like that, the nightmare was happening. "I'm sorry, Dave." Nicky let out a small sob. "I don't think this is going to work."

He turned and went up the stairs.

Dave felt the panic constricting his chest, making it hard to breathe. "Oh shit. Oh shit, shit, shit, Kurt, help me."

Chris looked up. "What's wrong?"

Dave didn't have to answer him. He knew something was up when Nicky came back with a butcher knife in his hand.

Tears ran from Nicky's eyes. He sniffled and tried to smile. "Those phone calls made me realize that the way I want to handle this will never work. You have a wife... kids... Taylor too... they simply won't leave us alone. We can't hide from them forever. Chris would only complicate things. If I took you away, your wife would look for you. The money would eventually be cut off. She would never stop, because you're the father of her children. They would never stop asking for their daddy."

Babbling in fear, Dave said, "Nicky, please, whatever you're thinking of doing, we can work this out, it doesn't have to end this way. We can somehow make it work."

Nicky shook his head. "You know I'm right. When we're all dead, our souls will merge, and then we can be together forever. No one will stand in our way." He looked at his reflection in the knife. "It will be easier that way, Dave, you'll see."

"What?" Chris looked from Nicky to Dave.

Taking a step toward him, Nicky said, "I'll make it as quick as I can. And I'll do you first, my love, so you don't have to watch Chris die."

A look of absolute horror and fear completely took over Chris's face, and he began to scream. "No! Nooooo! I want to see my wife and kids again! I want to see my wife and kids again!" He struggled violently to free himself.

Dave, time is up! Kurt's voice screamed in his head. Tell Taylor how you feel! Tell him everything, even the things you don't want to say out loud!

Dave groaned. He finally knew how to break the spell. Nicky walked toward him with the knife. "Taylor, listen to me. Please hear me. I love you. I have been in love with you since your overdose, but I could have loved you romantically since you were Oh. If you had just told me, it could have been you and me back then. I would not have kept you out of the band because we had sex. I felt an instant connection to you when we played that Rush song together. You're one of my closest soul mates. I want you to be with me forever.

"I wouldn't trade my children for anything, and I know you wouldn't either, but I can't deny the fact that if you had told me you were Oh, our lives could have been very different. I love Jordyn and I don't want to hurt her, but if you asked me to leave her, God help me, I would do it. I can't spend another day not being with you. I want us to explore a relationship, a romantic relationship, you and me." Those words about his marriage, they hurt so much to say, but they also felt liberating, like ultimate truth.

Nicky had sat down on the edge of the chaise lounge. He didn't seem to hear what Dave was saying, lost in a trance. As he sobbed and raised the knife to Dave's neck, working up his nerve to go through with it, a thought fleeted across Dave's mind - the homicide detective had this part wrong. He was going to be the one to die first. "Taylor, I want us to explore everything we can make of our lives together, but we can't do anything if you don't wake up! Taylor, please, wake up!"

From his hiding place in the grandmother's bed, Taylor gasped and opened his eyes.



Notes: I feel like I should apologize to Jordyn Grohl after this chapter. Sorry, sorry, it's just fiction. ^_^;;