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Bitterness had always been a foreign feeling to me. It was just something I never felt. But that was before Kurt had passed. When that happened, I resigned myself the right to feel bitter. Hate came easy those few months after his death, but eventually people expected it to end. So publicly, it did. But when I was isolated at home with only my music the animosity flooded back. There were many nights when I would just scream into a pillow and smash things. I wanted him to hear the reverberations of my angst. I wanted him to be able to feel my hurt from where ever he was. Why had he taken himself away from me?

A few years trudged on and my stable mind was deteriorating. I was popping pills on the regular and familiarizing myself more with my whiskey bottles. No one could pull me out of this stupor. That was until I met Taylor Hawkins. At first glance he seemed like an overtly hyper kid, which he is, but there’s more to him. His lengthy blonde hair and raspy voice reminded me of Kurt. Sometimes I would close my eyes and just listen to him as I fell asleep, pretending his was my long lost best friend.

Eventually those kinds of thoughts became risky. Soon I envisioned myself wrapping my arms around his normally bare torso in a more than friendly way. I’d let him lay his head in my lap when he couldn’t get comfortable on the bus. I’d stroke his hair as he told some ridiculous story that may or may not be true. No one ever saw those moments, and even when we hugged at random intervals no one thought it odd. My feelings were going stronger and I had to stop myself.

Taylor wasn’t Kurt, as much as I wanted him to be he wasn’t. Just because Kurt let me share his bed when we were on tour didn’t mean that Taylor would. Even though Kurt initiated our first kiss didn’t mean that Taylor ever thought of that stuff. As far as I knew Taylor was as straight as a ruler, but then again he probably thought I was too. I was married for Christ’s sake, so I shouldn’t be lusting after the drummer in my band. But the way the sweat glistens on his tanned skin after playing a show is just irresistible. I couldn’t think about not touching him whenever his blonde locks were in a mess from the show, like he’d just had the wildest sex imaginable. Any touch or gesture from Taylor seemed to magnetically collide with my dick. I’d have to saunter off to the bathroom and try to rub one out. Knowing that I wouldn’t get the release I needed until it was Taylor’s hand wrapped around my cock.

A couple of months after my latest relationship had successfully gone down the tubes I worked up enough liquid courage to confront Taylor. The show was just about to start but I had already drunk too much. Nate tried to will the bottle from my grip, but it was Taylor who succeeded. I saw Nate whispering to Taylor and I felt jealousy arise in my throat. Soon after, everyone filtered out of the room, everyone but me and Taylor. He was already shirtless and with the alcohol flowing through my veins it was going to be difficult in trying to manage not to get a hard on. Taylor sat next to me on the couch and draped a leg over mine. He accidentally brushed my crotch and I mentally cursed myself. I could not get a boner right now; especially when Taylor was lying next to me, his bare upper body gleaming from the overhead lights.

“You’ve been acting kind of off D. You wanna talk about it?” He paused. “Is it about Kurt?” I jerked my head towards him. Taylor never brought up Kurt, he was one of the few people who seemed to acknowledge that I was uncomfortable talking about him.

“It’s not about Kurt, I—” Just have a problem with wanting to jump your bones every now and then. Right now is one of those moments. Your shorts are creeping further down your hips and it’s like they’re inviting me to rip them off of you. The curvatures of your hip bones are calling my name, wanting me to caress them. I finished the thought inside my head; wanting to smack myself for even thinking such a thing.

“You know you can talk to me Dave. I’m here to listen.” He sat up on the couch, repositioning himself and his calf brushes against my crotch again. I wince a little, trying to hold back the moan that wants to escape my lips. “Uh, Dave…?” I turned to look him in the eyes and he’s watching me. I see his eyes travel down to the now apparent bulge in my pants and I close my eyes waiting for him to freak out. Instead of screams of disgust, I feel his breath beating against my neck. “I can be here for other things too, if you don’t feel like talking.” His fingers are brushing the top of my pants and I bite my lip, opening my eyes. He’s reaching for my hand and then he starts to lean forward. I feel the pressure of his hard cock on my leg before his lips reach mine. I push myself on top of him as soon as the kiss deepens. He’s not one to be submissive, so he starts rubbing the front of my jeans. I begin to whimper because it’s making me crazy. If he keeps it up I’m gonna come in my pants before I can get them off. A smile curves onto his face, he’s obviously happy with my frustration.

“Damn it Taylor, stop teasing.” He stops rubbing the outside of my pants and reaches down inside them, making me squeal.

“Me? A tease? Yeah right Mr. Grohl, I deliver.” He strokes my penis with one hand while trying to finagle the buttons with the other. As soon as my pants and boxers are down he’s kneeling on the floor, my dick in his mouth.

“Shit.” I clench my teeth as he flicks his tongue across the tip. I try to grab fistfuls of the couch, but it’s not working. I grip for Taylor’s hair and he starts sucking harder. My hips start bucking forward a little bit but he seems to welcome it. He doesn’t even mind that I almost trigger his gag reflex more than once. That turns me on more and as his tongue wraps around my cock I feel the shivers of pleasure running up and down my spine. I arch my back, which pushes me farther into Taylor’s mouth and he lets out a purr like grunt. It vibrates my cock and sends me over the edge.

“Fucking-a!” I scream at the top of my lungs my dick is hitting the back of Taylor’s throat and I buck forward relieving myself inside his mouth. He swallows without a thought and licks his lips to savor what’s left. I immediately reach for Taylor and pull him on top of me. I realize that he had released himself from the restraints of his shorts and his penis presses against my stomach. A guttural moan echoes from him and my heart speeds up. I reach for his dick and start to jerk him off.

“Oh Dave.” He throws his head back and starts rocking on top of my lap. He brings his face back to face mine and kisses me, with a devilish grin. I realize that he can feel my re-hardened cock underneath him. He begins rocking back and forth and it drives me crazy. He starts to reposition himself and then we both let out yelps of pleasure. I feel warm muscle tighten around my dick and Taylor just continues to move to the rhythm. My hips start to buck once more and I’m pumping his cock as fast as I can.

“Goddamn Tay.” He starts bouncing up and down on top of me. “You’re so fucking tight.” I can feel both our dicks ready to explode as I get more lost inside of him.

“I’m gonna come Dave.” He squirts himself all over both our bodies. “Ah, fuck.” We both moan as I release my load inside of him. Both our bodies are covered in sweat and I put my hand under his chin to pull him closer.

“You’re a great listener.” I smile, pressing my forehead against his.

“I’ve never been great with words.” He chuckled.

“You think you’ll be prepared to listen again after the show?” I ask with my goofy grin.

“It’ll be the best conversation I’ve ever had.” He says before engulfing me in another kiss.

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