The apartment was unkempt, boxes lying around with things thrown inside them and all over the floor. Empty liquor bottles and joints covered the bedroom carpet. It was in this room where a young man lay on top of an unmade bed. His covers were twisted around his body as he took a drag from a newly rolled joint. The first time he had heard the words ‘Kurt’s dead,’ was an hour ago; he still couldn’t believe it. The phone had rung a few more times since that hour but he couldn’t bring himself to answer it. He knew that when Kurt had blown his voice out in Paris it wasn’t a good sign.
As the tour drug on he could see the torment in Kurt’s eyes and it hurt him, but he couldn’t talk to him. It had been months since they’d talked last, really talked. But still, hearing that Kurt had swallowed sixty pills and OD’d was mind boggling. The weed wasn’t hitting him as hard as he wanted it to and for a second he lingered on the thought of the pills in his medicine cabinet. But then that led him back to Kurt and he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.
A knock sounded at the front door, but he barely heard it. All he could do was stare at the ceiling and try to remember the gleam in Kurt’s eyes and every inch of his body. The way he held himself as he screamed into the microphone and how his smile could light up the room. He would never see that again. He’d never hear the laugh of his best friend echo in the room. He’d never get to tell his best friend how much he loved him again.
That’s the one thing that really bit into Dave. He had told Kurt so many times that he loved him, but never really made him see it. The knock sounded again but he still didn’t move. He was trying to remember how Kurt’s voice sounded as he whispered into Dave’s ear. A few tears slipped out of his eyes as the sting of Kurt’s last kiss raided his mind. The knock became fiercer and he acknowledged it, but still made no move to answer it. The door was always unlocked anyways, all his friends knew that. He took another long drag off of the joint and finished off his fourth beer, or maybe his fifth? Dave waited for another knock to come, but silence was left. He shrugged it off and went back to imagining Kurt.
“Drinking already?” Chills ran all over his body as his jumped into a sitting position.
“K-Kurt?” He was dead; there was no way he could be standing here now.
“We’re you expecting some other guy?” His lip curled up into that smirk that had stolen his heart so many times. Was it possible that he was hallucinating? Had he taken the pills and just not remembered?
“I know I probably look like shit but hell I just OD’d. Did you not hear about that?” He was still standing in the doorway, but Dave wanted him to come closer. He wanted to know that this wasn’t a dream.
“I-I got a call, they said y-you d-died.” His mind was raging right now. The thoughts were barely coherent and he didn’t know if it was from the weed and booze or from Kurt.
“Shit.” Kurt moved towards Dave and sat down next to him. “I guess it’s pretty fucked up seeing me here then.” His lip curled up again to show his smirk.
“You have no idea. I thought I’d never see you again.” There was a silence.
“I would never do that to you.” Kurt consoled, reaching for Dave’s hand.
“We haven’t talked in months.”
“I know; I’m sorry.”
“I love you.” Dave stated with tears slipping out of his eyes. Kurt leaned into Dave.
“I know. I love you too.”
“But you don’t know.” Kurt looked up from where he had rested his head on Dave. “I really mean it Kurt. I mean it in a way I can’t even explain. I’d do anything for you and I’d give up anything for you. Hearing you were no longer inhabiting this earth made me feel so empty. There didn’t even seem to be a purpose. Like nothing in this world was real except for me and this room. Everything else was all a blur and I tried to remember. I tried to remember everything about you. I didn’t want to forget, I was so afraid I’d forget. I love you Kurt, I love you.” Kurt tried his best to wipe away every tear falling from Dave’s eyes, that he didn’t even notice his own.
“I’m not going to leave you Dave. I’m going to rehab for a few days to kick the dope and then I’ll come back for you. I’ll get us plane tickets and we’ll leave this place.”
“What about Courtney?”
“Fuck her. I’m already trying to get everything fixed and I’m going to tell her I’m leaving her. I just have to go to rehab for a little while first. I need to do this with a sober mind, but I will come back for you.”
“You promise you’ll come back.”