A/N: This story was inspired by this cute video of Kim putting makeup on Dave and Kurt.
It was a bright evening, a little damp from a sprinkling of rain a few hours earlier when the tour bus had made its way into the city and found the hotel. The cobblestone pavers glistened with raindrops, and puddles reflected their faces back to them as Krist, Dave, and Kurt exited the front door of the hotel to follow members of Sonic Youth out into the city. The tour had just gotten into London that afternoon and everyone had the night off to do as they pleased.
"Heeeey, Kurt!" Kim yelled from the front door. Kurt turned to look back at her. "You want your nails done?" she said.
"Yeah!" he yelled back.
"Well, get your ass over here!"
He gave her a thumbs-up and turned to Dave, who was watching curiously. "You should come, too," he said.
Dave stood considering it, and Krist caught his eye. "I thought you were coming on the pub crawl with the boys." He motioned over his shoulder to the taxi queue where Lee, Thurston, and a few members of the road crew were waiting for Nirvana to get there, so they could claim some cabs to take them on their adventure.
Dave looked back and forth between Krist and Kurt, who was now a few yards away, going after Kim, and made a quick decision. "Looks like it's a girls' night in," he said to Krist, grinning and shrugging apologetically before dashing off after Kurt and Kim, who were entering the foyer.
Krist waved an amused goodbye to his bandmates and jogged over to catch up with his posse of the evening at the taxi queue.
Kim spotted Dave on his way over, and grabbed Kurt's arm, pointing at Dave. Kurt turned to look and broke into a big smile upon seeing Dave joining them. "I'm glad you came," he said when Dave reached them.
"Me too. I guess I'm not in a bar-hopping mood tonight," Dave replied.
"Good. We're gonna have way more fun than the 'lads', anyway," Kim said and lead Dave and Kurt back upstairs to her hotel room. She grabbed her makeup bag from the bathroom and tossed it on the bed, urging the boys to get comfy. They plopped down on the bed and Kim turned on the TV, bringing the remote back with her to sit next to them.
"Here, you pick something," she said to Kurt, handing him the remote. He started flipping through channels as Kim dug in her makeup bag for nail polish.
"I've been missing hanging out with my girl friends. I'll have to make do with you two for tonight," Kim said, looking up from the bag and smiling.
"Well, I'm honoured to be considered an acceptable replacement," Kurt replied, amusement in his eyes, before he turned his attention back to the TV.
"Have you ever had your nails done?" Kim asked Dave.
"No. Not yet, anyway," Dave said.
"What colour do you want?"
"How about green?"
"I can do teal."
"Yeah, that works." She handed him a little bottle of iridescent polish and told him to shake it, which he did, jiggling the bed in the process.
"I want red," Kurt said, still flipping through channels.
Kim hunted through her makeup bag and triumphantly pulled out a small bottle of red. "You're in luck. I have a little bit left."
"What colour are you gonna do?" Dave asked her.
"Black." She pulled out the final bottle, the polish as dark as India ink and set it on the bed with the red.
Kurt finally spotted a TV show with a guitar in it and stopped to see what it was. It seemed to be a French music program, covering a live gig somewhere on the continent.
"Who's that?" Dave asked, and Kim turned to look, too.
"I don't know. They haven't showed the name yet." The band was in mid-gig, audience flailing along to the music.
"They sound pretty good. Leave 'em on," Kim said, so Kurt put down the remote and turned back towards his friends.
"You've done this before, right?" Kim asked Kurt, holding up a bottle of polish.
"Yeah, I've helped my girlfriend with it before."
"What about you?" she asked Dave. He shook his head.
"Don't worry, we'll show you," Kim said to him.
There was a bottle of whiskey and some shot glasses sitting on top of the dresser next to the TV that caught Dave's eye at that moment. “Hey, is that bottle part of our plans for tonight?”
“Sure is,” Kim said. “You wanna open it?”
Dave answered with a grin and got up to grab the bottle and glasses, bringing them back to the bed. He cracked open the bottle and poured a shot each for Kim and Kurt, then one for himself.
“Down the hatch!” Kim said, and they knocked them back. Once Kim caught her breath, she said, “Ok, Dave, gimme your hands. I'm gonna show you how this is done.” She grabbed the teal polish and Dave obediently offered his hands to her, palm-down. She took his left one, told Kurt to hold the bottle of polish, and got to work, giving Dave a few pointers as she went. It wasn't long before she finished, adding one last swipe of polish to Dave's pinky.
“I think I can do that,” Dave said, looking at his completed nails. The way Kim did it, it didn't seem too difficult. Kurt grabbed the black polish and started painting Kim's nails while Dave waved his hands around to help them dry, and they each did another shot after Kurt finished, Kim and Dave gingerly holding their shot glasses to keep from smudging their new paint jobs.
“Ok, Dave, it's the moment of truth. Let's see how you do,” Kim said when it was Kurt's turn to get painted. The whiskey made Dave a little over-confident and he charged into the task, quickly fucking it up despite Kim and Kurt's best attempts to give him advice. Kurt's first index finger turned out ok, but the rest went downhill fast.
“You made that look easy,” Dave complained to Kim, looking with dissatisfaction at the lumpy red mess on Kurt's nails. “Sorry it's so shitty,” he said to Kurt, biting his lip. “You want me to do it over?” He looked like a puppy that knew it had done something bad.
Kurt hesitated, not wanting to hurt Dave's feelings, so Kim interjected, “Yeah, have another try, Dave, but do it like this, it'll be easier.” She grabbed Kurt's hand and rested it on Dave's knee, so it wouldn't be moving around while he was trying to paint. Kurt and Dave quickly locked eyes, but just as quickly looked away, and Kim smirked to herself. She pulled her nail polish remover out of her bag and retrieved some toilet paper from the bathroom to clean up Kurt's hands, so Dave could try again. When she got back to the bed, Kurt's hand was still on Dave's knee and both of them were nervously watching the TV, looking anywhere but at each other.
Dave's second try turned out better than the first, and Kim entertained herself watching how gently and carefully Dave handled Kurt's hands. Kurt didn't watch the TV much, he mainly just watched Dave. Kim did another small shot while she waited and poured two more for the boys, capping the whiskey and putting it back on the dresser, saying, “We'd better switch to wine or we're gonna pass out.” They agreed and she pulled two bottles out of the ice bucket on the bathroom counter, bringing them back with her.
“There,” Dave said, looking much more satisfied, “I think that's way better.” He'd just finished with Kurt's nails and recapped the polish as Kurt splayed his fingers to take a look.
“It's great. Thank you,” Kurt told him. Kim noticed them holding eye contact a little longer this time.
“What do you wanna do next?” she asked.
"Let's play M.A.S.H." Dave suggested.
"What's that?" Kurt asked.
"Mansion, apartment, shack, house. You get your destiny decided for you."
"I didn't know boys played M.A.S.H." Kim commented.
Dave shrugged. "We don't. I learned it from my sister."
They found a hotel notepad and a pen in the desk and settled together on the bed to get started with the game. Kim drew the first game board while Dave explained the rules to Kurt, and Dave volunteered to go first. “That means the two of us get to pick some things to write on his lists,” Kim said, “So, think of something good.” She winked at Kurt. They did the 'marriage' list first. Dave asked for Cindy Crawford and Lita Ford as his choices.
"Ronald Reagan," Kurt said, and Dave gave him an outraged look. Kurt just grinned. Kim wrote it down, amused.
Kim paused for a moment to make her choice, nibbling the end of the pen. "Kurt," she announced, and wrote Kurt's name onto the list.
"The plot thickens," Kurt said, and glanced at Dave, who glanced right back before swallowing nervously and staring at the game board. The three of them filled out the rest of Dave's lists and Kurt drew the spiral until Dave told him to stop. It wasn't long before the mansion, Cindy, a honeymoon in a dumpster, a three-legged horse, and 0 children got crossed off the list. It was on to the second round and Kim soon scratched out Kurt's name from the list.
"Awww," Dave said, disappointed. Kurt looked at him, eyebrows raised.
Dave shrugged. "Well...there's not a lot of good options left, you have to admit." Kurt and Dave's eyes locked again for a few seconds before they turned back to the game, and Kim's smirk returned. She uncorked a wine bottle and had a sip, offering it to the boys, who each took rather large gulps before returing their attention to Dave's fate. He ended up marrying Lita (“Thank god,” he said), living in a house, having 5 kids, honeymooning in an abandoned subway tunnel, and driving a pair of skateboards tied together.
They did Kim's M.A.S.H. next, and the boys cracked up when she got married to He-Man. "Yeah, well, I get a mansion!" she said and thumbed her nose at the two of them. She got one child ("Yesss!" she said triumphantly, since Dave and Kurt had been mean and chosen 15 and 1,000 kids, respectively), a Toyota Tercel, and a honeymoon on the teacup ride at Disneyland. “I've had worse,” she decided, and lay down on the bed, propping her face in her hands. Kurt and Dave were in stitches imagining her teacup honeymoon with He-Man.
Kurt ended up living in an apartment, married to Krist ("That's actually perfect," Dave and Kim agreed, as Kurt rolled his eyes), honeymooning at 7-Eleven (“So, we have to have sex in the bathroom, or something?” Kurt said. “That's nasty.” “I was thinking the car wash, actually,” Dave replied and broke into drunken giggles as Kurt shoved him), driving a covered wagon, and having 24 kids. "Jesus, I hope I'm not the one who gets pregnant," Kurt said.
"Of course you are," Dave insisted, "Can you even imagine Krist as a mom?"
"No," Kurt admitted, frowning. Kim snorted and buried her face in her arms, giggling. The face Kurt made was too funny. They all passed around the wine bottle again, but since Kim didn't sit up before she tried to drink, she ended up spilling a bunch all over the bed.
“Aw, shit,” she said. “I guess we should move to floor and let that dry.”
“What are we playing next?” Kurt asked once they'd shifted spots, his eyes all lit up.
“How about Truth or Dare?” Kim suggested.
“Sounds fun. How does it go?” Kurt said.
"You've never played Truth or Dare??” Dave said. “You haven't lived! How do you not know any of these games?"
Kurt blushed a little and looked at the floor for a moment. "I didn't have friends for a long time," he said quietly. Dave looked mortified, his grin swiftly fleeing his face.
"Well, you have them now," Kim said to Kurt, giving him a warm smile and a friendly rub on the knee. "We'll break you in. Won't we, Dave?" She had a mischievous sparkle in her eye.
"Yeah!" he quickly agreed, adding, "I'll go first."
"Ok, truth or dare?" Kim asked him.
She considered for a moment, her eyes narrowing in thought. Presently, she said, "I dare you to remove one item of clothing and it can't be your shoes or socks."
"Oooh!" said Kurt. "No holds barred."
"Every woman for herself," Kim agreed dryly.
"What's the penalty if I don't?" Dave said to Kim. Both Dave and Kurt waited curiously for her answer. Her eyes narrowed again.
Finally she decided, "You have to shower with your clothes on and keep wearing them till the game is over."
"Aaah, no!" Dave exclaimed. He looked defeated for a second before an idea visibly passed across his face. He slyly reached up and pulled out his hair tie, setting his hair free, and shaking his head to rearrange it. He held out the hair tie to Kim on his open palm, his expression saying 'Checkmate!'.
Kim's mouth dropped open in disbelief at his audacity, and she looked to Kurt saying, "That's cheating."
"Yup," Kurt immediately agreed.
Dave looked at him in mock-disgust. "Traitor," he said.
"Come on," Kim urged him. "Either hop in the shower or take something off." Kurt's widening smile as he watched Dave showed he liked where this was going. Dave grumbled under his breath, but lifted off his t-shirt to 'ooh's and 'ahh's from Kim and Kurt.
"Man, shut up," Dave said to them, embarrassed. His face reddened.
"We like your abs. Is that a crime?" Kurt teased. His face was full flirt.
“You're gonna pay for this,” Dave promised darkly, but couldn't quite keep the smile from his lips.
“Better watch out, Kurt,” Kim said, “I think he means it.” She passed the wine around again and all three had a drink.
Kurt went next. “Truth or dare?” Dave asked him.
"Who was your first kiss?"
Kurt mumbled something and both Dave and Kim leaned forward to try to hear him. Dave cupped a hand to his ear. "Speak up!" he said.
"It was Krist," Kurt said a little bit louder, his expression shy.
"Awwwww," Kim said, and reached over, punctuating her words by poking his shoulder. "That's cute."
Dave looked thoughtfully at Kurt, a half-smile sneaking onto his face. "Good to know," he said, half to himself. To take attention off himself, Kurt turned to Kim. “Truth or dare?”
"Dare!" Her eyes challenged him.
"Chug that entire bottle of wine," Kurt said, pointing to the open bottle they'd been drinking from.
"Damn. What's the penalty if I don't?"
Kurt turned to Dave and they conferred quietly with each other, whispering in each other's ears, suppressing grins as they came to a decision. Kurt looked back at Kim and said, "You have to go get a bucket of ice in just your underwear." He grinned at her expression of protest, and crossed his arms, shaking his head no when she said, "Oh, come on!"
“Dave, stop giving him ideas!” Kim said, picking up the bottle.
“Well, it's not against the rules, is it?” Kurt replied, his face daring her to contradict him.
"Jeez, you're vicious," she said, "And you're saying you've never played this before?"
"I'm a quick learner," Kurt said, looking smug.
“Drink!” Dave said to Kim, waving his hands for emphasis. She rolled her eyes, but tipped the bottle into her mouth, dutifully guzzling the wine as Dave and Kurt cheered her on.
“Fuck,” she said under her breath when she was done. She put a hand to her head, looking a little dizzy. She turned her head to say something to Kurt, but went toppling onto the carpet instead. “God, I'm really wasted now,” she muttered as the boys laughed. She lay quietly on the carpet for a minute, feeling the floor gently spin beneath her, then realised she had to pee. She crawled into the bathroom on all fours to hoots of laughter, swearing at Dave and Kurt as she went.
When she finally returned, still crawling, she discovered that Kurt and Dave had decided it was going to be her turn again for round two. “Kim, truth or dare?” Dave demanded, with a wicked grin.
"Oh, god, truth!" she said, holding up her index fingers in a cross to ward off the wine bottles.
“Have you ever made out with a girl?” Dave asked.
Kim looked surprised, then smug. “Yeah, I made out with Kathleen from Bikini Kill once.” She sat back with a drunkenly satisfied smile on her face.
“Wow, for real?” Kurt looked impressed.
“Lucky,” Dave muttered. “How was she?”
“Dave,” Kurt chided him, smacking him on the leg, “Don't be gross.”
“Naw, I don't mind,” Kim said. “I don't think she would, either. She likes you guys. She was fun, really bitey and a little rough.”
“Yum!” Dave said, and then added to Kurt, “Didn't you hang out with her in Olympia?”
“Yeah, we did some graffiti together, but we never made out,” Kurt replied.
“Cool, what did you make?” Kim said. She looked curious.
“It was a bunch of feminist stuff. We spent all night talking about revolution.”
“Excellent,” Kim grinned and offered her hand for a high-five. She and Kurt completely missed each other's hands on the first attempt, Dave laughing at them, and then managed a rather mangled high-five on their second try, both laughing themselves. “Man, you guys are drunk,” Dave giggled.
“What, and you're not?” Kim demanded.
“I'm not that drunk. I hold my liquor well,” he said with a touch of pride.
“Well, we gotta change that,” Kim said, and had Kurt go get the corkscrew so they could pop open the second wine bottle. Once Dave and Kurt had each had another gulp (Kim refused the offered bottle), they tried to remember whose turn it was. “I think it's yours,” Kim said to Dave.
“Truth or dare?” Kurt asked him.
"Truth," said Dave.
"Do you have any tattoos below the belt?" Kurt asked, his eyes wandering to Dave's lower half.
Dave bit his lip as he met Kurt's eyes, caught off-guard by the question, but quickly recovered. "You wanna know, huh?" he said, raising his eyebrows suggestively.
Kim interjected with, "I wanna know, too, and you better answer quick or you'll have to show us as your penalty!"
Kurt's eyes widened at the realisation that he could do that, and he quickly agreed, his smile slightly evil. "Yeah! That's the penalty."
Dave looked a bit startled and drew his knees up to his chest, hugging them. "Ugh, fine," he said, "Yeah, I do have a small one."
"Where?" Kurt asked.
"Nope, you don't get a second question. I just answered you." Dave grinned at Kurt's frustration.
"Damn," Kurt grumbled.
"You could have played that one better," Kim said to Kurt.
"Yeah, I just realised that." Kurt reached for the wine bottle and took another gulp.
"All right, Kurt! Truth or dare?" Kim said as Kurt put the bottle down and wiped his mouth.
"Ok, Kurt, I dare you to kiss Dave." Kurt's eyes lit up and he immediately glanced at Dave, his tongue poking out to wet his lips.
"That's not fair," Dave said to Kim, "Don't I get a say?"
She looked like the cat who had caught the canary. "Quit stalling!" she said, "you two have been flirting all night, don't even deny it."
"Yeah, ok. It's the principle of the thing, though," Dave conceded, and turned to face Kurt, swallowing nervously. Kurt was already looking at him, drawing him in with his eyes, and he reached up and gently took Dave's chin in one hand and leaned in to kiss him.
Their lips met softly in a short kiss, both pulling back slightly to see the other's reaction before pressing their lips back together. It started out very gentle, but gradually became a little more active, Kurt sliding his hand to rest on Dave's jaw, and Dave tentatively giving Kurt's thigh a squeeze. Kurt liked that and made a little noise against Dave's lips, so Dave slid his hand higher, fingers venturing towards the hot space between Kurt's thighs. Kurt moved his hand from Dave's jaw to his bare chest as they kissed, running his fingers over Dave's smooth skin.
"OH, man!” Kim burst out suddenly, “I can't wait to tell Thurston he lost that bet!" She started giggling madly.
Dave and Kurt broke apart, giving each other mutual looks of amused outrage, then turned to Kim.
"This was your plan all along!" Dave shouted, pointing at her. He turned beet red.
She just giggled harder, nodding drunkenly at them.
"Who'd he place a bet with?" Kurt asked.
Kim snorted and burst out laughing. "Krist!" she managed to get out, falling sideways onto the floor as she laughed.
Kurt turned to Dave. "That fucker! I knew something was up with him. He didn't even try to get us to come with him tonight."
"You're right," Dave said, "That's not like him, is it?"
"Not at all."
The boys regarded their drunken companion, losing it on the floor, then found their eyes drawn back to each other. “I don't think we fulfilled the dare yet,” Kurt said, eyes devilish and boring into Dave. They started leaning towards each other again.
Kim beamed at them. "Or, you could do Seven Minutes in Heaven, if you don't want me watching..." she suggested, all innocence. Both the boys' eyes lit up at the suggestion.
"Come on, I want my Seven Minutes in Heaven," Kurt said, grabbing Dave's hand and standing on wobbly legs, pulling Dave up with him.
"You know what that is?" Dave said, clinging to Kurt to keep his balance.
"I have actually heard of that one," Kurt confirmed, and grinned at Dave, who grinned right back.
They stumbled, giggling, to the closet and shut themselves in as Kim caught her breath on the floor by the wine bottles. She grinned to herself as she heard her two boys enjoying each other and reached for a bottle. A toast to me! She thought, tipping the bottle back. Kim Gordon, matchmaker extraordinaire!