Chapter 6: Grunge Just got 20% cooler.
Rainbow Dash fell down a long spiral of endless colors and shapes.
"Woah, this is even trippier than the time I licked snails with Pinky!"
Then she landed flat on her face in the middle of a crowd of wild people.
She got to her hooves and looked around. All of the humans were dancing wildly to some gloomy sounding music, yet somehow upbeat, if possible. Rainbow Dash immediately loved the sound of this intriguing musical sensation.
The leadman up on the stage was a skinny blonde man, who was singing in a gravely, yet melodic voice.
"I think I'm dumb... I think I'm dumb... I think I'm dumb..."
The voice seemed to fill Rainbow Dash with an odd sensation, one she couldn't remember feeling before. Not happiness, quite like it yes, but something a little more muted, and dull. Not so full of feeling, just one of peace.
Then she got clubbed in the face by a headbangng idiot.
"Ah, damnit!" she screamed as she fell back out of the air, getting the wind knocked out of her.
Some more songs played, all of which Rainbow Dash enjoyed very much, even though at one point someone had picked her up and thrown her into a wall during a song called "Heart Shaped Box." Even though this band attracted some weirdos, she still liked it.
So naturally, she wanted to be able to go and see the band after the performance. However, every single other person there had the same idea, so the band drove away to finish its tour before Dashie could get an autograph.
For months, Dashie searched for Nirvana, until one day in early April, she showed up in Seattle. It seemed as though the search for her band was at an end at long last.
Going to the Greenhouse where a man dressed in a chicken suit told her the leadman, Kurt Cobain, hung out.
Entering the Greenhouse, she looked around. Plants grew wildly, and it looked as though they had been untouched for quite a while.
"Mister Cobain?" she called out, hoping her music idol would answer her.
Walking down the deserted rows, she turned a corner to see long awaited idol.
He was putting a shotgun in his mouth.
"THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
With a quick kick, she knocked the shotgun away from Kurt.
"Just let me die!" he shouted at her.
"Why? You make excellent music! People love you! Why kill yourself?"
Kurt sniffed, and tears leaked from his eyes.
"It's Courtney, man! She's just so... so.. abusive! She's a drunken mess, a slob, and just seems to hate me half the time!"
Rainbow Dash hugged Kurt.
"It's going to be ok. I'll help you through this. After, all, you do kick ass. I'd be a disgrace if I didn't help you!"
Kurt got to his feet.
"You know what, you're right! First thing I'm going to do is quit heroin!" Kurt threw the needle he was holding into a bush.
"There yah go!" Rainbow said happily.
"Next, I'm going to divorce that bitch, Courtney Love!" Kurt said triumphantly.
"Now yer talkin!" Dashie said excitedly.
"And, then, I'm going to shoot myself in the head!" Kurt said, picking the shotgun back up and cocking it.
"YEAH- wait, no!" Dashie grabbed the shotgun away from Kurt.
"You're right, got a little off track there. Ok, now that you've saved me, I think I'll finally live my life again! Let's get to the stage!"
Kurt grabbed his guitar and ran out of the greenhouse. Except he didn't look to see if the door was open first.
"Ouch. Huh, I guess all that heroin still hasn't worn off. Heh heh."
Rainbow Dash groaned.
"Ok, let's get you a place booked!" Rainbow Dash said, leafing through a phone book.
"Actually, I want to pursue my true dream of being a coffee shop waiter, bowing down to the whims of a corporate boss and having throngs of angsty people demand things from me. Just like being a musician, but without the unwanted popularity."
Rainbow Dash ignored him and picked a place.
"Here! Bawb's Stinky Bean Farm and Toilet Cleaners. Better then nothing I suppose."
Suddenly, a giant lazer blast eliminated Kurt Cobain.
"What the F-"
Judas stepped out from behind a rock.
"That's for cutting me off in traffic the other day!" He said, flipping the smoking crater where kurt Cobain used to be off.
"Hey, Kuurt, I'm shorry we's had our dif'rences, I lovhe yah.." A very drunken Courtney Love addressed Rainbow Dash.
"Um, actually, I'm not Kurt, I'm-"
"Gives Cour'ney a kish!" Courtney Love kissed Rainbow Dash full on the mouth with PLENTY of tongue.
Rainbow Dash shoved Courtney Love off her and grabbed the shotgun.
"You taste like a prostitute wiped her ass on a alcohol covered tampon! If you take one step closer, I'll blow your brains out."
"Good going there, Dashie!" Kurt Cobain said.
"Yeah, tell that bitch what's what!" said another Kurt.
"Wait, two Kurt Cobains? How did that happen?"
Judas looked down at the controls. The option was set past "kill", "Send back to original time" "Crispy chicken flavor" and "potato" to "clone."
"Damn, how do I keep accidentally flipping the switches all wrong? Damn you cheep chinese manufacturing!"
Rainbow Dash looked at the two Cobains and cocker the shotgun.
"I think we all no what to do here..."
Rainbow Dash, and Judas were sitting in front of the TV.
"Hey, Kurt, can you pass the popcorn?"
"Sure!" Kurt said, then turned and yelled "Other Kurt! While you're in the kitchen can you get some popcorn!"
"Sure! But you have to get the beer from downtown when we run out!"
Kurt groaned. "Fine!"
"Police are still getting nowhere on the Courtney Love case," the TV reporter who was on reported. "Police state she was found with multiple shotgun wounds to the face, breasts, and legs in a dumpster with 'drunken whore' written on her."
"And the best part is, your daughter is going to be raised by double the awesome, none of the whore!" Rainbow Dash said.
"Yeah, you're right! Man, is she lucky!" Judas said, downing a beer.
"Thanks for saving my ass back there, guys. You're the best." Kurt said, hi-fiving Judas and hugging Rainbow Dash.
"Anytime, man!" Judas said, grabbing some popcorn from Other Kurt.
"Well, it's best I be on my way," Rainbow Dash said. "Judas, can you blast me back?"
"Sure thing. Have fun!" Judas pulled out the plasma cannon and set the switch to its appropriate setting.
"See yah, Judas! Bye, Kurts!"
Both the Kurts waved goodbye, and Judas zapped Dashie back to her own time.
Kurt looked at Other Kurt.
"So, can you like, you know... do the thing?"
Other Kurt looked embarrassed.
"With Judas right there?"
"Sure, it's not gay if its with yourself."
Other Kurt sighed, and gave Kurt a foot rub.
"Ah, that's the stuff.