A/N: I know this is not accurate, but whatever. I tried and my friend enjoyed their late birthday gift.
And I wonder
When I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
The only thing I'll ever ask of you
You've got to promise not to stop when I say when
One could describe fall as a season of beauty, the various hues contributing that fact. Dave Grohl could describe fall with such terms as devastating, death-ridden, and bittersweet. He knew the season could possibly be the last with the teen he had become accustomed to calling his best friend; the teen in question was Kurt Cobain, a rebel with golden hair and a knack for rebelling against any authority figure who would try to put him in his place. How Dave Grohl's, a clean slate when it came to his reputation, path merged with Cobain's was inexplicable. Everyone was secretly hoping Grohl's reputation would influence the blonde rebel's positively; however, disappointing but completely shocking, Dave was influenced by Kurt's usual antics.
People assumed that the two's clashing personalities would soon fizzle out and they'd fall apart, like of most of the troublemaker's relationships did. The exact opposite happened, they grew closer and more intimate. The intimacy would range from sharing quick hugs, to laying in bed together for hours on end, Kurt curled into Dave's side as a vinyl record played in the background. Their form of closeness would lead to slurs such as faggot thrown at both the premature adults. They both took it differently, Dave was sensitive to these things, Kurt was not. He could handle being called a faggot and worse, none of it phased him much. Cobain was gay, he wasn't that ashamed of himself, his dad's words got to him more than bullies who wouldn't peak past high school.
Dave’s parents were worried about him; they would support him through anything, but unease came with the notion he might be queer. Well, not that he was gay, just that he’d fall for his best friend. His mother suspected it already, walking in on them tangled together; Dave was the first to pull away, while Cobain didn’t move - too comfortable pressed against the latter. Grohl rushed to explain, all Kurt did was grin. “I’ll knock next time,” Mrs. Grohl said, backing out of the room. After the fact, he wasn’t able to live it down.
Kurt and Dave’s relationship wasn’t always easy - wasn’t always caring. Cobain would get agitated and pick fights with anyone, just to blow off his anger. Especially when he was trapped in Dave’s tiny room, it wasn’t a rare occasion that he’d be the end of Kurt’s anger. It went both ways, both could take and throw a punch. In the end, they’d make up and everything would be steady.
That’s when the cancer started eating at Kurt; being diagnosed too late caused him to suffer greatly. He grew weak and miserable, spiralling into a deeper depression. It tortured Dave, knowing he was in so much pain; the only solace he could offer were whispers in the dead of night when Kurt was supposed to be asleep. They both lost sleep over it; Dave worried and Kurt contemplated the idea of death.
Kurt wasn’t scared of the cancer, just scared of the pain. He hated hurting, he hated the pain he couldn’t take away. He hated being treated like a baby by everyone, everyone except Dave.
It wasn’t that he was willing to sit and do what he told him to, Dave cared. No one else held him when the pain got too much and his body was attacking itself; no one else held him when tremors ran through his body and he couldn’t speak. Dave did, even after he got a girlfriend (his parent’s wishes) he still stayed with Kurt when he was needed the most.
Although Grohl was willing to sacrifice “the best years of his life” for him, Kurt felt like a burden. He’d only been someone people had to look after, an unneeded problem in everyone’s life. He told himself to prepare for loneliness, as his demise would be soon; the cancer would be the moment everyone waved their white flag and bolted. But it was different, he still had his best friend and his best friend’s, rather reluctant, parents.
As he went through chemo, Kurt noticed Dave was losing hope; Kurt himself had lost hope long ago, but seeing the person he loved the most detach himself from reality hurt. After years of being friends, this was the first time he’d gotten like this; he was an expert at bottling it all up and focusing on it later. Dave would’ve denied it, but Kurt could see through all of it - they both knew it was hopeless.
Then there was the doctor visit, late fall. The doctor had give them a date; if Kurt’s health didn’t improve by then, he would be a lost cause, the cancer would have destroyed him and he’d be on death row. And Kurt knew he saw Dave falter, his eyes darken and he gripped his chair; it was no help, he was shaking and he was close to crying.
He was out of the seat, not caring about the effect it was having on him. Kurt had to hug Dave, he couldn’t fall apart. The doctor excused himself as they crashed into each other, they had each other in that moment. Maybe, just maybe the golden angel would survive.
Dave Grohl managed to pull himself together, though his seams were slowly unraveling and he was bound to burst. It was on the drive home from the appointment Kurt realized he owed it to Dave to get better and stop looking at death as the "easier option". The riddance of his own emptiness and his pain would only create a gaping void in the heart of others.
Though, he didn't reveal his change in views to Dave yet; it was a known fact Kurt had given up and was preparing to lie in his deathbed, it was odd to see him push foward to overcoming the cancer. No matter how terrible he felt, he tried to stay positive, even if he felt like he was getting worse.
Dave felt the shift in Kurt, it was too obvious to ignore. Part of him felt relieved, maybe it'd be easier on both of them; the other part was scared, what if he was looking forward to recovery only to succumb to the clutches of the cancer.
It took baby steps, miniscule steps towards getting better. The end of fall was drawing sooner, but Kurt was getting stronger, he didn't seem as pale anymore, and he could work through the pain. Dave still fretted, anything could go wrong. The thought of him getting better just to be attacked again was mortifying and unbearable. His fears were denied at Kurt's appointment, he was beating cancer.
That was the best news Dave could've received. Kurt was safe; he could finally breathe and let the worry dissolve. It'd be okay, now. Kurt was getting better and he'd survive; Dave could stop tearing himself to bits. Things would be normal, it would be okay.