A/N: Hiya guys!
This is my first time to upload an English fic, and Stalker was a fic I wrote in Chinese, I just translated it into English here.
My mother language isn't English, so maybe there are many mistakes I guess, still I hope you guys enjoy it!!!<<<3
Kurt would never know it ever, and should never know neither.
Rousing suddenly from the slight sleep, he found the windows opening , wet and cold wind roaring blowing into his room, his hay-looking long hair now had been soaked in cold sweat, the blowing wind stuck them on his face.
The trembling fingers reached a case of cigarettes and an icy lighter. Unfortunately the weak fire's light just couldn't bring him some comfort in the darkness, even made him look more lonely.
But at least he found his ability of thinking as the smoke of cigarettes got into his lungs.
He shot himself by one bullet. With a hunting rifle. After the injection of 225mg Heroin. Happened… just now.
In Dave's dream.
He didn't know why he dreamed about it. This was just like kind of nameless and irresistible payback.
I shouldn't take this seriously. He soothed himself.
That bastard should be in a Drug Abuse Control Center, eating his unbearable pain and spending a day like a year. Cause no one could save him, so did Dave Grohl himself.
He shouldn't dream about it, or it was like the one whatever who dream about it, that couldn't be him. Cause Kurt didn't need him, not a naive and silly kid that always following after him —— a selfish stalker.
Loving him. The secret, loving him madly, heavier than everything or maybe slighter than a feather.
Fine. Even though he didn't worth it, he indeed dreamt but found he could't persuade himself that don't treat this creepy dream too seriously, though it was like a prediction. Then what's next?
Woundn't tell Krist, wouldn't make Courtney konw, wouldn't startle anyone.
If it was true that that bastard gonna shot his gorgeous face and incredible brain by one bullet, he would let Kurt know the pathetic eager in the deepest space of his heart, maybe he would pay everything for it but worth.
He could even… do some changes. He could make that suffering dream stay a dream.
The sky hadn't gotten dark enough when Dave reached the Drug Abuse Control Center. Kurt's narrow little room had been filled up by the darkness easily, but he didn't turn on the light.
Kurt didn't lock the door, maybe forgot, maybe he just didn't give a shit.
Quiet sobs coming from the bed there made him thought about something erotic.
Dave didn't want to knock the door, cause he was not the kind and noisy guy Drummer Dave Grohl that people knew about from now on, not anymore.
He wouldn't follow Kurt's footsteps anymore, wouldn't blindly trust the one who's not worth too much trust, he would be an offender had his own dirty mind.
If it was wrong from the beginning , what did it matters to be a literally offender?
The door was pushed silently by him and close tightly behind.
Sound of the lock scared the small man who was sitting beside the bed and made him almost jumped up nervously. Kurt looked back and tried to figure out who was getting in his room and breaking into his personal space.
But all he could see was nothing but the darkness. There was no light in this room.
During a long time, no sounds around but Dave's slowly closer footsteps.
Dave didn't even need any thinking, he knew the last one Kurt would remind was him.
Much less they'd lost the connection for weeks, the one who connect Kurt the much was Krist but not him. After the wedding of Kurt and Courtney, communication between them had been less than before cause it was the most heartbreaking decision for him Kurt ever did.
Plus that his words had dried out about Kurt's re-addition of Heroin, except telling Kurt to die, the only way Dave could do to release the pain was weaken the importance of Kurt in his pathetic little world.
Dividing slowly, which was the most harmless solution. Though God knew that he Dave Grohl was the one who hurt the most.
Since I was almost nothing for you.
Whatever, the only thing do you remember was remember me.
Standed beside the bed, both of them knew that himself was just only one breath away from another, still the silent air hadn't been break out by something like a sword made of words.
Till Kurt started asking. Sounds like a piece of broken tile.
Dave didn't answer, then heard a slightly breath that dancing on a string.
Kurt's shallow breath now had been cluttered by fears.
Which because I wanted to end up my pain. Which because I loved you selfishly.
Dave got closer to him and confined his thin body, stripped that sick suit incrediblely easily.
The only thing that the fragile one could make was just a quiet squeak, then half of his face was covered by Dave's hand. The fears, the survival instinct, the crying of help were all stopped before they could be get out of his mouth, depressed and trembled.
Hearing the desperate crying, he shamelessly went hard.
His hands now got into the half-stripped shirt, feeling every inch of the pale but soft skin, greedily and filthily.
Kurt was still protesting in vain under his palms.
When he felt the two now being hard because of his touch tits, his thumb and index finger and just pinched on one of them and rolled it fiercely, almost the same time he heard the one who was under his body screaming frosty, the shudder of that thin body made the protest weaker.
Dave didn't explained much, just thrust his dick into that thin-like-a-corpse torso as easily as this rape itself, almost folded Kurt's fragile body.
The dry and narrow entry was torn by his cock, left a long scar over. Sticky blood dripped down along the arc of Kurt's butt and led to the sheet.
Kurt's mouth was holding tightly by one of his hand, to keep the desperate howl inside.
Wet eyelashes brushed on Dave's fingertips, the feeling, which was cold and itchy, forced him to lose the grip subconsciously.
He turned to fold the skinny legs entirely and press them onto Kurt's chest, pushed himself in and out from the now had been smoothed enough by the blood anal.
His erection now maybe had torn a literally scar at the intima, though he tried not think about that.
In the irresistible attack, Kurt just stopped all of the protests gradually, as if he was dull at the physiology pain, or the sensitive body felt much more pain from this rape. Only could some broken sobs that came from the pale lips tell that this is a rape, but went in silence.
" Dave… " He spoke with a weak breath. The breath, which was shallow to gone with the wind like smoke.
He didn't answer. He didn't know how to.
"It hurts…" Kurt murmured, as if he knew the one that raping him must connive all of his unreasonable requests. And no matter how to understand, the murmur just look like a coquetry.
Good, Kurt was right.
He thought and almost stifled.
I gonna connive every unreasonable request of his, though I was sweared not to before entering this room.
He wasn't admitt his identify, even both of them has been cleared now.
Compromise. Compromise. Compromise.
Connive him. Again.
Sweat a little hand stroked on the upper part of Kurt, from neck to the collarbone, which was hollow deeply, to the pink nipples, passed every erect shape of rib.
Beats of heart were fast and transparent, as if only a piece of lucid skin was there between his heart and Dave's touch.
He was still scared, still suspecting and began to doubt, doubt anything, even the last conclusion he just drew. Dave thought, and he could also draw a conclusion from this beating heart.
Courtney couldn't. No one could.
But what was the use of it?
All he could do was change this rape, which wasn't should be a rape into an adultery. And what would Kurt react about this shame word?
He turned to kiss Kurt's soft and cool auricula, tongue wetted that tiny shape, and went along the arc from earback to neck to the beautiful collarbone. All the acts were not similar with the violence at first, but incrediblely tender instead. The most Intransigence and Indubitable part was the trails of kisses that curved almost deep into skin. Dave didn't care about whether Courtney see these, she would scream furiously or not.
He didn't care. He didn't. Maybe Kurt did, maybe Kurt care about it to death, but not him.
Until Kurt's tense torso slowly softened, he sighed extremely deeply.
Maybe everyone in this world wouldn't understand everything of Kurt's, and Kurt wouldn't understand this sigh either.
So he didn't give an answer, instead of looking for Kurt's lips by using his in the heavy darkness, gaining the flurried slippy tongue, kissing slowly and dense.
His cock in Kurt's ass now fucking the smaller blonde faster gradually. In the overwhelm nerves-torturing pain, Kurt felt a subtle pleasure from somewhere inside his body, sure he knew what it is, but he didn't know if he should fight or hug it.
He chose to protest this freakish pleasure，however his drummer found out this sweet spot's exist and poked it deadly everytime pounded in. This just made Kurt's moan became sweeter and wetter.
The pain at first had been decreased enough, and the endless stimulation from prostate not only was it not getting weaker, but even getting stronger when Dave fucked him slowly and right exactly. The sore misery from the torn scar now bacame more than itself, slashed his fragile nerves too much until he shuddered strongly.
Dave fucked him slowly and extremely deeply, till the fourth time he breathed out a weak groan, Kurt supported his upper body by his sore elbows in order to catch Dave's neck and bit it without any hesitation, just to keep the shame noise for good, but more like a little revenge.
He didn't know how ferocious this mark could be, but what Dave reacted was only tensing up his muscle, so tense that his teeth felt the force that caused the pain. However, the abuser never gave up a pain hiss, but silently bear instead, bearing like he can bear everything.
When he lost the bite, Dave bent down and a kiss fell on his eyelid, telling the mute comfort, made him blush badly in the darkness.
" Nevermind. " The one having sex with him said, with an air sound just next to his ear. He didn't know why and just screamed quietly and cum all over the other's hand.
This was Dave. He thought to himself— and that was the last one thought he made before his overdrawn body turned off his brain.
Dave opened the door in a blank way, after made sure who the fuck was outside, he started to doubt that if it was the lack of sleep led his brain give a wrong view to retina.
He looked like was stinged by a needle, almost reached his arms to hold the thin blonde into embrace, but all he could do was only standing beside the door like a statue in the end.
" Where the hell were you been? Court… your wife was looking for you every fucking where! "
Though both of them knew, nothing for Kurt need to say. What he needed was rolling his innocent-blue eyes towards Dave carelessly a little, made the gaze go through his messy golden hair straightly and that was enough for zipping Dave's lips.
Oh his goddamn pathetic weakness.
Dave even didn't hold on for seconds under this gaze, what he could do was sighing like spilling over his anger, and let Kurt in.
"Sorry. "The thin blonde said, couldn't be messier.
He shut his eyes tolerantly, and knew he was getting the limit line of toleration.
Two skinny arms went through his armpit suddenly and crossed onto his chest, putting force like a dying grip.
Kurt hugged him from behind, settled the sharp chin on his shoulders. Dave's ear could feel the shallow breath clearly, shouders felt pain from Kurt's chin.
When he turned his head around a little involuntarily, a pale lip seemed just brushed over his, made him shiver.
But it seemed like Kurt noticed nothing, his eyes stayed shut quietly, so quietly that as if everyone could do anything to him.
He standed there still, staring at the two pale and small lips, couldn't even take eyes off them.
Kissing, until they wouldn't be so pale anymore, but swollen red and wet all over instead.
Tough he didn't do that finally. He knew thoroughly what Kurt needed was a shelter, to give him some sense of security.
And that was all. So did Krist can do. But Dave dared to think why Kurt chose him instead of Krist.
Maybe thinking less was better. The first thing to do was settle Kurt down.
Apparently, the guy was at the damn Drug Abuse Control Center before, he was still wearing that sick suit.
Dave carried him from dining room to bathroom and stripped him utterly in the bathtub. Lights hit on at least 16 of 24 ribs that bulged under his skin, made them look even more abrupt.
Slept Kurt settled his head on one of Dave's shoulder, had no sense at what was going on. Small cute snores came from his nose.
Slept Kurt wouldn't move, looked like a corpse just died.
Dave scared himself successfully by using this creepy metaphor.
Then his brain gave him the picture of that wired predicted dream.
He thrilled in cold.
Right. Kurt was living, touchable enough just next to him.
Dave sighed, got some shampoo in one of his hands and washed Kurt's hair, holding the shower by another one.
Probably he won't touch anything gentler in the rest of his life, unless that would be a pussy cat or little Frances.
"You're consuming me…" He said with a helpless and spoilt complain that didn't count on letting Kurt hear.
Kurt probably heard, or not.
During the whole time showering Kurt, Dave's hands trembled so much that he was always thinking about Kurt would be woken by him.
On the contrary, Kurt slept really good from the first, only some nasals were spilled out when hot water flowed over his inner thigh, then frowned a little protestedly.
Hearing these unconscious sounds from Kurt, Dave felt he got hotter and thirsty for something more patheticly.
Not a big deal. He said to himself.
You are doing this for the first time but think about Krist had been done for times, about a drunk or drug high Kurt, bet that big guy must not think about so many dirty things.
For avoiding anything shouldn't happen, he finished the wash of Kurt's upper body roughly, turned off the tape as quickly as possible and took a towel to dry Kurt's hair and body, then put a shirt of his on Kurt.
His shirt was a little larger for Kurt.
He wrapped Kurt's wet hair really carefully, if not, the one God knows might ill next second might catch a cold because of this.
Therefore, a soft touch covered his lips suddenly.
Dave almost bounce off. He stared at Kurt's undefended face with fierce heartbeats, forced himself to judge the accident just happened as one thing that both of them didn't anticipate.
It almost seemed like the one that raped Kurt that night wasn't him.
And the soft accident just like throwing a crystal into water, made circles of ripples.
One hand on his shoulder gave only a feeble force, still Dave was too shocked to protest, then he was dragged over.
Kurt pressed his head and kissed him.
The one that just left a gentle kiss stayed back a little, slight smile on the pink lips, but not smiled from eyes.
Dave knew the smile wouldn't come from that blue eyes.
It was like a mocking, though the more mocking Kurt did, the acher Dave's heart would be.
"Knew that was you. "He said with a quiet voice, just like afraid that someone would find.
Dave's mouth opened and closed for several times, but nothing came out and Kurt's lips got close once more, deepen the kiss this time, tongue slowly brushed his now stunning opened mouth.
What you wanna do?
He asked, silently.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
Dave stared at his golden lashes just one breath away, desperately hoping Kurt would hear the words his heart kept repeating.
Though he knew Kurt wouldn't. If Kurt would, he wouldn't give an answer either. Kurt was always hiding.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
Kurt's tongue hooked up and brushed over his upper jaw.
He didn't know what the feeling he was when he carried Kurt with a bridal way and threw him into the bed.
"Yeah that was you. "
When turned down the bedside lamp and slid his digits under his shirt—now Kurt was wearing, he heard Kurt said, like a soothing or luring, with the cool breath with cigarettes smells sprayed over his neck.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.
The sensation of smooth and pale skin on his fingertips, rang back the memory of that night, made the alarm in his brain turned from the last treasurable sense to nonsense sentences.
It was that the one he loved with humbleness.
"Rape me, "Kurt's velvety lips lingering over his neck, was moving close and far again and again but never left. Murmured voice sounded like wine sprayed out all over,
His breath turned thick almost in a second. Dave lowered his head and furiously plugged up the mouth that kept seducing him to abuse like this from the first. He licked the narrow moth too deep till almost got the slick uvula, till Kurt released hoarse groans from throat belatedly, he pulled back and leaned to kiss those wet lips.
"No rape this time. "He lowered his body and whispered beside Kurt's ear. Even though no lights came in, he felt the heat going on Kurt's face.
Jennifer lost a bottle of hand cream in his drawer, he didn't know when.
With that better-than-nothing cream, he opened Kurt's body inch and inch. The one that just controled couldn't have the initiative anymore, only moving hard when Dave's long finger hit the sweet sopt.
Kurt needed a sex that rough enough and might make him feel pain, which means he wouldn't feel so guilty and shame like this.
Dave knew what he was thingking about. He wouldn't let though. Of fucking course he wouldn't.
No this was carefully too much…
He held Dave's arms nervously unconsciously, still couldn't stop shuddering and moaning like a cat.
The sounds Kurt made almost drove him crazy. Slight kiss with a grin fell on Kurt's shut blue eyes, the flapping wet lashes brushed his lips perplexed, merely he could feel the blue eyeballs running around fast under Kurt's thin eyelids.
"What if I keep working like this?… You gonna cum for me like last time baby? " Dave teased, when Kurt covered his blushed face unbearably.
How could you go so slutty like a blooming flowers and go innocent like a virgin the next second?
"Don't tease me…just go ahead…" fluff complain came from the saliva-wetted pink lips, this scene could kill Dave for sure.
It was that the one he loved with humbleness.
Dave pulled his fingers out from the hot and wet hole, cock pounded straightly in the deepest from bottom.
A cry the sweetest he ever heard burst out, Kurt threw his head back, made his delicate neck exposed, a little sweat spread over it.
He tilted his head and licked off those sweat, hard cock was fucking Kurt's prostate at the same time.
He could fuck Kurt each time deeper and deeper in this position. Kurt's butt was pounded onto his taut laps again and again in the furious sex.
Maybe the only time Dave could see a helpless and slutty Kurt, was the time that Kurt was fucked to gaze distract.
His eyes never left Kurt's erotic face, he saw more and more tears dripping down unconsciously from the blue eyes that hiding from his burning stare, turned Kurt's thick-lashes-covered eye sockets into red.
"You may cry when you're fucking Courtney? " He said with something more than taunt, only Kurt's depressive sobs answered.
He didn't know who he wanted to enrage by mentioning that stupid woman, Kurt, or himself? And this question was just like a clumsy revenge.
You just want to find a way of letting your tears dry by this?
Soon his upset and paying-back thoughts faded away into that wet with lust blue eyes when the other looked him straight back.
Once Kurt gave a careless glance with this perplexed gaze to him, it just looked like an innocent apology after a tough courage build.
"It's not like that…" He finally found Kurt's murmured deny in a body slap and his own pant.
"Huh. "Dave answered casually, held Kurt's butt tightly and continued his fucking.
"Dave!… Ahh…I gonna… " Then after a cried of Dave's name, Kurt's hands reached his mouth to stop the screams of orgasm, still a little sweet nasal sounds escaped.
His cum spread all over Dave's belly, made him fall into a condition between shame to look and can't help but look, even after the overwhelm bliss came all over his torso he went weak and shuddered strongly in the other's cuddle. The wet and hot hole still was fucked in and out in a furious squirm, till Dave's seeds shot deeply and hit on his prostate.
Dave knew he was easy to shy, still for him it was first time to see a fucked up and pink all over Kurt, therefore he didn't wanna easily let go the cute guy who found him in this restless night and threw a suggestion of to be fucked.
Kurt's pale skin of shoulders and chest now covered by wet pink. Holding Dave reluctantly, he shivered a little after the fierce sex, almost hung on to Dave.
And a defenseless long and tremulous moan escaped from him when Dave pushed him into bed and raised his legs, cock thrusted in again, made Kurt's blue eyes widen uneasily.
He didn't remember how many times he was fucked, he just passed out with pleasure sobs when filled up with Dave's sperm.
The same Scene.
Trigger was pulled by trembling fingers, bullet shot out like roaring.
Blood blossemed onto dirty walls and floor.
After a helpless drop feeling he roused up from this replay nightmare. The one had been dead in a same way for twice in his nightmares now curling up like an abounded child in his cuddle, naked, blood faded skin blured some bruise trails.
His right arm had been tingled and he can barely feel the exist of it, since it was pressed under Kurt's head whole night. Though this little problem was not so important for Dave.
He touched Kurt's relaxed face by using his left hand, feeling it was true and fresh, as if the incomparable relief.
As if the eternity.
Kurt didn't waked up under his touch, but tilted his head subconsciously, didn't realized he was nudged into Dave's embrace.
He became a little evil and wanted to wake Kurt up, hands reached the place of their combination.
His dick was in Kurt's swollen and maybe couldn't closed entirely abused hole, plugged his sperm inside whole night.
Just thinking about Kurt had his cock inside the whole night submissively, he went hard again.
Screw that creepy nightmare.
Kurt woke up unbearablely when felt the thing he had been got used to now bulging up to a shape he can't easily bare again.
"Morning. "Hadn't opend his eyes, the greeting came before his awareness, then a feather-like kiss pressed onto his forehead.
Knew Dave's voice was tender.
Knew he was always so actually.
Maybe in seconds he wanted to pretend that he wasn't awake like a spoiled kid, to catch this brief tender.
They had to face more. Face a lot. Not now. Not now, at least.
"You don't wanna get up sleeping beauty? "Felt his drummer's cheek on his one side of forehead, felt the other's cheekbone buzz a little because of the whispered tease.
He snorted a little but grined catlikely when Dave couldn't see him.
But he apparently forgot whose cock still stayed in his ass.
"Ah!…"Long and soft groin escaped from his
nasal cavity when the hard erection pulled out suddenly, the shaky voice made Dave's heart lose its own beat.
After that, when Kurt thought he could get off the bed, Dave just thrusted inside again, hit right at his abused sweet spot this time, made him scratch the other's arm unbearablely, little sobs came out from his throat.
Now the sperm he shot in Dave's hand had been really thin, but Dave fucked him once more right on the bathroom wall when carried him to shower.
"You torn me apart… "He complained hoarsely, turned back and glared with teared blue eyes at Dave, the who now finally letting out his warm hole, a circle of wet red beside his eyes.
Seeing the erotic on Kurt's face that caused by him, Dave laughed heavily, leaned to kiss his red earlobe. Kurt hissed sensitively, hiding from his mouth.
Flirting, like a couple literally.
The precipite thought forced Dave to think depressedly of why he always tried to find unhappiness.
"Maybe you should let… your wife know where you are."
Finally he said, hesitately though. Cause Kurt truly liked to have a cup of milk shake at the moment, in the morning.
Kurt's gaze moved around on his nervous face and left, gold lashed drooping down was not only shut him up but forced him to pay attention to the fairy light on it.
" Kurt… "
Dave sighed and called his name, almost begging, but more than prise.
"I really like this. Thanks Dave. "Kurt blurted with a spoon in his mouth, stared at him.
Sure he knew Kurt liked foods that taste sweet. Girly, but cute.
Apparently this now empty glass and the cream that right on Kurt's mouth corner were the source of his mute, even made him forget what he wanted to say at first.
Teasing and cunning were truly in Kurt's eyes. This made Dave felt the one he Unrequitedly love was out of depress a second, the only thing which was worth to congratulate.
Dave sighed heavily, left the room when he saw Kurt lighting up a cigar and causally playing the guitar which was at the corner of the room.
"Don't you remind me what's wrong or right! "
The one was, and god knew when would fucking stop playing the guitar claimed hoarsely abruptly, scared Dave for a second.
"What the hell are you—"
Finally he got angry a little.
"Don't… you can't… don't you remind me… "Said with blub, till the last word the sadness had been thick enough that Dave didn't wanna hear.
Kurt held that guitar, crying like a spoiled kid. Perhaps he didn't know Kurt would cry or smile the next second forever.
If things just ended up like this at the moment, Courtney might took her advantage. But this surely was the best solution. He thought.
Continuance would be tiring.
And I am… tired. A little.
"You're getting tired of me! "Kurt cried out.
"I swear to God I didn't—"
Still Kurt was crying, rage filled up his chest like he was gonna explode anytime.
Dave was in a cold sweat all over.
Somehow he understood why Kurt's mood started to out of control when Courtney was, just in a TREND of betray instead of actual action.
He was too sensitive to held himself, and those hurt just hurt him straitly.
Then he even haven't done anything, Kurt just left his house like he never gave a shit. Kurt came his by his own, and left without any change, either.
So where he will go to?
Dave lighted a cigarette moodily.
He'd better wouldn't get arrested and send to Drug Abuse Control Center on the half way.
As if everyone was the enermy of Kurt Cobain. Courtney, endless argue and heartbreak. Krist, the one always tried to persuade him to stay in the Drug Abuse Control Center. Countless directives and interviewers waiting in dark… in Kurt's words, raping him.
What about me?
Even it's me, I wanna give up. Kurt may hate me. The one he hate the most is me, love the most is Courtney.
No one could save a suicidal Kurt Cobain in this world.
Though Dave knew in the heart, he wasn't getting tired of Kurt, he Dave Grohl wouldn't go getting tired of Kurt till die.
He wouldn't love anybody else more than Kurt.
Even now, he decided to end up this fruitless
extramarital affair, his pathetic stalk, just compromise, just bent until both of them break.
If Kurt liked, whatever how they fell in love, it didn't matter.
Until the third week hadn't not been heard about Kurt, he received a phone call from Krist.
He hadn't got any thoughts about calling Kurt, wherever Kurt was, he couldn't change a thing.
"Look Dave, me and Kurt are in Seattle—"
Before subconsciously frowned, his fingers went stiff.
He knew, it was that he dreamt of Seattle.
"I got no idea what the fucking problem it is now between you and Kurt that you haven't connect him for so long, but I'm afraid you gotta be there for once."
"I won't. "
"What the damn joke are you telling me? "
"Said I won't. Krist, I won't. "
"He's now at—"
"I know, you two are at the airport, with Courtney. "
Then he shut up in time, cause he didn't want anybody else know much.
"Why are you… "
"He injected heroin again, so Courtney is planning to take him to LA. "
"Yeah, he doesn't wanna get on that damn plane. So I just thought if you were there, things might work much better cuz… he seems like wanna see you, a lot. "
"Sorry Krist, I can't. "He said, cold sweat soaked his palms.
He didn't want that nightmare came true, but wanted to end the stalk.
He wished Kurt could forget him, even NIRVANA would be disbanded because of their relationship going cold, at least Kurt wouldn't get sicker during those endless gigs in that case, at least… Kurt would forget him and going on his applepie life with his true lover Courtney and little Frances in that case.
He might got what he always wanted.
Which might just only a kiss from Kurt.
Otherwise, what else he could ask for from that brilliant person in the sorrowful darkness?
" Krist? "He asked.
" Yeah you're telling me you fucking changed your mind just now? "
"… sorry I can't. But here's one thing you have to remember, "Dave added, "he MUST get on that plane fly to LA. He must do—"
"Who are you talking to? "
Then he couldn't hear Krist but only Kurt's upset question.
"A friend. "
Kurt's voice was dying down, seemed like the phone was took farther.
So he stayed dumb, lips moved a little in vain, then cut off the call clumsily.
Dave sighed, empty gaze went through the clean windows of hotel and went into the sky.
The sky of Seattle.
Krist didn't do as he told.
Or maybe Krist even hadn't heard that whole sentence he said.
Dave erased the " April 4th "from calendar, it was 9p.m.
Pointer of watch now became louder near his ears. Nightfall of Seattle wasn't dark, countless neon lights cracked the air.
He brought himself only when he left.
Sometimes he felt the one went nuts was not Kurt, but himself. Or maybe they both were.
Only one room was lighted in Kurt's flat, and Dave just knew he was in there.
Dave heard guitar and Kurt' roar when he got close the doorway, as if Kurt had been doing this since the second he born.
He knocked on that door, kept knocking tirelessly.
The one that soaked himself in the pleasure of hiding from the world heard nothing at all at first, until minutes later, after some clear swearing, he shuffed close.
God knew his tears almost fell for this swearing.
Before now, the closer he got to today, the more frequently the same nightmare replayed, even got more clear and more complete. It had its own fast forward timeline included causes and effects, felt like he had went through countless times of death of Kurt.
Kurt had a cigarette in his mouth, dusty golden hair sagged down, covered half of his face, still the clean gaze that couldn't be covered went through his thick dirty hair.
Guarded and raged blue eyes flooded with apparently desperation and fears after recognized the comer.
Kurt inhaled sharply. Dave noticed his toes curled up on the floor.
"Where's your gun?" He asked, silently.
The door closed slightly, Dave had smelt the heavy taste of Heroin before he entered.
Kurt bit his bottom lip, shivered as if he was drowning in icy water, as if his weak legs couldn't stand his body anymore.
He stared perplexedly at a cigarette butt with hollow gaze.
"You are on heroin again."
"Cuz my stomach ached. It ached. A lot."
No expression was on Dave's face. Sometimes Kurt just could hardly believe that pocker face Dave still was the true Dave Grohl he knew.
Like right now.
Maybe everyone got his own dark side.
Sometimes Kurt might be afraid of him.
Like right now.
The literally sharp gaze resembled a kind of helplessness, but pierced his shallow skin and looked into his loneliness and fears that hiding deeply inside.
Maybe Dave knew him too much.
"Don't look at me that way! "
He claimed furiously, pushed Dave on the chest using his whole body strength.
It was obviously that Kurt was overrated his own body condition after a 3 hours-persistent stomachache and starvation, this made him almost fell down on the floor by the counterforce.
Dave looked at him in peace, as if looked into his heart, tared his pride.
Instead, Courtney, who he loved too much that made him got sick, never looked him by this kind of gaze. Courtney's gaze was always the adoring and crazy one that only girls had.
But it seemed like he knew everything.
"If you killed yourself by using that damn gun, I'll never forgive you, Kurt Cobain. Like, ever. "
Kurt rolled up on the floor, tears stuck his hair onto his cheek, he was a mess.
"It was all my fault…" He said with a choked and broken sound.
His stomach was still hurt so much, like buring out in fire, like burning an infant, burning till it turn to black and smelly and screaming.
A strong dizzy hit him, put his stomach in a cramp. Kurt crept onto the floor and kept puking though he couldn't puke anything else.
The next second when Dave's broad shoulders held his weak body, Kurt felt fake happiness that almost the true happiness. Well he didn't know if it was the true happiness, better if it was not. But if it was, he would be shame. He should be.
Hell, he was shame.
He wanted to love Courtney for good, still he did coveted the unrequited kindness 8from Dave.
He was shame.
He never considered the feelings of anyone else.
Minutes later, Kurt broke away from his cuddle, felt disappointed with the desire of destroy when he found Dave didn't wanna urge him to stay at all.
"It hurts! Hurts so much! Let me die! " Kurt screamed, buried his stomach and went down, rolled up again like a baby in utero.
"Kurt." He said, quietly. Kurt seemed like heard nothing, though he knew Kurt had been heard for certain.
"Nobody can save me! "
"I never think about saving you. "
"Liar…" His arms now kept his body on the floor shuddered a lot," You always the one wanna save me the most, at anytime, every word you said, they are! "
Oh so he would rather be with Courtney, who could sink together with him?
Dave went straightly into his room, took the gun sat on the corner of wall, unloaded bullets in it.
"Why you know about these things? I never told anyone." Kurt asked behind him, fears in his voice now couldn't be hidden anymore.
"Why you know I'm in Seattle, be here, gun just put in the corner of my room, on… today?"
"You gonna kill yourself tomorrow. I won't let you."
But it seemed like his throat was plugged by his puke, besides screamingly suing like a sissy, nothing else he could speak.
Shivering, like a cold bird.
Dave put down that gun and got closer to him, forced Kurt stepped back a little with his widen blue eyes.
"You're right, no one can save you," He said, so tenderly that sounds like singing a lullaby, "And you can't even save yourself. The only thing will you do when you get in trouble is running. You want everything, you always keep attempting and never count on the loss, till you see the result that suits you best, "
"You are consuming me."
Kurt just lost all of his ability to speak, just standing there. As if his this little flat in Seattle became so exposed, though the truth was he was naked, and only for Dave.
Kurt wanted to run, running away from everything he had to face, or just back to Courtney, who wouldn't forced him to face these craps.
Though he knew, somehow deep inside, Courtney was just another one would fall in hell, the only difference was he was more thoroughly, crazier and more unprincipled compared with Courtney. And Courtney must be getting tired of him one day. They would break up unpleasantly sooner or later.
…What about Dave?
"I love you, though." He said, ended the conversation.
Kurt standed stiffly all over.
He could bearly move, lost every word.
It might be more like, Courtney and he were twin animals licking the open wounds on each other's. And Dave was the one who pushed him to the edge of the cliff, then told him "I'm on your back".
Walking after him, be his shadow for good, though knowing that he wouldn't look back.
"I love you." He repeated.
Kurt could feel the burning gaze from the other, now wandering beside his lips, almost caused a damn fire.
"Stop saying that!"
He wanted to escape.
"I love you."
Last word faded in the gentle kiss.
Golden lashes fipped suspiciously like twin butterflies, broken tears fell down in the air, stuck his upper and lower lashes together, covered the sadness in those blue eyes.
He couldn't run anymore.
You wanna save me, every minutes and every second.
With the love, the love he exhausted, seducing, till he couldn't leave off.
Burning pain in his stomach now became a kind of black magic, spread to his heart within the itchy touches of lips.
Dave pushed him onto the wall, kisses then fell on his swollen lips.
Searching tongue brushed his sensitive upper jaw again and again until he breathed out a broken moan from throat. Along the shape of his inner oral, Dave deepen this kiss, not so fiercely, but gentlely and slowly.
He could taste cigarettes from Dave, but so did his. Bitter taste stronger than ever.
Gradually he couldn't find his own rate of breathing, Kurt's breath was slightly, and was nearly cut out this time. He tried to push Dave away when he felt his view was getting blur because he could hardly breath.
He never been in such a fierce kiss, even if Courtney always kissed him eagerly, she wasn't a man after all.
The burning pain didn't faded at all, but was slowly getting away from him.
Kurt expressed his protest by moaning from throat, attempted to push Dave away again by using his whole body strength.
But maybe he injected not much but enough Heroin into his blood, enough to make him get weak.
He knew Dave was as slim as him, But not as weak as him. Hell, he was hardly to be moved by Kurt right now.
Then Dave defused his defences, just held his wrists on both sides of his body.
The last breath was wasted, then all of his sense gone.
Dave held the one who fell into his cuddle.
He went nuts.
He went nuts, literally.
Dave stared at the reporter in his TV screen , who was seemed as repeating a same question in a fast speech speed.
"Why you quitted so abrupt? "
"I just don't wanna sing to monkeys anymore."
The reporter gave a awkward smile, Kurt just lowered his head and played his fingers.
"But if that's the case, NIRVANA just lost its leader. You think it worth? To ruin a band when you three are at the best of your career."
"I don't give a shit."
He turned off the TV.
Now his brain stayed in a blank.
He dialed to Krist with trembling fingers.
"Dave?… that was the news of days ago, you just saw it right now?"
"Ah-Oh yeah, yeah I do… I-I haven't turned on my TV for decades until this morning."
"You know if Kurt wanna do anything, NO ONE can stop him. Or if he doesn't want to, NO ONE can force him to."
Dave sighed heavily.
Does he always look like he likes laughing?
"It was an omen, when he flied to LA with Courtney and little Frances."
"He doesn't attempt to suicide anymore, as if it wasn't Kurt."
"Though I still cannot figure out why Kurt was rather to punch me instead of getting on that plane but changed his mind three days in Seattle later and flied to LA all by himself."
Definitely he knew why and the only two people who knew in the world were he and Kurt.
He took off all of Kurt's sharp and blunt tools in that flat, included a bottle of sleeping pill.
However, he still worried about Kurt would jump from the window.
Besides those, what else he could do?
The only thing could he do was putting a note beside Kurt's bed and left this flat in Seattle, which should have been Kurt's grave.
And once he left, he might not back again.
This place just made him sick.
The note was short and clear.
Apparently when Krist told him that Kurt had flied to LA and got together with Courtney and Frances, he should have known the answer.
Stalker stayed stalker, for him it was sad but true.
Does he always look like he likes laughing?
Krist kept talking something there, but he couldn't hear anything.
He hung up in a hurry.
Finally he dialed the number that made his fingers have a muscle memory after God knew how long.
The other answered the phone just the next second.
"Yeah right I'm a fucking son of a bitch!" He said desperately to the telephone.
"Open your door."
"Said open your damn door."
This time he heard a double voice, he standed up subconsciously and got close the door. He hadn't thought too deep, maybe just felt like a pathetic marionette.
Dave thought this was a cruel joke the last second, then a sloppy guy who had a guitar on his back just appeared in front of him the next second.
"Fuck it." He murmured.
"Why you're not in LA? Why you're not listening to no matter which the fuck of program on radio and have Courtney and Frances in your arms?"
Kurt went straightly into his house, putting down the guitar and a not so large suitcase.
"Why did you left NIRVANA?"
"Too many questions, Dave."
Furious and rage were doused.
Kurt grabbed his long blonde hair impatiently, forced him to lowered his head, then lips that as dry as his just covered his own.
Kurt didn't kiss him carefully, but bit on his lips heavily.
"I'm divorced. "
He took out a piece of paper from the pocket of his crumpled fluffy yellow coat. It was a Divorce Certificate.
Dave just standed with his Bloody mouth open.
"I'm fucking divorced now. My house and my car belonged to Courtney, the things left were only my guitar and these craps. I can hardly see Frances from now on, " He tare that piece of paper, went pinch Dave in the face, "all because of you! Look at me, I don't even got a place to live! "
"Kurt…"He gave an expression of grievance.
"You HAVE TO let me me live here. I'm not that Rock Star, not anymore. I'm retired now. I gonna stay at your house and play my guitar for days, singing in a bar from time to time maybe cuz my stomach aches, my stomach aches every fucking day. You won't give me Heroin to stop the pain. You won't let me die."
"Kurt, " Dave gazed quietly at the one who chocked and started to sob when words still kept jumping out of his mouth, "It is so hard to say that you just need me? "
Kurt didn't protest his touch on the thin waist, and went soft down.
Milky white earlobe went pink just in a sudden.
He laid a kiss on Kurt's forehead.
"I love you." He was never mean to say so.
No matter how many times he said like that, it wouldn't change the tenderness.