a/n: title is from a lyric in "Just Like Heaven" by The Cure cuz I'm a SAP
I woke with a bit of a shock to my system, sitting up in a bed that was unknown to me. A throbbing ache pounded in my head. Scrubbing my hand across my eyes, dislodging any sleep sticking there I began to blink, grimacing at the morning sunlight flooding in through the cracks in the cheap plastic blinds over the window.
Feeling a sudden lightheadedness I reversed my movements and lay back down in bed, turning on my side, eyes catching on a pale shoulder sticking out of the blanket.
I followed the shoulder upward, feeling my chest tighten as I realized who I had woken up beside. His blonde hair stuck up and out wildly, catching sunlight and glowing. He was on his side, back facing me and I had to double take when I saw long red scratches from his shoulders down. Who did that? Was it me? I did that? I felt myself blushing.
This can't be real….. There's just no way.
My eyes traced as far down his back as they could, drinking in the sight of his smooth, pale skin as it disappeared into the sheets. His shoulders had the lightest, barely there freckles. They were really cute. When he turned to face me his eyes were wide open. I took a sharp inhale, getting caught checking him out and gasping softly.
He smiled and spoke before I could explain myself, “Morning..” his dimples caught me off guard, stunning me into a silence that I rapidly tried to recover from.
“M-morning… Kurt..” I sat up in bed and looked down at him, still trying to piece together exactly how and why I was in his bed. He studied my face, those intelligent blue eyes all over me.
“You look confused.” he grinned and sat up beside me. My heart is racing.
“I… I have to admit, I don’t remember how I got here…”
“Yeah you were pretty shit-faced last night.” He ran a hand through his hair, shooting a knowing look up at me. He rose up from the bed slowly, wearing only boxers. He reached down at the floor and pulled striped pajama pants on. He chuckled, "I'm not that shocked you don't remember.."
I feel embarrassed. "I hope you know… this isn't something I do all the time.." I hoped he didn't think I was easy or that I slept around a whole lot. Plus, uh, how the fuck did this happen exactly?
"Uh huh, sure," he grinned. I could tell he was teasing me but a small part of me was still worried. I scrambled up out of the bed only wearing boxers as well. I felt my face get hot as I reached down for my basketball shorts, pulling them up and watching him leave the room.
I followed him into the kitchen where he reached into the freezer and pulled out eggo waffles. "You want?" He raised an eyebrow at me as he dropped two waffles into the toaster.
I nodded, "Sure. Thanks." I felt like he was changing the subject. "So, are you going to fill me in on anything… or?"
Kurt smiled mischievously at me. "Nah. I think it's fun to keep you in the dark." He reached up into cabinets, grabbing plates and cups. He turned and reached into the fridge, pulling out orange juice and pouring two glasses, offering one to me.
"Thank you.." I moved over to sit at the little table just outside his kitchen, trying to shake this feeling of confusion off. I'd been in his apartment before.. but never in his bedroom. My surroundings became a little more familiar as I looked around, trying to remember how I got here.
I felt my head throb in pain, making me hiss and clutch at my temples. When I opened my eyes he was sitting in the chair across from me, eyebrows pulled up in concern.
"You need some aspirin?" His voice was really… sweet.
I nodded, "Yes, please."
He smirked at me and set his drink down then disappeared down the hallway. I drank some juice, trying to will the headache away. He returned quickly with four little pills in his hand, I opened my hand to him and took them gratefully, "Thanks."
"Sure." He moved at the sound of the toaster popping. I popped the pills in my mouth then used some orange juice to wash them down. What is happening? How the fuck did I get here? He returned and handed me a plate with two waffles with syrup and a fork.
"Thank you.. again." I smiled, feeling myself blush from his attentive hospitality. I'd expected.. well I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this. He disappeared again into the kitchen.
"You want coffee?"
"That actually sounds wonderful, thank you." I rubbed my temples, willing this aching, throbbing headache away. Coffee should help. Always does. I closed my eyes.
Suddenly skinny fingers were wrapped around my wrists, pulling my hands down from my temples. "If you keep doing that you'll make it worse."
I heard a coffee pot bubble to life, opening my eyes slowly. As I blinked my eyes got caught in his piercing blue-eyed gaze as he casually scratched at his stubbly chin, smirking at me.
"You really shouldn't drink so much, Dave." As he blinked I was able to break from his eyes, sucking in a breath and pressing again at my temples. He pulled my hands down again, "Stop doing that."
I huffed at him and began eating my waffle a little aggressively. I stared down at my plate, focusing only on the task at hand. Out of the corner of my eye I could feel him staring at me.
He stood and disappeared into the kitchen, asking, "You like cream and sugar right?"
"Yeah." I answered, taking the last couple bites of my waffle then downing the rest of that orange juice. He returned with two coffee cups in his hand, setting one down in front of me.
I cocked my head and smiled down at the mug, which had a printed photo of Jesus. "Is this the holy grail?"
He chuckled around the brim of his mug after taking a sip, "It is."
Despite how pleasant it was just to sit here with him, I kept feeling questions nag at me, swirling around in my head. I set my coffee down, eyes falling to his shoulder, remembering how I spotted it this morning with a twist of panic in my veins.
"Kurt.. really, what happened last night?"
He set his coffee down to take a bite of his waffle, muttering, "Nothing really." He chewed and swallowed, continuing, "You called me around.. midnight.. I think.. saying you were drunk and on coke and stranded at a club." He said it all so cavalier.
I felt my heart race. Fuck, how embarrassing. Jesus. "I-I am so sorry to do th--"
His wild blue eyes stopped my sentence, locking on my face and asserting, "No, I'm glad you called.. I wouldn't have wanted anything to happen to you..."
"I-I'm so embarrassed.." I felt the room get hotter.
"Dave, seriously, man, it's cool."
There were still so many unanswered questions. I looked up at him and he must be able to read my face because he continued,
"So I came and picked you up.. made you drink some water.. then you took a bath to help calm down and that brought you off the coke high but you were still really drunk... then I helped you into my bed and you passed out."
"Why were we in our underwear?"
"You woke up and got hot and took your clothes off then insisted that I do the same or else it wasn't 'fair' or something." He was smiling. Why did he put up with me? Why is he smiling?
"O-oh… so we didn't…?" I gestured between the two of us, feeling myself burn with embarrassment.
It took a moment but then I watched understanding wash over his face, followed by a genuinely surprised grin. “ Oh you thought that we...” He chuckled, "Oh.. no we.. we didn't.." Is he blushing?
"O-of course that was so stupid of me to say.. I.. I can get out of your hair now if you want, since I've been such a burden and you were with me all night.. I'm sorry.." I stood from the table but he stood just as quickly.
"No.. I.. you really haven’t been a burden." He tucked his hair back behind his ear, smiling and looking away, “It was kind of fun having you here actually..”
“If I said or did anything that was innapro--”
“Dave, we’re friends, aren’t we? I really don’t mind hanging out with you.”
“Of course we’re friends… I mean, yeah, I consider us friends..” Fuck why am I so awkward??
The corners of his lips turned upward, “Then sit. Relax. It’s fine.” He sat back down in his chair and lifted his coffee cup to his lips. I followed the gesture and sat back down in my chair, feeling a bit of relief. The headache was starting to subside a little. I sipped my coffee, trying to calm down.
“So do you not remember anything from last night?” his eyebrow lifted curiously.
“Not much.. I think I remember getting to some club… I ran into an old bandmate then he and his buddies bought us all drinks.. Then coke in the bathroom… and that’s where it gets fuzzy.”
“What’s it like?”
“Coke?” he nodded. “Uh… I don’t know if what I had last night was coke, I feel like it was something else. Coke usually doesn’t make me forget stuff, it just makes me really obnoxious and talkative.”
“Huh.” was all he said. He continued drinking his coffee.
"I hope I didn't do anything too embarrassing…"
He shrugged and grinned, "Nah." I still felt nervous about it, hating that I couldn't remember all that had happened. I caught him studying my face. "You look upset." He said.
"Not upset.. just… embarrassed."
"Why? Don't be, I've had my fair share of sloppy nights.." a tender, gentle smile lit his face, "You'll get no judgement from me."
I felt my own face smiling in return. "Thanks, Kurt.."
He just made a weird little half-shrug and suggested, "You wanna smoke?"
As he said that a memory came to life in my mind. In the flash that it appeared I saw smoke billowing up around us, Kurt's long skinny fingers passing me a joint. I blinked rapidly as the memory struck me, then responded, "Y-yeah."
I watched, mesmerized by Kurt's long fingers, watching them gently drag a razor in a straight line down a mini cigar, stealing the sturdy paper from it to craft a blunt. He lifted the opened cigar softly and shook all the tobacco out into a neat little pile, brushing it aside and reaching for his grinder.
His skeleton like fingers twisted the top of the grinder off to reveal a small field of green lying within. I watched as he pinched clumps of it and gently sprinkled it into the blunt wrap. The silence between us was a comfortable one. We've hung out enough at this point.. after touring, spending weeks in a van, you really get to know a person. Luckily, the more I get to know Kurt the more I like him.
He cleared his throat gently, eyes still focused on his project, "So, what are your plans for the next two months here in the city?" His eyebrow raised of its own accord.
I shifted in my seat, casting a glance over at the dartboard hanging on his wall, "I dunno really.. Laying low mostly, relaxing.."
He made a half snort half chuckle sound.
"What?" I snapped, throwing an accusing glare at him.
"You call last night 'laying low'?"
I felt my cheeks grow hot. "That was a… last night was a mistake really.." I clutched the arm rests of my seat, willing myself to look anywhere but at him as his pink little tongue darted out to seal the blunt paper together like an envelope.
As he rolled it shut then secured it he lifted it, presenting it to me with a cocky grin, "And here you have a blunt." He said in what sounded like a really cheesy TV salesman's voice. A laugh ripped from me before I could harness it. Kurt has a talent for impersonation there is no doubt. It was one among his many talents. "Are you ready to smoke this, ol' buddy ol' pal?"
"Wake and bake it is, yessir." I saluted then laughed at myself. Kurt grinned and placed the blunt between his lips, flicking a lighter to life over the end of it. He puffed on it a few times, testing it out, then sucking in hard and releasing a huge cloud of smoke from his mouth, then inhaling it through his nostrils, handing it off to me as he did. He smokes like a Frenchman.. I couldn't help but laugh a little.
As I took a hit I caught him staring at me, just piercing my soul with those stunningly blue eyes. I exhaled, choking and coughing, “Wha-at?”
“You were really funny last night.”
I shot him a glare, “Look, are you just going to keep being cryptic… or..?” I raised an eyebrow, trying to look disappointed. He just laughed that funny little laugh of his and melted into the couch he was sitting on. I passed him the blunt and watched him take a long, lazy hit and hold it in his lungs longer than I thought possible for a person. He continues to surprise me.
When he did finally exhale it all came out as a big puff of smoke, followed by his hacking. I couldn’t help but laugh a little at his misfortune, shooting him a teasing glare. He just shot one right back at me. I watched as the corners of his mouth turned upward.
He passed me the blunt.
I took it, “So, was it as bad or worse than the time we were in Germany together?”
Kurt gave him a knowing look and smirking smile, “Probably as bad, not worse. I’m not sure if anything could top how fucked up we were in Germany.” It was a little secret between us, the whole ‘Germany incident’. It had all started with a bottle of absinthe.
Krist was the one who brought the bottle. He then proceeded to ditch us for a bunch of loose German women, Kurt and I thought the bottle of absinthe sounded more fun. So, we drank it, the entire thing, which I’ve been told is not recommended between two people. Needless to say, we were fucking trashed. There are parts of the night I remember and parts I don’t but what I do know is that Kurt looked at me differently after that night, so the pieces I can place together lead to something.
I have a foggy memory of Kurt’s scratchy cheek brushing past mine to whisper in my ear, laughing then tumbling on top of me, knocking me off my chair and bringing us both to the ground in a heap. I remember his big hands and long fingers searching, moving up my chest, lips finding and crashing into mine. In our altered state there was no sense of awkwardness or embarrassment and in that moment, inhibitions gone, he crashed into me with that heavy kiss and I haven’t been the same since. He’d given me teasing kisses before or kisses on stage but nothing so intimate and soft before or since.
“Dave,” he nudged me, holding the blunt outstretched, “Your hit.”
I blinked myself back into reality, taking the blunt, trying to act like I hadn’t just been lost in my thoughts, blushing, feeling caught.
“If it’s really messing you up not knowing what happened then I’ll tell you..” He offered, looking at me with red eyes. I nod gently, waiting for him to continue. “Well,”
6 hours earlier…….
"My head hurss." he slurred, moaning into his hands.
"Well you shouldn't have drank so much if you didn't want a headache."
Dave groaned, curling up into the fetal position on my bed, wrapped up in the sheets yet shivering. "It won't go awayyy." I looked around the darkness of my bedroom then stood from the bed to walk over and turn the light on with a sigh.
"Hang on one second I'll roll a j."
He moaned in response. I walked back to the bed and reached over at the side table, pulling open a drawer and grabbing my rolling papers, grinder, lighter and weed. "K you have to sit still while I roll it."
He nodded into the pillows, groaning. I felt bad that he was having such a rough time. I made quick work of it, holding the paper balanced on two fingers then tapping on the grinder with my other hand gently sprinkling in greenery. Once I got a decent amount I slowly brought it to my lips to roll and lick to stick into place. I worked a clutch in there too then held it to my lips and flicked the lighter to life at the end of it.
I inhaled, it smoked just fine. I puffed on it for a moment before tapping his shoulder, "here." He turned then sat up to reach at the joint.
"Thanss, man." I watched him take a grateful hit, puffing a few times then holding it in hard. He handed it back to me and I laughed as he coughed it all out roughly. "Fu-uck!" He hacked and coughed. His bloodshot eyes flew open as the smoke hit him, lunging forward with his cough.
"It's good stuff, huh?" I couldn't help but smirk at his red face.
"Fuck, potent for s-sure." We passed the joint back and forth, taking long lazy drags off it, trying to hold it in longer than the other. We each relaxed back into my bed, lying beside each other and staring up at the ceiling as we smoked. We stayed quiet like that, just smoking, enjoying each other's company for an immeasurable amount of time.
As the joint reached its end my eyes hung half open and I felt my body yearn to melt into my bed. I reached the ashtray and crushed it out, moving everything off the bed then lying beside Dave, on my side so I could look at him.
"You feeling better?"
He nodded, eyes closed and face half smooshed into a pillow. His long dark hair was splayed out behind him, body more relaxed and stretched out than before. "Much better, thank'you." I closed my eyes. We enjoyed a comfortable moment of silence before I felt his body shift beside me and he said, "well, essept that I'm hot." I opened one eye to see him peel off his shirt then squirm and kick out of his shorts. He caught me looking and blushed, "Hey! You have to take yours off now too, s'only fair.." I smiled at his persistent slur, finding it rather cute.
"Says me!" He argued back. "Come on, s'hot in here!"
I chuckled, "You're slurring a lot."
"Am not." His eyes fluttered as he stretched out, reaching above his head and yawning like an overgrown kitten.
I continued laughing at him under my breath. He set his wide brown eyes on me, looking offended at my laughter, pouting his rather large, full lips and whining, "Kuurrrt, you have to take your shirt off at least."
The way he said that made me blush. "I have to?"
"Yes! S'only fair!"
"Who ever said I had to be fair?"
"Kuuuurt!" He looked like a toddler near full blown tantrum. I decided arguing with him was pointless and he probably wouldn't remember anything in the morning anyway… "Kurrrrt, c'mon, what're you tryin' to hide?"
I rolled my eyes and got up off the bed to shut the light off, walking back to my bed slowly.
Considering how stoned I am at this point I just want to get to sleep so I slip my two layers of shirts over my head and toss them to the floor. I can feel his eyes on me as I work at the button and zipper on my jeans. I yank the zipper down and wriggle out of the jeans then let the heavy fabric fall to the ground.
"There. Happy?" He nods and settles onto his side, smiling at me with a satisfied grin. I roll my eyes at him and chuckle again, but this time it sounds more like a hiss. I crawl into my bed beside him, getting under the sheets but keep a distance between us. I sigh and turn on my side, letting my heavy lids slip shut, enjoying the cool air coming in through the cracked window. Everything was quiet for a moment. The only sound I could hear was my breathing and Dave's, which was gradually slowing and calming down. His voice was soft as he said, "Thanks for taking care of me tonight."
I opened my eyes, vision flooded with his face, which was only inches from mine all of a sudden. It was a bit of a shock and I felt my breath catch in my throat.
"Sorry, am I too close?" A playful grin colored his features and I could tell he was testing me.
Me, being the rebellious fucker I am replied, "N-no not at all.." I took an eyeful of him in the dark room, the only source of light coming from the moonlight pouring in through the spaces in between the blinds. My eyes adjusted to the darkness easily.
I felt air catch in my lungs as his fingers suddenly probed curiously at my jaw. He ran his hand up my jawline, "You're so lucky your stubble grows in fully, mine's so patchy." I could only blink in disbelief as he added another hand to my face, rubbing up and down my stubbly cheeks. "You could have a really nice beard."
We've never been this close, he's never grabbed me like this, he probably doesn't realize what he's doing. I remind myself how fucked up he is, he doesn't realize what he's doing… He has no self awareness at the moment. I remind myself of this and it doesn't help.
"Th-thanks," I finally say and put my hands over his to pull them from my face.
"I'm jealous." He grinned and adjusted his pillow.
"Well, you are younger than me.. give it time." I yawned, feeling the weed drag me into sleep. “I’m sure you’ll grow a nice beard eventually..” I let my eyes slip shut and as I do I feel his hands return to my face. I feel myself grow hot under his touch, opening my eyes to look at him, his brown eyes only inches from mine. I feel the air catch in my throat and right as I’m about to ask him what the hell he’s doing he kisses me.
Full on, locking lips, cocking his head into it kissing me. My heart’s pounding in my ears and my stomach is in my throat and I feel like a statue as his lips melt into mine. I pull back to stare at him, but he just smiles and yawns in sing-song, “Goodnight, Kurt.”
“Oh. S-so that’s all?” I gulped, feeling I could die from embarrassment right here and now. Kurt just nodded softly and confirmed,
“Yeah, that’s all.” He puffed on the blunt then passed it to me, casual as ever. So, is he okay with this? He wants me like this? Or he’s pitying me by keeping me in the band? Oh god Grohl you had to go and fall for the goddamn frontman, didn’t you?! Wave your career goodbye, you giant ass! His eyes were on me, I felt my face burn. “You alright, Dave?”
This is all to casual, too strange. I feel like my head’s exploding. “I… I’m sorry for.. What I did and if--if I..”
“What?” He sets the blunt aside gently in an ashtray, studying my face. “What are you sorry for?”
“F-for k-kissing you, obviously.” Please let me die.
His eyebrows furrowed on his forehead, looking confused. He stood from his chair and walked over to me, joining me on his beat up old couch. His eyes were so intense I felt if I looked away I might not be able to breathe, but I also couldn’t breathe while they were on me. He raised his hand to gently hold my chin, looking right at me as he said, “But I like kissing you.”
I stared, transfixed, caught in his eyes like a moth drawn to light. I had no clue what to say to that and luckily I didn’t have to because I was met with the warm surprise of Kurt’s lips against my own. I felt the butterflies return as his lips sank into mine, his strong hands buried in my hair, holding me in place as he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth.
I groaned in response and reached to dig my hands into his hair, gripping his blonde locks at the roots and battling his tongue for dominance. He made a soft whining sound that made a crazy surge of adrenaline shoot through me, I overpowered him and forced him down into the cushions, hovering over his skinny frame and kissing him hard.
“Dave,” he huffed, a shared taste and smell of marijuana on our lips.
“Yes?” I grinned, gazing down at his now reddened lips and cheeks. I could feel his bony fingers digging into my shoulders, pulling my body to his, feeling him grind up against me. I felt an excited jolt shoot through myself as his hardness pushed up against mine.
“Need you.” a wealth of meaning existed in those two simple words. I pushed my hips down into him, watching his face as a small moan of pleasure escaped his lips. Another surge straight to my dick, which was starting to ache.
"Fuck," I breathed out, diving into his neck to suck and kiss there. He wrapped his arms around my shoulders, holding me close as I worked at the hot skin of his neck. This was so different than being with a girl, his stubbly skin under my lips, hardness pressed against mine. I knew his body because I knew my body and I know exactly what he wants.
He gasps as I reach down to palm his hardness, moving up the shape of it, squeezing intermittently. It feels like if we say anything it could break the spell we're both under. Yet, at the same time I’m terrified that this could be a mistake.
“Kurt, are you sure?” I huff as I’m still feeling the shape of his hardness. He shoots me a stinging blue-eyed glare, then shrugs and says,
“I dunno, I’m hard aren’t I?” He then thrusts up into my hand, as if proving himself. This made the air leave my lungs, I feel weak.
“I-I mean, are you sure this is a good idea?” Kurt shrugs again then snaps,
“All your questioning is turning me off.” In that moment I almost feel bad I said anything, I should have just been cool and gone with it, but he is my friend so I worry this could fuck up our friendship or my future in the band. His eyes are consumed with a lustful hunger that’s drinking me up, waiting for me to make my decision, impatiently. “So?”
“I’m sorry, I’m just nervous..” I tucked my long hair behind my ear, “I-I’ve never done this before a-and I’m worried I’ll screw something up..” As I confessed this I saw something lighten in his expression, his eyes flickering and changing. He scooted up a little from under me to sit up, propped up by the arm of the couch, he reached up to stroke my jaw.
“Let’s go slower, then.” His voice was gentle, his face night and day different than the irritated, impatient expression that had just been there. “I’m sorry, I thought you’d done this before, I just made an assumption…”
I laughed a little, “Why did you think that?”
He shrugged, grinning a little, “I just did, I dunno.”
“Have you?” I felt a little insecure.
He nodded softly, “Some stuff.” His cheeks were bright red. It was reassuring to know that this was embarrassing for him too. It made me feel less alone. “We can stop if you want, I don’t want to push you into it.”
“You weren’t, I didn’t feel that way..” our eyes caught and I leaned closer to him, “Could I keep kissing you?” He nodded, a tiny smile on his face. I leaned even closer, brushing my lips against his before fully cocking my head into it and parting his lips with mine. Our tongues brushed and a shiver shot up my spine, making my hands grasp at him, one hand buried in his blonde hair and the other clutching his shirt in a fist.
I felt him chuckle against my mouth, I pulled back to see what was so funny but was stunned by the beauty of his smile, his real, rare full-faced smile, dimples and all. It left me breathless. I chuckled in return, asking, “What’s so funny?”
He shook his head and pulled me closer, pressing a soft, gentle kiss to my lips. He wrapped his arms around my neck and whispered in my ear, “Do you like-like me, Dave?” his giggle was downright giddy.
I rolled my eyes and whispered back, kissing his cheek, “I do, I really like-like you, Kurt.”