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I should’ve known that it would end this way
I should’ve known there was no other way
Didn’t hear your warning, damn my heart gone deaf

The adrenaline of the crowd cheering as the band finishes their last riff and goes to the back stage. The sound of a lighter click and the exhale from Kurt’s mouth while he tries to unwind. The tired look he gives Dave when Courtney hugs his side. It all happens in moments.

“Kurt, baby, you did so good..” Courtney ushers in the blonde’s ear. Kurt gives her a kiss on the temple and gives a soft thanks before sitting on the ragged sofa next to Dave. Courtney goes off somewhere to find a drink and Dave looks over to Kurt. He always looks so drained when she’s there, his head is now leaned back on the back of the couch while he takes another puff of the cigarette.

“Hey, you’re good, right?” Dave asks and nonchalantly moves a strand of hair from Kurt’s face. The blonde looks at him and nods while studying his face,”Yeah, m’fine,” he wipes sweat from his own nose,”she’s always so fuckin close.” he takes another puff and flicks the ashes in a tray.

In the background, you could still hear the small group that’s left cheering for an encore. Dave wouldn’t mind giving them one, but lately Kurt hasn’t been giving in to the roar of the crowd. He was still staring at Dave mindlessly, hoping he would look back at him. Then, Courtney came back and basically sat on his lap, demanding his affection.

Ever since Dave went sober a few years ago, he started seeing things in other people that have addictions. He hoped Kurt would do the right thing when he watched him get up and leave with Courtney close to his side.

I should’ve known, look at the shape you’re in
I should’ve known, but I dove right in
One thing is for certain
As I’m standing here
I should’ve known

The tour ended and after a few miserable months of not seeing Kurt, he finally invited Dave and Krist over to write again. Dave packed a few different skicks in his bag and a clean shirt. He looked at the bottle of lube on his nightstand and snickered while he shoved it into the bottom of his bag. Who knows? Maybe him and Kurt will get some alone time. It’s been so long.

He turned on the car and drove the familiar path to Kurt’s home.

He rang the doorbell and Courtney answered. Dave forced a smile,”Hi Courtney, Kurt’s here right? Or am I too early?” she opened the door wider for him,”hey Dave, he’ll be home any minute. He went to buy a 6 pack.” It was painfully obvious about how Dave and Kourtney felt about each other, but Dave kept up the act anyway.

“Okay, I’ll just go to the room then and set up.” She shuts the door and nods as she goes into her- their- bedroom. Dave rolls his eyes and sets his bag down and goes to tighten the symbols on the drum kit. He puts on his hat and hears the door swing open and Krist’s laugh fills the living room. Dave remembers when Kurt would come home and he would rush to the door to give him a kiss. Things are different now, though. He gets up and greets the two with big hugs,”Ah, I missed you guys!” Krist bear hugs him back and the trio makes their way to the room to practice.

The session is successful and they work together on songs that could be on the new album. They’re being rushed to cough out some more music because of how unbelievably successful Nevermind was. But, with the tour and the two month break, they’re obviously taking their time. In that time, though, the three of them sparked up a lot of ideas.

They hung out for a while and then Krist decided he should head home because Shelli didn’t want him out late. The pair laughed at him and said their goodbyes while they arranged a second meet-up soon. Kourtney was gone out somewhere and Kurt took the opportunity to sit Dave down and talk to him. “I uh, I need to tell you something.” Dave studied him and nodded,”Go ahead, Kurt.”

Kurt was obviously stressed about saying this. He took a deep breath that skipped and looked down,”I.. I think she’s pregnant.”

Dave stared at Kurt for a moment. A long moment. He felt like crying, he felt like he couldn’t breathe, he felt like absolute shit. “I.. I don’t know what to say..” he felt tears sting his eyes as he tried to blink them away. Kurt put his hand on Dave’s knee and looked at him,”Dave, you don’t have to say anything. I’m sorry. I swear, I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Dave looked up and sniffled because the tears were starting to roll down,”fuck, Kurt..”

Lay your hands in mine
Heal me one last time
Though I cannot forgive you yet
No, I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt

Kurt looked over to him and leaned up and kissed his tears away. Dave put his hands up to his face and tried to block Kurt, but Kurt softly held his hands and held Dave’s jaw as he kissed him. Dave’s tears were still falling, and he still felt like resisting, but he kissed Kurt back. His heart hurt so bad. His mind was racing. He loved Kurt so much, how could he? Kurt loved him so much.

Soon, Dave opened his eyes and saw that Kurt was tearing up too. They separated and looked into each other’s eyes deeply, taking deep breaths. Kurt spoke so close to his lips that they were touching,”I love you, Dave.” Dave sniffled,”I love you too Kurt. So fuckin much..” They kissed again and Kurt pulled on Dave’s shirt after they were both hot and bothered.

They broke the kiss for a second time and both pulled off their shirts and Kurt’s many layers. Kurt sat and pulled Dave’s thigh over his lap and laid him down beneath him. Kurt sucked a hickey behind Dave’s ear and listened to the moan it elicited. He kissed down his chest and thumbed his nipples as he worked his way down. He could feel Dave’s chest rise and fall because of him and the anticipation of getting his pants off. Kurt unbuttoned Dave’s shorts and slid them down, tossing them to the side. He undid his own jeans and they followed suit.

Dave watched Kurt and slid his boxers down too, tossing those as well and then pulling Kurt down to kiss him. He lifted his legs around Kurt’s waist and heard him pull open the coffee table drawer to rummage for the familiar tube in the far back of the drawer. He then reaches down to ghost his hand over Dave’s cock, reveling in the moan he receives. “Kurt, please, I want you..”

Kurt kisses Dave’s cheek tenderly and gets up, making a mental image of Dave. Who knows the next time they’ll be able to do this?

He opens the cap and leans down to kiss the soft skin of Dave’s thigh. Dave almost holds his breath as he leans up to try and watch the blonde at work. Kurt squeezes a small amount on his fingers and kisses the base of Dave’s cock while he massages his hole. Dave inhales sharply and at that same moment Kurt pushes his finger in slowly. He earned a whine and Dave could feel his intense stare on him.

Kurt gives Dave a second to adjust before entering another finger and scissoring them softly inside of him. Dave lays back down because his elbows are about to give out on him. Kurt kisses his thigh again and leaves a light bruise as he curls his finger up to find that spot inside his lover. Dave tenses when he finds it, letting out a held-in breath and curling his toes. He reaches his hands down and tangles them in Kurt’s hair so he could see his face. Kurt smiles and continues to prep his hole in that same spot. Dave moans out,”Kurt, please.. Please just.. I need you..” Kurt leaves one last spot on Dave’s thigh before removing his fingers and sitting up.

He slicks up his cock with a little more lube and crawls up to kiss Dave quickly before positioning himself at his entrance. Dave hooked his arms around Kurt’s shoulders and anticipates him entering. When he finally pushes in, it’s bliss for both of them. Kurt leans his head down in the crook of Dave’s neck and they sigh together as he bottoms out. Dave starts to tear up again and holds onto Kurt while he sits still inside him.
Kurt whispers in his ear,”I love you, Dave.” Dave can’t reply because he’s trapped in a silent moan and sob. Kurt starts to thrust slowly and he leans up from his spot to get a close look at Dave. His tears make little spots on the pillow and Kurt pulls him into a kiss. Kurt lifts him a little just he he could wrap his arms around him and they hold onto each other tight. Kurt’s thrusts are passionate, slow, and deep. Dave’s never felt like this with Kurt inside of him before. He feared this might really be the last time.

He was snapped out of it when he felt warmness pool low in his stomach. His nails pressed crescents into the freckled skin of Kurt’s back as he came. His back arched and his chest pressed up against Kurt’s. He clenched down on Kurt enough to make him come soon after with a deep thrust. He moaned Dave’s name and they both came down into a slow, soft make out.

Dave hugged Kurt when he pulled out and kissed his ear. It was almost reassuring.

I should’ve known, I was inside of you
I should’ve known, there was that side of you
Came without a warning
Caught me unaware

The next 9 months were hectic. The news got out that Courtney was pregnant and the press was just waiting for the baby girl to pop out. Courtney was keeping Kurt company and away from Dave as much as possible. Kurt insisted that they schedule a recording session soon because he “had to get away from that bitch”. Dave was proud that Kurt was finally seeing the person that Dave saw in her. They fooled around at their next few sessions at Dave’s house, but only quick handjobs or just heavy making out.

They were laying in his bed after they came down and Kurt turned to look at Dave. He moved a long dark strand of hair from his face behind his ear. “Ya know, I think Courtney is catching onto us. She’s due in a week, Dave.” he said while tracing circles on his chest. Dave remained silent, not really having anything to comment on her that’s particularly kind. “I don’t know if I’m ready Dave.” he pried. Dave looked him in the eyes,”I don’t know, Kurt. You’re the one who didn’t wear a condom I don’t know what you want me to say.” Kurt sighed and stretched away from Dave and sat up on the bed.

Dave watched him and his gaze stopped on his arm. He grabbed his arm and looked at the dark mark on the dip of his arm. “Kurt! Are you shooting up again?” Dave exclaimed. Kurt pulled his arm away and hesitated,”I- Dave, you don’t-” Dave sighed and covered his face,”I can’t believe you- You promised you wouldn’t-”

Kurt got up and started to get dressed,”Dave, I can’t stand it anymore. I’m not ready to be a father. I’ll be shitty and.. I miss you so damn much every night when I’m in bed. And I regret ever leaving you. It’s shit and there’s no turning back now that we’re gonna have a baby.” he ran his hands through his hair stressfully,”I know you’re sober. Come on, you should know better than anyone that it’s just.. It’s so hard.”

I should’ve known, I’ve been here before
I should’ve known, don’t want it anymore
One thing is for certain, I’m still standing here
I should’ve known

“Kurt, you don’t have to shoot up to forget your problems.” He gets up and gets dressed as well, then walks over to Kurt’s side and makes him sit next to him on the edge of the bed. He holds his hands and Kurt is sniffling now. He obviously wants to close himself off but Dave is holding him tight and reassuringly,”Kurt, I love you. If anything ever happened or if you ever hurt yourself, I don’t think I’ll ever be the same.” Kurt leans his head on Dave’s shoulder and nods.

“This is a situation where I’m gonna be selfish. If anything happens to you, I’m gonna be.. I don’t know what I’d do. I don’t think I could forgive you if you hurt yourself.” Kurt agrees,”I know.. I just, you know. There are so many things I wish I did differently.”

“Yeah, I agree, but maybe this was supposed to happen.” Dave kisses Kurt’s temple,”Will you promise me to try to stop? I really need you to be here.” Kurt nodded and wiped a loose tear away,”Heroin’s the only thing keeping me from shooting myself.” Dave shook his head and hoped that Kurt would make the right choices.

Lay your hands in mine
Heal me one last time
Though I cannot forgive you yet
No, I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt
I should’ve known

Kurt goes back home and Courtney is in the living room waiting for him. He cursed to himself and put his bag down and tossed his jacket on the ground. He went to go sit next to her and he went into the coffee table drawer.

“Oh, hi Courtney, love of my life, how was your day, darling?” Courtney mocks when Kurt doesn't greet her,”Well, I’m doing just shit. Kurt, where have you been all day? You said you were coming back at 6. Do you know what time it is? It’s-” He shuts her up with a kiss and then closes the drawer. “Do you wanna get high? I just got this.” He holds up a baggie of heroin tablets.

Courtney smiles dazed,”sure, baby.” He hands her the box of supplies and then goes to get canvases. Courtney knows to go to the loft and get set up as she ties her arm just tight enough while heating a spoon. Kurt makes his way upstairs reluctantly, dragging the bag of paints and brushes along with him. He sits down next to her Indian style and ties himself up, too.

The shot rushes through his veins like an orgasm. He doesn’t look at Courtney while he paints. Heroin, painting, music, and Dave are the only things that make him serene nowadays. So, he begins his piece to combine all the things he loves.

Three weeks later, Frances Bean Cobain was born.

And Kurt was back in Dave’s bed the next week.

Dave can’t help but feel guilty for sleeping with the now married man with a daughter. No matter how much he was unfond of Courtney, it wasn’t right. But he couldn’t say no to Kurt.

In Utero is set to be edited in a month. Dave is really proud of everyone’s work on it.

Kurt drapes himself on Dave’s clean chest and inhales his comforting scent. “I missed you.” Dave hugs the blonde’s skinny figure,”I missed you too..” they lay there silently for a while. Dave eventually got up and stretched, taking his seat on the window sill and Kurt followed to sit across from him. He lit a cigarette and leaned forward to light Kurt’s as well.

He took a puff and leaned his head on the wall,”How long is this going to last?” Kurt looked out the window at the gloomy sky,”Well, it’s September so I don’t think the clouds will go away anytime soon..” he cracked the window open and Dave shook his head,”No Kurt, I mean this,” he gestures,”Us.” Kurt looks at him for a moment and then sighs, looking down and scratching his scalp,”Dave, I-”

Dave stared at Kurt awaiting for his response as he smoked. Kurt leaned his head back on the wall and sighed,”I don’t want it to end.”

“Kurt, you’re married and you have a newborn daughter.. I love you but, I feel terrible. I can’t make you choose between me and them because you need to be with them.” he starts to tear up,”trust me, I would love to have you to myself but it’s too late. Come on, you have to go.” he gets up and pulls Kurt with him. He gathers all of Kurt’s layers and they get dressed together. Kurt gets a kiss on the cheek then he’s on his way home.

Kurt got home and kissed Courtney’s sleeping forehead, then stared at Frances while she slept. She had Courtney’s nose, his blue eyes, their blonde hair. He puts his bag down along with his guitar then goes to the living room to find his box to shoot up. Dave’s voice always plays in his thoughts at this part, saying things like ‘I’ll never forgive you, I’ll never forgive you, I love you’

He rested on the couch while the drug flowed through him.

Maybe you was right
Didn’t want a fight
I should’ve known
Couldn’t read the signs
Couldn’t see the light
I should’ve known

In Utero was finally released on September 21, 1993. Frances turned one a month before, and Dave and Kurt haven’t slept together since their talk that one night. They started touring again immediately after the release. The album was a huge success, Heart Shaped Box and All Apologies made it to the boards. Huge controversies surrounded Rape Me, the band keeps insisting it’s an anti-rape song, but the press will obviously morphe their words. Kurt was miserable about performing before, but now it was getting unhealthy. He wouldn’t let Dave close enough to see him like this again.

Early March, they were in Spain Kurt overdosed with 50 pills of Rohypnol. It’s still unclear what the intention was, but everyone was almost certain it was suicide. Pat called him in, everyone almost certain it was too late. He fell into a coma and a few hours later, Courtney was the first face he saw. “Where’s Dave?” he choked out. Courtney ignored him and cried as she held his hand tight,”I thought I lost you, baby” she hugged him and he breathed raggedly, shaking and wanting to see the one person he needed desperately.

The tour was canceled until further notice. Dave and the band were still in shock. Would the band be able to continue? Kurt doesn’t seem like he wanted to try to recover when Dave called him over the phone. Dave cried after forcing Jennifer to leave the room and he held onto the phone with a dead grip,”Why would you do this, Kurt?” he shook his head and knelt his head down to his shaking fingers,”Shit.. I can’t believe you.” Kurt replied quietly,”I don’t want to live anymore Dave.”

Though I cannot forgive you yet
No, I cannot forgive you yet
You leave my heart in debt

Kurt went to rehab, and a month later, was found dead in his Seattle apartment. Suicide. The one thing Kurt has been trying for years, he finally succeeded. Dave was heartbroken. Not coming out of his bedroom for days, not listening to music for months on end. Dave was numb.

It wasn’t for years after forming the Foo Fighters that Dave confirmed he wrote a song about Kurt. He called Krist in to do the bass track. He held onto his headphones as he finished the song;

I Should’ve Known

A tear rolled down his cheek.

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