Kurt;
I didn't understand exactly what was going on. Yesterday, everything was fine; perfect even. He was giving me kisses, hugs, and told me he loved me. But today, it's a different story.
When I first arrived at school this morning, I saw Dave. But it was odd. He hardly spoke a word to me. He just stared at the wall and acted as if I wasn't even there. I asked him if anything was wrong, but he'd only shake his head.
And here I sat, in first period, listening to my teacher talk about History. Dave sat straight in front of me on the other side of the room, but he didn't even glance over at me. I always wished the teacher would've given him a signed seat beside me.
Was something wrong with me?
Of course, Kurt. Everything is wrong with you. Even Dave is beginning to realize it.
No, no, no. He just told me not even a week ago that he was in love with me.
Maybe he's just in a bad mood.
I hate when thoughts like that run through my head. My hands were feeling sweaty, and I was nervously playing with my fingernails. After a quick look at the clock, I realized that we only had one minute left of class. I began to pack my stuff quickly, hoping the bell wouldn't ring before I got finished.
"Class dismissed." The teacher said while the bell was ringing. And I had just finished zipping up my bag. Dave was still packing, so I decided to wait by him outside the door, because I didn't want to stand in people's way of trying to get out of the room.
Only after about ten seconds, he slowly walked out and looked out me. Without saying a word, he began to walk beside me.
"I just love seeing the cutest couple in the whole school." I heard the voice that belonged to Krist from behind me. He then playfully pushed me into Dave. I giggled and looked up at my boyfriend, but he only rolled his eyes, so I quickly dropped my smile.
After arriving into second period, Dave sat down in a seat beside me. I was just relieved that he didn't sit across the room from me.
I went ahead and pulled out my notebook and pencil, because I knew we would only be taking notes and studying, just like everyday in this class.
I reached my hand down at Dave's, grabbing it to hold, but when my hand began to slide into his, he pulled it away and looked away from me.
"You okay?" I asked. He nodded.
"Yeah." He barely spoke loud enough to where I could hear him.
"You sure? You know you can tell me." I said, hoping to comfort him. He nodded once again and looked down at his notebook.
I awkwardly sat there, looking at my notebook, but not reading the notes. I wasn't sure whether to move, or sit there. I just had that feeling Dave was going to break it off. He had been acting so strange all day. But how? What happened? Everything, I thought, was going perfectly. We never argue. We're always happy together.
Of course I should've seen it coming. Every relationship, I'm treated like shit. I guess it could be worse, but being ignored and feeling miserable isn't the best thing. Always, I'm cheated on, ignored, beat, or something. Why just once, can't I be happy?
If he ends things, I swear I'll die. I love him too much. I can't be broken again. I can't take the constant pain, fake smiles, and crying every night. I need him.
Soon enough, it was almost the end of class. I couldn't wait to leave. I really wanted to go home and cry. I seriously felt so small, and I just wanted a hug from Dave. I wanted a hug, and to be told I was beautiful, and to be told he loves me, like he did all the days before.
I looked at him, to see he was looking at me. I smiled, and quickly placed a kiss on his cheek. He didn't return it though, not even the smile. And then, the bell rang. He sped out of class, leaving me way behind. I sat there, stunned. He always walked to class with me.
I slowly stood from my seat and left the room. As I followed a crowd up the stairs, I tried to remember where the room was. I was used to walking with Dave and laughing, not even paying attention to where we were going.
I'm gonna be late. Then I'll get yelled at. And everyone will be looking at me. My whole face will turn red, and I'll embarrass myself.
I hate being so nervous about everything, but it's how I am. Luckily, I found the room, but only because the teacher was standing by the door with a smile on her face.
I wish I was that happy.
As I walked to my seat, I saw Dave quickly chatting with his friend, Taylor. They were so close to each other. Dave would always tell Taylor his problems, but he'd never tell me. He always said Taylor was like his personal journal. But was he forgetting I'm his boyfriend? I'd never tell anyone his secrets.
"Hey," Eddie said, getting my attention, I wouldn't say we were really friends, but every now and then we'd have a conversation. "Are you and Dave still dating?"
"Yeah." I said softly. I looked up to see Dave looking at me, so I quickly added, "I guess."
"You guys are so cute together." He said. And I really hurt, a lot. I know he didn't know how Dave was acting, but I didn't even want to talk about it. But, I put on a smile, and said thank you.
I looked at Dave, to see him and Taylor were mouthing stuff, but I couldn't understand. Dave pointed at me, and Taylor quickly looked at me. He gave me wide eyes, which I returned. I wasn't very good in situations like this.
After a few minutes, they began to pass notes. They would look back and forth at me, and I knew I was blushing. I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to disappear. I didn't want to be here. I want to be dead.
The bell rang, signaling it was time for lunch. I was going to skip though. I didn't want to be around Dave, and I'm sure he didn't want to be around me.
As I was pushing in my chair, Taylor walked up to me and cleared his throat.
"Hey, uh, Kurt... I have some bad news." He spoke quietly. I looked down at my converse.
"I know it already. It's been pretty obvious. Save your breath." I said before I sped walked out of the room. Then and there, my heart broke into more than a million pieces. I already felt numb. I wanted to cry, cut, and die.
My happiness was completely over. My love was gone. Just like that. In the snap of the fingers. And I couldn't even do anything about it.
"Did you tell him?" I heard Dave whisper from somewhere. I rolled my eyes and cleared my throat, holding back the tears.
I went straight down to the nurse. I needed to go home. I couldn't stay at school. I couldn't see Dave for four more class periods. To be honest, I wanted my mom.
"Can I help you?" She asked.
"My head is killing me." I lied. More like my heart is killing me.
"See if you can get ahold of your parents." She said, sliding the phone down to me. That's one thing I loved about the nurse, she was easy to let you go home.
I dialed the number to my house, hoping mom hadn't left for work yet. I needed to leave this place.
"Hello?" She said after about the fifth ring.
"Mom? Can you come get me? My head is bursting. I can't even concentrate."
"Umm, I guess I'll have time before I go to work... yeah, I'll be there in about ten minutes, baby."
"Okay. Thank you." I said, signing in relief. "Be careful. I love you."
"I love you too, sweetie." She said before hanging up the phone. I went back up to the room and got my stuff before going to the nurse's office to wait on my mother.
As I waited for her, I began to think of Dave.
God, he's so perfect. Does he even know? He's beautiful. But he's such a jerk. How could he not see how much I love him? How could he just leave me like that? Did he even "love" me?
"Kurt, let's go." Mom said, peeking her head in the door. I hopped up and quickly left the building.
************
I laid in bed, my pillow soaked with tears, blood sliding from the cuts on my arms, and music softy playing. I couldn't help it. I was torn apart. He fucking killed me inside and he doesn't even care.
I bet right now he's with Taylor, laughing and joking, while I'm laying here, missing him, crying, and bleeding.
Right now, I really need someone, but I'm glad no one is here, so I can just end it all. I can't live without him. I told him that, and damn it I hoped he believed me.
As I pulled myself out of bed, I stared at the pistol that laid in the floor, right by my feet. I began to sob and I collapsed onto the floor.
If only it hadn't come down to this. If only he could love me like I love him. If only I would've have allowed myself to get to close. Why am I so stupid?
"I love you, Dave. And I hope you always remember that." I said aloud as I picked up the gun. Even though he was such a jerk, I forgave him. And I really wished he would've ran in, and tackled me in a hug, and said he was sorry. Because I would've took him back in a heartbeat. But, this isn't a fairytale.
"This is our last goodbye, Dave." I whispered before I held the gun inside my mouth and I pulled the trigger.