happened recently, a lot that I never though would happen, and a lot
that I wished did not happen. I have hardly got a clue what might happen
in April, but nothing could be worse then what's been happening lately.
The things I think might happen, I can only hope they don't actually
happen, but who really knows what someone like Kurt Cobain could be
my bandmates and I stopped at Terminal Eins, in Munich, Germany on the
first day of the month. There was where the most important person in my
life, the wonderful Kurt Cobain had been diagnosed with bronchitis and
severe laryngitis. On March 2nd, Kurt flew to Rome with Courtney Love
for medical treatment. But the next morning, Courtney woke up and found
Kurt had overdosed on a combination of champagne and rohypnol. I can't
even imagine what it would be like to find Kurt Cobain, the lead singer
of Nirvana face down in the bathroom, with his beautifulbig blue eyes
glazed over and his lovely long blonde hair covering up the artwork that
is his face. Kurt has been rushed to the hospital where he'd spent the
rest of the day unconcious. I know that it had been five days until Kurt
was released from hospital and he and Courtney had gone back to
my other bandmate, Krist Novoselic and I had been calling Kurt and
Courtney to make sure that they were both okay, as well as little
Frances Bean, who is only one year old and has been going threw what
can't even remotely be classified as 'family issues'. Krist and I had
known that Kurt had been fragile since he'd overdosed and since he was
suicidal. Courtney had already made it public that when Kurt overdosed
it was a suicide attempt, but Kurt had seemed fine on the phone, despite
had tried to commit suicide not even a fortnight ago.
had already believed that Kurt was getting better, but I didn't. I've
always had trouble believing the bullshit that comes out of Courtney's
mouth. Krist knew I didn't trust Courtney easily, but he'd fallen for
the act that I believed Courtney this time. It's not like I was lying to
Krist, I'd never lie to Krist, it's just we haven't brought it up.
and I called Kurt and Courtney today, like everyday since they'd
returned to Seattle. Kurt seemed the same, happy to be calling, as did
Courtney, who for once I'd believed. I was believing that Courtney was
slowly getting better since her husband's 'suicide attempt'. The call
had ended the same way it did everyday, me trying my hardest not to
blurt out that I didn't believe Courtney for a second when she said Kurt
had tried to off himself, as well as me trying not to tell Kurt how I'd
truly been feeling for four years. I'm in love with Kurt Cobain, but he
doesn't even know it yet. But oh fuck, it was so hard not to confess my
love for Kurt everytime I heard his melodic voice, whether it be on the
phone, in real life, in a song. Or maybe when I saw the deep beauty in
his blue eyes. Whenever Kurt was around me it was like living in luxury.
always I told Kurt to call me tomorrow and his beautiful voice would
agree to it. I love him so fucking much, I went to bed tonight happily
thinking about Kurt, hoping I'd meet him in my dreams.
-a few hours later-
The man woke up, screaming. A nightmare of him committing suicide. The dream to him was a bit.. pleasant. How would it feel to die? Where would you go? he wondered. He was still high, and his heart was pounding.
"May as well take more of this if I'm going to die." He said, quietly. His cracked and pale lips formed into a frown, and he tied a rope around his arm, pulling on it until his vein popped. It popped, and he injected the drug into him, taking a lot. Enough to overdose.
He was doped out, and he wrote a letter, drunk from the vodka he was drinking. After that, he grabbed the shotgun with his left hand, and he started shaking and sobbing. It needed to be over with. Finally, he pulled the trigger and it went through his head, and he was finally gone.
//Fuck sorry the detail thing was supposed to be the first chapter. Oh well, may as well make the last one here.//
The man woke up, still in the same house. Was he dead? or did the suicide fail? He got up, and there was something on the back of his head, bugging him.. He touched the back of his head, and there was a hole through it. He was dead. Where was everyone? Wouldn't they hear the gun? He sat down, and dug in his pocket. There was cigarettes. You could smoke when you're dead? He put the end between his lips, and pulled out a white lighter, lighting it and inhaling the smoke. It was sweet and calm. His lungs were probably cold and black. After that, his wife walked in.
"Fuck!" she yelled out. She didn't seem sad or anything. She looked around the room, ran to the body and dug in the dead bodies pocket, pulling out bills of money. She grinned and walked out, with a laugh.
His eyes filled with tears. She was using him for his money. Thank god he was dead. His wife walked in again, this time with his daughter in her arms, and the wife pointed at the dead body and laughed.
"That's what happens when you do drugs, kid. Oh well, I got money, that's all that matters." she said, and she walked out. He heard the door bang. He quickly got up and tried to go outside, but it's like he was locked in a glass room. He couldn't walk outside. A sigh came out of him, and he walked to the dead body. He poked it and played with the objects in a box beside it, picking up a note and reading it. The suicide note.
The man woke up from a nap.
it was cold and uncomfortable. The room looked the same, and there was no noise in the house.
He had a headache, and he sighed. This is life, for the next life. He pulled a cigarette out, lit it and inhaled. The warm smoke filling his lungs. It instantly got warmer. He heard something and turned around, a man with an electrician suit looked at the body that he used to live in. The electrician looked down at the body, and glanced in the corpse's ear. Blood. He gasped, as if he was choking, and he ran out.
Kurt was confused and scared. Someone discovered the body. It was April 6th and it was cloudy out, the sky looking sad. It made Kurt sad, but Kurt had to stop being sad. He killed himself for a reason, to be unsad. But the truth is, when you're dead, you're gonna be sad forever.
-an hour later-
Kurt sobbed, getting small hairs out of his mouth. His face was red and his eyes were puffy and pink. Regret flows inside his mind. He misses his sister, mom, friends, and he mostly misses his daughter. Kurt scratches at his wrists, seeing blood trickle down them. Why was he suddenly.. calm? he wiped off the blood and looked at the wall with all of his mind on it. Good god, it was terrifying.
"I'm so sorry for the people that have to clean this.." he whispers to himself, touching the blood. As he pokes the wall with his blood on it, his eyes fill with tears.