"I can't describe how it feels to be up there surrounded by dozens of bodies swaying around, regular jaggoffs going apeshit and just throwing themselves on and off the stage. All just from what comes pouring out of our instruments we play but have a shit load of fun destroying afterwards.
All I know is, you can't get stuff like that out in the real world"
"just moving and bobbing my head to the rythym of my bass and the beat of Dave's drums and kurt's amazing riffs and mesmerising voice..There's just no way in fucking hell I'm able to put that into words." he thought looking over at Kurt watching him waiting for his que..
"Truth! covered in security! I can't let you smother me! like to but it couldn't work! Trading off and taking turns, don't regret a thing!" Kurt shouts singing their song lounge act. "And I got this friend you see, who makes me feel! and I wanted more than I could steal! I'll arrest myself, and wear a shield! I'll go out of my way to make you a deal, we've made a pact, to learn from who! Ever we want without new rules! we'll share whats lost and what we grew! They'll go out of their way to prove they still, smell her on youu, smell her on youuu..
Kurt finishes by flipping his gutair over his shoulders but he tripped on the cord itself and fell off of the stage.
Everyone stopped and tried to see what was going on.
'i was about to dive for him but he got up and jumped back on stage and kicked the amps off balance and jumped on daves drums' everyone cheered and jumped on stage with him'
'I took off my bass and walked away to get a drink sighning to myself as i was hearing screeching noises and banging sounds coming from the stage equipment.'
dave followed clutching his sticks
"dude that looked like he couldve broke his neck" dave said concerned
'i couldnt really think of that as i was glad that image itself didnt happen'
"yeah but its kurt, what can we do right?" i said trying not to be so bothered
"right" dave agreed taking a sip of water
"and speak of the devil" dave said looking at kurt walking over
i turned to see kurt have a confused look on his face "Huh?" he said looking at me
"we were just wondering how your trip was down stage" dave said laughing
he looked at dave smiling and laughing "it was awesome, i thought i was gonna break something but i caught myself before i landed on anything" he said looking back at me.
'those piercing blue eyes and his smile almost makes it hard for me not to look too long' he kept looking at me, maybe waiting for me to say something.
i finally spoke up "well, glad you didnt" i smiled back
he walked over to me "were you that worried bud?" he asked curiously
i narrowed my eyes at him "yes, yes i was" i said a little pissed
'he knows how much i worry, even if it was the littlest things'
he looked at me wide eyed and touched my shoulder "well shit krist im sorry, it was an accident..i didnt mean to say it like that" he said cupping my arm
'i looked down at my arm and felt his hand there and couldnt help but feel warm and gushy inside. i mean i already feel a little something for him but didnt think it was gonna stay this long. like a stupid crush'
'Kurt and i go way back, like late 80s back, before dave and the thought of nirvana came along.'
'I have a younger brother who was into the same shit i was and had some friends he introduced me to but i never gave a shit about any of them..until the day I met kurt'
'I remember sitting in my room listening to my punk rock and heavy metal records when I heard the back door to the kitchen slam and heard heavy footsteps and laughing, i knew my brothers voice but didnt know the other. But didnt make to much of a deal out of it so i just turned my volume up on my stereo to drown out the commotion downstairs.
'after shouts and laughter and interaction going on, it suddenly stopped'
"whos that?" the voice asked
'that kinda caught my attention so i turned the volume down and listened a little'
"oh thats just my older brother" my younger brother answered
"is he the one playing the music?" the voiced asked sounding curious
"Yep, why do you like it?" my younger brother asked
"Yeah! i have the same album!" the voice said laughing
"awesome, do you wanna meet him?" my brother asked annoyed, 'as if he didnt want to waste his time even trying to introduce me'
"Yeah, if you dont mind" the voice asked hopefully
"alright..lets go" he said as they ran up the stairs
'i turned up my volume and pretended i was reading something that was interesting to me so i wouldnt have to look at them right away.'
'And of course without knocking my brother bursted into my room with his friend right behind him, i could feel him taking in the surroundings and eventually looking at me'
"Hey bro, i want you to meet a new friend of mine"
"kurt, this is krist my older brother" 'i groaned to myself and gave in and as he said that i looked up and saw him..
"And krist this is kurt"..
about 5'9, long dirty blonde hair and dark grey t-shirt and a raggy flannel and ripped jeans and a pair of worn converse and piercing blue eyes staring right at me.'
'i kinda gaped my mouth a little and slowly stood up with no shirt on and a pair of grey sweats and white socks'
Kurt walked over to me and held his hand out "Hey krist Im Kurt Cobain, its cool to meet you" he smiled and looked up at me, cuz haha im taller than the both of them.
' i looked down at his hand and jokingly glared at him and i swear i dont do that and i didnt know what came over me and i never did this to anyone i just met before but i slapped his hand down andgave him a big bear hug..i even lifted him off the ground a little and he was so light and he smelled kinda good'
I can see my brother over his shoulder looking shocked and mouthing "What the fuck"
'i flipped him off and sat kurt back down, i seriously thought he was gonna run away or hit me or call me a fag for hugging him like that but he stood there laughing and slapping my arm playfully'
"and he said i wouldnt like you! and he called you a dick" he said wiping his eyes.
'i looked at my brother and gave him a youre dead look'
my brother was getting scared "He is! he wouldnt even say hi to anyone else i introduced him to let alone do that, why you should be any different is beyond me!" he said huffing and puffing
'I laughed at him and pointed at his red face' 'aw come on you should be happy that i did that you nimrod!'
'kurt was giggling like a girl'
"whatever im done here, kurt you coming?" he said calming down a bit
'he was seriously looking at me and him thinking on what to do'
"haha okay sure" he said walking out of the room"
my brother left first and he went after him
but ran back in and nudged me real quick "nice meeting you man, see you around" he said pointing at me
'sure thing dude' i said chuckling
and that was the day i made a real friend..
'i kept seeing him at school afterwards and out with other people i didnt mind hanging out with, he was so awkward and shy, it drew me in and made me want to know and see more about him'
' And as we were back in forth on hanging out with people and eventually hanging out with just each other and at the time we did, he told me he can play the guitar, he told me about his parents divorce and his problems at home on both sides, and that music and art was his way of escaping his troubles and a little bit of drugs he did,
like he was coming around of being comfortable and just opening up one baby step at a time and i just sat there and listened to every word he said, because ive shared so much about me already.'
'he felt self conscious and alone and he hated being embarassed but i still listened and helped anyway i could'
'I felt determined, compelled to be there for him and protect him and not let anyone or anything hurt him.'
'and that ill love him no matter what, but that part he doesn't know theres more to'
'i stopped the flashback in my head and looked down at the bulge in my pants'
'fuck, maybe i am way too deep than i thought'
'we walked back to the tour bus and i was still trying to situate my crotch so it wasnt that noticeable that i was hard' dave noticed my discomfort
"you okay man? you seemed kind of out of it backstage after kurt apologized"
'i looked over at kurt who was on the phone, probably talking to Courtney'..
"yeah ill be alright"
"okay dude just looking out for ya" he said as he nudged my arm
"yeah, thanks" i said half smiling
"we got on the bus and headed off to our next destination"
'i felt drained and exhausted and i was falling asleep'
"goodnight krist" 'kurt said in the bunk next to me'
"Goodnight kurt" i said half awake"
"Goodnight guys" dave yawned
"Goodnight dave" we both said
'i looked over to see kurt looking at some picture of someone, but couldn't make it out since my eyes were half closed'
'i dont rememeber much after that because i passed out..'
(end of chapter 1)
'I woke up with the biggest headache i already had, after the up tenth millionth time courtney and I have argued and it has left me not wanting to get out of bed,'
'i stuck my hand under my pillow brushing a picture with my finger i keep it at, knowing its there i take it out and look at the picture of krist and I, i never leave without it let alone sleep without it being handy.'
'i know, pretty weird that i have a picture of my best friend than maybe my girlfriend i can jack off too or something but im starting to hate the fuck out of her, after all the shit she makes me feel like and the stress she puts me under, and i try to not make it so obvious because i could never tell anyone, maybe i could tell dave because i know he'd probably wont do much or maybe i shouldnt because he is a blabber mouth but krist.. he would and he wouldnt tell anyone anything and plus..he wouldn't let anyone get get away with it, he never does'
'i smiled and looked over at krist who was snoring really loud with his mouth all the way open'
' i chuckle and just sighed..god he could be so cute sometimes'
'i kinda curse at myself for saying that kind of shit, i dont even know if its possible that i could have feelings for krist like that..can i?'
'krists loud yawn caused me to look over at him again but he ended up turning over facing the wall'
"Hey kurt, you awake?" Dave asked, jumping off his bunk.
'i looked up and saw dave standing next to me'
"uh, yeah but i wanna just lay here for a little bit longer" i said folding my arm under my head looking at him
"alright, hey krist, krist" dave shouted
'krist just lays there groaning'
"Ugh, what?" krist asked annoyed
'you awake?' he asked
"no im not" krist said muffiling his mouth with his pillow
"you sure, wanna get some breakfast?"
'and just like that, he shot up but lost his balance and fell out of his bunk'
''ow, fuck'' he said looking up at dave
'I couldnt help but laugh at him and point, cuz that shit was hilarious'
"oh you think thats funny?!" he challenged
"its fucking hysterical!" i said pointing at him again
'he got up and jumped on me in my bunk'
"ah shit" i said struggling under his grasp
'he gave me a playful smirk "hows this for funny?!"
'he tickled me all on my sides causing me to have a fit of giggling laughter and spaz out'
"Hahahaha krist stop, hahaha okay, okay im sorry i ta-take it back! please hahaha"
'i said through fits of giggling'
'he stopped and plopped down on top of me, i was feeling a huge blush coming, not just from the tickling, but from him being this close to me in general, the only times i had him this close was when i had a falling out with courtney or when he was staying over and sleeping in the same bed in case i had a nightmare..i mean that was the only time he ever did get this close..'
''Good, apology accepted" he said in the pillow
'yeah you win' i said heaving breaths
"well now that i got both your attention" dave spoke up
'i forgot he was even still here'
"Lets go im hungry!" he whined
"we'll catch up in a minute" krist responds
"alright fine jeez" dave said as he walked out of the bus
'krist sits up over me and looks down at me' "so, how'd you sleep" he said as he rubbed his head
'i chuckled, i wouldn't call it sleep but it was okay' i said looking up at him.
'he looked at me, the look of concerned' "Everything okay?"
'i thought about telling him the truth, but i dont know..i dont want him hunting her down and doing god knows what'
'so i just had to put it off "im fine, lets go get some breakfast" i said nudging him
'he looked like he wasnt buying it but he shrugged and nodded but the look still remained'
"okay" he said jumping off me
"lets eat im starving" he said
'I got up and put my shoes on' "haha alright lets go" i said following him out the door
'he kept looking back at me and waited for me to walk past him so he can walk with me'
'i think hes trying to get something out of me but im scared to tell him because i dont want him to be angry over it'
'I honestly can't afford losing my best friend over her and my feelings that im still quite confused about..'
'Im just gonna have to keep the bullshit running and keep my head down and thoughts to myself if im gonna not let his anger get the best of him..i worry about krist..i mean he's one of my only true friends but certainly not the last, he was my very first..'
'i looked over at him as he walks back behind me, he catches me looking, i smile a bit to myself as the expression of thinking hits his face, im certainly enjoying the outcome of it' i thought looking back ahead.
'i still feel his gaze stuck against me like glue'
'But i have to be distracted until dave can finally find a damn place he wants to eat at ughh'
'Dave is great and all but he's certainly not krist..'
'Thats probably why we only work as good friends than i would consider him anything more' i thought in my head watching dave making a beeline around the fast food places on foot'
'Who the hell am i kidding im probably not fooling anybody..maybe krist does know im lying..'
(End of chapter 2).
'I know he's lying, i know he has something to hide, im not the one who always thinks of the fucking positive when a negative outcome is somwhere into play and i can't just let it have its way with me as i take it laying down'
'I mean, when he is beside himself you can see it clear as day, not all the time and not everyone cares, but i do..and i can see it'
'So, that itself just proves i should be the only one he really needs at this point..may sound selfish or possesive or may be even out of tough love..but i would never do it just for anyone..I'd do it for kurt'
'i see him look over at me and catch him stare, now my imagination runs wild for a split second as he smiles a little and turns his attention towards the front'
'i feel like my insides wanted to jump out of my skin, and that warm gushy feeling again that just pools into my core almost going into my crotch but not quite noticeable..'
'I still stare at him from behind though, just so i can still look at what i admire from a distance..'
'And no not his ass, just his everything'
'just his messy blonde hair and his beautiful eyes and slender tall body i can just hold against mine without even telling a lick of a difference..'
'which to me means that no matter how close we get, i feel like we are the same when we banter back and forth or shove and tackle each other cuz we're practically the same body type'
'Kurt loves to wrestle, its like a huge fetish for him'
'i smile to myself as i remembered he told me not to tell anyone like not anyone which i completley respect'
'not even dave can ever know either..'
'im surprised we didnt even wrestle yet, but him and Courtney have..'
'i kinda bawled my fist in anger clentching my teeth in silence,
its not like im choosing to feel this way..and how controlling it is because you cant make someone love you when they dont'?
but took a deep breath..and just let it go'
'i looked over at kurt who looked like he was deep in thought with himself as well.'
''Yes, finally found it!" dave said jumping raising a fist in the air.
'i walk up beside kurt and we both looked at the sign and groaned'
'whenever we're in a big city or small town we would always either go to a huge bar or go to fast food places but one of these towns has a Waffle house that's where Dave usually wants to go because of their 'delicious' breakfast. but we do it for dave'
'We sit in a big booth and get to ordering, but honestly after worrying about kurt so much it made me lose my appetite..and thinking about my helpless crush that has the effect on my heart, just him being him makes it shit itself even though he has no idea..he looks at me like he gets it, just like he is now'
'kurt is sitting across from me playing with my hands..'
'hes looking at me with a shy smile on his face'
'i chuckled and just looked at him
andgave him a silly face back and he just smiles again and looks back down at his menu so he can figure out what he wanted or maybe just didnt want me to see his face turn all shades of red..'
'Suddenly we heard frantic excited screams fill the resturant as a group of girls probably in their late teens early 20s run their happy asses to our table asking for our autograph and afew pictures..'
'And of course all the attention was turned towards kurt, taking pictures and signing any piece of paper thrown down the table, sure dave and i got a pat on the back and a hug for our participation in the band haha,
but as kurt was doing all this he kept looking at me like making sure i wasn't bothered by what's going on and i looked over at dave and he just shruggs and turns his attention back to the menu, I didnt mind and i guess dave didnt either. After all, we were in the band who started the most popular rock genre of our time, i mean it was bound to happen and Kurt happened to be the leader.'
'Ive honestly never felt more jealousy till one of the girls was whispering a plan to try to sleep with kurt..He's not like that and has turned down that opportunity until they just didn't ask anymore, not this time.'
'So i stood up and almost ripped them a new asshole but held back alot cuz that was just the jealousy fueling the fire but luckily kurt spoke up'
"Alright Ladies its been nice but we'd like to be alone now, thanks" he said looking at them annoyed
'seemed like he heard what they said or he just wanted to be left alone'
'They nodded and walked out the door'
'i sat down and calmed down for a bit and just waited for my breakfast i probably wasn't gonna touch'
'After our breakfast we just walked back to the bus and rode in silence'
'I kept looking over at kurt who was just sitting there doodling on a small piece of paper..'
'I feel him looking over at me as we sat seperatly at our bunks and dave went to the bathroom and said he'd be back.'
'I wanted to be the first to break the silence'
''So..how's courtney?'' 'i said almost scoffing her name, she never really seemed to pay too much attention to kurt or his feelings, she may have thought caring for him made him less of a man and a sissy, she probably just wants to fuck him and be apart of the piece of our fame even though she had some of her own'..
'kurt finally spoke' " Shes okay i guess, i havent spoken to her yet since i did last night but she was in a mood so i dont think i want to till i get home''..
'i turned completely around after that last part' "Why, what makes you say that?"
'I think he realized what he just said so he quickly turned and face me trying to babble and cover up how he was feeling about it but i wasn't gonna let him'
"Kurt stop it's okay, you don't have to keep hiding, its me youre talking to, remember?" i said with a reasurring smile
'Kurt stopped and looked at me, he dropped his head down and sighed and chuckled.. and looked back up meeting my eyes'
"Yeah, i know..thats what scares me into thinking you'd do something crazy or something you'd regret, but even if thats how i feel about it, you'd still defend me in some way, but..if you must know courtney and i argue and fuss at each other from time to time but its nothing serious, it just puts me in a shitty mood and makes me upset is all.."
'i look at him with complete disbelief..if it really wasn't such a big deal..why would he keep it from me other than the fact that i would've done something about it..to try to make her understand, to love him like i do, to stand by him like i do..to be a partner like i want to be his..i wouldnt have been holding back my feelings for him if i wasnt thinking about how he feels..about his happiness..'
"So you mean to tell me that your sad mood, the reason you didnt want to get out of bed was because she wasn't in a good mood last night and fought with you for no good reason and didn't mention it??"
'he slowly nodded' "yeah.." he said rubbing his head
'im kinda pissed..i probably want to punch something, or just scream and yell, but i didn't..i just got up and sat next to him'
"Well since you told me, and you think that im gonna say anything, well i won't if you dont want me to"
'i said feeling whipped, haha'
'he just looked at me and smiled'
"Just dont go overboard is all im asking"
"i wont" i said smirking
'he looked at me serious'
"you promise?" he asked firmly
"Yes i promise" i said laughing at him
"okay..good talk he said as he got up and jumped on his bed"
'i rolled my eyes' "yeah good talk" i said to myself
(End of chapter 3)
'The tour that we've been on is finally over and after all the stress and the traveling and the interveiws backstage and just this whole krist thing..and not being able to tell him everything..or at least get to the bottom of how i possibly feel and hope he doesn't hate me afterwards'
'But then again i have to come home and deal with courtney and that is not what im looking forward to right now, i mean she's not that bad sometimes but it's her arguing and how she deals with our problems, puts it on me like its my fault and I honestly don't need that shit right now and not ever but whatever I'll just get over it'
'After i got off the plane and into a taxi to bring him to the place i and courtney shared, i happened to pull the picture of me and krist out of his wallet, i smiled at krists face he made and just couldn't help but kiss the picture..it makes me feel weird at times because I'm still confused about my feelings yet they were pretty obvious..my feelings for courtney and how we met was almost irrelevant to me than when i met krist, cuz hell krist knew me longer than courtney has and he's more understanding and loving and just plain adorable and kind and caring..Why can't i just tell him?'
"Ugh..it's just not relevant" he thought
'I saw i was home and saw courtney waiting for me by the window'
'She got off the chair and opened the door to their house and waved'
'Probably to put on a show for the taxi man..' kurt grunted in frustration
"Hey baby, how was tour? Did you get off your flight okay? Oh how I've missed you" she slurred
'Yep she's drunk' he thought as he walked up to her
'She gave me a big kiss on the mouth and shoved her tounge down my throat'
'I winced and struggled as I was being held so tight by her'
'Come on honey let's get you inside'
'She grabbed my ass and shoved me in the house after the cab left'
'I fell to the ground and tried to get up but she was on top of me trying to undo my belt'
'I was not in the mood especially when she's drunk, like when she tried to last time but i managed to get her away but got punched pretty hard in the face, i didn't show up for practice because of the black eye and didnt tell anyone why i canceled i just did it'
I mean she was drunk so couldn't blame her I guess'
"Courtney stop please I'm not in the mood, I just got home I'm stressed and you're drunk so get off" I said nicely
But she wasn't stopping "I'm horrny and you're not gonna stop me cause I'm stronger than yuu" she slurred
She got his belt undone and was about to undo his pants "fuck courtney I said stop!!" I cried flailing under her
"Shut the fuck up!" Then she punched me in the throat and mouth
'I held my throat and mouth as my mouth had blood on it'
She was naked under the robe she was wearing as he felt her tender flesh rubbing against his groin
'I flailed some more around but she had a tight grip around me with her thighs'
'She undid her robe and exposed her breasts, I looked down to see her rubbing against me, I didn't want this but my natural body functions started kicking in as I got hard'
'I cried and screamed because I didn't know what else to do'
'My hard on made her think this is what I wanted so she moaned and tugged my pants and boxers down'
"Oh yeah, you do want this pussy don't you baby" she moaned and stuck me inside of her
"No stop pleasee!" 'I cried and tried to push her off but she punched my face again and kept riding me'
'She screamed and moaned and kissed me hard on my mouth she even bit my lip'
'I spat in her face tried to head but her but she slammed my head hard on the floor it hurt so fucking bad..I screamed, I panted because I kept trying to get her off me but kept failing, i was running out of energy to fight..'
'She moved faster and harder and grabbed my hair and pulled it as she laid herself on top of my chest, her breasts bouncing against me, so I pulled her hair so hard and it hurt her she groaned in pain and anger but she twisted my other hand and I cried in pain and let go of her hair earning another punch, but into the stomach..'
"I puked up a little vomit over it, but she didn't care she kept going'
'She finally let out a cry of orgasm and I cried in pain as i came..'
'She got off me and kicked me in my side' thanks asshole, she said coldly and left me there on the ground
'She raped me..She did..I can't believe it came to this..Why didn't I leave her sooner, why did I stay when she became this bad, why didn't I tell krist anything and I mean everything? What will happen when I tell him now?..'
"Krist..." I cried and held my side with my pants around my ankles..
(End of chapter 4)
'After the tour was over, i went home and just did nothing but think about kurt, which i really think is pointless, i can be there for him all i want but i know im going to feel more and more each time i see him, im worried about him going home by himself because courtney is such a bitch and he seems like he had alot going on his mind as he left for the airport. I think im going to go crazy if i don't just talk to him about it, at this point im just gonna go over to his house and tell him how i feel damn it'
I got in my car and head straight over to kurts house he shared with courtney and rushed to the door banging on it.
"Kurt? Kurt you home? We gotta talk!"
I stopped and waited patiently for someone to open the door.
'Then all of a sudden it did but slowly.'
'I see kurt in the same clothes we left the tour in, looking like shit and covering one side of his face with the door. It looks like he's been crying. Oh hell no!'
"Hey krist, didn't expect to see you here..you know..without warning" he looked at me surprised
'I just looked at him and pushed the door open' "yeah i just need to talk to you about somethi-" i stopped as i got a look at the rest of his face..his nose was swollen and had blood on the corner of his mouth and another black eye!
"Kurt! What happend to you??" 'I asked immediately embracing him in a hug'
'He winced at the contact, like he was in pain'
"Kurt.." 'i asked looking at him and him looking back'
"did..did she do this?" 'He looked like he was about to cry' "kurt..if she did this, you gotta tell me..it won't be handled right if you don't tell me"
'he just burst into tears and jumping into my arms sobbing in my shirt'
'I instantly held him in place rubbing his back and soothing him as best as i could'
"I..i take that as a yes" i said angrily
'Kurt looked at me with those big blue eyes and got down and sat on his couch patting the spot next to him'
'I sat next to him he grabbed my hand in his own i got butterflies just floating around in my stomach'
'He sniffled and cried some more before uttering a word'
"Yes krist..she did..she's been doing it to me for a while now, that's why i didn't go to practice sometimes because of the black eyes and other injuries she would give me..and i didn't want to tell you because i was scared and i didnt want you to kill her..but now i kind of do because..because.."
'I was shocked and hurt and sad and angry all at the same time'
'I wasn't trying to feel hurt because i understand where he was coming from, and being in a situation like that can mean many things can happen so im just shocked and sad and angry at the same time instead'
"Because why kurt?..i want you to tell me so i can take care of this..take care of you.." i said rubbing his hand with my fingers"
'He cried and sobbed again before he said anything again'
"Because she raped me" he said looking as if i was gonna explode
'And i fucking did'
'I yelled and screamed and cursed and knocked her shit over and threw it out the window and went in their room and threw all her clothes and makeup and guitars and other shit out the window and went back to kurt'
"How dare that bitch hurt my kurt like that and i let it happen?! Why?" I broke down and sobbed and fell to the floor gasping for air'
'I felt a body slowly getting on top of me and wrapping arms around my chest'
it was kurt comforting me..me..when i should be doing that for him but..i guess we both need it so i turned around and he got on my lap and wrapped his arms around my neck sobbing into my shoulder and i wrapped my arms around his waist and sobbed into his shoulder'
We stayed like that, for what it felt like hours, till he lifted his head "so..what did you want to talk to me about?" he asked with a horse voice from his crying..
'I looked into his beautiful eyes and just sighed'
"Its not as important as this is right now but we'll talk about it when i take care of that bitch"
'He nodded and laid his head back onto my shoulder and fell asleep'
'I lifted us off the ground and laid him on the couch and after awhile myself as well and just laid there thinking about what the fuck just happened'
'I looked down at him asleep in my arms and just melted'
'How can somebody hurt kurt? Hurting kurt was like hurting a kitten.. I always knew something was up with courtney but i just let kurt suffer by not doing what i should've done a long time ago..just tell him how i felt..i feel like this is all my fault..i failed him.. so many tears streaming down my eyes..'
'I wanted to tell him that tonight..but this is serious and i want to take care of this so i can tell him after. It seems better that way'
'I locked all the doors and barricaded the windows and doors when he was asleep, she is not going near him tonight or ever again, she can go get fucked and loaded somewhere else' i smiled smuggly and drifted off with that small victory to sleep.
(End of chapter 5).
Kurt: 'I woke up and slowly lifted my eyelids so i can be careful with sudden moves because my eye really really hurts. Then when I felt it was okay now, i opened them and looked all about the room and then i felt what i was laying on was moving up and down.'
'I looked up at Krists sleeping face, no snoring, no mouth hung wide open like an animal. Just pure peaceful sleep i was watching him endure.'
'I just couldn't help but giggle at this image and bit my lip putting my head down on his chest.'
'I remembered everything that happened from last night. And felt everything that was already there.'
'Krist just coming over no question not even for permission really came to my rescue. I didn't know what I would've done if krist wasn't there and she came through again for round two...'
'I whimpered at the thought of that..But the more I think about it, krist was always there for no matter what. Dave too. But not as often as krist. No one matters like he does. And that's a big fact.'
'I just rolled my eyes at myself scoffing, like get a grip dude like he'll ever feel that way..'
'Then I felt him stir in his sleep and felt his arm wrap around my Back'
'Like he was holding me..'
Krist started to groan "ughh" he said rubbing his face with his hand
He opened his eyes and looked at kurt right in the face cuz he was kind of close.
I felt the hugest blush coming on but I tried to hold it back.
Krist just laughs and sighs " mornin sunshine" he says with a big grin
'Then he tensed up a bit looking at something on my face'
'I reached up to feel it, which was a bad idea cuz I accidentally poked myself in the eye'
"Shiit" 'krist says as he got out from under me and went to my fridge and got some ice in a bag and got to me as soon as possible'
'He sat down carefully next to me and gently sat it on my eye letting me take the bag from him and putting it against my face'
"Thank you krist you're the best" I said laughing
'Krist kinda looked down and smiled, I could just see it. And he's not very good at hiding it, never was.'
"Hey i see you trying to hidee" I teased
'Krist looked up at me and chuckled'
"Well I try and no need to kiss my ass, I love being here for you kurt" 'he said patting my shoulder'
'I just looked at him and just smiled like a fuckin idiot because, I know he does and it makes me so very happy'
'I grabbed his shoulder' "i know you do krist and I'm so very grateful for that, and for You, you're my best friend" I said looking in his eyes
'He looked a little wounded at that which made me curious but he returned a bigger smile instead so I couldn't question it in time'
'He looked like he wanted to say something but he looked hesitant'
'He shook his head and got up from Me. I really didn't want him to leave and he knew that too'
"I gotta take a piss I'll be back" he said with a smirk, he laughed and retreated down the hall and into the bathroom but left the door open'
'I sighed and found a cigarette and lit it with a lighter I had in my pocket And took a loong drag'
'What the hell am I gonna do with this krist situation, no it's not like a bad situation, it's a good one, a really good one, I just don't want to be over my head with this..' thinking about it just made me more confused, not like I'm confused about my feelings, just confused on how to tell him'
'I was lost in my thoughts till I heard the toilet flush and him walking out of the hall back into the living room and plopping down next to me on the couch'
'he looked over my face and whatever other injuries I had too And had a painful expression on his face'
"Do uh..do they hurt?" 'he asked without getting angry'
"Not as bad as when it happend first hand" I said honestly
'Krist reached for my cheek, and rubbed the corner of my mouth, then picked up my chin and looked at my neck, I was blushing like sooo much'
'I looked at him and I saw that he had a tear in his eye'
'I immediately gave him a huge hug and just rubbed his back as he sobbed in my shoulder'
"How could she? You're you! How can anyone wanna hurt you and how could I let this happen" he said sobbing more and more
'I just sighed and awed at his words' "I don't know krist, because I'm nothing special or Important to anyone or anything, and it's not your fault it's mine for not telling you the truth and look where it got
me, I can't do anything right'
'Krist just tensed up soo much from under me he grabbed my shoulders and pulled back from me and just let me have It'
"What?! The fuck are you talking about?! You're not Important?! To anyone or anything or not special?! Because that is so full of shit! You're everything to this band, to your family..And to me, to me Kurt!.
"I don't ever want to hear that come from you ever..EVER again.." do you hear me?..
'I just looked at him so stunned and with tears in my eyes now, all I could do was just say "yes.."
'Krist grabbed me and pulled me so close to him and wrapped his arms around me and gave me a little kiss on the neck..like a butterfly kiss..it was small but packed with so much meaning' I gasped a little in my throat
And just held him tight'
'He did it again on the other side'
'I pulled back and looked at him, in his eyes, he looked so vulnerable, like he was putting everything on the line and risking so much just to do what he did..' 'I leaned a little closer and so did he but we heared a knock on the door and we jumped apart and I was about to answer the door but krist stopped me, "just in case it's Courtney" he said quietly "I'm going to open the door from now on"
'He walked to the door and looked into the peephole and immediately opened the door'
'It was dave' I sighed relieved
"Hey guys! I've been trying to call you krist but I guess you weren't home to answer your calls and I wanted to stop by to see you Kurt but looks like you were here krist" he said relieved
"Yeah uh, sorry Dave I just wanted to check on Kurt last night and came to see him and ended up spending the night" krist chuckled rubbing his head'
"Its cool man, sooo what you guys up to? 'Dave said sitting down next to me'
'Then Dave gasped looking over at my face' "what happened to Kurt?! He said jumping up from the couch
Krist looked at me, like he wanted me to say something
"Uh, Courtney happend, she's been abusing me lately and last night the worst thing she could've possibly done was force herself onto me" I said looking down'
'Dave immediately gave me a hug and sat me back down'
"Well, then I guess we're having a slumber party because I am not going anywhere either, not till we fix this" he said looking at krist
'I looked at krist and he just nodded, agreeing with Dave and just looked at me with hopeful eyes'
'Wow, I guess I really have people who do care about me' I smiled happily looking at my two best friends..And they both grabbed my hands and pulled me off the couch and we group hugged right in the middle of my living room' it made me feel sooo much better inside and knowing they have my back no matter what, especially krist..who let's not forget who I almost kissed..oh great..more to be worried about..'
'Dave settled in with us not too long after he came over, we all just had fun and even worked on a couple new songs together, it was also good that we got work done, we are friends but we still needed to be a band. And I couldn't be more proud of what we are together'
'It was beginning to be that time again to settle down and just relax for the night, I was used to krist sleeping next to me, but we decided to sleep separately, you know for Dave's sake'
'I really don't know how Dave would feel or say if he saw krist and me on the couch, not that I won't because I'd still do it even if he didn't like it but for now we're doing it because of maybe what happend earlier...either way I really want to talk to krist about it but only when it's just me and him or when he wants to..
'I looked over at krist as he was situating himself on the floor taking his shirt off and hugging a pillow'
'Can't help but awe at him, he's just so damn cute' I said smiling to myself
'Probably trying to cope with not sleeping with me on the couch' I don't know maybe I'll sneak myself onto the floor next to him'
'Eventually we all fell asleep and it became real dark real soon'
'And as I was about to fall asleep I heard footsteps coming towards me and felt a body come lay behind me'
'It was krist, who I knew was going to do something like this'
'I giggle and look over at him who had a smile on his face and his eyes closed'
'He lifted his eyes and looked at Me
"I couldn't sleep, I hope you don't mind" he said hopefully
"Of course I don't mind, glad you came back" I whispered
'He didn't say another word but just pulled me closer to him and held me tight'
'I smiled and just closed my eyes and I passed out.'
(End of chapter 6)