I watch from behind the corner as you throw the brown bottle at the alleyway wall. If you could see me it would be flying at my head. You mutter to yourself, I hear my name in there somewhere, amongst the string of muttered obscenities.
You lean your forehead against the red brick wall, hitting the space by your head in frustration.
You mutter something, I hardly hear over the sound of the cars next to the alley speeding through the dark, but I still hear, and it hurts.
I would love to blame myself right now, but I know this was all you, all you and your carelessness, it was like no one else mattered anymore.
You let her completely fuck you up without a second thought, sure, the bitch was charming, but I thought you could see past all that shit. Maybe you were blinded by all her empty promises. The bitch completely screwed you over, and you still took her back without a second thought.
I remember you sitting on my bunk with me, your hands were shaking as you told me you wanted to quit the band and move in with her, so you could spend more time with her.
You told me you loved her and that you couldn’t stand to be away from her so long for tours. I said you should just bring her along on tour with us, the more the merrier I said, trying you make you smile.
You said “She didn't want to give up her band, that you should be the one to follow her on tours.”
I said “What the fuck Kurt! What’s she going to do next? Ask to have your babies?” I think I offended you when I said that, that’s what made you leave and say your mind was made up, and that I just couldn’t stand to see you happy. You asked me if I was deliberately trying to get between the two of you, because all I wanted was to make you miserable.
Shit you must be so fucking stupid.
I told you I wasn’t doing anything to get between you two, as much as I want to, I was just too scared because I thought Miss. Psychopath would beat the living shit out of me.
You told me to shut the fuck up, and that she would never hurt anyone. You then went into great detail about how wonderful she was, I decided to switch off then, not really listening to anything you said until you started yelling at me.
So here we are, me watching you despair from behind a corner as you mull over the fact that your life has collapsed around you.
She did what I knew she was going to from the moment she flashed me that shit eating smile. She cheated. Not only did she cheat, she beat the shit out of you for not trusting her.
I laugh humorlessly to myself. You said she would never hurt a fly. But I wont say a word; it’s not me standing there with 6 stitches in my head.
I’m still trying to accept the fact that your hair is red now, I loved the blonde so much more, I always thought about what it would feel like…it’s always looked so soft.
I’m not saying the red doesn’t look good; it does actually look pretty fucking good thinking about it, but then again, you make everything look good, even that ‘kiss the chef’ apron you wore during a show a few months back.
While the fans leapt on you to try and kiss you, I held back, I don’t trust myself to be near you, the urge to jump on you and molest you is just too big.
But hey, you were high at the time, so maybe you wouldn’t have remembered me dragging you into a nearby alley and having my way with you. Shit, I should have thought about that at the time.
I could have said I was really drunk afterwards, then I wouldn’t be arrested or whatever.
I watched as you slid down the brick wall, completely crushed.
You were crying. I can’t believe you are actually crying! The urge to run up and hug you until your eyeballs popped out of your pretty little head was unimaginable.
But I didn’t move.
You let out a shaky breath, running your left hand through your messy red hair. You had only dyed it that color because she told you too.
I watched as you pushed yourself off the ground, wiping away any traces of tears and walked off down the dark alleyway, my view of you was blocked by a large green dumpster, which smelt suspiciously like fresh shit.
I decided not to dwell on what the smell actually was; I had more important things to worry about at the moment, like where the fuck you had got to, people don’t just disappear behind dumpsters never to be seen again every day you know.
Actually, maybe people *do* disappear behind dumpsters without a trace, maybe the fresh shit smell was the scent of a huge shit monster that likes to eat hot red haired men that happen to be passing by. Yeah, that’s it. I really should stop being so stupid. I have more important things to worry about than whether you had been swallowed whole by a dumpster-dwelling shit fiend.
I walked across the gritty ground, trying to make as little sound as possible. I waited for about ten minutes before following, just in case you were walking super-slow or something.
I held my breath, peering around the corner of the dumpster, expecting to be pounced on by thee hundred pounds of shit monster. But I didn’t.
Instead I got grabbed a hold of and slammed into the brick wall.
I could feel your hot breath on my face. Despite the situation I quickly ran my tongue along my lips, staring down into the eyes of a very angry Kurt.
“Decided to spy on me did you?” You asked, wry smile appearing on your face.
“No…um…yeah I did,”
“And why exactly did you decide to be my new stalker?”
“Nah, don’t worry, I’m not your stalker, you have Courtney to stalk you whenever you feel lonely,” I smiled, you didn’t smile back.
“You…still don’t understand do you?” You asked you face about an inch from mine now, I felt your breath ghost across my lips.
“I understand how…um…lonely you must be now,” I said, not being able to take my eyes off your lips now, they were glistening slightly in the sliver of moonlight showing through from between the buildings.
You pressed your body up against mine, making me whimper slightly. I gulped.
I should not be enjoying the run up to having the shit kicked out of me.
I can feel the warmth seeping from your body through my clothes.
I will not enjoy this I will not enjoy this I will NOT enjoy this.
Please don’t come any closer, or I really will end up molesting you.
You raise you face to look me directly in the eye.
“You want to know why Courtney *really* kicked the shit out of me?”
“Why would she ever want to do that?” I asked, not really concentrating on what you were saying, just your lips moving so close from mine.
“Because…” You said, pushing, if it was possible, even closer, lips only a centimeter or two from mine.
“I told her I wanted to…” You breathed, even closer. “Do this…” You said and pushed your lips against mine, bracing yourself against the brick wall, one hand either side of me.
I was kissing back; I can’t believe this is happening. I slid my hands up you back fiddling with the hem of your worn sweater, pushing up the fabric slightly.
All I care about is your lips on mine.
Shit you taste good. Alcohol, pot, cinnamon and cherries all in one. What the fuck have you been eating? Maybe its just one of those natural things like suiting red hair.
Talking of red hair, I haven’t felt the redness yet. I slid my hands up your back and into your hair, twisting it around my fingers, tugging it slightly.
So…fucking…soft…
You deprive my mouth of your kisses and move to my neck, biting and sucking. I lean my head back against the wall, taking a deep breath.
I don’t even care that I’m in a dirty alleyway that smells of piss, I don’t even care that I’m only a few meters away from the dumpster dwelling shit demon. I don’t even care that Courtney is standing right there by the door, watching me make out with you in a dark alleyway.