Notes: Hey guys. This is my first story here (: I really hope you like it! And I have to say sorry in advance for all grammar mistakes, but I just translated this story from German into English ♥ Well now, have fun with it :* Love, Jana
"100,000! Oh my god... guys, can you believe this?"
"I think, we never had that much before, Krist."
Krist stares at me. "This is going to be insane."
While my band mates try to realise that we will play the probably biggest concert of our entire life today, I try to distract myself with tuning my guitar.
"Kurt, 100,000 fans!" Krist runs up and down and throws his hands in the air.
"I think I got it. Shit, I am nervous."
We have never played in front of so many people before. Even though, not everybody of them is here because of us ,but nevertheless. Reading festival, one of the biggest rock events of the world. And we are here and are going to play live on stage... I feel sick to my stomache.
'Okay, take a deep breath. Everything will be fine', I try to tell myself over and over again. Uunfortunately, it doesn't really work.
Only 20 minutes left.
Dave and Krist disappear with the statement that they want to get some fresh air, and leave me alone in our backstage area.
At least I can rest a few minutes, now.
My fingers wander over the strings of the Fender in my hands, play a few incoherent chords on it.
Right now the band, which is one of the most discussed ones in the media at the moment, plays on stage.
Guns N' Roses.
Actually a pretty cool band. Well, if you just look at their music.
If you look at their band members...propably more like a fucking disaster.
Axl, singer, recently stated in front of about 50,000 fans that I'd be a fucking junkie!
Me! A drug addict. I wonder, why he reserves the right to say something like that. He maybe saw me two times in his life and knows nothing about my private life.
Does he want to set his worshippers against me or what the hell is wrong with this guy?
However, he cannot tell me that he or the others from the band completely live without something like that.
How they sometimes behave on stage, nobody, who is sober, acts.
In addition to that he controls women, hates gay people, forbids his fans to film the concerts and so on.
You already see how much I like him, right?
But the GNR's are luckily not my problem now. They just finished their gig and we have to play in about 15 minutes.
Oh god, my stomache...
Noo, I'm not nervous.
Okay, Kurt, nothing can go wrong... except that the technology breaks, I forget the text, trip over some cables or-
"Hey, COBAIN, nervous?" He, what? I recoil. The door to our backstage area is torn open and in front of me is nobody else than the guy about which I fret just long enough mentally.
Together with his guitarist Izzy Stradlin.
Both of them without shirts, of course they have to show their muscles to everyone here.
Sweat runs down their faces.
Is he draft or what? On the door is written in capital letters: 'NIRVANA. NO ACCES'
"Go away, Rose...", I mumble.
"Oh and what if I won't? Will you hit me then, or what?" "Ha-ha I think he already shot up to survive to show. They surely never had such a large audience "
Just ignore them, Kurt, I tell myself. Don't let them provoke you, everything is fine..
I would never want to get in a fight with him. Axl is five years older than me and at least twice as strong.
So I just look at him and roll my eyes. I have to save my energy for the show.
"Compared with you, I can play sober in front of our fans."
Axl face gets angrier immediately and he comes up dangerously near to me. Uhm, help?
He pushes his forefinger into my chest. "What do you want to say with that, huh?". His breath strongly smells like alcohol.
"Okay. WHAT do you want in here?!"
Dave! My rescue. I exhale. I don't wanna get in trouble with this arsehole before the show strars.
Immediately Izzy and Axl turn around.
Dave leans in the door and looks at them angrily.
"You will get outta here RIGHT NOW! Kurt, come on. We have to get on stage."
What, already? My heart starts to beat like crazy.
"Hmhm, okay.... "
I push Axl away from me and get up from the couch.
He and Izzy still look quite sinister.
With a "See you after the show. . . ", they finally disappear. Well, hopefully not.
"Where is Krist?", I ask Dave while we are on our way to the stage.
"He is already behind the stage. He just fought with Mr. McKagen again." Oh no, not again. . . They have to show each other how strong they are every fucking time they meet.
In addition to that, I have to say that Krist can be provoked extremely easily.
And Duff McKagan knows how to provoke him veery well.
Our bassist is indeed behind the stage, waiting for us. A quite dark bruise adorns his eye.
"I hate this guy. I hate him", he murmurs to himself. Ouch.
I sigh. "Yes, I know".
"My eye hurts and looks like shit. How can I play now, huh?"
Without waiting for another answer, he buckles on his bass.
At the next moment our performance is announced.
"And here they are. They just arrived from Seattle. Please welcome Nir. . . vanaa!"
Now it gets serious.
The people in the audience start to scream. Because of us.
With shaky knees I go on the stage. I now realise how many people are in the audience.
Oh my. . . . about 100,000 pairs of eyes stare at me expectantly.
"Good evening. . . " Wow, the most creative salutation ever.
Do I have to say something else? I think I have to announce the song.
"This is our new song 'Heart-shaped box'." The fans start to scream again.
This is a really weird feeling. To be treated by thousands of people in such a way as if I was God.
I turn round to Krist and Dave. They both nod to me to show me they are ready.
So I start to play the first notes of the song.
"I've been locked inside your heart-shapex box, for weeks-"
The nervousness slowly changes into adrenalin and we play one song after another.
The fans seem to like it. Just like it should be
Especially at 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' they scream and dance like crazy.
I don't really like the song a lot, since it is played on the radio waay to often.
But it is expected from us.
The show runs extremely well. Except for the fact that Krist in the background complaints over his aching eye all the time and that he tripped over a pedal of my amplifier during 'Lithium. I think it's just not his day.
At the end we play 'Rape me'.
After that we give thanks to all the fans and throw some guitar picks and towels into the audience.
Then we go off the stage to make room for the next gig.
I think Oasis are next. I just saw Noel Gallagher behind the stage. Whatever.
We are free for today now. There will not be autographs. There simply are too many people.
Moreover, the event will end in about two hours and we really don't wanna stay here that long.
I take off my shirt and sit down on the black couch in the backstage area. Ugh, I feel so sweaty right now.
"This.was.fucking.awesome", Dave wheezes and sits down beside me. "Indeed.."
I'm still out of breath.
A few minutes later, Krist also appears in our room. With an ice pack which he presses on his eye. "Fuck, it hurts", he moans.
I sigh. "How often did we tell you not to mess with this McKagan..?"
Without saying a word he sits down on a chair and chunters. "Humph."
"Okay and now? Hotel or somewhere else ?", Dave says to everyboady around.
"I need some alcohol. Soberly one does not stand this pain", Krist complaints.
"Okay, we can go to a bar then if you want to. Will you come with us, Kurt?"
I shrug my shoulders. "Hm, okay."
Actually, I don't wanna go anywhere now, but it's always funny to drink with Krist and Dave.
After everyone took a quick shower and put on some fresh clothes, we stand outside the festival building.
We hide behind our hoods to not be recognized.
Three young men who come from the festival building and hide behind her hoods.
But luckily nobody notices us.
"Tom said, there is a bar around the corner which has opened only for the Reading bands today." Tom is our manager and tries to give us as much privacy as possible.
"Sounds good. Do we want to go there?", I ask them. They nod.
"Well, okay. Let's go."
Five minutes later we already stand in front of the door. It was quite easy to find, tough. And Dave is something like a living navigation system. He always knows how to find everything.
After we have knocked, a strong, bald-headed man opens us and looks at us from the top to the bottom.
"Today this bar is only opened for bands from the Reading festival", he teaches us. Oh really?
"Well...." I take off my hood and show him my face. "I think we have to go then. We are only Kurt, Dave and Krist."
The eyes of the guy widen and he looks a bit ashamed.
"Oops..uhm...come in, guys."
Dave grins and Krist and I follow him into the inside of the bar.
Woah, it's really big in here. Everywhere are tables of dark wood and there is a bar on the complete right wall. At least eight people are running around behind it.
Krist beside me sighs. "What's wrong?", I ask him confused.
He points at a table in the very back corner. "This is wrong. The Gunners are here."
I turn my head and look directly into the filthy grin of Duff McKagan.
"Fantastically... can we please go home?"
"Oh, come on, guys, we don't let them spoil the party, okay? As long as they leave us alone, everything is fine", Dave interrupts our conversation.
"Well, if you think so." I am not convinced, but okay.
Without looking at them again, we sit down directly to the bar, as far as possible away from them.
Krist, by the way still holding an ice pack in his hand, orders a tequila.
Dave and I order a beer.
We start to gush about the show and talk about some nonsense things.
Besides, we do not notice how fast the time passes. When I looked at a clock the last time, it was 1 o' clock in the morning.
Luckily we have a day off tomorrow. Otherwise we could not afford this.
Meanwhile it is 1:30 a.m. and our bassist can hardly sit straight on his chair.
"Krist, you really have to get drunk every single time, huh?"
Dave holds him, before he falls down from his stool.
"Hee? I'm not even drunk", he babbles.
"No, you're totally sober, right?", I laugh. "Sureee. But my eye doesn' hurt anymore, g-great, hn?"
He throws the ice pack on the floor.
While my band colleagues still discuss whether Krist is got drunk or not, I start to wonder about the fact that Axl and Co really left us alone until now.
I turn my head and look around. Okay, they are still here. Very weird.
Just at this moment Slash and Axl start to laugh and get up from their chairs. Okay?
But instead of heading for us, they head for the dance floor.
Ha-ha, I have to take a look at that.
I turn round a little bit on my chair and observe them unobtrusively.
At first they are just standing around while holding their drinks. Axl dangerously staggers. Seems to be just as drunk as Novoselic. No wonder that he does not notice that we are here.
After some time he starts to move his hips in time to the music.
Quite slowly from one to the other side. He lays his arms on Slashs shoulders and continues. Okaay? I think, the black-haired guy feels a bit stupid right now.
Hmh, okay...this guy is kinda really good at dancing.
Uhm, are you okay, Kurt !? I think, I maybe drunk a few beer too much.
Otherwise I would not think such weird things like that.
Meanwhile, Axl continues his little dance.
From time to time he closes his eyes, run's his fingers through his strawberry blonde hair or throws his arms in the air.
Whenever he does this, his shirt rucks up a bit and bares his pale skin.
And what am I doing? I'm a little drunk, sit at my bar stool and... stare at him, even if I don't know why. Where is this hatred feeling for him?
This is the guy who once called me a junkie in public! Who provokes me constantly and whose friend hit one of my best friends today.
I have no reason to stare at him. Except if I considered how I could pay him back the drug story.
But I don't have any negative thoughts right now.
"Okay, Kurt?" A tap on my shoulder makes me feel like getting a heart attack. I spin around and look into Daves face. "What did you say?", I croak.
I did not even notice that I completely ignored my friends for the last minutes.
He frowns. "Ehm, I said I'll bring Krist to the hotel and come back again then? Are you okay?"
I swallow to clear my throat. "Yes..., yes, of course. I will wait here until you are back. Of course, everything is okay..."
"You stare around with this vacant expression all the time ." "Uhm, I...."
"Kurtiii", Krist interrupts me. "Why do you stare at the GNRs all the time, huhhh?"
Okay, he really needs to go to the hotel, before he destroys something or vomits on the ground.
"We better go now. See you." Our drummer smiles at me. I smile back and they disappear. "Bye, Kurt!", Krist roars once again, so that really everybody gets that I am here.
Hopefully Dave will be back fast. It's quite boring to sit here alone.
I don't even know half of the people who are here.
The only ones who I recognise are Oasis which had her show when we finished (but I don't really wanna talk to them) and...yeah, who? I think, I do not have to mention it again.
Lost in my thoughts I turn my head again to the dance floor and... wow, Axl and Slash are not there any more. They now sit at their desk again together with Duff, Steven and Izzy and drink on
I think, drinking is a really good idea. Otherwise I'll probably not get rid of these weird thoughts I just had.
So I do it like Krist, and order two shots of tequila.
The clear liquid burns in my throat. The structures of the bar start to blurr more and more and I have to wink several times to be able to look straight forward.
When will Dave come back?
I don't even know how far the hotel is away from here.
After another 15 minutes I just rest my head on the table.
This may be quite stereotype-drunk, but I don't care.
I feel dizzy and warm. I close my eyes.
If I fall asleep, somebody will probably wake me.
But I do not think that this will happen.
My mind's eye just shows me exactly the things I just observed intensively.
Strawberry blonde hair, muscularity, narrow hips which move to and fro.
Fuck... I hit my forehead to make it stop.
But the pictures simply don't want to disappear.
What time is it? 2 a.m. maybe? Or even later?
I feel almost like falling asleep, when I hear how somebody sits down beside me.
"Dave?", I mumble indistinctly, so that he certainly did not even hear it.
I raise my head and see... no, not Dave...I look straight into a pair of blue-greyish eyes, that is set on me.
"Are you okay?", my counterpart mumbles at least as indistinctly as me.
"What do you want, Rose?...", I return irritated. I mean, he is the reason why I feel this weird.
He looks vacant.
"Why did you just stare at me?" His eyes flash.
And I'm surely blushing right at this moment.
"Are you fucking with me? Why should I stare at you?", I return reflex.
How did he even recognize this? I cannot remember that he looked into my direction while he and Slash were dancing.
"Duff said, you did. So?" Oh man, unfriendly, as usual.
And Duff... what an arsehole.
"Then tell your friend, he should not talk bollocks".
His eyes widen dangerously. "Bo--bo,..." I think, he wanted to say bollocks, but right at this moment he loses his balance and tilts backwards.
I grab his arm automatically. Uhm.....
Why exactly did you not let Axl simply fall down, Kurt? He would have deserved it, he called you a drug addict!
Apparently my brain doesn't work so well after the tequila shots.
Axls eyes widen even more. Probably he's in shock.
I cannot keep back a laughter. Ha-ha, this just looks too amusing.
His eyes narrow a bit. Oops. Maybe I should not laugh at him? Woah, please, don't get mad now, Rose.
But no, this does not happen. Instead, a wide grin appears on his face.
Huh, did I miss something?
He sits up straight again and laughs on. About what, is questionable.
It doesn't take long, and both of us laugh like crazy.
If Dave would walk in now, he'd probably think I'm insane.
By the way ... he is STILL not here.
Slow but steady I start to think, he doesn't feel like coming back to the bar.
"Okay, so why did you stare at me?" Immediately his mine gets more serious again.
Does he have mood swings or what?
"I.did.not.stare.at.you. Why should I even, huh?" I roll my eyes.
"Hm, I don't know.." While he says this, he takes off his black muscle shirt and now sits in front of me completely bare-chested.
Uhm...it's indeed quite warm in here.
"Well..." I swallow and look down on the bar.
"I don't do drugs, by the way", I try to change the subject.
Axl grins. "Oh really?" I shake my head. "You really should not have said that in front of so many people."
"Hm." He only shrugs.
"Arsehole", I murmur. "What did you say?" "Nothing..."
I don't know if I should be annoyed or if I should be glad that he talks to me without shellacing me.
"This...", I point at the table where the other GNR's are sitting "is staring."
Slash, Duff, Izzy and Steven have turned their faces into our direction and, yes, they stare at us.
"I think they want us to fight or something like that", Axl responds.
"Will we do them this favour?", I answer.
"Mhm, no, I don't beat people who are younger and weaker than me." Pfff...weak and young.
Well, my upper arms are maybe half as thick than his, but, nevertheless.
I can probably defend myself.
"Not? I thought, you'd hate me." "Yeah, when I'm sober."
I laugh. "If I was sober, I probably wouldn't even talk to you."
The grin on his face appears again.
"You know, Cobain, actually you're really o.k."
Okayy? Eh, thanks, the same to you?
"Heey, this song is awesome. Let's dance a bit." Is he serious?!
Axl Rose has not just really asked if I wanted to DANCE with him.
I look at him with a mixture of confusion and shock. "Hmm, I can't dance."
"Me neither, never mind." Hahaha, of course, he neither.
He jumps off his stool and nearly falls down once again.
"No, I dont wanna...", I persist on my opinion.
God, I really can't dance. It would be fucking embarassing, especially when all those people here look at me.
At the next moment Axl grabs my wrist and trails me along behind him.
I now notice how drunk I really am. "Woah, my head is spinning."
I hold my forehead.
Whatever, Mr. Rose apparently doesn't feel like he wants to start a discussion with me. He's heading for the dance floor.
"Ha-ha, look how everybody's staring. They surely think we are gay."
Said the Homophobe. "Yes, definitely, Axl..."
He can't be all there!
I'm really a bit unsteady on my feet.
A few steps later we arrive at the crowded dance floor.
All I do is just to stand around and do nothing.
"You have to move, Kurt. Look." He moves his body in time of the music.
"I'm not able to do that", I moan.
He sighs. "Then let me show you how to do it."
He puts his hands on my hips, they hold me. Oh my God... how drunk is he?
And how drunk am I to let him do this?
I stare at him a little bit shocked, whereupon he only shrugs and grins at me.
"To and fro." He moves his hands on my hips and tries to make me dance.
Oh god, I feel so stupid.
Then, finally, after some negative attempts, Axl seems to understand that it's pointless and so I just stand there and move my feet a little while he does half a striptease in front of me. I mean, his shirt is already off.
Hmm, since when does he acutally have a nipple piercing?
The small, metallic ring resonates with every move he makes.
Well, I think meanwhile everybody got it that he's a good dancer.
"Uhhh, this is our song!", he shouts over the music music while the first notes from 'Welcome to the Jungle' blast from the boxes. I grin and Axl probably thinks, he's on the stage. In any case, he does the same movements, that he always does live when they perform the song.
I think, I really don't want to know, how many of the people round us stare at us now.
So I just look straight forward without turning my head right or left.
The redhead puts his hands on my hips, again. Does he still not want to give up?
I sigh. Can we not go simply go back to the bar? Slowly but surely this is getting a bit too much.
But instead of leaving, he comes one step closer to me. Woah?
He leans his head forward, until his lips reach my ear.
'Welcome to the jungle, feel my, my, my serpen - tine...", he whispers the lyrics while he moves his hips close to mine.
Hng...why does this make my flesh crawl? This is such a weird day...
Axl grins again and goes one step backwards, while I just stare at him slack-jawed.
What was that? This nearly seemed like he wanted to try to turn me on.
Of course, that would never work... uhm. Can he please stop to look at me like that?
Dave reaally could come back now and take me to our hotel...
I don't think I would ever find the way to it now. My head feels muzzy and that is not only because I drank too much alcohol..
"Can we go outbound for a moment.?", my counterpart asks.
I nod. "Hm, okay."
A bit fresh air will be good for I think. It is extremely musty in here and, moreover, it's not possible to have a conversation without shouting at each other.
His hand grabs my wrist once again and trails me along behind him. Oh, dear...
Under the very confused looks of his band mates I follow him outside through kind of a back door.
Finally some fresh air! I take a few deep breaths to fill my lungs with the fresh night air.
"Why are yo' actually that nice, hu?" Now my voice sounds quite rough.
"I don't know. Should I better annoy you?", he croaks. I shake my head. "No".
Nobody else is here outside, only me and him.
I lean my head against the cold stone wall of the building and close the eyes. Only for a few seconds. Hmm.
"Hee, don't fall alseep, okay?", I hear Axl talking next to me.
"Hmm, no I won't."
"Oh my God, AXL ROSE!!!!", suddenly somebody close to us screams.
I open my eyes and recognise two girls standing in front of the fence.
Did they really stand there all the time and waited for someone famous to come out?
Because both of them have either not recognised me or think I'm uninteresting, I simply don't say a word.
Axl turns round irritated.
"What do you want? I am busy", he grunts.
"But....", one of the girl starts to stammer. "What, but? You better disappear, before I have to tell the barkeeper we are getting bothered here."
Without saying another word the both turn around and walk away with hanging heads.
Oh, poor girls...
Rose turns around again. "Are you stupid? You cannot treat your fans like that!", I roar.
His eyes narrow. Oh oh. "As you see, I do treat my fans like that."
"Pff... " I only answer.
I would never be so nasty to my fans. I would not be able to do this at all, I would get a bad conscience then.
Axl comes dangerously near to me, places both arms beside my head and looks at me angrily.
"Do you want to tell me how I have to treat MY fans, Cobain?", he snarls.
He firmly looks into my eyes. His breath touches my face over and over again.
I swallow hard and look at him a little bit frightened. If he now wants to beat me, I have nobody who could help me.
His face gets closer, his eyes scrutinise me. "Yes?"
I do not know what I should do or what exactly his problem is.
"I...eh..didn't meant it like that, but...they looked so sad and uhm.."
Closer... slow but steady this gets really strange.
"It's okay. I got it.", he whispers. What does he want then?
Also his feet do a step forward, his hips lean against mine.
"Axl?....", I croak. Okay, why is it suddenly so hard to breathe normally?
"Hmm?", he returns.
"What..." I swallow once again "...are you doing?"
"Nothing...", he murmurs.
In the next moment he closes his eyes and before I even have the time to wonder what he wants to do, I can feel his lips on my mouth.