I sit on the my bed smoking, just lost in my own thoughts, down the hall I can hear the snoring from Krist. God he snors like a bear, why does he half to, makes me want to go in there and kick him awake. I laugh. Yeah, but I'm too nice for that. In the other room, sound perfectly asleep is Kurt. Kurt is like so perfect, blond hair, beautiful blue eyes. Everything just about him is perfect. The lead singer of our band, and guitarist. I haven't known Kurt long, but he knows I'm always there for him if he needs anything. I'm not sure why he got attached to me so fast, he thinks I'm his favorite, but what I don't get is Krist and Kurt knew each other way before Kurt and I met.
I hear a bedroom door open and I seen Kurt come into my room. Wrapped in his favorite big quilt he has, he lays down beside me on my bed. I stare down at him, I noticed he's still sleepy. I run m hand through his hair.
"What?" I asked, happy.
He doesn't answer. He does this sometimes, doesn't want to talk. It's just one of his moods.
"You know, I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is." I tell him, trying to talk to him as if he's a little kid.
Kurt might be two years older than me, but I still think of him as the child of our group. I don't know why, he just seems that way. And it's good, because he can pull it off.
"Had another nightmare." He said, mumbling.
I still run my hand through his hair, he sits up and takes the cigarettes from me and takes a puff.
"Want to talk about it?" I asked.
Kurt always had night terrors. Not sure why, but he always comes running to me when he has them.
"We were on stage. I was playing guitar, you drums and Krist bass."
"As always."
Kurt looks up at me.
"Sorry, go on."
"Was having a good show. I run off stage for something, then when I come back on, everything fades away. Like just went black, then I woke up." Kurt explained.
"Hmm. That's a strange dream. But Kurt. They're just dreams, not true."
"I know. At the end, it was like, we all just died."
I looked down at him.
"Kurt, we're not going anywhere. You're not going anywhere."
"I know."
We were silent for a minute, then Kurt broke the silence.
"Dave?" He asked.
"Yeah?"
"Do you ever wonder about killing yourself?" He asked.
I looked at him, where the fuck did he come up with that. But he is Kurt Cobain.
"No, and you shouldn't either."
"I know, but do you really think there's an afterlife. Like there's something out there, we aren't seeing?"
"Everyone has their own oppinons on death. People believe in afterlife and some don't."
"I'd love to know how it feels. To die and then be brought back to life."
I stare at him.
"Are you high?" I looked into his eyes, he doesn't seem high, just tired. He laughs.
"No, I was just wondering how it would feel."
"I'd feel horrible!" I told him.
He shrugged.
"Maybe not to me. I think I'd like it."
I shook my head no. Why was he talking like this?
"Dave, how would you like to die?" He asked.
"God Kurt, why are you so interested in death?" I asked.
"Because. Ever since that dream, I just can't stop thinking about it.
"How would you like to die?" I asked, turning the question on him.
He smiled.
"Overdose, car crashed,stabbed, accident at a concert, murdered."
Then he gazed up into my eyes and looked at me with his dark blue eyes.
"Bullet through the head." He said, strong and powerful.
I was shocked at the last one. I grabbed the ciggerett from him.
"You're cut off! No more tv for you." He laughed and feel back down on the bed.
I thought for a minute.
"Bullet through the head, by your self, or someone else do it?" I asked.
He gave me another cold hard stare.
"Depends...on what the exact reason is." He said.
I remember, as I stare at the bench in front of Kurt's house. I remember everything about that night. It makes me break in crying. There is no gravestone for Kurt, so there's really no where to go to talk to him. Could go into the house, but ever since he was found, no one will ever walk through that house again. They say Kurt's spirit lives on in that house, and if those walls could talk. Wow, it'd have a whole lot to say.
"I miss you." I say, gazing up into one of the windows. And I could swear I seen something staring back at me, but could be my imagination. I just had to come here and see him one more last time.
"I'll always love you." I say, looking at the house one more last time and then walking away for good.