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Archivist's Note: These chapters are all that I was able to find of this story. If you have the full story, please consider sharing it.

Chapter 22

I woke up later in the day. I've notice James wasn't around, that's good. I look down at my wrist where I used to inject the heroin. I pushed the thought away and got off the bed and throw on some new clothes. I stopped, I seen my bedroom door opens. It's Mia. I went over and hugged her.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked, I haven't seen Mia in a while.

"I'm good." She laughed. "I see you're better."

"Um..Kind of."

"Hey, I was wondering, want to go grab some lunch or something?"

I looked away.

"Sure, I'll met you some where in about half an hour, there's something I half to do first."

She looked puzzled.

"Where you going?"

"Just out to met someone." I kissed her. "I'll met you at a restaurant in an hour."

"Alright. Well just call me when you get done of what you're doing." She said, walking out of the room.

I'm glade she's gone now. I ran over and grabbed my phone and started to dial a number.

"Kurt Cobain, haven't heard from you in a while, whatcha need man?" A guy asked.

"I need to see you. FAST!"


"Right now. As soon as you can."

"I can met you right now. Come on over to my house."

"Thanks." I told him, hanging up the phone.

I know I shouldn't be doing this, for the sake of Mia and our little baby, but it's the only way.

I drove over to Jamie's house, was actually lucky to make it past Kirst and Dave, they stopped me at the steps asking where am I going. I told them out. They thought I shouldn't, but I can do what I want. I open the car door and walk up to the house.

"Hey Kurt. Come in." He said.

"Hey Jamie. So,you got what I need?" I asked.

"Yup, just need to know how much."

"Um..20 should do."

He looked at me shock.

"No. That's way too much for you."

I rolled my eyes.

"Jamie, I'm not going to take it all at once."

"You promise you wont?"

"I promise."

He took out the stuff, and gave it to me.

"I don't understand, you haven't came to see me in a month. What changed your mind?" Jamie asked.

"Some things have happen, bad things."

"Too you or others?"

"Me and someone else."

He frowned.

"Awe, what happen?"

"Why do you care?" I asked, not trying to be mean.

"Kurt, I'm your friend."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You're my drug dealer."

"Drug dealers can also be friends."

I smiled, knowing that I have a friend is a good feeling. But friends are nothing more but enemies, they always leave me. I sat down and told him everything that happen between Mia, Belinda and I, and even Dave.

"God Kurt, you need to be locked up in a mental institution." He said, seriously!

I laughed.

"You have no idea how many times someone had said that."

"Well it's true!"

"I know, need to get me off the streets, that crazy huh. Well the first person to get me away I'll give them five thousand bucks for it."

"Kurt, I'm not saying you're insane or crazy. I'm just saying you need help through this, that you're going through. You really think the drugs would help?" Jamie asked.

I laughed.

"Drugs don't help, they make you think they're helping when all they're doing is tearing you apart on the inside And destroying your life and who you once were."

He gave me a crazed look.

"Then why did you come to me asking for them?"

I locked eyes with him and smiled, then shrugged.

"Maybe I am that crazy."

He tilted his head to me.

"Kurt, if you can tell me that about drugs, you're not crazy, you don't need them. What you need is friends and loved ones, someone to help you out, but I'll give you the drugs."

"Thanks. I told him." My cellphone ranged.

"Hey Mia. Just give me a second and I'll be on my way." I tell her, and then hung up.

"I don't want to see you destroy your life." Jamie said, handing me the packets.

"I wont. Promise I'll just do them for a month or so and quit."

"I hope so."

I smiled and left. I walked down to my car, opened the door and looked at the drugs. I thought about what Jamie and I just talked about. Maybe I am crazy, maybe I do need put anyway. I don't know. Then I questioned. Is this really what I want, what I need, what to put Mia through and put Krist and Dave back through this again. I banged my head on the steering wheel. I'm just totally fucked up right now. Nothing is ever going to be the same ever again. My head started pounding, from when I hit my head just two minutes ago. I looked back over to the drugs.


I walked into the restaurant where I was suppose to met Mia. I seen her and walked over to her. I kissed her and sat down.

"How are you?" She asked me.

"I'm good, doing a whole lot better. How are you?"

"I'm good. And the baby also." She said, touching her stomach.

"Still needs a name doesn't he or she?" I said.


"Can't wait to be a father."

"You're going to be a great father Kurt. I see the way you are with Vada."

"By the way, how is Vada?"

"She misses you."

"Yeah, I miss her. And I missed you."

She smiled.

"I missed you also."

I looked down, my hair falling into my face.

"I was talking to an old friend today." I say.


"I told him everything that had happen. He said...He said, that maybe I should be taken away."

She looked confused.

"Taken away?"

"Yeah, to a hospital, he thinks I'm insane."

She reached over and grabbed my hand.

"Hey, listen to me! There is nothing wrong with you. You're just going through a bad time right now."

"Mia, my life is fucked up. I can't do anything right."

"That's not true! You have a lot of good things going on for you."

"I guess. I don't know. Hey, can we get out of here. I don't really feel that hungry." I say.

"Alright. Lets go."

Then her and I got up to leave.

Chapter 23

Mia and I came into the Nirvana house laughing. I feel so much better now. I'm glade to have her back into my life. I kissed her.

"Look who's back." Krist said coming over to us.

I stopped kissing Mia, and looked at him smiling.

"Yeah, he had an awesome day." I said.

I looked at Mia.

"Hey, why don't you go get Vada, and we'll go to the park?" I asked.

"Sure, she'd love that."

Mia walked out the door. I went over to the kitchen to grab something to eat.

"Kurt, I'm glade to see you finally up and walking around and having fun." Krist said.

"Me to. I feel so much better, not sure why."

"Could it be...Mia?"

I smiled.

"Maybe." I said laughing.

He gave me a smile.

"Is the famous Kurt Cobain in love?" He teased.

"Shut up." I say happy.

"You know all them girls that are after you are going to be jealous."

"Ha. Well they can be jealous all they want. Don't I deserve to be happy also?"

"Well yeah, but You know how many girls want to fuck you."

I smiled

"They can still have me. Just not in a relationship."

"But you and Mia are in a relationship."

"I meant, they can have me for like after shows, not in a relationship like Mia and I share."

Krist laughed.

"God, you're insane."

I smiled.

"I know. Insane enough to put me away?" I asked.

Krist looked at me.

"What the fuck does that mean?" He asked.

"Nothing, was just joking." I told him. I looked around.

"Where's Dave?"

"Went to go visit Belinda."

I looked sad.

"Oh. Well, hope she's doing alright."

"Kurt, you alright?"

I looked up. Yeah, hey I got to go, met Mia." I said, getting up and leaving. Krist grabbed my arm.

"Kurt, you know if you need anyone to talk to. I'm always here."

I walked away not saying anything. I ran into the bathroom, and pulled out a syrenge. I laid it on the counter and stared up into the merrior. I took a deep breath, and hit the wall not once, but four times.

I walked into the park and seen Mia playing with Vada, I smiled and walked over to them.

"Hey, was getting worried." Mia said.

"Sorry, was talking to Krist."

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah. He just told me Dave was going to be visiting Belinda for a few days."


I noticed she was looking at my hand.

"Kurt, what happen?" She asked, taking my hand.

I winced, because it hurt a little when she touched it.


"Kurt it's swollen. You need to get it looked at. How did you fall?" She asked.

"Fell down some stairs." I lied. I was good at lieng.

"Stairs. You should really go to the hospital!"

"No. I'm alright. It's just swollen."

"Alright, but for now."

She took my hand and wrapped it in her scarf she was wearing.

"Thanks." I said.

"No problem. But Kurt, I'm worried about you."

"Mia, don't be. I'm fine."


I looked over and seen Vada coming up to me with a flower.

"Awe, Vada that's so sweet." I told her, taking the flower.

Mia picked up Vada and sat her on her lap.

"That's because she gets it from her mommy."

I smiled over at her, and she smiled back. Vada got up and walked over to the swings to play.

"Ow." Mia said.

I looked over and her and noticed she was holding her stomach.

"What's wrong?"

"The baby. Just kicked."

I bust out laughing, and felt her stomach, I felt the baby kick. Her and I locked eyes.

"I love you." I said.

She looked at me shocked.

"I love you to."

It's been two days now since I seen Mia. She went to go visit her mom over in some part of Seattle. She asked me to come along with her, but I refused, and anyways Dave's came back today. Alone, and I wanted to spend the day with him. Dave and I haven't spent a day together ever since the accident. I walked down the hall to his bedroom.

"Surprise!" I said, running in and jumping on his bed.

"Kurt!" He screamed.

"Glade you're back, how was Olympia?" I asked.

"It was nice. Belinda still griving over the loss, but she's doing better."

I frowned, but then looked happy.

"I'm glade she's doing better."

"Yeah, me to."

He looked down and saw my hand.

"What's this?" He asked, holding up my bandaged hand. Mia made me go to the hospital, and they said it was broken.

I looked away and laughed.

"I..Um..Feel down...Some stairs."


"But I'm all good, it's just broken, it'll heal in two months."

Dave laughed.

"God Kurt, you're so accident pron."

"Yeah. I am, but that's not the point."

"Oh and what is the point?"

I sighed and looked up at the celing.

"I don't know." I laughed.

Dave laughed also.

"Why are you so hyper?" He asked.

"I don't know. Maybe sugar rush." I lied, knowing the real reason why I'm hyper off my ass.

"Alright, well sugar rush maybe needs some sleep."

"Nah. I'm fine without it."

"Broken arm and I sugar rush, surprised you're not passed out."

"I could be." Bitting my lower lip, shouldn't have said that.

"What's that mean?"

I had to cover. I got up and jumped around.

"I don't know, hey lets go do something, you want to go do something." I asked, not breathing between sentences.

Dave came over to me.

"Calm the fuck down."

I jumped around some more.

"I can't, I can't I can't...Too hyper." I said, heavy breathing again.

"Kurt!" Dave screamed, placing his hands on my shoulders.

I noticed I was starting to shake, but I didn't let it bother me, it's just a side a fect.

"Kurt, calm the fuck down, you're shaking, what's wrong?" He asked, trying to get answers.

But I'm tough and can't be broken.

"Nothing, nothing is wrong, I'm just in such a good mood. I want to go party or something can we?"

"No, I think you need some rest, at this rate you're going to kill your self."

"No I wont, can't die from being this much hyper."

"Um yes you can!"

"No!!" I said.

Dave grabbed my arm.

"Kurt, you're pules is racing, what the fuck did you do?" He screamed.

"Nothing,stop asking me, it's sugar, Krist gave me so much sugar."

Dave held my shoulders and made me look at him.

"No Kurt, this isn't some dam sugar rush, what the fuck did you do?!" He screamed.

I titled my head back and rolled my eyes.

"Ahh." I said, and feel out of Dave's grip.

But he restrained me and took me to the bathroom.

"Hey, what are you doing?" I asked, confused.

"Trying to get you to calm down."

I noticed Dave was turning on the shower, and then he throw me into the shower, the water was ice cold.

"Dave, stop!" I yelled.

"No, whatever you did, it's making you act this way, you can die Kurt."

"Dave, it's too cold!"

"I know, but you need to calm down."

I got down on my knees and put my hands up like I was praying. The water is ice cold and I'm freezing.

"I'm clean. I'm clean, stop!" I pleaded, and then laid down in the tub.

Dave sighed and turned off the shower. I laid there coughing up water I swolled. My hair and my clothes are all soaked, not to mention my converse shoes. I looked at him, then turned my head and closed my eyes. Dave picked me up and carried me to his room, he laid me down in his bed and pulled the covers over me. I was freezing, because I still had the wet clothes on.

"Should have took off the clothes." Dave said.

I looked up at him.

"It's a-alright, you had t-to d-o this." I tried to say, but was freezing.

Dave ran his fingers through my wet hair.

"I know. Now sleep." He said.

I closed my eyes and slipped into Kurtland.

Chapter 24


I smile, I've very happy, one day Dave and I will have are special moment, wont be tomorrow, or the next day or the next week. But I know will have it, and it's going to make him and I both happy. I laid back down on Dave's bed as I got dressed, dam I can't believe he ruined my shoes, I fucking loved them shoes, I hate running around barefooted, I'm always afraid I was going to step on something and get hurt. Knowing around this house, who knows what you'll find. I cleared my head. I should go see Mia today, but I kind of think she's busy with Vada. She texted me yesterday saying Vada had a doctors appointment today. I sighed getting up off the bed, today was going to be a very boring day. I noticed Dave coming back into the room.

"You're still in here?" He asked, shutting the door.

"Yeah, got dressed like you said, but dam, there's nothing to do. Might as well just stay in bed all day."

"Woah, what's this? This isn't like you. You're usually always hyped up and wanting to go some where."

I sighed.

"Well not today. I just feel like laying here and being all depressed."



"Since when is Kurt Cobain depressed?"

I shrugged.

"I don't know."

I laid back down on the bed, and pulled the covers over me. Dave cocked his head and came over, sitting on the side on the bed.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing. Just tired." I lied.

"Awe Pixie." He said, touching the side of my face. I stare up at him. Pixie, he hasn't called me that in forever.

"Don't." I say turning away from him.

"Don't what?"

"Don't call me that."

"Why not. It's so cute and it fits you."

I laughed. It was cute. Krist came into the room, he never knocks, and he really needs to learn.

"Hey all guess what?" He said.

"What?" Dave asked.

"We just got the dates for our next tour."

I opened my mouth. Singing again. How could I ever, I still don't feel like it. Dave got up and looked at the papers, then handed one to me. Me hands shook by taken the parper. Dave noticed, but didn't say anything. I scanned through the dates and then stopped! Something caught my eye, something that I never thought about until now. The tour date was in Tokyo, just like the dream I had. I was getting ice cream with the guys, until I walked into the middle of the road and was hit by a car. I screamed and through the paper.

"Kurt, what's wrong?" Dave asked.

I didn't answer him. He tightend his grip in my wrist.

"Kurt! What's wrong?" He asked again.

"Nothing...Just. Thought I seen something." I lied.

Dave sighed.

"Pixie, stop scaring us like that!" Dave screamed.


"What did you see?" Krist asked.

"Nothing, nevermind.

Dave, who was not breaking eye contact with me, didn't believe me.

"Must been my imagintion." I say.

"Kurt, get some sleep." Krist said, walking out of the room.

I laid back down on the bed. Dave took my hand and held it.

"What am I going to do with you?" He said, smiling.

I looked up at him.

"Put me away!" I say.

Dave, who has had enough of me talking like that, climmed on top and held me down.

"Stop fucking talking like that. No one is going to put you away, nothing is wrong with you!" He screamed.

I laughed. Then he reached down and started kissing me, I kissed back. Then that's when I felt it. Sharp, burning pain, right in the linning of my stomach. I through my head back. Fuck it hurt so bad, but I tried not to have Dave noticed. I don't want to go back to the hospital. I broke away from the kiss. Breathing heavy and staring at him.

Two hours later, we were all at the club called The Roxy. We were suppose to have a show here, to start off our tour. I was so nervous I wasn't sure if I could be able to do this. Since it was our first show after about a month or so. Dave invited Belinda to come down and hear us play. This broke my heart even more. I couldn't be around here yet, and it still breaks my heart to see her and Dave together.

"I'm so glade you decided to come and here us play." Dave told her.

"Me to. Living back with my mom is driving me in sane."

Dave laughed.

"Well, come back and stay at the house with us."

"I can't. I just can't experience that just right now."

"I understand. But Bell, you know a couple grows stonger by healing together."

"I know. And I miss you."

"Then come back."

"It's just too soon." Belinda said.

I was actually kind of hoping for Belinda to not come back. It's the only real free time Dave and I get to be together, without her coming in and ruing it ever two minutes. My good friend James from Metallica was here. I'm so glade he's here. It makes me calm down some.

"Hey kid." He said, walking over towards me.

"Hi James."

"Hey, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure." I tell him.

We walk off into another room, it was more of a private room, so no one can bother you.

"Sit down." James said, I looked at him. Why was he using this kind of tone with me. We both sit down at a round table that was in the middle of the room.

"I know about the drug addiction." He said.

My eyes got big, oh no I'm fucked.

"How?" I asked.

"The way you're acting, your hands shaking. Kurt, don't lie to me. How long?"

"Since the accident."

He closed his eyes and sighed.

"But I haven't been doing it everday."

"When was the last time you used, and what was it?"

I closed my eyes to remember.

"The last time I used was three days ago, but I took a hit this afternoon."

"And what did you use?"

"Heroin and cocaine."

"Mixed together?"

I shook my head yes. I looked surprised.

"What the fuck Kurt! That's a bad idea!"

"No you don't understand." I said, getting up. But the buring pain hit into my stomach again. I grabbed my stomach and sat back down.

"What, what don't I understand. My best friends a drug addicted now!" He screamed.

"I'm not a drug addicted. I'm not hooked."

"Dave said you said that the last time. If you're not hooked give them up."

I looked over to him.

"I'll give them up. I promise." I said, breathing heavy.

"Good. Now if I ever see you again with this shit. I'll get a gun, and I'll kill you."

I looked back up to him. But I knew he just wanted to see me better.

"I promise."

James got up and came over to me. He gave me a hug and I returned it. Then, we locked eyes, then the next thing I noticed I was kissing him, lips to lips, tongue to tongue. Oh fuck, I'm making a mistake, a mistake and I can't stop. He breaks away.

"Oh fuck, Kurt I'm sorry!" He said. I stare at him not saying anything.

Then I push him into a corner and start kissing him back. I couldn't resisist, I couldn't help myself. Oh Dave I'm so sorry. He's going to kill me, but at this rate I don't care. I felt my heart race, it feels like it's beating out of my chest.

"Kurt?" I heard someone say.

James and I break away, and no no my life is over. Dave, standing in the middle of the room, looking at James and I. I breath heavy. No.

"How could you. I thought you loved me." Dave said, then walked away.

I ran forward.

"No. Dave!" I screamed. Then I feel to the ground, my stomach started to burn again.

"Kurt!" James yelled.

I pushed him away.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed at him, and then ran after Dave.

Dave was walking down a street, allyway actually. No one was around think god.

"Dave stop! I need to explain." I yell.

He turned to me, face full of tears and anger.

"Explain! What's there to explain about. I saw you, kissing your new lover! How dare you." He yelled.

I shivered. I've never seen Dave this angry and it scared me. I walked towards me and I backed up. I half to get away from him. But I couldn't. He grabbed my arms and held me up by the wall.

"You fucking slut! How are dare you."

"No, I'm sorry. That wasn't suppose to happen, him and I weren't suppose to kiss. I love you. You're the one I want. James is nothing to me." I tried to explain.

"Oh shut up! I'm tired of your lies. You killed my baby and now you want to cheat on me. Well go be a slut, because I'm through with you!" Dave yelled, letting me go.

I started to cry. He just said I killed his baby. I burst into tears. And then I did something I knew I'd regret.

"Well at least James could be a better fuck that you ever could!" I yelled.

I seen Dave stop, he turned back towards and came over. I wanted to run away, but couldn't. I smacked me so hard against the head I feel down to the pavement and blacked out.

Chapter 24a


I sit down at the table remember what just happen to Kurt, fourty five minutes ago. I swore to myself not to let Kurt sleep long, because he was soaked in his own clothes. I knew I should have took the off, but he was freezing and shaking I had to get him warmth. I just don't understand, he was all fine one minute and then all of a sudden he just got so hyper like a little kid with A.D.H.D. But that can't be right, because Kurt doesn't have that.

"Hey Dave." I looked up and noticed Krist coming over to me.

"Hey Krist."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just something strange about Kurt."

Krist rolled his eyes.

"What now?"

"I don't know, one minute he was all fine, on the bed just talking and then the next, he just exploded into this big hyperness. He kept saying it was a sugar rush, that you gave him a bunch of sugar."

Krist looked confused.

"I didn't give him any candy or anything. Why would he lie about something like that?"

"To try and cover up something. Krist you should have seen the way he was acting. It was strange. He was like bouncing off the walls. I couldn't get him to calm down. I had to put him in the shower and spray cold water on him. Then when I got done with that, he seemed so tired, worn out." I explained.

"So what do you think?" Krist asked.

"Drugs, heroin, cocaine." I said.

"He promised he wouldn't, did you see any needle marks on his arms?"

"No, just the cast, where he broke his arm is all."

"Maybe it was a bad reaction to the pills his doctor subscribed."

"Pain medication? No, wouldn't give you a hypeness like that."

"So, then. I don't know Dave, you know how Kurt is hyper. Maybe he was just messing around?"

"No. I know he's not, something isn't right. You didn't see what I saw." I gazed up at the clock, then got up and walked into my bedroom. I went over to Kurt.

"Hey, wake up. Come on, if you sleep any more longer you'll die." I told him.

He pushed me away. Kurt never wants to be woken up by anyone.

"Kurt come on. You're clothes are still soaked, you half to get out of them."

"No. Sleep, want to sleep."

"You can't."

"Ahh, fuck."

Kurt decided to wake up, knowing that I wasn't going to leave him alone.

"My wrist hurts, let me sleep."

"You can go back to sleep, just need to get out of them wet clothes."

He rolled his eyes. I walked down to his bedroom and grabbed some of his clothes. I took out some jeans that seemed to be riped, and a t-shirt and a sweeter. Kurt hates to wear t-shirts, not sure why. I walked back down the hall to my bed room. I opened the door and seen Kurt taken off his wet clothes. Kurt turned around to look at me.

"I'm sorry." I said. He flashed thoughs azure eyes at me.

"Don't be. Not like you haven't seen me naked before." He joked.

I laughed and came over to bring him his clothes. I dropped the shirt and we both bend down to pick it up. Then we locked eyes. I started breathing heavy.

Kurt, who seemed like he was in another demention couldn't break the stare.

"Kurt." I said, trying to look away.

"Shh.." He said, looking at me, and putting a hand up. Then we locked lips, in the heat of the moment. This time there was no stopping it. I pulled away, breathing for air. Then kissed Kurt back. I pushed Kurt down onto the bed, and then broke away again.

"Krist?" I asked.

"Fuck him!"

"Mia?" I asked again.

Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Shut up!" He said, I did as he told me and kissed him again. This time not breaking for air, just striate into french kissing. Neither one of us were stopping. I noticed Kurt was taking off my clothes.

"Fuck me Dave." He whispered.

That's when I broke away.


"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Kurt, I can't do that."

"Why, why doesn't anyone want to try?"

"Because, I'm not taking the chance on hurting you. You know it's going to hurt, first time experiencing that."

"But I don't care." Kurt said, trying to take off my clothes again. Then he started to sing.

"Rape me. Rape me my friend." I rolled my eyes.

"No. Alright. No." Then I stopped, wait.

"Wait, anyone? No one gives you a chance, what the fuck does that mean?"

He looked up, like he was almost crying.

"I...I tried with Krist. He wouldn't either, said I was owned, owned to you."

I got mad and restrained Kurt down on the bed, holding both his arms.

"Cheating on me with another guy?" I asked, trying to keep calm, not trying to hurt Kurt. But I see him wincing at the pain from his broken wrist.

"No...No, you left...I was upset. I'd never cheat on you with someone else. I couldn't. Ahh, Dave please let go. My arm." He said.

I let go, knowing that I was hurting Kurt. I couldn't hurt my perfect angel. But him with another guy, I couldn't take it. Now Mia I understand.

I looked away, Kurt was squeezing his broken arm and crying out in pain. Fuck why did I just do that? I thought. Now I hurt him, and looked away, because I was afraid if I had touched him again I'd hurt him. He sat crossed legged on the bed, and then leanded forward crying. I wanted so bad to take him into my arms. I couldn't stand to see him like this. Then something he did shocked me. He came over and climbed into my lap, I stared at him shocked.

"It's alright." He sob. "I don't blame you for hurting me. I did a bad thing for Krist trying to get him to fuck me."

I leaned down and took his lips into mine.

"Shh...Kurt, I just hurt you because of that. If I hurt you maybe we shouldn't be together."

"No. I don't blame you, you're trying to be a bad guy and I love that. I don't mind that you hurt me."

"Yes you do Kurt, you did before. When I hit you with that glass bottle you wouldn't talk to me."

I noticed Kurt's eyes seemed lost.

"Dave, that was an accident."

"No Kurt, it wan't. We were arguing over Belinda and I, don't ever say it was an accident!" I screamed.

"Dave, I just, I can't stay away from you. You're like my brand of heroin. I'm too addicted and I can't stop. You turn my blood to water, you're my sole and you're my heart. I can't stay away." He explained.

I sighed, what he just said meant a lot. I couldn't let him go now. I kissed him again.

"Alright, you need to get on some clothes." I said getting up off the bed.

Kurt got up and put on the clothes.

"Uh, god I hate these clothes, why'd you pick these ones for?" Kurt whined. I rolled my eyes.

"Jeez, what are you two? Kurt you never like anything."

"That's because nother never seems to fit on me."

"Huh, you're skinny as a rail. Anything can fit on you."

Kurt laughed and sat down on the bed to put his converse shoes on.

"Ewww." He said, throwing them.


"They're soaked. Awe, Dave I loved them shoes, you ruined my shoes."

I rolled my eyes.

"Go get your high tops."

"Uhh, but them ones take forever to put on."

"Kurt, it's not like you're going anywhere today, just fucking wear socks."

"Man." He said.

"Alright. I'll buy you new high tops."

Kurt smiled up at me.

"Get dressed." I told him, leaving the bedroom.

I walked down the hallway to the living room. I sighed and throw myself down on the couch. Krist looked over at me.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Kurt and I made out." I told him.

"What,How did it happen?"

"Well I brought him his clothes so he can change. And when I opened my door I seen him, brought the clothes over to him, and I don't know, all of a sudden it happen."

"Just made out, didn't do anyhting?"

"Nope, was too afraid to. He asked me to do it, but I can't."

"Why not?"

"I'm not taking the chance of hurting him. Now we're in too deep. He really loves me. I can't turn away from him now."

I sighed and looked away from Kirst. What the hell am I going to do? I'm caught between two people again.

Chapter 25


I start to wake up. I feel so bad, my head is throbbing like fuck. I noticed I'm laying down in a bed. I reach up and touch my head. I bring my hand away. I have a cut on my forehead. What the fuck happen I thought. How did I get here? I try to open my eyes, but can't, everything is such a big bluer and I can't concentrate because my head is pounding so bad. Uh I couldn't take the pounding in my head. I make my hand into a fist from the pain.

"He seems to be waking." I hear a voice say. Sounds like Krist.

"I know, but what happen, how did this happen to him?" Another voice says. I couldn't make out the other voice, but I know it sounds familer. I put my hand back up to my head and try to feel the cut where my head was hurting, but I feel someone pull it away.

"No Kurt, don't touch it." The voice said.

"You can go if you want. I'll stay here with him. I'll call you if anything happens." I noticed it was Krist voice, but I couldn't figure out who the other voice was.

"Who-" I tried to say.

I felt someone take my hand.

"Shh..." He said, messing with my hair.

"Sleep. Baby." The voice said again, so I closed my eyes and slept.

I wake back up a little. I my vision is not so blurry as it was before. I looked around, my head was still hurting, I touched it and noticed there was a bandage on it. I look over to the other side of the bed and noticed Krist was laying beside me. Krist, I thought. Where's Dave? I wondered. I look around, Dave's not here for some reason. Why, what happen. I tried to remember last night, but couldn't. It just drew a blank, like that part of my memory was gone.

"Dave!" I said, trying to sit up, but the pain in my head shot through again.

"Hey, shh. Go back to sleep." I heard Krist say.

"Dave, Krist. Where's Dave?" I asked.

I head Krist sigh.

"I don't know."

I tried to sit back up, but Krist pushed me back down.

"Just rest, you're really banged up." Krist said.

"How?" I asked.

"You don't remember?"

"No, I can't remember anything."


"About yesterday."

I lay back down. I feel tired, so I close my eyes.



I'm so pissed off right now, how could he, how could he kiss James and right in front of me! Oh I've been mad at him before, but nothing is compared to this. I told him if he'd ever cheat on me I would kill him. Could I really be capable of murder? I don't know, guess we'll just half to wait and find out. Kurt is not getting away with this. I just can't even bother to look at him right now. Ahh I can't believe he did that. I don't even feel sorry for the fact that I hit him, and made him bleed. Thank God James wasn't there though, he'd rip my head off if he found out I touched Kurt. Kurt says he loves me pft. What the fuck does Kurt know about love, all he cares about is sleeping with someone. He wants so bad to be fucked by some guy, he doesn't even care who it is. Arr, he makes me so mad. He wants me to fuck him, but I think Kurt just wants it so he can go fuck other men. Kurt doesn't know anything about love, he just wants something because he's young. All he cares about his sex. Every time we make out all he asks is for me to fuck him, and I can't because I'm afraid of hurting him. Ha it's not like I've haven't hurt him before, and if I see him tonight or something I know I'll put him in the hospital.

I lay on my bed, thinking about all of this stuff. I'm staying in my room, because I half to share a house with Kurt and if I see him, things will get bad. I'm so mad at him, why wasn't it me he was kissing, and it seemed like Kurt loved James kissing him. I mean he never pulled away from James. I feel a tear roll down my face. I love him so much. I can't let him go, but I can never forgive him. He says he loves me, but I just can't believe him. He's just done so much damage. Every time we get close, one of us always gets burnt. And I don't mean fire burnt, I mean stab in the back burnt. It's not fair, why does everything or all this drama half to come between Kurt and I, we've done nothing wrong.

First, we split up because I'm marrying Bell, then we get back together and then he kills my unborn baby, uhh why is all the drama happening between Kurt.

"You alright?" I heard someone say.

I look up from my bed and notice Krist in my door way.

"Yeah, just thinking of some stuff."

He comes in and sits on my bed, beside me.

"You know Kurt's been hurt?" He asks.

Hearing Kurt's name is life a knife in my heart. God I hate him right now, but I love him. I give him a ice cold stare.

"I know." I say, playing with my hand.

He cocks his head at me.

"You know, how?"

"I'm the one that did it."

He looks at me shocked. Then the next thing I noticed was his fist connected with my jaw.

"What the fuck are you thinking!" He screamed.

I tried to stand up.

"Krist, you don't know what happen."

He stands there crossing his arms like a bouncer.

"Then explain!" He ordered.

"I caught Kurt and James kissing. I got mad and told Kurt off. Kurt followed me into a back ally, and we talk some more, then he said something mean to me and then that's when I knocked him out cold." I explained, fast.

Krist shook his head, from the details I just told.

"Nice summery. But why, why would Kurt do that. James isn't gay."

"Hey, neither is Kurt and I."

"Ok, but James isn't like how you and Kurt are."

"I know, that's what I don't understand. And Kurt never pulled away."

Krist sighed. I sat back down on the bed with Krist. I looked over to him.

"I'm hurting him too much Krist."

Krist turns his head towards me.


"Yes!" I argue back.

"Look what I've already done to him."

"Why don't you just let Kurt be?"

"Because he loves me too much."

"He got over it before."

"Because I wasn't around and he had Mia."

"He still does have Mia, and is going to be a father. So Dave, please, just lay off him."

"You tell him that."

"Dave, he doesn't remember anything from last night. He doesn't even know you two had a fight."

I was shocked.

"I hit him that hard?"

"Yes, you did. So for right now, leave Kurt alone." Krist told me walking out of my room.


I tried to sit up again, but the pain came back. I tried to remember last night, but it wasn't working. Sighed and laid back down and closed my eyes.


"You swear you're never going to do it ever again." James said.

"I swear." Kurt said.

"Good, because I will bring a gun and find you."

Kurt's eyes got big.

"I wont."

James and Kurt got up to hug, but found them selfs kissing.

"Kurt?" I heard someone say.

James and Kurt break away.Dave, standing in the middle of the room, looking at James and Kurt. Kurt's breath heavy.

"How could you. I thought you loved me." Dave said, then walked away.

Kurt ran forward.

"No. Dave!" He screamed. Then he feel to the ground, his stomach started to burn again.

"Kurt!" James yelled.

He pushed him away.

"Leave me alone!" Kurt screamed at him, and then ran after Dave.

Dave was walking down a street, ally way actually. No one was around think god.

"Dave stop! I need to explain." Kurt yell.

He turned to me, face full of tears and anger.

"Explain! What's there to explain about. I saw you, kissing your new lover! How dare you." He yelled.

Kurt shivered. He's never seen Dave this angry and it scared Him. He walked towards Kurt and he backed up. he has to get away from him. But he couldn't. He grabbed his arms and held me up by the wall.

"You fucking slut! How are dare you."

"No, I'm sorry. That wasn't suppose to happen, him and I weren't suppose to kiss. I love you. You're the one I want. James is nothing to me." He tried to explain.

"Oh shut up! I'm tired of your lies. You killed my baby and now you want to cheat on me. Well go be a slut, because I'm through with you!" Dave yelled, letting him go.

Kurt started to cry. He just said Kurt killed his baby. He burst into tears. And then he did something he knew he'd regret.

"Well at least James could be a better fuck that you ever could!" He yelled.

He seen Dave stop, he turned back towards and came over. Kurt wanted to run away, but couldn't. Dave smacked me so hard against the head Kurt feel down to the pavement and blacked out.


I jump awake as fast as I could, gasping for breath. I couldn't believe. Was that real, was that what fucking happen last night? No I half to go find Dave, I need to make sure that didn't happen. Please tell me that was a dream. I get out of bed, throwing the covers and walk down to Dave's room.

Chapter 26


I start to walk down towards Dave room, no one else is around, strange, well they must all be down stairs. It's so hard for me to walk, considering my head is hurting so bad. But I half to talk to Dave, I need to know if that was real, some how it feels so real, but my mind is telling me it was just a dream. I hope it was just a dream. Because why the fuck would I kiss James. No I love Dave, Dave is my heart, my sole. My life, without Dave I can't live. Of course I have Mia, and I'm going to be a father, but that's nothing compared to how much I love Dave. Of course I'm going to love my daughter more than anything in the world, don't get me wrong. She's going to be my whole entire life also. Then Dave. Oh god, thinking of him just leaving me is too much. What if he leaves me for good? There's no way I'll be able to handle it, no way. I need Dave in my life, not for just the band, fuck Nirvana. But for me, so we can live happy together.

I open the door to his bedroom, I see him siting on his bed, and it looks like he's crying. He's crying I thought, no the dream is true. Or why else would he be crying. I go over and try to talk.

"What the fuck do you want?" Dave screamed.

I jumped back.

"So it's true."

Dave turns around to me.


"You do hate me." I say looking down.

Dave gets up in front of me.

"Oh Kurt, Oh I just don't hate you. I'm ashamed to have even been you're boyfriend."

My mouth drops open. That was like a cut through a knife. Like a knife in my heart. I feel tears well up in my eyes. I drop to the floor.

"Cry all you want, but this time, there is no coming back."

"No. I didn't mean it, he kissed me first."

"Kissed you first, you can't even remember what happen."

"Yes I do!" I screamed.

He seemed shocked.

"You told Krist you couldn't remember."

"Well I fucking do now. And let me tell you this. It wasn't me that kissed James, he kissed me. Him and I are nothing except friends, you and I were sole mates till the end, but you got with Bell and then there went you and I. I knew when you got with her we'd never last, but if you can except my apology and fucking forget about it, then fuck you and have a nice day, because I don't care anymore!" I scream to him, walking out of the room.

"Kurt!" He yelled for me, but I never turned towards him.

Then he stopped me in the hallway by grabbing my arm, I jerked it away from him.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed at him.

He backed me up into the wall and started to play his sweet play.

"Oh but you love it don't you. You hate it when I'm not touching you. Makes you feel unwanted when I'm not."

He leaned in and kissed me, running his hand through my hair. I purred. God it felt so good.

"You want me don't you?" He asked.

I closed my eyes.

"Come on just say it. You want me, especially in your bed."

I feel weak now. I feel like my legs are going to give out any second.

"I want you!" I whispered, as he kissed me.

I felt him smile.

"Bed room!" Dave says.

I nod my head yes.

We enter my bedroom. Dave was still kissing me, it started to get so hot. He pushes me down on the bed. Oh god I though.

"Please hurry up!" I panted.

"Patience baby, patience."

He came back on the bed and we both started kissing again. I started to undo his clothes as well he undid mine. I can't believe this day has finally came.

"Show me how much you love me." Dave said, taking my mouth back into his.

I take control of the kiss, letting Dave strips me off some more. I push Dave down onto the bed, as I crawl on top of him. This is want I wanted. This is what I needed. I need Dave, so fucking bad.

Dave stops the kiss and then throws me onto my back, and we kiss again.

"No way Pixie, I'm in control." He said.

"You can be in control anytime you want. Baby."

"Ah, good."

Dave grinned broadly down at Me. He slid one large hand down my body to cup my groin.

I hisses, but I also loves it. He dragged his head down and kissed me. He let the slow roll of his hips press his cock further into my hand. Dave kissed me hard, sucking and nibbling on my lips. Dave pushed into me. I closed his eyes shut, from the pain.

"Does it hurt pixie?" Dave asked.

"Ah, yeah, a little." I said.

"I'm sorry. I told you it'd hurt."

I tried to adjust myself to the pain, it start to feel better what's we started actually doing this.

Dave started to push in and out. I moaned as it felt good.

"Dave!" I whispered.

"That's right."

Dave came back down and kissed me.

"Can't believe we're doing this. I said, but Dave shut him up.

"No, no. No talking."

I closed my eyes and turned my head away, I loved it, every bit of it. Then Dave collapsed on top of me.

"Fucking good, for first time."

Dave laughed and then got up, he started to get dressed and told me I should get dressed also. Then Dave started heading for the door, until he turned back around.

"Now how does it feel to be used?" Dave said, walking out of the door.

I was in shock, did Dave just say that. I feel to the floor, my breathing got heavy, I couldn't control it. Dave, just said. I used him! What, no. I started to cry, my chest felt tight. Felt like I wasn't breathing at all. I started to shake. How could he have said that. I lay down on the floor until I got my breathing under control. I get up and run to my bathroom, the first thing I've done was throw up. Then I open the sink cabinet. I took out yes, the black bag, I took out the syringe, it was already filled with heroin. I know that was a bad idea to do, but right now I don't fucking care, I jammed the needle into my arm, taking th drug in. I didn't have the tie so I got such a head rush. I laid down on the floor as it sized through my body.

"Dave, this is all your fault." I say.

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