It was a nice Christmas day. Nirvana was on tour this year, so they really didn't get a chance to spend it with anyone except each other, but at least it's better than nothing. Kurt was actually in a good mood, surprising. He was bouncing off the walls and everything. Krist says he's had too much sugar and wont let him have anymore, when Kurt found out he through a pretty good tantrum. Krist rolled his eyes and Dave just laughed. It was now night time, all the people on the tour bus sat around in the chairs or anywhere they can find, just to be spending the day with each other is a good day, even the roadies came onto the tour bus. Krist ran over and sat down on the couch and Kurt joined him. Krist took something out of the shelf that was behind the couch.
"What's that?" Kurt asked.
Krist, who has had enough of Kurt today, was actually annoyed with him, gave him a weary glance.
"This is something that I've done in my family for many generations that I'd love to share with all of you." Krist said.
"We're going to get drunk, and throw-up." Kurt said.
Everyone gave him a annoyance glance, but Kurt laughed, with some others who laughed.
"No Kurt! I'm going to read the Nightmare before Christmas."
Kurt acted like he was shocked. Then started shaking his head.
"Um. Nooooo" He started to scream.
"And why not?" Krist asked.
"Uh, um, because it's...Boring!"
Krist rolled his eyes.
"Hush it and just listen."
"Uhhh." Kurt screamed.
"And now, The Night Before Christmas." Krist said.
"This would be a good time for the Muslims to go to the bathroom."
Everyone gave Kurt a annoyance glance. Kurt smiled and looked away, Krist went back to reading.
"T’was the night before Christmas..."
"And all the Jews were at the movies..."
Krist looked back over at him, and sighed.
"Or eating Chinese food..." Kurt said.
Everyone laughed, except Krist.
"Well I'm just trying to include every one!" Kurt said.
"T'was...."
"Hold it!" Kurt interupted again.
"What?" Krist asked.
"Who the he'll this T'was?"
Krist showed him the book.
"It's in the book.
"It's old and stupid!"
"It's tradition."
Kurt looked at him.
"Tis it?"He asked, being cute.
Krist rolled his eyes and ignored Kurt.
"T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house."
"Why is it always a house?"
Krist laughed.
"What?"
"There are kids who live in apartments how does Santa get to the kids in the apartments uncle Crissy?"
Kurt looked to the others.
"They have to buzz his ass in..ehhh ehhh Santa Clause."
Everyone laughed, even Krist.
" And all through the apartments not a creature was stirring."
"Except the ass holes in 2b there drunk and hitting each other with menors, oy vey that’s Jewish for holy shit."
Krist stares at Kurt, and shakes his head.
"Nothing funnier than throwing in a couple holy shits in the middle of the night before Christmas. Huh?" Kurt said to Krist.
"Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse...." Krist read
"Mouse you wish you live in an apartment that’s a rat!"
"The stockings were hung by the chimney with care...."
"And believe me the room could use some fresh. Air seriously how the hell did that tradition start? Hanging up dirty laundry hoping Santa would fill it with goodies. ewww .Id like to suck on this candy cane but it smells like dads feet. Good thing the tradition wasn’t jock straps."
The crowed couldn't help but laugh. They've never seen Kurt this happy.
“sallie what’s in yours? Nuts, and mommy says there magically delicious”
"You are ruining this story!" Krist yelled at him.
"Well you’re the pervert eating out of your own jock strap." Kurt snapped back.
Krist laughed. Dave who was laughing so hard now had tears coming out of his eyes. Kurt started to look at the book.
"isn’t this the part with the kids having visions of sugar plums dancing in their heads? What does that mean I think there hallucinating these apartment children are on drugs. Santa going to bring me a J.I.Joe and a bong. and daddy wants a ho ho ho.Its daddy and the 3 hoes."
Krist ignored Kurt again.
"with mama in her ‘kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down" Krist tried to read again.
"For a big snort of crack..! ait you have to get to the part where Santa gets busted for breaking and entering where the hell is that?" Kurt asked, looking trough the book.
Krist who has had enough of Kurt, yelled at him.
"Its not breaking and entering!"
"Ohh keep reading I think It qualifies." Kurt said.
" As I drew in my head and was turning around. Down the chimney saint Nicholas came with a bound..."
"He feel down?" Kurt asked.
"Yes." Krist answered.
"Don't it say that his face was red?"
"Yes."
Then Kurt had to comment on it. Then turned to the others.
"Why doesn’t anyone ever notice this Santa is drunk off his ass. This is a horrible horrible story!"
"He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot and his clothes all tarnished with ashes and soot..."
"Fat...Drinking and driving. In a furry gay outfit covered in soot.He’s smoking and you let him in the house because he said he had something for your kids!
Krist put his head in his hand.
"What kind of father are you?.Anyway if I were you I'd check his id then taser his fat ass.And how fat is this guy anyway?"
Krist shrugged.
"Everyone leaves him a plate full of cookies. I think he is a diabetic too don’t you think? We ought to leave him a plate of insulin how bout that?" Cant wait to hear this story next year. Santa’s on dialysis and is missing a leg.And all the little dollies have poliosis."
The whole crew laughed especially Krist.
"Poliosis?" Krist asked laughing.
Kurt shrugged.
"Isn't that what it's called?"
Krist through his head back laughing.
Because Krist was telling the Night Before Christmas, Dave ran and grabbed everyone he can find.
"Can I finish this story!" Krist yelled.
Kurt looked at him.
"Ohhh, please do!" He said in a gay tone.
"He sprang to his sleigh to his team gave a whistle."
"Got to go quick cuz there’s a cop with a pistol."
"But I heard him exclaim near he drove out of sight."
"Merry Christmas to all, oh crap I ran over your bike."
Everyone kept laughing, this is the most fun they have ever had in their lives with each other. Kurt Cobain would be the only one to ever to bring something like that up. Krist hugged him, and then kissed the top of this head.
~The End~
If yout think it was mean. I'm sorry, lol got the idea from Jeff Dunham.