Sitting on a hilltop with Dave is so very freakishly normal. Which, I suppose, is an oxymoron, but it’s true. Nothing’s been normal since Nirvana blew up; I’ve forgotten what is normal because things have been different. I’ve learned that fame is very fickle. It may help sell records, but most times, it’s just an invasion of privacy. The invasiveness is downright disgusting. Now Dave and I have to be careful with our relationship. We can’t be spotted doing anything couple-like, unless we’re sure we can play it off as a joke or just a touchy-feely moment.
We have to make sure we have our privacy before we can do anything. Hugs and kisses as well as the true depth of our relationship have to be kept secret. You never know when someone will recognize you or possibly take a picture. The tension is tiring and sometimes, it wears on our relationship.
But it’s not that I think many fans would have a problem with it, hell, I don’t want them as fans if they do. It’s more that we’d be an oddity in the world of anyone with any sort of celebrity status; there would be even more focus on us. And I don’t want it; I don’t think I could take it. I’m not an important person, and I really shouldn’t be one either. I don’t want the almost-worship and the pressure it brings. Give it to someone who wants it, or even deserves it. I just play music mostly because I enjoy it but also because I can’t hold down a real job.
At the moment though, none of that is of great importance. The coast is clear and that’s why I’m comfortably curled up in Dave’s embrace. I’m safe here; I feel nothing can touch me when I’m with him. I’m leaning on him; I can faintly hear his heartbeat, strong and steady. His arms around me loosely and it’s a comfortable closeness. There’s nothing constricting about it. It’d be content to stay here for days, if not forever. We both know that’s not possible, so we make the most of this time.
“Hey Kurt, how much longer ‘til sundown?”
“Not too much longer, just look at the sky.”
It’s somewhat hazy out tonight, and a bit cloudy. The sky near the horizon is beginning to show hues of pink and orange. We sit quietly for a bit longer, just enjoying each other’s company. My mind wanders back to how weird this feels, even though it shouldn’t. I sit up a little straighter and look at him.
“Dave, do you feel like this is too normal for us somehow?”
“Nope.” He chuckles, “Do you think we’re really that weird?”
I pause and think for a second. “Not weird, but abnormal. We’re two male ‘rock stars’ and we’re sitting on a hilltop, watching a sunset.”
Dave smiles and looks toward me. “But we’re also a couple in love sitting on a hilltop, watching a sunset. Speaking of which, look.”
I look back out and see that as the sun has set a big more. The colors have become bolder. Something inside of me wants to be bold as well.
“I wish we didn’t have to hide this, it’s not fair.”
He sighs. “No, it’s not. But it’s necessary.”
I huff angrily and flop back onto the ground. “It shouldn’t be. I just wanna say “fuck you” and do what I want. Not have to restrain myself, be so careful, think too damn much. Ugh, maybe then I wouldn’t be such a miserable fuck all the time.”
He looks at me with a grin that seems out of place. “Kurt, you’re not a miserable fuck. I’d actually have to say you’re a great fuck.”
I snort amusedly. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“I know, but I couldn’t resist. You set yourself up for it.” He’s still grinning.
I finally return his grin, though it’s much less pronounced for me; it’s more of a soft smile. “You’re the only one who can cheer me up with bad puns.”
“With bad puns and my all around sexiness,” he says as he waggles his eyebrows.
This time I actually laugh, and he seems pleased with it. “Of course Mr. Sexy.” I sit back up and kiss him.
He pulls back, still grinning. “See? I’m irresistible.”
I pull him in closer, “Shut up and kiss me.” He does.
And with the setting sun and in Dave’s embrace, my worries dissolve.
It’s not abnormal; we’re not abnormal.
We’re just two people in love.