At various times during practice you'll find me sitting and gnawing on my pen trying to find the last few words I need for lyrics. This is one of those times. Krist is, as usual, playing around on his bass while I work on lyrics. He's come up with some cool bass lines this way. Sometimes, you will find Dave perfecting a drumbeat; other times he's seeing if he can speed it up. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary, nothing different about today. Or so I thought.
I hear the soft crash of the hi-hat as Dave takes his foot off the pedal and stands up. I glance up from my notebook for a second to see Dave looking right at me, but he turns away as soon as I look up.
"What's up Dave?" I give him a quizzical look; it's not like him to just randomly stop like that. He looks… a little off, in some way. I can't quite place it.
"Uh, I just need some air; I'll be back in a few." He walks out and I hear him mumbling a little.
Krist is giving him a puzzled look as well. He turns to me. "What the fuck?"
"What the fuck, indeed. That's not like him. Is he going crazy or something?"
"Fuck, I hope not." I snort. "Cause then we'd have to find another drummer."
I turn back to my lyrics; he turns back to his bass. I'm still at a loss for words for this one spot. I continue gnawing on my pen.
I hear Krist halt in his playing. "Er, so do we just wait for him to come back in or what? It's already been a few minutes."
"Uh, I dunno. I guess I'll go see what's up." I walk outside to find him sitting on the ground by the door. His knees are pulled to his chest and he's rubbing his temples.
"Man, what's bugging you?"
He startles a bit. "Oh. Hey Kurt." He sounds tired. "Have I been out here long?"
I sit down next to him. "Naw, Krist and I just thought you were acting weird. You're usually all enthusiastic and beating the shit out of the drums. Today, you seem like you need to go take a nap."
"There's some heavy shit in my mind lately and I'm thinking about it too much."
"Feeling that it's running around in your head and distracting you too much to fix it? I know that feeling."
"Something like that." He sighs. "No, not really like that. Kinda like that. Ugh, I don't know."
"Well, what's stressing you?"
Dave looks away. "I don't really want to talk about it."
"It'll help if you get it out."
Dave laughs at that. "Kurt, that was kinda girly."
"No, really it will. When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I write. You?"
"I… tend to stew and stress myself out. Isn't that obvious?" he scoffs.
"So fucking talk already! I don't care if you think it's weird or you're embarrassed. Fucking talk already."
"No."
"Oh hell you won't. I'm not going to leave you alone until you tell me." I stretch my legs out and lean my head on his shoulder.
"Uh… Kurt…"
"Nope, not moving. And I might as well be comfortable while I wait."
A few minutes pass.
"You're really not going to move until I tell you."
"Nope. So if you want to move on with today, you gotta tell me."
Dave sighs. "This is going to sound really childish… Basically, I like someone but I know they don't like me back. I want to tell them, but it'd ruin everything."
I pick my head up off his shoulder. "That's it? Dave, it's not childish, it's life. And why would it ruin everything?"
"Ugh, I don't want to go into it any further."
"Too bad. Talk." I'm getting a little frustrated with him, but I just want to help. I give him a stern look.
"Fine." He looks right at me, "Promise you won't hate me?"
I'm slightly puzzled by this. "Uh, Dave, newsflash. You're one of my best friends. I really doubt who you like is going to make me hate you."
"One of the reasons that it's bothering me is because it's a guy, and he's straight and I'm driving myself insane over it."
"It doesn't bother me that you like guys Dave. Hell, I wouldn't be care if you said you like purple people." I chuckle at the mental image I just gave myself. "Amused maybe, but I wouldn't hate you."
"It's not that, it's just that generally I don't like guys. It's weird, I've had fleeting crushes, but this is my first serious crush on a guy. A straight one nonetheless." He makes a frustrated noise. "Do you see now why I'm stressed?"
"Yeah, I do. It must bit of a mindfuck there, to have to start questioning like that. But are you sure this guy is straight?"
"I've never seen any evidence that he isn't. And I don't want you to get the idea that I just like him for his looks, he's an amazing person." The smile in his eyes tells me that he really does care for this guy.
"He must be to have you like this. Go for it, because unless you try for it, you're going to be wondering for a long time."
"I can't though! There's a fucking lot on the line here. It could ruin too much. Even though you're okay with me liking guys you probably wouldn't… oh shit." He looks horrified.
"I probably wouldn't what?" Is he trying to tell me that it's me he likes? Uh…
"Nothing. It's nothing really." He goes to stand up.
I grab his arm. "David Eric Grohl. Finish your sentence." I need hear him say it; to make sure I'm not reading into it wrong.
"Fucking fine! It's you! You're the one I'm all bent out of shape over. I fucking know you don't feel the same." He looks terribly distraught after his outburst.
"Dave. Listen to me. I'm personally wondering why anyone would like me, and yeah, I'm kinda shocked that it's me…" I let go of his arm and stand up. "Look at me. Don't feel bad or anything."
He looks at me, but he looks even worse than before. He looks defeated.
"Sit down again. I got a few things to say." He does, but curls back up. "We've already covered the fact that I don't hate you. Now the second thing. I'm not straight." He snaps his head around to look at me. I hold my hand up as a signal for him to let me finish. "I like people for who they are, not their gender, as sentimental as that seems." It's my turn to sigh. "So. There you go."
"Fucking hell, why didn’t you tell me? It coulda saved me a lot of stress."
"It's not exactly something that's come up in previous conversations."
"True. So, what exactly are you trying to say? Why are you telling me all this?"
I pause and try to think of a good way to answer this. "I guess I'm saying that I could see giving this a try, if you still want to. I understand the concern about the band, but I think we're both mature enough."
I see his face light up as I say this. "Yeah Kurt, I'd really like that."
"Good. I do too." I move closer and lean my head on his shoulder once again. This time he's much more relaxed.
"Kurt, do you think I could kiss you?"
"You didn't need to ask," I say with a smile.
"But I wanted to."
I smile in response and sit up straighter. Our lips meet and suddenly it makes sense. It clicks, and I know going outside after him is one of the best things I could have done.
"Hey Kurt I think… Holy shit!"
Dave and I break apart and look up at Krist.
"Uh, Krist. Um…" I stutter out.
"Krist, short version is that I like Kurt, Kurt likes me. Get used to it." Dave's still got a grin on his face.
"You don't have a problem do you Krist?" Krist is one of my best friends too, I want him to be okay with it.
"Nah, no problem. Just a bit surprised. If you two are happy, it's all good. Who am I to judge. I was wondering what was taking you so long Kurt, but now I'm not." He smirks at that. "Anyway, I had figured I'd give you time and then come out and see what's going on. Oh, I got bored, so I looked at your lyrics, and I found a rhyming word that I think will work."
"Good, someone had to." I stand up.
"Come on you two, we have to get back to practice. You can suck face later."
I blush and Dave chuckles as he stands up to follow. He grabs my hand and laces his fingers with mine, still with that goofy grin on his face.
Krist looks back. "You two are so sappy."
I kiss Dave on the cheek. "Damn right we are."
I have a feeling this is just the beginning of something wonderful.