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Kurt, Krist, and Dave were chilling in a motel room after a gig, all lounging on one bed together while the clock radio played boring pop at low volume in the background, and the sounds of a busy city came in through the open window, along with cool, smoggy air. They'd done a few shots each of whisky and started telling each other their secrets over beers. Kurt was drunk enough that he didn't even stop to think before his darkest fantasy slipped right off his tongue and collided with his best friends. "I've always kinda wanted to get raped by someone."

Krist froze in the process of lifting a beer can to his mouth. He turned to face Kurt. "Wait...what?!" He seemed suddenly much more sober than he had moments ago. Dave actually choked on his beer, spewing droplets on the other two, though neither noticed, absorbed as they were in other thoughts.

"For real?" Dave added, once he'd coughed out the beer.

"Not like, violently, or anything," Kurt clarified quickly, seeing the shock on his friends' faces. "Just, you know... someone slips me something in my drink and takes advantage."

"Oh," Krist said, though his face stated that he still didn't really understand. He and Dave exchanged a look of confusion.

Kurt sipped his beer and continued, figuring it couldn't hurt now that this shit was out in the open. "I thought maybe I could pay a rent boy to do it when we get back to Seattle--"

"Kurt, no!" Krist said, clearly upset. Kurt looked first surprised and then guilty as he glanced between the worry on Dave's face and the hurt on Krist's.

Dave seemed to be struggling to form a question. He finally managed, "Why? Why do you want that?"

Kurt paused and had another drink as he considered. "I dunno." He shrugged. "The idea just turns me on."

"Kurt...I don't think that's a good idea," Dave said, hesitant.

"No," Krist added, much more firmly, "That's like asking to get hurt."

Kurt stared at his beer can, avoiding their eyes. "Well, I mean, that is kinda the point," he mumbled, then quickly changed the subject. "Dave, you haven't told us a secret. Come on, spill."

Neither of the other two really wanted to leave things hanging like that, but they could tell Kurt didn't want to talk about it anymore, so they let the conversation move on.

* * *

After next morning's hangover wore off, Krist remembered what Kurt had told him and Dave. It struck him again like a slap to the face when it came back into his mind. He was driving the tour van at the time and had to hit the brake a little hard to avoid the car ahead of him at a red stoplight he hadn't noticed.

"You want me to drive for a bit?" Kurt asked, poking his head round the driver's seat.

"No, I--well...ok." Krist changed his mind mid-sentence, realizing that he wanted to talk to Dave about what they'd learned last night, preferably without Kurt hearing. He wondered if Dave remembered what had been said. They'd all been pretty wasted.

Krist and Kurt swapped places in a gas station parking lot and Kurt put on a tape to listen to as he drove, which was perfect for Krist's intents and purposes. Dave was half-asleep in the seat next to him and Krist leaned over and spoke in his ear.

"Dave, what do you remember about last night?"

Dave frowned and opened his eyes, looking at Krist. "I remember what Kurt said, if that's what you mean," he replied quietly.

"Yeah, that's it. I feel like we have to do something about that. We can't just let him...do that to himself."

"So, he never talked to you about this before?"

"No, I was as surprised as you."

"Wow," Dave said. He thought maybe Kurt and Krist had talked about it at least once. They were so close; Dave was surprised Kurt had kept a secret from Krist.

"If I know him, he's serious about hiring some random guy off the street to do it," Krist said.

Dave frowned because he agreed with Krist's assessment. He'd noticed Kurt making eye contact with the male prostitutes when the two of them went to gigs in the city near Pike and Pine. He wondered now if Kurt had ever bought a guy for a night. He disappeared overnight sometimes.

"Yeah, I think so, too," Dave said. He hesitated a little before asking, "What should we do about it?"

"Well...I have an idea, but you might not like it. Just hear me out."

* * *

That evening after soundcheck when the three of them were waiting around as the opening band got their own quick soundcheck in, Krist decided it was a good time to talk to Kurt again about the elephant in the room.

"So...Kurt. Remember that fantasy you told us about?"

Kurt looked up and his brow creased, a frown sliding onto his face. "You guys aren't trying to talk me out of it, are you?" He was getting that stubborn look on his face that he did whenever someone tried to change his mind on something important.

"No, actually, we wanted to help you out with it," Krist replied.

The stubborn look changed to one of incomprehension. "How?"

Krist paused, wondering how to say it without sounding horrible, and Dave stepped in.

"We wanted to be the ones to, uh, help you carry it out. Instead of some random guy."

Kurt's eyebrows raised as he got the picture. "Really?" he said, looking with particular skepticism at Krist.

Krist and Dave both nodded. "For real," Krist stated, looking Kurt in the eye.

Kurt's expression smoothed out. The suspicion had disappeared to be replaced with a cautiously pleased look. "Uh, ok," he said.

A moment of silence passed between them, no one sure what to say next. Finally, Dave asked, "So, what do you want us to do?"

Kurt took a deep breath, his face getting noticeably redder, and told them his plan.

* * *

Two days later, backstage in the dressing room before a gig, Kurt walked in and set down an orange prescription pill bottle in front of Dave, catching his eye as he did so, then walked back out.

Dave was puzzled for half a second before he remembered what they'd agreed on a few nights ago. He picked up the bottle, reading the label. Rohypnol.

Well, shit, Dave thought. This is getting real.

He went and found Krist, who was chatting with members of the opening band, beckoning him from the doorway that lead backstage. Krist gave him a quizzical look, so he made a face to emphasize the importance of his request, prompting Krist to excuse himself from the little group hanging around the side of the stage.

"What's up?" Krist asked when he reached Dave. Dave handed him the pill bottle.

"Kurt gave me that," he said while Krist read the label, eyes widening slightly as recognition dawned.

"Where the heck did he get it?" Krist wondered aloud.

"I dunno, but he was gone for like a half hour."

"Well, when do you think we should use this?" Krist asked Dave, shaking the bottle so the pills rattled. They both looked at the bottle then back at each other, not quite believing what they'd agreed to do.

One Week Later...

Krist quickly emptied the powder into Kurt's beer, simultaneously relieved and filled with dread that he'd managed it. He glanced up and saw the bartender staring at him from down the bar where he was mixing a drink. He gave Krist a disapproving look, shaking his head, but said nothing and moved off down the bar to serve another customer. Krist was sort of shocked. How could you see something like that and do nothing? What kind of a terrible person...but who was he to talk? He was the one drugging his best friend, so he and Dave could fuck him while he was knocked out. This is such a bad idea, he thought.


Kurt was only halfway through his beer when the world started to go all wavy. Or maybe it was his body that was getting wavy. He tried to stand up and found that he couldn't, and he abruptly knew what was happening. It was time. Krist and Dave had finally done it. He dropped his pint glass clumsily on the bar, Dave catching it for him before it tipped over, and the next second he woke up in a bed in a dimly lit motel room.


"Man, this is fucked," Dave said quietly after he downed another shot. "Why are we going through with this?" The alcohol was not sitting well with him, rather like the situation, and he realized he needed a toke or he was probably gonna puke.

"Because we don't want some random stranger who doesn't give two shits about him doing this to him." Krist knocked back another shot. "Cause he would go hire someone, you know he would."

Dave glanced over at Kurt, who was sprawled on the bed where they left him, just quietly breathing and gazing at nothing. His expression was disturbingly vacant.

"Hey, let's smoke some weed first," Dave said nervously as Krist ripped open a box of condoms. Krist glanced over at Kurt for a second, then looked back to Dave and nodded. More wasted was better for this situation.

Once they were suitably stoned, they reluctantly made their way to the bed, settling on either side of Kurt. He still wasn't responsive at all, and his eyes had drifted closed, so he looked asleep. Krist took a deep breath. "Ok," he said to Dave, "let's get his clothes off."

They worked together to get it done and neither of them particularly enjoyed it. It was like handling a very large rag doll. It was creepy. Krist wished hard that Kurt would wake up, but once he did, it was almost worse that way; he was so out of it that he didn't seem aware of his surroundings. He didn't meet Krist's eyes, didn't seem to know he was there. His eyes focused on nothing and eventually fluttered halfway shut again, rolling back in his head.

Dave started pulling off his own clothing first, lifting his t-shirt over his head, and Krist followed. This was definitely the least fun with the most nudity the three of them had had together, in Krist's opinion. He tried to get himself worked up by remembering times he and Kurt had fucked in the tour van or blew each other in venue bathrooms, but his memories couldn't fix what was in front of him.

"I can't do this," Krist said. He wasn't even close to hard.

"Well, let's see if we can get him hard," Dave said. "If it looks like he's liking it, then I think I can do it."

Krist liked that idea. It sounded less crazy than the rest of this. They took turns stroking and licking Kurt's cock, and he did finally get pretty hard when he partially woke up again. Dave gave Krist a tentative smile and got one back. Success. Whatever that meant in this context.

"Ok, it looks like he's into it," Krist said. "I guess. You ready?"

Dave nodded and Krist only needed a quick glance at him to see he was indeed ready.

"Let's flip him over. That way we don't have to see his face," Dave said, realizing belatedly how terrible it sounded. But Krist understood. It was too unnerving to look at that zombie-like stare. They gently rolled Kurt onto his stomach, making sure his nose and mouth weren't pressed into the bed, then Dave started lubing himself up.


Kurt couldn't believe this was really happening; he'd thought they would chicken out on him, but here he was on the bed where they'd carried him, and now they were pulling his clothes off with drunk-clumsy hands.

He tried again to move, to sit up, but couldn't make his muscles coordinate with each other, and only managed to raise himself off the bed slightly before sinking back into the softness beneath him. His eyes kept drifting shut, his mind trying to dive down into unconsciousness, and he fought hard to stay awake. Even so, life became like a slide show of impressionist paintings--flashes of colour, of sensation, disconnected words and panted breaths in his ear.

His shirt pulled over his head. Dave's hair tickling his face, hands pressing his shoulders into the mattress, holding him down. Naked skin against his--Dave sitting on him, ass and balls warm against his stomach. He couldn't have moved even if he'd been able to try.

Cool air on his lower body, large hot hands slipping between his thighs, pushing them apart. His balls in Krist's mouth, warm wetness and the sloppy grazing of teeth against hyper-sensitive flesh. Quick flashes of pain.

Waking up suddenly to a dick in his ass--not sure whose, since he's been flipped onto his stomach. He tries to raise himself, to turn and see who it is, but fingers curl tightly into his hair, holding him in place. He groans, both with pain from being roughly fucked and with arousal at being held down.

"Careful," Krist's voice says from somewhere close by. So it must be Dave who's on top of him, riding his ass hard and pressing his face into the pillow. He didn't know Dave had it in him.

He gives in to the wave of blackness that's rising over the edges of his mind and passes out. What feels like a second later he comes to, finding himself on his back again, this time with his heels on Krist's shoulders, the backs of his legs burning from the stretch, and his asshole burning with every thrust, even though Krist is going really slow.

The intensity of the sensation in his lower body is enough that it takes Kurt a moment to notice that his arms are stretched up above his head on the bed, and hot hands are tightly pressing his wrists to the mattress. He turns his head, looks up behind him and makes eye contact with Dave for the first time since this all started.

Dave's eyes widen slightly, surprised. They stare at each other silently for several long moments before Kurt turns his face back to Krist.

He has fantasized a lot about him and Krist fucking in this position--something they've never done till now--and wishes he could enjoy it more, but he's so sore already that the pain is distracting. Dave really rode him raw. Worse, Krist smells really drunk and it always takes him way longer to come when he's hammered. Kurt doesn't know how much longer he can tolerate Krist being inside him, Krist's fat cock stretching him painfully open.

Kurt passes out again, and when he re-emerges from the blackness, he's still half-squashed beneath Krist, whose hips are still going, but the pain is much worse. It's the first thing he's aware of as he regains consciousness. He still can barely move; his feeble attempt to free his arms is easily stopped by Dave. His tongue won't move right; he can't speak and Krist is too drunk to notice that he's trying. He tries instinctively to squirm away from the pain, but the slight movements he manages are useless, and Krist interprets them as Kurt enjoying himself, and starts fucking him faster, which hurts even more.

Kurt bites his tongue and squeezes his eyes shut, tears running down the sides of his face to wet his hair.

Krist stops suddenly, pulls out agonizingly slowly and causes a mini earthquake as he falls to the bed next to Kurt. Dave's hands abruptly leave Kurt's wrists, and Kurt pulls his arms down to his sides, shoulders aching from the strange position they were held in. A hand cups his cheek and Krist kisses his face repeatedly.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Kurt," Krist murmurs in his ear. His voice is shaking, and Kurt opens his eyes to see tears staining Krist's face. Even if he could speak, Kurt doesn't know what to say, doesn't know how he feels, so he opens his arms and lets Krist fall into them. They hold each other for a long time, more tears coming.


When Dave saw Kurt's face screw up into a grimace, saw the tears streak down his skin, he knew they'd fucked up. This wasn't fun anymore.

If it had ever been.

He released Kurt's hands and watched as his two bandmates comforted each other and cried. He climbed off the bed and went to clean himself up, a dark, almost queasy mood settling over him. He took a long, hot shower, giving Krist and Kurt plenty of opportunity to settle themselves, and took his sweet time drying his hair with a bath towel when he was done.

When he emerged, his friends looked like they were asleep, but when he reached the bed he saw that Krist had passed out drunk, but Kurt was still awake, lying silently next to him, his expression still very emotional.

"Are you ok?" Dave asked Kurt. He wondered if Kurt could talk yet; it seemed like he hadn't been able to, earlier. Dave got on the bed and lay down on Kurt's other side, watching Kurt's jaw move as he struggled to form words.

"I'll be fine," Kurt finally managed in a hoarse whisper, deflecting the question.

Dave's brow furrowed at that answer. "No, really," he said softly, staring at Kurt, "Are you ok? Did we--did we hurt you?"

Kurt's jaw and throat struggled again before an answer emerged. "I'm still in a lot of pain," Kurt said, clearly having to push the words out past uncooperative mouth muscles.

Dave frowned with worry, the guilt rising again. "Do you need to see a doctor?" he asked Kurt, his mind racing ahead to what kind of excuse they could possibly give to explain what had happened to Kurt. There was no way that could go well.

"I don't know," Kurt said, his face revealing the worry and suppressed panic that Dave was feeling.

They were both silent for some time after that, Krist's loud breathing measuring the passage of time in the dimly lit room. Kurt's next words surprised Dave. "Are you ok?" He turned his head to look Dave in the eye.

Dave licked his lips, thought about it for a good minute. "I don't know. I wish we hadn't--" He cut himself off, upset. "I wish I hadn't done what I did," he amended. He had trouble meeting Kurt's gaze.

"It's not your fault. I asked you to do it," Kurt told him, his words slurring a little.

"Yeah, but--" Dave started to argue, but then Kurt rolled towards him and caught him in a clumsy hug. Dave was surprised, he froze at first, then softened and pulled Kurt against him, tight. "I'm sorry," he said in Kurt's hair.

"I'm sorry, too," Kurt replied, and Dave could hear that he really meant it.

* * *

Krist woke up first the next day with a throbbing hangover headache. He lit up the joint from last night and stood by the window smoking until he felt better, then made a trip to the bathroom before returning to the bed and finding that Kurt was awake. A pang of guilt struck him as Kurt gazed up at him, and he sat cross-legged on the sheets next to Kurt, silent for a minute, not sure what to say as they stared at each other.

Pale sunlight from the window behind Krist was the only illumination in the room and he could just see the dark streaks on the sides of Kurt's face where his eyeliner had run when he cried. That made Krist feel even worse.

"Are you ok?" he finally asked.

Kurt shrugged, forced a half-smile.

"You know I'm really sorry, right?"

Kurt sat up and pulled Krist into a hug. "I know," he said quietly into Krist's hair. They sat entwined for a long, slow minute, breathing in each other's familiar scent while traffic rumbled by outside.

"You want a shower?" Krist asked when they parted. Kurt nodded, giving him a small, but genuine smile this time.

Krist lathered up the cheap motel shampoo in Kurt's hair as the hot water coursed over their skin, the lime-encrusted showerhead beating out some kind of massage pattern on their backs. Kurt remained still and let Krist maneuver him under the water to rinse his hair before gently wiping away the remainders of his eyeliner with a soapy washcloth. The cleansing water and careful touches were a relief to Kurt, distracting him from the lingering burning and aching in his lower half.

Once he was clean, Kurt leaned against Krist, wrapping his arms around him and resting his head against his friend's chest while the hissing water blanketed them with warmth. Krist's arms returned the embrace and he kissed the top of Kurt's wet head, his hands then moving up to cup Kurt's jaw, gently turning his friend's face up and so he could press a kiss to his lips. Krist's kiss had more apology in it than any words could, Kurt thought to himself as he melted in Krist's arms like he always did.

* * *

A few hours into their drive to the next town, Krist decided to ask the question that had been floating around in his mind since he’d woken up. Dave was lounging in the back of the van, writing something in a notebook, and Kurt was in the front passenger seat, quietly watching farmland whizz past the window.

"So, Kurt…" Krist started, glancing over at his friend. Kurt looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to continue. "You're not gonna try that again, are you?" Krist asked tentatively. "What we did last night?"

Kurt looked away, at the floor of the van. "No," he said softly. "That went way worse than I thought it would." He was silent for several moments. "I feel real bad that I put you guys through that." His and Krist's eyes met briefly.

"That's a relief," Dave piped up from the back. He leaned forward onto the front seats. "I thought we would end up putting you in the hospital."

"Well...I mean, you almost did," Kurt said hesitantly. "I was bleeding last night. But it stopped by this morning." When Dave and Krist gave him horrified, guilty looks, he quickly added, "It's my fault. I asked for it."

"But we fucking did it to you," Krist protested.

"Yeah, Kurt, we're still responsible for what we did," Dave insisted.

"We could have told you, 'No'. We could have said we thought it was a bad idea," said Krist.

"But then I would have done it anyway as soon as we got back home," Kurt argued. "And it wouldn't have been you two and I would have probably been seriously hurt." He paused and then quickly continued before they could interject. "My point is that I guess it happened the best way it could have, even though it was a dumb idea. I'm glad it was you guys and not somebody else. But yeah. That was a fantasy that should have stayed a fantasy."

* * *

Kurt felt a bit like a porcelain doll for the next week as his bandmates carefully tiptoed around him, barely touching him at all. At first he tried to be patient with them, but it started really getting on his nerves after a while, and when, after demanding a kiss from Dave, he got a delicate peck on the lips, he decided to put a stop to this new nonsense once and for all.

He grappled Dave and easily knocked him onto the couch, not caring that the dressing room door was ajar, then pinned Dave's wrists and started grinding his hips against him. This got the response he wanted from Dave, who fought back, and he let Dave get the upper hand and roll on top of him. Dave started biting his shoulder right at the base of his neck, and not doing it gently, either, making Kurt yelp and gasp with the intensely pleasurable pain of it. Kurt had closed his eyes, groaning and digging his fingers into Dave's hair, when he heard the door creak, quickly followed by a loud, familiar, "Ha!"

Kurt looked up to see Krist watching them. "So, we're back to normal, huh?" Krist asked. Dave ignored him, too busy with his task, and Kurt just gave him a little breathless nod and smile followed by a wince when Dave bit down harder.

"Oh, baby," Krist purred and Kurt's face turned bright red as Krist knelt down by the couch and started smothering him with a tonguey kiss while Dave made rough love to his already deliciously sore neck. Kurt whimpered, letting go completely under the onslaught from his two best friends, so happy to finally be getting what he now knew he really wanted.


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