If he was perfectly honest with himself, he wasn't quite sure how he was supposed to feel.
Guilty? He supposed so. He had behaved like an arsehole that night. There was no denying that. He inadvertently replayed his argument with Kurt in his head.
"I don't know why I put up with you." Axl had said, after an hour long screaming match.
"Well, I thought..." Kurt had whispered nervously. "I thought that there was the slightest chance you could have loved me."
"You?" Axl laughed slightly hysterically. "A worthless junkie? You were a cheap fuck Kurt. Nothing else."
Axl shook his head slightly in order to clear his thoughts. That was 2 days ago and he hadn't heard from Kurt since.
What even was Kurt to him? Boyfriend? No. Surely they weren't that close. Lover? No, Axl thought to himself. That's even worse than boyfriend.
Friends with benefits then. No. Kurt meant more to Axl than that.
None of Kurt's bandmates had seen or even heard from the frontman since the argument. Axl had even called the younger mans mother to see if she had heard from him. She hadn't. Axl was beyond worried which really concerned his own bandmates.
"You're smitten." Duff had said to him.
"Smitten? What does that even mean?"
"Hooked. Hypnotised. In love."
Duff gave him a look as if to say, who else?
"No." Axl had said and hoped that would be the end of it.
Okay." Duff began again. "If you're not in love with him, then how come he's still around?"
"Just because he's still around, doesn't mean I'm smitten. As you put it."
"Think about it Axl. How long were your other fuck buddies with you?"
Axl shrugged slightly, visibly uncomfortable.
"A couple of weeks." He said.
"Exactly." Duff said, as if he had just uncovered the mysteries of the universe. "A couple of weeks. How long has Kurt been with you?"
"Almost a year."
It was starting to dawn on Axl that maybe he was smitten. And that was a problem. He had never really loved anyone. One night stands were all he had to his name. He couldn't be in love. Could he?
"The rest of the band agrees with me." Duff continued. "Right guys?"
The rest of Guns N' Roses, who were in the next room, stuck their heads out of the door and a chorus of "he's right" followed.
Axl sighed. He knew when he was beaten.
"It doesn't matter now though."
"What happened?" Duff asked, even though he knew where this conversation was going.
"We had a fight. A bad one. I haven't heard from him for a week now."
"What did you do?" Izzy yelled from the next room.
"It wasn't my fault."
"Well what happened?" He yelled again.
Axl opened his mouth to say something but quickly changed his mind.
"Alright. It was my fault."
"Doesn't matter about who's fault it is." Said Duff, quickly taking charge. "The important thing is that we find him. He could be anywhere."
They hadn't been successful. They had searched everywhere and there was no sign of the Nirvana frontman. They had gone to practically everyone they knew and no one had seen Kurt. They eventually gave up the search after 4 hours, but Axl was still grateful for his band's help. His flat seemed so quiet and lonely now. Normally he would be hearing Kurt's singing or him playing his guitar. Sometimes he would be ranting about everything and anything for about an hour until Axl gave him a hard kiss to shut him up. A loud and hard knocking on the door snapped him out of his thought and he cautiously walked towards the door. He opened it and almost yelped at what he saw. Kurt was slumped against the doorframe, caked in mud and blood.
"Hi." He said.
Axl had lost the capability of speaking and just stood there open mouthed.
"What the fuck happened to you?" He eventually choked out.
"I got beaten up." Kurt said bluntly, he was not in the mood to beat around the bush.
"I don't know. I didn't have a formal conversation with them."
There was an awkward silence between them, until Axl remembered that Kurt was standing outside his door covered in mud and blood.
"Get in here." Axl said. "I need to clean you up."
"You sure? I didn't think you'd want a worthless junkie in your house."
A look of panic etched itself on Kurt's face.
"But you're not a worthless junkie Kurt. So get the fuck in here."
Kurt briefly smiled a little and tried to limp into the house. Axl helped him to the couch and laid him down.
"You need to take your top off."
"Making moves on me Axl? You work quick."
"Is that what you really think of me?"
Kurt shrugged a little.
"Well, let's face it Axl. You're not exactly a gentlemen and you're certainly not very subtle while making your moves."
"You can't tell me you don't enjoy it."
"Wasn't going to." Kurt grinned a little.
Axl couldn't help himself. He leaned down and kissed Kurt's lips softly. He wound his fingers into the other mans hair as one of Kurt's hands ran up his bicep to clutch at his shoulder.
"I'm sorry." Axl whispered when they pulled away. "For everything I said."
Kurt pressed a kiss to Axl's collarbone before resting his head there.
"I'm sorry too. I wanted too much from you."
"You'll get it. Anything you want. You'll get it."
Kurt smiled as he looked Axl in the eye and they sealed it with a kiss.